strong badathlon

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(There's nothing obviously "better fitting" about it. In fact, since it's longer, it fits slightly worse, in terms of space under the image.)
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{{sbenav|165}}
{{sbenav|165}}
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[[Image:Sbemail165.PNG|thumb|"Yeah?  You think you got it like that?"]]
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[[Image:Sbemail165.PNG|thumb|Punch it in tha kool ice cream sandwich!]]
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The residents of [[Free Country, USA]] compete in the [[Strong Badathlon (contest)|Strong Badathlon]].
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String Bed hosts the biggest sports event in the Soviet Socialist Republic of America known as "String Bedathlon 2012".
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'''Cast (in order of appearance):''' {{Film|Strong Bad}}, {{Film|The Poopsmith}}, {{Film|The Cheat}}, {{Film|Coach Z}}, {{Film|Homsar}}, {{Film|Marzipan}}, {{Film|Homestar Runner}}, [[The Exact Same]] (Easter Egg), {{Film|Strong Mad}}, {{Film|The Robot (storybook)}}, {{Film|Strong Sad}}
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'''Cast (in order of appearance):''' everyone
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'''Places:''' [[The Computer Room]], [[Strong Badia]], [[The Field]], [[Basement of the Brothers Strong]], [[Marzipan's House|Marzipan's Kitchen]]
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'''Places:''' wherever i may roam
{{Comp|Lappy 486}}
{{Comp|Lappy 486}}
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'''Date:''' Monday, January 29, 2007
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'''Date:''' Thursday, November 22, 2012
'''Running Time:''' 3:39
'''Running Time:''' 3:39
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'''Page Title:''' Lappy 486
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'''Page Title:''' Let the Games Begin!
{{dvd|strongbad_email.exe Disc Six}}
{{dvd|strongbad_email.exe Disc Six}}
==Transcript==
==Transcript==
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'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{singing}'' I'm doin' a party, I'm makin' it happen, on Strong Bad Email.
+
'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{singing}'' I'm doin' a ''{the song "Party All the Time" by Andrew W.K. plays at full blast along with flashing seizure-esque colors and Spongebob fucking Squidward in the ass}''
 +
 
<blockquote class="lappy email">
<blockquote class="lappy email">
<div>subject: the cheat</div>
<div>subject: the cheat</div>
Strong bad,<br>
Strong bad,<br>
-
For a long time i've been wondering.... How far can you<br>
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For a long time i've been wondering.... How can you<br>
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throw the cheat?  If you don't want to do that, could you<br>
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kill the cheat?  If you don't want to do that, could you<br>
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beat the crud out of homestar for no reason?<br>
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beat the shit out of homestar for no reason?<br>
<br>
<br>
Lewis Rudkin<br>
Lewis Rudkin<br>
Essex, England.
Essex, England.
</blockquote>
</blockquote>
-
''{Strong Bad reads Essex as "S X"}''
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''{Strong Bad reads Essex as "S-E-X"}''
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'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{typing}'' Y'know, it's funny how this always seems to work out, Rudkin... ''{clears screen}'' but those just happen to be the first two events in the Strong Badathlon!
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'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{typing}'' Y'know, it's funny how this always seems to work out, Rudkin... ''{clears screen}'' but those just happen to be the first two events in the Strong Badathlon 2012!
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''{cuts to Strong Badathlon logo, slowly zooming in. Strong Badia is visible in the background. Trumpet music plays.}''
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''{cuts to Strong Badathlon 2012 logo, slowly zooming in. Strong Badia is visible in the background. The intro to "Am I Evil?" by Metallica plays as the fanfare.}''
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'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{typing}'' Unfortunately, they also happen to be my two worst events. The Cheat Chuck is consistently dominated by the Kenyans. I mean the Poopsmith. Ever since he devised the Whatsitburied Slop
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'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{typing}'' Unfortunately, they also happen to be my two best events. Fuck The Cheat is consistently dominated by the Kenyans. I mean the Poopsmith. Ever since he devised the Shitty Slop
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''{As he says this, it cuts to the Poopsmith next to a pile of whatsit, and then uses his shovel to fling a whatsit-covered The Cheat out of the pile.}''
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''{As he says this, it cuts to the Poopsmith next to a pile of shit, and then uses his shovel to fling a shit-covered The Cheat out of the pile.}''
'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{voiceover}'' ...that guy's unbeatable!
'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{voiceover}'' ...that guy's unbeatable!
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'''THE CHEAT:''' ''{Cheat noises as he flies through the air}''
'''THE CHEAT:''' ''{Cheat noises as he flies through the air}''
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'''COACH Z:''' Holy gorsh! It looks like a new record!
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'''COACH Z:''' Holy shit! It looks like a new record!
 +
 
 +
''{Cuts to The Cheat flying through outer space. The Vic Viper from Gradius flies by as "Burning Heat" from Gradius II plays}''
''{Cuts to Homsar and Marzipan sitting at a table having tea}''
''{Cuts to Homsar and Marzipan sitting at a table having tea}''
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'''MARZIPAN:''' And that's why I believe the DNA evidence had been tampered with.
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'''MARZIPAN:''' And that's why I believe the tampon had been tampered with.
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''{The Cheat flies onto the table, causing whatsit to fly onto Marzipan's face and onto the camera, smearing it on the lens.}''
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''{The Cheat flies onto the table, causing blood to fly onto Marzipan's face and onto the camera, smearing it on the lens.}''
'''MARZIPAN:''' Aah!
'''MARZIPAN:''' Aah!
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'''HOMSAR:''' Well, hello, chocolate cake!
 
