Thy Dungeonman 3 Messages

From Homestar Runner Wiki

Revision as of 18:07, 24 April 2006

Spoiler warning: Plot or ending details follow.

Everywhere

• LOOK

  {the description of the room you are in}

• KILL BIRD
  • If you don't have the bird:

    There is no bird here. Try one of the other rooms, like one with the word BIRD in the description.

  • If you are in the room with the bird, or have the bird:

    Ye can't take anymore and try to silence the bird forever. As it pecks out the first eye ye thinks to yeself, "This is not going well." Things continue in similar, gruesome fashion until thou art seriously pecked through. Thou art dead. Try better next time.

    (You die)
  • If you have already used the bird:

    Thy bird has taken off for greener pastures.

• LOOK BIRD
  • If you don't have the bird:

    There is no bird here. Try one of the other rooms, like one with the word BIRD in the description.

  • If you have the bird:

    Ol Picky has found a never-ending feast of corn in thy ear. Truly an ugly bird. And the sounds it doth make! Ye can taketh the morbling. It's the ganching that really cheeses thee off.

  • If you have already used the bird:

    Thou sort of misses that old bird. The corn in thy ear is starting to build up.

• USE/PUT/POUR BLOOD/CATSUP/KETCHUP/CONDIMENT ON HEAD/SELF
  • First time:

    Ye taps the bottle and twists the cap, dumping the thick ketchup all o'er thy head. Perhaps twill help dread thy hair like ye wanted in middle dungeonschool.

    (Score 2 points)
  • Later times:

    Done that already. Think up something new to type.

• USE KETCHUP/etc
  • If you haven't used it:

    How dost thou wish to use the fake ketchup?

  • If you have:

    How dost thou wish to use the fake ketchup?

• LOOK KETCHUP/etc

  Thou starts to feel woozy, but then thou realizes the ketchup is fake.

• EAT/DRINK KETCHUP/etc

  Bad idea. It doesn't kill you right now or anything. But that stuff art full of cholesterol and leads to a fairly unhealthy death much later in life.
  Translation: do something else with the ketchup. Thou art dead. Thanks, but no thanks.

  (You die)
• LOOK/READ MAP

  The crusty map contains filthy directions for traversing the woods to an old hag's house. Like most things in thy inventory, it smells.

• LOOK STEIN

  Looketh like a Franken Brand stein.

• LOOK GLOVE/GAUNTLET

  Boy art thou ever gonna get ye some flask with this thing!

• USE/PUT ON/WEAR GLOVE/GAUNTLET or PUT GLOVE/GAUNTLET ON
  • First time:

    Ye slips the unfortunately moist flask getting glove onto thy hand. Tis a perfect fit! That flask won't know what getted it!

    (Score 1 point)
  • Later times:

    Thou art already wearing it. Wear it down.

• REMOVE/TAKE OFF/DROP GLOVE/GAUNTLET
  • If you're wearing it:

    Naw, it makes ye feel tough. Not Kigalonian tough, but tough nonetheless.

  • If not:

    Thou haventh eventh puth ith on yeth!

• LOOK GOLD/COIN/COINS/MONEY
  • Before you spend them:

    It's all about the ... who the heck is that on these coins?

  • After:

    Gosh you miss those coins.

• LOOK CORN

  It's... wait for it... an earful.

• LOOK BREAD, GET BREAD, TALK BREADMAN, USE BREAD

  Thou art very good at the Instruction Screen. In fact, ye wins. Now start playing Thy Dungeonman 3 again.

• SAVE

  Sorry to break out of character, but please specify a game slot to save to (1-5). Ex.: "save 1".

• SAVE 1/2/3/4/5
  • If it worked:

    Saved it on down. Type "load {whichever slot}" to get it back.

  • If it didn't:

    Error saving game from autosave. Your Flash player security settings may be prohibiting save data. Right-click, choose settings and change the amount of 'Local Storage' and try again.

• LOAD

  Sorry to break out of character, but please specify a game slot to load from (1-5). Ex.: "save 1". Also, you can try "load auto" to load the last autosave.

• LOAD AUTO
  • If it worked:

    Loaded a game from slot {whichever slot}

  • If it didn't:

    Error loading game from slot {whichever slot}. Sure you got one?

• LOAD 1/2/3/4/5
  • If it worked:

    Loaded a game from autosave.

  • If it didn't:

    Error loading game from autosave.

• INV/INVENTORY/STUFF
  • If you're empty-handed:

    Nothing but streets and roads.

