Editing Pistols for Pandas

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[[Image:Totally_legal.png|thumb|Totally legal.  [[Total|Totally]].]]

Crack Stuntman explains how [[Pistols for Pandas (organization)|Pistols for Pandas]] gets small firearms into the paws of our planet's most adorable, and most unarmed, creatures.

'''Cast (in order of appearance):''' {{Film|Crack Stuntman}}, {{Film|Gunhaver}} (Easter egg), {{Film|Silent Rip}} (Easter egg)

'''Places:''' Set, Bamboo Forest

'''Date:''' Monday, April 27, 2009

'''Running Time:''' 2:02

'''Page Title:''' They Need All The Firepower They Can Get!

== Transcript ==
''{Open on Crack Stuntman standing against a bluish-gray background. Music plays.}''

'''CRACK STUNTMAN:''' Blah-hi, kids, BLAH'm Crack Stuntman. ''{places hand on chest}'' I used to do the voice of ''{holds up one finger}'' Cheat Commander on the cartoon man show until contractual mumbo-jumbo ''{annoyed, speaks rapidly}'' screwed me out of the sweetest gig I ever had! ''{suddenly pleading}'' Please take me back!

''{Cut}''

'''CRACK STUNTMAN:''' ''{smiling}'' But I'm also the voice of a much more important non-profit organization called—''{shocked and mad, the music stops with a record scratch}'' ''Non-profit?!'' ''{shakes fist}'' What the bluh-what?! ''{faces offscreen, places hand on chest}'' But ''I'm'' still get paid, right?

''{Cut}''

''{Crack is now wearing expensive, jewel-encrusted sunglasses, and his shirt pocket is stuffed with dollar bills}'' 

'''CRACK STUNTMAN:''' But I'm also the voice of a non-profit organisation called Pistols for Pandas, ''{Pistols for Pandas logo appears to his left, Crack looks towards the logo and places his hand on his chest}'' that I hold very near and dear to my new sunglasses. ''{points to sunglasses, which sparkle}''

''{Crack turns, and scene changes}'' 

'''CRACK STUNTMAN:''' In light of the recent made-up holiday ''{a card for "ERF DAY" featuring a green Earth appears}'' designed to make your parents feel guilty about their car, ''{the logo slides offscreen}'' I thought I'd tell you just how P-for-P ''{two handguns appear and eventually turn into the Pistols for Pandas logo}'' gets small firearms into the paws of our planet's ''{raises finger}'' most adorable, and ''{the Pistols for Pandas logo turns to face Crack}'' most unarmed, creatures.

''{Scene changes to stick-figure drawings. One has a baseball cap on, the other's head is Crack's. A one dollar bill appears in the hand of the boy, who then presents it to Crack}'' 

'''CRACK STUNTMAN:''' ''{voiceover}'' For every dollar you give to Pistols for Pandas, ''{Crack laughs; people are heard laughing in the background (although Crack himself is not)}'' we laugh at, 'cause, like, what good's a dollar gonna do?

''{Crack produces a lighter and burns the dollar bill. The boy looks down, ashamed. The scene changes to a different scene of the boy and Crack. A five dollar bill appears in the boy's hand, and he then presents it to Crack}''

'''CRACK STUNTMAN:''' ''{voiceover}'' But for every ''five'' dollars you give, ''{Crack smiles and takes the money. We pan right and Crack gives the money to another stick-figure, this time wearing an apron reading "grōsh"}'' we buy one box of cereal ''{the "grosher" raises his arm and the five dollar note transforms into a box of "Prize-O's". Crack smiles and dances}'' with the best prize in it.

''{The scene changes to show Crack Stuntman, with the Pistol for Pandas logo on his chest. His mouth slowly opens to reveal the cereal box before chewing it.}

'''CRACK STUNTMAN:''' ''{voiceover}'' I eat said cereal, ''{Crack throws a many-legged toy onto the wall, which rolls down the wall towards the floor}'' play with the prize, ''{Crack opens his mouth and removes the box top}'' and save the box top.

''{Scene changes to blank screen. Fifteen box tops appear in a pyramid formation, and are then revealed to be loaded onto a truck reading "5th grade trucking", driven by Crack}''

'''CRACK STUNTMAN:''' ''{voiceover}'' Once we have enough box tops, I dress up like a fifth grader ''{Crack drives the truck into a school}'' and take them to a local school. ''{We zoom out to reveal that the school is being shown on a computer. The school fades}'' That buys the school a computer, ''{Crack is seen sneaking away with the computer}'' which I sneak out with after charming ''{Crack sneaks off-screen. A female schoolteacher wearing glasses enters and moves to the center of the screen, waving her arm and emitting hearts}'' the horn-rimmed glasses off the media centre ladies. ''{The teacher's glasses fly off}''

''{Scene changes to a stack of five computers. We then zoom out to see that Crack is quickly driving the truck, now loaded with computers and reading "totally legal", into a pawn shop}''

'''CRACK STUNTMAN:''' ''{voiceover}'' I take these computers to a local pawn shop, ''{we zoom in on the pawn shop and the scene changes to Crack, a computer, and a stick-figure with an apron reading "p4wn"}'' and exchange them for the weapons ''{the pawn shopkeeper raises both arms, a cash register is heard, and the computer turns into a pile of pistols. Crack smiles and dances}'' pandas need.