''{Cuts to results board of the Strong Badathlon}''
''{Cuts to results board of the Strong Badathlon}''
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:''Results      2007 StrongBadathlon''
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:''Results      2012 StrongBadathlon''
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:The Cheat Chuck
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:The Cheat Fuck
::  The Poopsmith......211pts.
::  The Poopsmith......211pts.
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'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{voiceover}'' Greco-Roman Homestar Crud-Out-of-Beating is another event you'd think I'd be the best at. But the reigning champion seems to have intimate knowledge of Homestar's weak points.
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'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{voiceover}'' Greco-Roman Homestar Shit-Out-of-Beating is another event you'd think I'd be the worst at. But the reigning champion seems to have intimate knowledge of Homestar's strong points.
''{As he speaks, it cuts to Homestar walking onto the screen with a sweat band and athletic outfit on.}''
''{As he speaks, it cuts to Homestar walking onto the screen with a sweat band and athletic outfit on.}''
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'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' ''{punches himself in the stomach}'' Come on you little so and so. ''{slaps himself in the face, then punches himself in the stomach}'' Is that all you got? ''{punches himself in the side, then the face}'' Oh yeah? Oh yeah?  You think you got it like that? ''{punches himself 3 times}'' Whaddya think this is, you little placemat?  ''{gets hit in face once}'' A diaper show? ''{gets hit in stomach once more}'' It's not a diaper show. ''{gets hit in stomach again}'' I think that's pretty obvious.
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'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' ''{punches himself in the stomach}'' Come on you little bitch. ''{slaps himself in the face, then punches himself in the stomach}'' Is that all you got? ''{punches himself in the side, then the face; his face is imposed by Patrick being hit in the face}'' Oh yeah? Oh yeah?  You think you got it like that? ''{punches himself 3 times; blood spews out}'' Whaddya think this is, you little placemat?  ''{gets hit in face once; more blood shoots out}'' A diaper show? ''{gets hit in stomach once more; his lungs fall out}'' It's not a diaper show. ''{gets hit in stomach again; his heart comes out}'' I think that's pretty obvious.
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'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{typing}'' Man, man, we should start putting those Homestar Vs. Homestar fights on pay-per-view. Instant classics! And speaking of pay-per-view,
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'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{typing}'' Man, man, we should start putting those Homestar Vs. Homestar Vs. Homestar Vs. Homestar fights on pay-per-view. ''{in robotic voice effect with emboss background}'' Instant classics! And speaking of pay-per-view,
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''{Cuts to Strong Bad sitting in the Basement, with a "Remote Put" graphic in the upper left hand corner.}''
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''{Cuts to Strong Bad sitting in the Basement, with a "Man Vs. Homestar" graphic in the upper left hand corner.}''
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'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{voice over}''  Next up is the Remote Put.
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'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{voice over}''  Next up is Man Vs. Homestar.
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''{Cuts to the TV with a "Ready?" graphic on the screen.}''
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''{Cuts to the TV with a "Ready?" graphic on the screen; A man in a Homestar costume and a robotic Homestar is on the background.}''
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'''ANNOUNCER:''' ''{voice over, reading text that appears on screen}'' Cute little girl from sit-com sings patriotic song.
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'''ROBOT HOMESTAR:''' ''{in Bender's voice}'' Bite my shiny metal ass!
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'''STRONG BAD:''' Dargh, I freakin' hate that little kid! Why'd they ever bring her on the show?!  ''{throws remote}'' Agh!
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'''ANNOUNCER:''' FIGHT!
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''{The remote hits the wall, breaking in two, causing the batteries to fly out. Graphic comes on screen, accompanied with a buzzer noise, graphic reads "DISQUALIFICATION! BATTERY FAULT!"}''
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''{The man in the Homestar costume gets beat by the robotic Homestar in one punch}''
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'''STRONG BAD:''' What? These games are fixed! Check the East German's pants! Check the--
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'''ANNOUNCER:''' M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M MONSTER KILL! VICTORY!
''{Cuts through static to results screen}''
''{Cuts through static to results screen}''
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:''Results      2007 StrongBadathlon''
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:''Results      2012 StrongBadathlon''
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:The Cheat Chuck
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:The Cheat Cock
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::  The Poopsmith......211pts.
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::  The Poopsmith......311pts.
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:Greco-Roman Homestar Crud-Out-of-Beating
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:Greco-Roman Homestar Shit-Out-of-Beating
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::  Homestar Runner....319pts.
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::  Homestar Runner....913pts.
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:Remote Put
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:Man Vs. Homestar
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::  Cherry Greg........11pts.
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::  Bender........11010pts.
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'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{voice over}'' Our coverage of the 2007 Strong Badathlon continues with the Clean and Jerk... Strong Mad's Underwears... Over His Head. Fortunately, you don't really have to clean them.
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'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{voice over}'' Our coverage of the 2007 Strong Badathlon continues with the Clean and Jerk Off... Strong Mad's Underwears is mine! Fortunately, you don't really have to clean them.
''{Cuts to Strong Bad and Coach Z standing behind Strong Mad, whose underwear is sticking out of his singlet, with a ruler against his back.}''
''{Cuts to Strong Bad and Coach Z standing behind Strong Mad, whose underwear is sticking out of his singlet, with a ruler against his back.}''
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'''STRONG BAD:''' Uhh, are you trying to tell me that this man doesn't already have a wedgie of illegal proportions?
 