  • If you're not:

    Ye has:

    followed by your inventory:

    a dumb bird

    a big ol' bone

    some corn

    a stein

    fake ketchup

    sweet coins

    woods map

    flask-grabbing glove

    and then a random one of:

    and an unbearable lightness of being.

    and years of emotional baggage.

    and some stories for your grandkids.

    and that smug expression on thy face.

• GO/WALK/TRAVEL/RUN/{nothing} NORTH/N

  Thou can't go that way. I guess your copy of "Lonely Dungeon: Westerburg" is out-of-date.

• GO/etc SOUTH/S

  No puedo hacerlo. Lo siento, Dungeonhombre.

• GO/etc EAST/E

  Go east, eh? Thou're killing me. Thou can't go east. Try again some other time.

• GO/etc WEST/W

  Aren't you the king of wishful thinking. Too bad there are no exits in that direction, because I've heard life is peaceful there.

• LOGOUT

  Connection closed.

• PWD

  Wastes of Time/Dumb Games/Dungeonman 3/{the room you're in}

• BYE

  Exiting Windows 3.1

• GIVE UP

  Hey, man. Be cool: stay in school.

• QUIT

  Um, if you say so. Don't expect your money back though.

  (Return to Videlectrix)
• LOVE YOU

  And I will always love thou.

• I LOVE THIS GAME

  Dungeonmaster action: it's fan tastic.

• GET/TAKE/ACQUIRE/GRAB FLASK

  Ho, ho. Aren't thee witty? Twere it that simple we wouldn't have bothered making this game.

• HANG OUT

  You've always been a procrastinator - hey you got a birthmark when you were nine. Zing! Seriously though, game over. You not really dead but you lack the focus required to complete thy mission.
  Try one of those online chatty games.

  (You die)
• I'M OUTTA HERE

  Agreed. Pick a direction or something.

• PLAY GAME

  One step ahead of you.

• Everything else: A random one of:

  Say who, dungeonbabbler?

  '{whatever you typed}' is not recognized as an internal or external command, operable program or batch file.

  I don't understand you. I cannot understand you. I don't understand the things you say. I can't understand a single word.

  Thou're not very goodst at thist gamest.

  Make the bad typing go away, Mommy.

  Sorry. Thy Dungeonman parser is english only. Spanish and Idiot not spake here.

  Huh?

  Say what now?

Yon Dungeon

Ye find yeself in yon dungeon. Thou art tied up with ropes. The spiked walls of the dungeon closeth in on thee. A dongrel skeleton with sharp CLAWS hangs next to you. A BONE layeth upon the ground. Obvious exits are nowheres!

Ye find yeself in yon dungeon. The spiked walls of the dungeon closeth in on thee. A dongrel skeleton with sharp CLAWS hangs next to you. A BONE layeth upon the ground. Obvious exits are nowheres!

Ye find yeself in yon dungeon. The spiked walls of the dungeon closeth in on thee. A dongrel skeleton with sharp CLAWS hangs next to you. Obvious exits are nowheres!

Ye find yeself in yon dungeon. The spiked walls of the dungeon are jammed open with a big ol' bone. A stone door layeth open to the NORTH. A dongrel skeleton with sharp CLAWS hangs next to you.

• After 12 steps

  The spikey walls draw so nearer that there is no more room for you betwixt them. Thy POKE! Thy SQUISH! Thy DEADGEONMAN. Thou art dead. Hurry up next time!

  (You die)
• After every third step

  Note to thyself: The spikey walls draw nearer.

• GET/etc CLAW/CLAWS or CUT ROPE/ROPES/STRING/BINDING/TWINE WITH SKELETON/SKULL/DONGREL/CLAW/CLAWS or USE SKELETON/etc
  • First time:

    Now thou art using thy dungeonsmarts! You shimmy all up on the dead dongrel and its razor sharp claws slice through the ties that bind. Thou art free!

    (Score 1 point)
  • Later times:

    I like thous't spirit. Try everything a couple of times... it just might work. Except: No.

• LOOK CLAW/CLAWS

  Wicked sharp. Good thing he or she is dead.

• LOOK SKELETON/SKULL/DONGEREL

  Tis quite dead, though its claws still look wicked sharp.

• LOOK BONE
  • Before you pick it up:

    A sturdy leg bone layeth upon the dungeon floor.

  • After:

    Thouist holding a sturdy leg bone.

  • After using the bone:

    A sturdy leg bone layeth upon the dungeon floor.

• LOOK FLOOR
  • Before you pick up the bone:

    A sturdy leg bone layeth upon the dungeon floor.