''{Scene changes to a blank screen.}

'''CRACK STUNTMAN:''' ''{voiceover}'' And finally, ''{Crack briefly peeks in from the left}'' when nobody's looking, ''{Crack sneaks in, holding a bag with a picture of a pistol on it, and makes his way over to a panda habitat at a zoo}'' I dump these pistols into the panda habitat ''{Crack throws the bag into the habitat}'' down at the local zoo.

''{zoom on Crack's face, smiling}''

'''CRACK STUNTMAN:'''  Did you hear that? ''{places hand on chest}'' I used the word "local" like three times. ''{raises arm}'' That means this good cause is even upittier than most! ''{buzzer sound is heard, and a box displaying "Buzzword Rated", followed by three leaves, each containing the word "local", appear on the right side of the screen}'' 

''{Scene changes to the real Crack Stuntman, wearing his expensive sunglasses and leaning back in a chair. Behind him is a fence, and behind that are some bamboo trees. Bird sounds are heard.}''

'''CRACK STUNTMAN:''' We're destroying these poor creatures faster than ever before. ''{looks at viewer}'' If we don't give them the means to protect themselves when we come clear-cut ''{raises arm to draw attention to bamboo trees}'' their bamboo forests and build a five-star resort, who will?

''{A tray with a two-layered cocktail on it is brought into view}''

'''CRACK STUNTMAN:''' ''I'' said several limes! ''{raises two fingers}'' This is two limes!

''{While this is said, engine noises are heard, and one of the bamboo trees behind Crack slowly leans over. Cut to the Pistols for Pandas logo}''

'''CRACK STUNTMAN:''' ''{voiceover; as he speaks, the words appear above the logo}'' Pistols For Pandas: This good cause is good...'cause!

==Easter Eggs==

*Click on the panda nose at the end of the toon to see this exchange between Silent Rip and Gunhaver.
:''{Gunhaver and Silent Rip are seen firing lasers at two pandas in a bamboo forest.}'' 
:'''SILENT RIP:''' Uh, Cheat Commander, are we supposed to be fighting the pandas or helping them?
:'''GUNHAVER:''' Who cares? ''{close up of Gunhaver}'' I'm just psyched I got my old job back! I love voice acting! ''{babbles}'' Look at that sweet, sweet lip sync.

== Fun Facts ==

===Explanations===
*This toon was released around [[Wikipedia:Earth Day|Earth Day]], a holiday dedicated to public awareness of environmental issues, such as deforestation and endangered species.
*"Local" is described as a buzzword due to the increasing popularity of [[Wikipedia:Localism (politics)|localism]], such as the [[Wikipedia:Local food|local food]] movement.

===Remarks===
*The shadow of Crack Stuntman's jaw is more accurate than in earlier cartoons.
*The sparkles from Crack Stuntman's expensive sunglasses are the same as from the "sparkle filter" in [[A Death-Defying Decemberween]].

===Goofs===
*At the very beginning of the toon Crack Stuntman's outline on his chin does not align properly.

===Inside References===
*[[Pistols For Pandas (organization)|Pistols for Pandas]] was first referenced in [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 14.2]].
*Crack Stuntman mentions losing his contract to do Gunhaver's voice, which references the disappearance of his character because of his uncooperativeness in [[The Next Epi-Snowed]].
*The phrase "cartoon man show" is a reference to [[Fan Costumes '07]].
*Crack Stuntman's line "But I'm still get paid, right?" is similar to the [[Temporarios]] slogan in [[strong badathlon]], "Cuz I'm don't get paid!"
*The [[internet slang]] spelling of "p4wn" also appeared in [[Teen Girl Squad Issue 10]].
*The stickman drawing version of Crack Stuntman makes [[Sound Effects#homsar walking|Homsar's walking noise]] when sneaking.
*Crack Stuntman is paid with the "Holler for a Dollar" money from [[An Important Rap Song]].
*The slogan "This good cause is good...'cause!" echoes one of the fortunes from [[Fortune Cookies]]: "You will fight for a just cause, just 'cause."
*The stickman Crack Stuntman uses a flip-top Zippo lighter to incinerate the one dollar bill in the same way that Strong Bad often uses his [[BMW Lighter]].

===Real-World References===
*The cereal prize is the [[Wikipedia:Wacky WallWalker|Wacky WallWalker]].
*Crack Stuntman using the box tops to buy computers is a reference to [http://www.boxtops4education.com/Default.aspx Box Tops for Education], a nationwide fund raising program created by [[Wikipedia: General Mills| General Mills]], in which students save the box tops found on cereal boxes and other products, and bring the box tops into school, so that the school can receive money for them.

==External Links==
{{extlinks|pistols4pandas|15286|swf=earthday}}

[[Category:Shorts]]