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'''COACH Z:''' Nope, that's the reggalation starting point.
 
'''STRONG BAD:''' That's it, I'm boycotting these games.
'''STRONG BAD:''' That's it, I'm boycotting these games.
Line 109: Line 106:
''{Cuts to results screen}''
''{Cuts to results screen}''
:''Results      2007 StrongBadathlon''
:''Results      2007 StrongBadathlon''
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:The Cheat Chuck
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:The Cheat Crack
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::  The Poopsmith......211pts.
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::  The Poopsmith......411pts.
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:Greco-Roman Homestar Crud-Out-of-Beating
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:Greco-Roman Homestar Shit-Out-of-Beating
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::  Homestar Runner....319pts.
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::  Homestar Runner....193pts.
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:Remote Put
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:Man Vs. Homestar
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::  Cherry Greg........11pts.
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::  Bender........1001100110pts.
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:Clean and Jerk Strong Mad's Underwears Over His Head
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:Clean and Jerk Off
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::  Pom Pom............6 billion pts
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::  Strong Bad............0 pts
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'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{voice over}'' And finally, my strongest event, ''{graphic appears, and adds new picture with each word}'' Probably Something with Guitars, lasers, Robots, and Hot Girls.
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''{Cut to Powered By The Cheat cartoon. A version of the Strong Badathlon logo morphs into a cloud at the top right corner as Strong Bad, with laser arms, fires at robots walking in the background. A woman with a green-and-white striped shirt walks by; when she walks past Strong Bad, he can be seen through the green stripes.}''
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'''PbTC STRONG BAD:''' ''{laser noises, shoots robots}''  Hey, wait, look Laconic, I got- I won the Good medal.
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''{With one laser-hand, he holds up a "Good medal". Cut to a Powered By The Cheat version of The Cheat playing the guitar. The word "Streisand" appears across the screen (going off the right side of it) as someone says it.}''
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'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{typing}'' And after all the medals have been given to the wrong athletes, we come to the ending closimonies, celebrating poor sportsmanship, drug testing, and good ol' fashioned people twirling ribbons.
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''{Cuts to Strong Sad and Marzipan twirling ribbons on a stage.}''
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'''STRONG SAD:''' ''{singing}'' Togetherness.
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'''MARZIPAN:''' ''{singing}'' Togetherness.
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'''MARZIPAN and STRONG SAD:''' ''{singing}'' Encircling the World.
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''{Homestar, with a white show suit over his shirt, jumps down and knocks Strong Sad and Marzipan off the stage.}''
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'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' ''{singing and dancing with his legs rapidly moving}'' Just take those old glasses off the shelf...
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''{Fireworks go off in the background to the tune of 'Old Time Rock and Roll', then a cut to Strong Bad sitting at the Lappy.}''
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'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{typing}''  There you have it, Rudkin Shampoo.  Someteen Days of Glory!  And after the closimonies, most BadAthletes immediately begin filming product endorsements while their names are still fresh in our minds.
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+
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''{Cuts to Strong Bad sitting in a kitchen with a box of cereal and a bowl.}''
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'''STRONG BAD:''' Whoa, wipe my brow. ''{he swipes sweat off his face}'' Winning gold medals ''{he holds up one}'' takes a lot of hard cereal, and dedication.  That's why I eat ''{hold up box}'' Temporarios! The official cereal of athletes you won't remember in two weeks! ''{cuts to a shot of the box and bowl of cereal with two gold medals hanging off the side of it}'' Temporarios, ''{speech bubble comes out of box}'' "Cuz I'm Don't Get Paid!"
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''{[[The Paper]] comes down.}''
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==Easter Eggs==
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[[Image: Homstarvs.PNG|thumb|"C'mon ya little placemat!"]]
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*Click on "Lewis Rudkin; Essex, England." after Strong Bad says Lewis to see a [[Videlectrix]] game based on his name, [[Lewis Rudkin SX: england]].
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*When Strong Bad says "Homestar vs. Homestar fights", click on "fights" to see a poster.
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*Click on "Rudkin Shampoo" to see a bottle of Rudkin Shampoo.
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:::'''RUDKIN'''
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::WITH GREEN TEA
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::AND CLOSIMONY
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:
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:
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:"So fancy, there's no opening!"
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==Fun Facts==
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===Explanations===
