Homestar Presents: Presents
From Homestar Runner Wiki
Homestar does some last-minute Decemberween shopping.
Cast (in order of appearance): Homestar Runner, Strong Mad, Strong Bad, The Cheat, Homsar, Bubs, Coach Z, Marzipan, Pom Pom (Easter Egg), The King of Town (Easter Egg), The Poopsmith (Easter Egg)
Page Title: White and Drifted Snow, Yo!
Contents |
Transcript
{Wintery music plays as the camera zooms in on Homestar's clock; it flips from 9:59 to 10:00. Cut to Homestar Runner in bed yawning. Homestar sits up and looks out the window, and the music stops with a record needle sound.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh crap! I set the alarm for 10 PM instead of AM again!
{While Homestar says this, cut to outside Homestar's window looking in, then back inside again.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: I was supposed to go Decemberween shopping today!
{Another record needle sound as the camera focuses on a page-a-day calendar, which reads 'Dec. 25 - "The D'Ween, Yo."'}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh crap! It's Decemberween already!
{Homestar jumps out of bed and runs off, hitting the wall.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh crap! I ran into the door!
{Homestar gets up and runs off again. The camera shakes to banging noises offscreen.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: (dryly) Oh crap, I fell down the stairs.
{Cut to outside Homestar's house. A naked Homestar leaps outside and looks around.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: (sighing) And now, I ran out of the house, naked somehow.
{Homestar looks up at the snow.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ooh, but it is snowing.
{Cut back to the calendar, over which the cartoon title appears, then to a mountain view with the the title "Blah blah blah - The Brothers Chaps", then to the side of a Decemberween-decorated side of Bubs' Concession Stand and the title "Vocal Styles by Missy & Matt", then to the Strongs' living room with and the title "Here we go."}
{In the Strongs' living room, a Capsela set and present wrappings are on the floor. Strong Mad is tossing a rock with a winking face drawn on it and a ribbon up and catching it.}
STRONG MAD: I love you, Tony Stony! (holding Tony Stony in front of his face) No, I love you more!
{The camera pans over to reveal Strong Bad playing with an extending claw toy in front of a box labelled "Grabbo Arm".}
STRONG BAD: This thing is awesome. The Grabbo Arm demands respect. (To Strong Mad) I'd like to see somebody front on this. Hey, The Cheat.
THE CHEAT: Meh?
STRONG BAD: Grab a-hold of that egg nog.
THE CHEAT: ("Okay" noise)
{The Cheat yelps as Strong Bad extends the Grabbo Arm to grab him, wearing antlers and holding a glass of egg nog.}
STRONG BAD: Thanks, man.
{Cut outside, to Homsar waving a paintbrush, standing next to a Salvation Army-like red pail with a sign over it reading "Baked Beans". Homestar runs by, then skids to a stop in the snow and turns around.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Listen up, shortstop. I need some presents.
HOMSAR: Alms for the pudgy. Alms for the pudgy.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Uhm, I don't know what any of that means, but I will make use of your complimentary spit bucket. Ah-ptoo!
{Homestar spits into the bucket and runs off.}
HOMSAR: You're a real state trooper.
{Homestar runs across the countryside in silhouette, then to Bubs' Concession Stand.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: (quickly) Bubs I need to buy everyone and their brother a Decemberween present! (panting)
BUBS: Running a little late, aren't we Homestar?
{Zoom in on Homestar.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: I've got an hour and firty-five minutes. What do you got?
BUBS: (motioning to his left) Well, there's a bunch of my ought-four crap in that filthy box over there. Gotta make room for the ought-five crap!
{Homestar walks over to the box, clearly labelled "aught four crap", and kneels down. The camera switches to inside the box looking out.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Okay, what do we got here? (pulls out electrical tape) Electrical tape? Pom-Pom loves electrical tape. What else, what else? Ooh, rusty steak knife. That's got Coach Z written all over it.
{Cut to the locker room. Coach Z is sitting on the bench in front of a TV dinner on a TV tray.}
COACH Z: Ooh, salisbury steak. Ring ring! (Picks up a phone with frayed wires, not attached to anything) Helloar? Ooh, Mom! Well, a very cheery Decemberween to you too! (shakes his head) Oh, Dad, it's you. Sorry about that. Yes, sir, I cooked a turkey, with the gravied yams and stuffinged ham. No, I'm not alone. Yes, this phone is plugged in.
{The lights suddenly go out.}
COACH Z: Aww, crackles. (Dejectedly) I forgot to pay my bills again this year...
{Cut back to Bubs' concession stand. Homestar pulls out a banana with an arrow through it.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey Bubs, check this out. For the Poopsmith who has everything.
BUBS: You give me anything in that box, you'll be gettin' a kick in the skull with a ribbon on it.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Right right. Ribbons. Bubs loves ribbons. Lessee, Strong Sad. Don't need to worry about Strong Sad.
{Cut to an old fashioned bathtub with chains holding the boards covering the top in place.}
STRONG SAD: (singing, from inside the tub) One night in Bangkok and the rough the rougher...
{Cut to Marzipan's house, where she is sitting on the couch sporting lights in her hair.}
MARZIPAN: If Homestar doesn't get here soon with my present, I'm gonna cook his goose.
{Homestar runs in and trips, falling flat on his face in front of Marzipan. He gets up in a daze and hands Marzipan a wrapped present.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: (groggily) Happy Decemberween, Marzi-man.
{Homestar falls back on the floor and Marzipan opens the present.}
MARZIPAN: (disappointingly) Wire cutters...?
{Strong Bad walks in.}
STRONG BAD: Foolish Homestar. Decemberween is not about getting people presents. It's about getting people good presents! Good presents! Not this last-minute discount crap you're trying to foist on us!
MARZIPAN: (interrupting) Oh, Homestar, it's perfect!
HOMESTAR RUNNER and STRONG BAD: It is?
MARZIPAN: This is just I need to free the baby seals from the crab traps down at the wharf. (singing to herself) Free the baby seals...
{Marzipan walks off, smiling.}
STRONG BAD: Well, shut my mouth.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Well well, Strong-o Bad-o. Looks like the ol' captain of the team still has what it takes.
STRONG BAD: (brandishing his Grabbo Arm) Oh yeah? Well, the Grabbo Arm has what it takes, (extends the arm) and what it takes is Marzipan's purse.
{The Grabbo Arm comes back with Marzipan's purse.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: No skin off my back.
STRONG BAD: Hey, thanks! Have a nice last seven minutes of Decemberween, Homestar.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: (increduously) There's only seven minutes left of Decemberween?! Oh, crap! I forgot to get everyone presents!
{Homestar runs off again.}
STRONG BAD: Ugh, it goes on and on like this.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: (off-camera) Oh, crap! There's only seven minutes left of Decemberween?!
{Homestar Runner runs back behind Strong Bad.}
STRONG BAD: Seriously. Like until New Year's.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: (off-camera) Oh, crap!
STRONG BAD: I didn't know we had any wharfs.
{The camera returns to Homestar's clock, which displays the number of minutes remaining until Decemberween, depending on your computer's clock. The back button appears.}