  • After:

    On the floor standeth a Dungeonman.

  • After using the bone:

    A sturdy leg bone layeth upon the dungeon floor.

• GET/etc ROPES/etc
  • While still tied up:

    Nuh-uh. They gots YOU.

  • After cutting yourself loose:

    They's is too frayed. You join the fray.

• LOOK ROPES/etc

  The ropes art stout and scratchy, just like ye likes thy ale.

• LOOK CHAIN

  Tis definitely of the non-gettable variety.

• GET/etc CHAIN

  No good. Ye thinks it's merely a lookable chain, not a gettable one.

• GET/etc SPIKES

  Nay. They gonna get THEE!

• TALK DONGREL/SKELETON/SKULL

  Ye decide to waste time talking to the dead dongrel skeleton. Good one.

  (Wastes 3 turns if you haven't stopped the walls)
• GET DONGREL/SKELETON/SKULL
  • Before stopping the walls:

    Tis chained to the ceiling. But it may aid you yet!

  • After:

    Tis chained to the ceiling. It already aided you good.

• STOP/JAM WALLS/SPIKES
  • While still tied up:

    That's why thou art tied up. So ye couldn't stop the walls.

  • After cutting yourself loose:

    With thy own body, right? That's gonna happen anyway.

• STOP/JAM WALLS/SPIKES WITH BONE
  • While still tied up:

    That's why thou art tied up. So ye couldn't stop the walls.

  • After cutting yourself loose, before you pick up the bone:

    You no has!

  • After picking up the bone:

    Ye waits until the spiked walls draw dangerously close then thou jammeth the sturdy bone in their collective craw! The walls shudder and quay and finally withdraw! A stone door opens to the NORTH! Exclamations!

    (Score 3 points)
• JAM/USE/THROW/DROP BONE
  • Before you pick up the bone:

    You no has!

  • After:

    Ye waits until the spiked walls draw dangerously close then thou jammeth the sturdy bone in their collective craw! The walls shudder and quay and finally withdraw! A stone door opens to the NORTH! Exclamations!

    (Score 3 points)
• LOOK WALLS/SPIKES
  • Before you stop the walls:

    They draw nearer and the spikes appear extra pointy. Ye wonders whose job it is to sharpen them.

  • After:

    Stupid mean ol walls. Never again, ye swears.

• GET BONE
  • While still tied up:

    Thou wouldst, if thou weren'st tiedst upst.

  • After cutting yourself loose, first time:

    Bone grasped!

    (Score 2 points)
  • Later times:

    Thou done grasped it already!

  • After you stop the walls:

    That would severely unstuck the walls and severely stuck-stuck thy face. Bad idea.

• GO/etc NORTH/N or OPEN/USE DOOR
  • Before stopping the walls:

    That's not an option right now. How did thou even know about that?

  • After:

    (Go to Some Sanctum)

• LEAVE
  • Before stopping the walls:

    No can do, friend. Thou art missing a little thing I like to call "a way out".

  • After:

    (Go to Some Sanctum)

• CUT ROPES/etc WITH WALLS/SPIKE/SPIKES or USE WALLS/etc
  • While still tied up:

    Thou wouldst be severely dead by the time they drew near enough. Maybe there's something else sharp around here...

  • After cutting yourself loose:

    Think of something new.

• CUT ROPES
  • While still tied up:

    Good idea! How?

  • After cutting yourself loose:

    I like it, I like it. One more time, then?

• LOOK DOOR
  • Before stopping the walls:

    There ist no door! As far as thee knows.

  • After:

    Tis quite open. All the which to make the going through much easier.

• GO/etc WEST/W/EAST/E/SOUTH/S

  The walls in this room are totally cramping thy style.

Some Sanctum

Thou art in a large sanctum. Atop a pedastal ye see a FLASK.

• GO/etc SOUTH/S

  (Go to Yon Dungeon)

• LOOK SANCTUM

  Thou can'tst decide whether tis an "inny" or an "outey" sanctum.

• LOOK PEDESTAL

  An extremely boring stone pedestal that bores you to look upon it.

• GET/etc PEDESTAL

  Naw, man.

• LOOK FLASK

  Tis the elusive flask ye have been searching for thy whole dungeonlife!

• LOOK COLUMNS/PILLARS

  Ugh, Roman. Ye HATES Roman columns. Thou art an Ionic dungeonman through and threau.

• GET FLASK

  This tis it! After years of searching and hundreds of dungeons, thou art finally going to get ye flask! Ye reaches out thy trembling hand and...
  
  VOIP!

  (Go to Crossroads)