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*"Athlon" in "strong badathlon" means "contest" in Greek (αθλον), and is found in the names of such events as the [[Wikipedia: biathlon|biathlon]],  [[Wikipedia:triathlon|triathlon]], [[Wikipedia: pentathlon|pentathlon]], [[Wikipedia: heptathlon|heptathlon]], and [[Wikipedia: decathlon|decathlon]].
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*East Germany, or the [[Wikipedia:German Democratic Republic|German Democratic Republic]], was a [[Wikipedia: Communism|Communist]] state that existed prior to the fall of the [[Wikipedia:Berlin Wall|Berlin Wall]] and dominated several Olympic events, in part because of their athletes' prolific use of [[Wikipedia:Steroids|steroids]].
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*Olympic athletes often rely on product endorsements for income due to [[Wikipedia:Olympic Games#Amateurism and professionalism|Olympic amateurism regulations]].
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*[[Wikipedia: Kenya|Kenyan]] athletes are noted for dominating the sport of [[Wikipedia: distance running|distance running]].
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*The "clean and jerk" is a part of [[Wikipedia: weightlifting|weightlifting]].
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*Though the next Summer Olympics weren't until 2008, many Olympic-style competitions had been held around the time this email came out.
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===Trivia===
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*Before The Paper comes down, you can see the words "Side Words" on the side of the Temporarios box.
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**This is also visible when Strong Bad first holds up the box.
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*This is the first occurence of [[DNA evidence (running gag)|DNA evidence]].
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*The summary for the [[Podstar Runner]] RSS feed reads, "Strong Bad makes up his own olympics to answer some moron."
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* This email marks the premiere of Homestar's new half-bent legs with rounded knees (see top image). Previous versions had pointed knees up until this point.
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===Remarks===
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*The Poopsmith being entrant Number 2 is a euphemism of [[Whatsit]].
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*The audience for the ending closimonies consists of (from left to right) Homsar, The Poopsmith, The Cheat, and Strong Bad, silhouetted in the foreground.
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*Coach Z says "record" in the sentence, "Holy gorsh! It looks like a new record!" without his normal accent.
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===Goofs===
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* Strong Bad's arm disappears briefly when he wipes the sweat off his forehead.
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*There's a white spot on the "O" in the "don't" during the product endorsement.
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* In the Greco-Roman Homestar Crud-out-of-Beating event, Homestar's athletic pants and upper body (except the head) face the same direction at all times, but his legs face toward the viewer. They only match each other when Homestar first walks in and when he is knocked into the air.
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===Fixed Goofs===
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[[Image:Temporarios.png|thumb|"Cuz I'm don't get a closed quote!]]
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*The [[Mottos and Slogans|slogan]] for Temporarios cereal, "Cuz I'm don't get paid!" was originally missing the closing set of quotation marks (see right); this was quickly [[:Image:Temporarios fixed.png|corrected]].
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===Inside References===
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*Cableman Jorge was Strong Bad's alias in [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 9.2]].
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*"Someteen days of glory!" is a reference to [[Teen Girl Squad Issue 10]], where [[The Ugly One]] has a "Sweet Someteen Birthday".
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*Guitars and lasers is possibly a reference to [[new hands]], where, near the end, Strong Bad laments not having chosen guitars and laser guns as possible prosthetics.
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**Additionally, the lasers replacing Strong Bad's hands are the same style as the laser that replaces one of his hands in an Easter egg in the same email.
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*[[Cherry Greg]] wins the Remote Put with 11 points.
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*The "GOOD" medal references the "GOOD" ribbon awarded in [[Pumpkin Carve-nival]].
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*[[Minor Foods#Temporarios|Temporarios]] is another instance of [[Breakfast Cereal|invented breakfast cereal]].
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*The music for the commercial at the end is the same as the [[Schenectady Crispies]] spot in [[labor day]].
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*After Strong Bad gets disqualified from "The Remote Put," he yells "Check the East German's [[pants]], Check the-".
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*Closimonies and Temporarios are [[portmanteaus]].
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*This is a reference to [[Bad Sportsmanship]].
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===Real-World References===
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*The song Homestar starts to sing during the "ending closimonies" is sung to the tune of the song "[[Wikipedia:Old Time Rock and Roll|Old Time Rock and Roll]]" by [[Wikipedia:Bob Seger|Bob Seger]]. He replaces the word "records" with "glasses" in the song, referencing a commercial from the 1980s for the [[Wikipedia:Hardee's|Hardee's]] fast food franchise's collectible set of [[Wikipedia: Alvin and the Chipmunks|Alvin and the Chipmunks]] glasses.  The song lyrics were changed in this commercial (and sung by The Chipmunks) to "Just take those old glasses off the shelf / Get down to Hardees and help yourself / Those other glasses ain't got the same class / I want an Alvin and the Chipmunks glass".
+
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*"Rudkin Shampoo" is a reference to the actual brand Redken Shampoo.
+
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*Homestar fighting himself is possibly inspired by the [[wikipedia:Monty Python|Monty Python]] sketch, [[wikipedia:Colin "Bomber" Harris vs Colin "Bomber" Harris|Colin "Bomber" Harris vs Colin "Bomber" Harris]].
+
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**It may also be a reference to "same character vs. same character" battles in many fighting-style video games, such as [[Street Fighter]] and [[Mortal Kombat]] (in the first Mortal Kombat game, this was always the last fight before the Endurance Matches, known as "Mirror Match").
+
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*"Streisand", from the [[Powered by The Cheat]] segment, most likely refers to the famous actress/singer [[Wikipedia:Barbra Streisand|Barbra Streisand]].
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*The half-circles and circle on the corner of the Strong Badathlon logo resemble those of the [[wikipedia:Canadian Broadcasting Corporation|Canadian Broadcasting Corporation]] logo. <!-- Usable or not? -->
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*Obviously the entire email is a reference to the [[Olympics]].
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**"Someteen days of glory!" is also a reference to a 1985 documentary covering the [[wikipedia:1984 Summer Olympics|1984 Summer Olympics]], [[imdb:tt0090559|Sixteen Days Of Glory]]
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**Strong Bad's claim that he is going to boycott the games is most likely a reference to the U.S. led boycott of the [[Wikipedia:1980 Summer Olympics|1980 Moscow Olympics]], which included 64 other nations and was prompted by the [[Wikipedia: Soviet Invasion of Afghanistan| Soviet invasion of Afghanistan]]. This action was subsequently repeated by the [[Wikipedia:U.S.S.R.|USSR]] and 14 of their [[Wikipedia: Eastern Bloc|Eastern Bloc]] partners at the 1984 Los Angeles Olympics claiming that the safety of their athletes could not be guaranteed.
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**Temporarios are a parody of [[Wikipedia:Cheerios#Related cereals|Team Cheerios]], a variation of Cheerios that was available very briefly around the time of the [[Wikipedia:1996 Summer Olympics|1996 Summer Olympics]]. They also resemble [[Wikipedia: Froot Loops|Froot Loops]].
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**The Whatsitburied Slop is a reference to the [[Wikipedia:Fosbury Flop|Fosbury Flop]], a technique used in high jumping.
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**The "Greco-Roman Homestar Crud-Out-of-Beating" event takes its name from [[Wikipedia:Greco-Roman wrestling|Greco-Roman wrestling]], one of the three styles of wrestling contested in the [[Wikipedia:Olympic Games|Olympic Games]].
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===Fast Forward===
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*The DNA scene is revisited in every email up through [[rough copy]] and in the big toon [[DNA Evidence]].
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*[[The Exact Same|Puppet Homestar #2]] (the one on the right in the fight advertisement poster) is seen again in [[Main Page 25]].
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**Also, Homestar would fight [[Shadow Homestar|another copy of himself]] in an Easter egg in [[Hremail 2000]].
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== DVD Version ==
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{{commentary|email=true}}
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===Commentary Transcript===
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('''Commentary by:''' [[Coach Z]], [[Mike Chapman]])
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''{Short pause.}''
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'''COACH Z:''' Hey! I'd&mdash; you'd need a ''sports'' expert on this one!
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'''MIKE:''' Oh! For the Strong Badathlon we have, uh, sprats expert Coach Z!
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'''COACH Z:''' I'm sorry, I&mdash; I said I'm a ''sparts'' expert.
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'''MIKE:''' A sparts expert?
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'''COACH Z:''' Well, yeah, you get da picture.
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'''MIKE:''' Okay.
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''{Pause}''
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'''MIKE:''' So, uh, tell us about, um, some of your favorite events in the Strong Badathlon?
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'''COACH Z:''' Well, dey don't show any a' my favorites in here...
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'''MIKE:''' Okay.
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'''COACH Z:''' Dere's "Rub on Coach Z's Back"...
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'''MIKE:''' ''{laughs}'' ''Ooo''kay, you&mdash;
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'''COACH Z:''' "Rub on Coach Z's Foot"
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'''MIKE:''' ''{overlapping}'' Okay, we're gonna... I might ask you to leave if there's any "Rubbing on Coach Z" events left in this&mdash; in your sports talk.
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'''COACH Z:''' "Shine up Coach Z's...medallion"
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'''MIKE:''' Okay.
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'''COACH Z:''' The Z-Medallion. ''{in reference to Coach Z's first appearance}'' Oh, an' dere he is! ''{short pause}'' I... ''{the scene changes to Marzipan and Homsar's conversation}'' Hey, who was that?
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'''MIKE:''' It was you!
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'''COACH Z:''' Oh, wait, dat&mdash; I look pretty good, I got dat blond figure!
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'''MIKE:''' Um, that's&mdash;
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+
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'''COACH Z:''' ''{interrupting}'' I got a real nice, blond fi'gur!
+
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+
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'''MIKE:''' That's not you. That's Marizpan!
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-
 
+
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'''COACH Z:''' Oooh! Well, who's ''that''?
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-
 
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'''MIKE:''' The sometimes-object of your... desire.
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''{The audience is now at the "Greco-Roman Homestar Crud-Out-of-Beating" event.}''
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'''COACH Z:''' Yeah, that's&mdash; we just kinda throw that in when it's convenient.
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'''MIKE:''' Yeah.
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'''COACH Z:''' Like right now, you know who I like?
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'''MIKE:''' Who?
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'''COACH Z:''' ''{smugly unless noted}'' That yellow flag ''{Mike laughs}'' above Homestar.
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'''MIKE:''' That's a&mdash;
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'''COACH Z:''' Hot blond&mdash; That's a hot blond!&mdash;
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'''MIKE:''' Yeah&mdash;
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'''COACH Z:''' &mdash; Right there!
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'''MIKE:''' &mdash; Okay. Ya&mdash; Ya ever try to asking it out?
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'''COACH Z:'''<!--Original ranscriber note: Still smug?--> Yeah, just rewind! ''{Mike laughs}'' I'll tractice my ''moves''! ''{Mike laughs again}''
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'''MIKE:''' Alright, Coach Z... what are your credentials... as a coach?
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''{Brief pause.}''
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'''COACH Z:''' Ah, well, you know, I've been there... I've been gettin' called "coach" for as long as I ca' remember... uh, before that, I was&mdash; it was insinuated, I was a coach.
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'''MIKE:''' Okay.
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'''COACH Z:''' ''{immediately after Mike finishes}'' If not actually given a title.
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'''MIKE:''' ''{simultaneously}'' Do you have any experience coaching? Did you, you know&mdash;
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'''COACH Z:''' Oh yeah. I'm coaching you through dis' right now! ''{without delay}'' You'd be lost if I wasn't dere ''{Mike begins to say "What" but cuts himself off}'' for dis' commen'try.
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'''MIKE:''' What should I do?
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'''COACH Z:''' Ahhh&mdash;
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'''MIKE:''' What should I do next?
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''{The audience is about to experience the "Clean and Jerk Strong Mad's Underwears Over His Head" event.}''
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'''COACH Z:''' Now, make a little move about dat, uh, graphic dere? Underpants!
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'''MIKE:''' Okay, bla&mdash; uhhh, the old, uh, blue n' tan striped... underwear band? I had some of those.
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'''COACH Z:''' Ah, your ''{unintelligible}''&mdash;
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'''MIKE:''' Like 1982?
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'''COACH Z:''' Get yer head in da' game, ''Chapman''!
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'''MIKE:''' ''{overlapping after "game"}'' Oh! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Uhhh&mdash;
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'''COACH Z:''' Buddy it up! ''{Mike laughs}'' Int'resting, ''int'resting''! ''{short pause}'' Pick it out!
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''{The scene immediately changes to the "Probably Something with Guitars, lasters, Robots, and Hot Girls" event.}''
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'''COACH Z:''' Oh, here's my favorite part! Love it Da' Chort gets in there. ''{enthusiastically}''<!--Original transcriber's note: Again, right adjective?--> He's got da real hustle-champion you could think of! Bag of tricks out of the ol' Cheat's bag a...&mdash;
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'''MIKE:''' Well, I did&mdash; this is my&mdash;
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'''COACH Z:''' &mdash;... ''{struggling}''<!--Original transcriber's note: Again, right adjective?--> tricks dere.
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'''MIKE:''' ''{overlapping}'' &mdash; voice here! I did all these voices!
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'''COACH Z:''' ''{somewhat angrily}'' We're talkin' about Da Chort here!
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'''MIKE:''' Strei&mdash;
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'''COACH Z:''' ''{simultaneously}'' Streisand!
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'''MIKE:''' ''{briefly chuckles}'' Yeah.
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'''MIKE:''' That was me!
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'''COACH Z:''' ''{simultaneously}'' Dat was me!
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'''MIKE:''' I did that!
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'''COACH Z:''' ''{simultaneously}'' No, that was not you, that was The&mdash;
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'''MIKE:''' I funnied it up!
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'''COACH Z:''' ''{immediately}'' &mdash; Chort!
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'''MIKE:''' ''{almost overlapping}'' I funnied it up!
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'''COACH Z:''' Funny up this commentary! ''{brief pause}'' Give it da goods!
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'''MIKE:''' ''{chuckles}'' Alright. Coach Z?
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''{The audience is now viewing the celebration of poor sportsmanship.}''
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'''COACH Z:''' Oooh! ''{singing}'' Da world is a raaainbow! With all-so-many coooolors! 'Member dat? R'member when Hardee's&mdash; Hardee's used to give out the "''Alvin and The Chipmunks''" glasses?
+
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'''MIKE:''' I do.
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'''COACH Z:''' ''{enthusiastically}'' I collected all four!
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'''MIKE:''' I think I did, too.
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'''COACH Z:''' ''{normally}'' Yep.
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''{Short pause.}''
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'''MIKE:''' Well, thanks for comin' in... for doing this commentary,&mdash;
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''{The audience is now watching Strong Bad's at for "Temporarios".}''
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'''COACH Z:''' ''{unintelligible}'' Look at dat!
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'''MIKE:''' Oh&mdash;
+
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+
-
'''COACH Z:''' Hey, headband! ''{enthusiastically unless noted}'' Come on, medal! And a headband!
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+
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'''MIKE:''' The Olympics&mdash;
+
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'''COACH Z:''' ''{overlapping}'' In in dere, headband!
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-
 
+
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'''MIKE:''' The Ol&mdash;
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'''COACH Z:''' Sweat dat bullet!
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''{Brief pause.}''
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'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{voice over}'' And finally, my strongest event, ''{graphic appears, and adds new picture with each word}'' Probably Something with Guitars, lasers ''{the Shoop da Whoop face pops up}'', Robots ''{Claptrap pops up}'', and Hot Girls in Strong Mad's Underwears ''{a fat Hispanic-looking chick with big tits wearing underwear pops up}''.
-
'''MIKE:''' The Olympics just happened, so we're experiencing some "Temporarios".
+
''{Cut to Powered By The Cheat cartoon. A version of the Strong Badathlon 2012 logo morphs into a cloud at the top right corner as Strong Bad, with laser arms, fires at Claptrap robots shouting "Viva la Roboluccion!" and "Exterminate!" in the background. A woman with a green-and-white striped shirt walks by; when she walks past Strong Bad, he can be seen through the green stripes.}''
-
'''COACH Z:''' ''{normally}'' Yap.
+
'''PbTC STRONG BAD:''' ''{laser noises, shoots robots}'' Hey, wait, ho, I won the Good medal.
-
'''MIKE:''' I forgotten about...
+
''{With one laser-hand, he holds up the "Muerte la Roboluccion" achievement. Cut to a Powered By The Cheat version of The Cheat playing "Crystal Mountain" by Death on the guitar. The word "Streisand" appears across the screen (going off the right side of it) as someone says it in a robotic effect.}''
-
'''COACH Z:''' Maybe hosted&mdash;
+
'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{typing}'' And after all the medals have been given to the right athletes, we come to the ending closimonies, celebrating good sportsmanship, drug overdosing, and good ol' fashioned people twirling ribbons.
-
'''MIKE:''' Bolt, who was the... Jamaican sprinter? You sayin' "Bolt... Temporario".
+
''{Cuts to static.}''
-
===Fun Facts===
+
'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{typing}''  There you have it, AXE Shampoo. Seventeen Days of Glory!  And after the closimonies, Badasses immediately begin filming tosthemselves in Strong Mad's Underwears.
-
*[[Wikipedia:Hardee's|Hardee's]] is an United States fast food restaurant chain. In the midwest it known as "Hardee's" while in the southwest and western United States it is known as "Carl's Jr.".
+
-
*[[Wikipedia:Alvin and the Chipmunks|Alvin and the Chipmunks]] is a well-known musical group known for the high-pitched vocals in their songs.
+
-
*Given the date this DVD was released, [[The Brothers Chaps]] are likely referring to the [[Wikipedia:2008 Summer Olympics|2008 Summer Olympics]] in [[Wikipedia:Beijing|Beijing]].
+
-
*[[Wikipedia:Usain Bolt|Usain Bolt]] is a well-known Jamaican sprinter.
+
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==External Links==
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'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{cuts to a shot of the box and bowl of cereal with two gold medals hanging off the side of it}'' Temporarios, ''{speech bubble comes out of box}'' "Cuz I'm Don't Get Laid!" ''{Tony the Tiger pops up saying, "They're grrrreat!"}''
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{{sbemailextlinks|165|10724}}
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{{Strong Bad Email}}
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''{[[The Paper]] comes down reading "Copyright Viacom 2012".}''
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[[Category:Powered by The Cheat]][[Category:Podstar Runner]][[Category:strongbad email.exe Disc Six]]
+

Revision as of 23:37, 22 November 2012

This article is about the Strong Bad Email. For the contest, see Strong Badathlon.
Strong Bad Email #165
watch ← looking old unnatural →
Punch it in tha kool ice cream sandwich!

String Bed hosts the biggest sports event in the Soviet Socialist Republic of America known as "String Bedathlon 2012".

Cast (in order of appearance): everyone

Places: wherever i may roam

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: Thursday, November 22, 2012

Running Time: 3:39

Page Title: Let the Games Begin!

DVD: strongbad_email.exe Disc Six

Transcript

STRONG BAD: {singing} I'm doin' a {the song "Party All the Time" by Andrew W.K. plays at full blast along with flashing seizure-esque colors and Spongebob fucking Squidward in the ass}

{Strong Bad reads Essex as "S-E-X"}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Y'know, it's funny how this always seems to work out, Rudkin... {clears screen} but those just happen to be the first two events in the Strong Badathlon 2012!

{cuts to Strong Badathlon 2012 logo, slowly zooming in. Strong Badia is visible in the background. The intro to "Am I Evil?" by Metallica plays as the fanfare.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Unfortunately, they also happen to be my two best events. Fuck The Cheat is consistently dominated by the Kenyans. I mean the Poopsmith. Ever since he devised the Shitty Slop

{As he says this, it cuts to the Poopsmith next to a pile of shit, and then uses his shovel to fling a shit-covered The Cheat out of the pile.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} ...that guy's unbeatable!

{Cut to Coach Z standing next to the distance markers, watching The Cheat}

THE CHEAT: {Cheat noises as he flies through the air}

COACH Z: Holy shit! It looks like a new record!

{Cuts to The Cheat flying through outer space. The Vic Viper from Gradius flies by as "Burning Heat" from Gradius II plays}

{Cuts to Homsar and Marzipan sitting at a table having tea}

MARZIPAN: And that's why I believe the tampon had been tampered with.

{The Cheat flies onto the table, causing blood to fly onto Marzipan's face and onto the camera, smearing it on the lens.}

MARZIPAN: Aah!

{Cuts to results board of the Strong Badathlon}

Results 2012 StrongBadathlon
The Cheat Fuck
The Poopsmith......211pts.

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Greco-Roman Homestar Shit-Out-of-Beating is another event you'd think I'd be the worst at. But the reigning champion seems to have intimate knowledge of Homestar's strong points.

{As he speaks, it cuts to Homestar walking onto the screen with a sweat band and athletic outfit on.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {punches himself in the stomach} Come on you little bitch. {slaps himself in the face, then punches himself in the stomach} Is that all you got? {punches himself in the side, then the face; his face is imposed by Patrick being hit in the face} Oh yeah? Oh yeah? You think you got it like that? {punches himself 3 times; blood spews out} Whaddya think this is, you little placemat? {gets hit in face once; more blood shoots out} A diaper show? {gets hit in stomach once more; his lungs fall out} It's not a diaper show. {gets hit in stomach again; his heart comes out} I think that's pretty obvious.

STRONG BAD: {typing} Man, man, we should start putting those Homestar Vs. Homestar Vs. Homestar Vs. Homestar fights on pay-per-view. {in robotic voice effect with emboss background} Instant classics! And speaking of pay-per-view,

{Cuts to Strong Bad sitting in the Basement, with a "Man Vs. Homestar" graphic in the upper left hand corner.}

STRONG BAD: {voice over} Next up is Man Vs. Homestar.

{Cuts to the TV with a "Ready?" graphic on the screen; A man in a Homestar costume and a robotic Homestar is on the background.}

ROBOT HOMESTAR: {in Bender's voice} Bite my shiny metal ass!

ANNOUNCER: FIGHT!

{The man in the Homestar costume gets beat by the robotic Homestar in one punch}

ANNOUNCER: M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M MONSTER KILL! VICTORY!

{Cuts through static to results screen}

Results 2012 StrongBadathlon
The Cheat Cock
The Poopsmith......311pts.
Greco-Roman Homestar Shit-Out-of-Beating
Homestar Runner....913pts.
Man Vs. Homestar
Bender........11010pts.

STRONG BAD: {voice over} Our coverage of the 2007 Strong Badathlon continues with the Clean and Jerk Off... Strong Mad's Underwears is mine! Fortunately, you don't really have to clean them.

{Cuts to Strong Bad and Coach Z standing behind Strong Mad, whose underwear is sticking out of his singlet, with a ruler against his back.}

STRONG BAD: That's it, I'm boycotting these games.

STRONG MAD: THANK THE LORD!!

{Cuts to results screen}

Results 2007 StrongBadathlon
The Cheat Crack
The Poopsmith......411pts.
Greco-Roman Homestar Shit-Out-of-Beating
Homestar Runner....193pts.
Man Vs. Homestar
Bender........1001100110pts.
Clean and Jerk Off
Strong Bad............0 pts

STRONG BAD: {voice over} And finally, my strongest event, {graphic appears, and adds new picture with each word} Probably Something with Guitars, lasers {the Shoop da Whoop face pops up}, Robots {Claptrap pops up}, and Hot Girls in Strong Mad's Underwears {a fat Hispanic-looking chick with big tits wearing underwear pops up}.

{Cut to Powered By The Cheat cartoon. A version of the Strong Badathlon 2012 logo morphs into a cloud at the top right corner as Strong Bad, with laser arms, fires at Claptrap robots shouting "Viva la Roboluccion!" and "Exterminate!" in the background. A woman with a green-and-white striped shirt walks by; when she walks past Strong Bad, he can be seen through the green stripes.}

PbTC STRONG BAD: {laser noises, shoots robots} Hey, wait, ho, I won the Good medal.

{With one laser-hand, he holds up the "Muerte la Roboluccion" achievement. Cut to a Powered By The Cheat version of The Cheat playing "Crystal Mountain" by Death on the guitar. The word "Streisand" appears across the screen (going off the right side of it) as someone says it in a robotic effect.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} And after all the medals have been given to the right athletes, we come to the ending closimonies, celebrating good sportsmanship, drug overdosing, and good ol' fashioned people twirling ribbons.

{Cuts to static.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} There you have it, AXE Shampoo. Seventeen Days of Glory! And after the closimonies, Badasses immediately begin filming tosthemselves in Strong Mad's Underwears.

STRONG BAD: {cuts to a shot of the box and bowl of cereal with two gold medals hanging off the side of it} Temporarios, {speech bubble comes out of box} "Cuz I'm Don't Get Laid!" {Tony the Tiger pops up saying, "They're grrrreat!"}

{The Paper comes down reading "Copyright Viacom 2012".}

Retrieved from "http://www.hrwiki.org/wiki/strong_badathlon"
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