User:Addict 2006

STRONG BAD: Hi, everybody. In memoriam of poor The Paper, let's go back and revisit a few of my favorite The Paper memories.

{He turns around and presses a button on a remote control. Static cut to a scene from underlings, the last ever email with The Paper fully intact.}

STRONG BAD: I gotta get started making those 'You Reek-A' t-shirts. Those things are gonna be awesome!

{The Paper comes down, reading:}

{Static cut back to Strong Bad in the black scene.}

STRONG BAD: Oh yeah. What about this one?

{He turns around and clicks the remote again. Static cut to a flashback in the paper, with Lil' Strong Bad and Strong Sad, in front of a computer and printer. Strong Sad is typing.}

LIL' STRONG BAD: Hurry up, Diaper Stripe! I wanna print out that butt I made out of hyphens and dollar signs!

{Strong Sad hits a key, and a paper prints out of the printer.}

LIL' STRONG BAD: Did you hear that?

{Cut to a closeup of The Paper, which reads:"}

LIL' STRONG BAD: {offscreen} It said "Preeeeow!"

{Static cut back to Strong Bad in the black scene.}

STRONG BAD: Ah yeah. The day he was born like it happened in a flashback. And why not this one?

{He turns around and clicks the remote again. Static cut to a scene from 50 emails.}

STRONG BAD: Wha... Flagrant Error? What the... Where did all my emails go?

{The Paper comes down.}

STRONG BAD: WHAT?!? The paper?! This isn't over yet! Go back up, go back up!

{Strong Bad swats at The Paper and then tries to hold it up off the screen}

STRONG BAD: Wait, wait! I think I can remember some of those emails!

{Static cut back to Strong Bad in the black scene.}

STRONG BAD: Augh. That was not what I had in mind. Maybe this one?

{He turns around and clicks the remote again. Static cut to a scene from date.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Marzipan's gotta face fulla super mud and I'm feelin' fine. The Paper, would you bring this fine email to a close?

{The Paper comes down.}

{Static cut back to Strong Bad in the black scene.}

STRONG BAD: Oh, that was great. And what about this one?

{He turns around and clicks the remote again. Static cut to a scene from strongbad_email.exe Disc One's introduction.}

STRONG BAD: The Paper, show these morons what to do.

{The Paper comes down with the menu selections. A static cut, and Strong Bad turns to the camera.}

STRONG BAD: Uh, The Paper, I think you're going to have to spell it out better for these simpletons. Apparently, they're not quite grasping it.

{A Paper comes up from the bottom of the screen reading:}

STRONG BAD: Whoa! Bottom-feeding paper! There's something you don't see every day!

{Static cut back to Strong Bad in the black scene.}

STRONG BAD: Oh yeah. And this one's cool.

{He turns around and clicks the remote again. Static cut to a scene from autobiography.}

STRONG BAD: Dan, I mean, I wanna make fun of you but, uh, you've put together a solid email!

{While saying this, he types "No misspellings + good idea + made fun of dumpus = SOLID!!"}

STRONG BAD: I'm gonna print this thing out and save it for posterity. Maybe a little prosperity.

{He runs print_of_it.exe and the email prints out via The Paper. He tears it off.}

{Static cut back to Strong Bad in the black scene.}

STRONG BAD: And to think I still have it for posterity. Maybe prosperity. Alright, now this one?

{He turns around and clicks the remote again. Static cut to another scene from autobiography.}

STRONG BAD: Okay. Take it away, The Paper! Preeeeeeeeowwwww... Come on. Preeeeeeowwwwweeee. What's the d—?

{The Paper comes down rather quickly}

STRONG BAD: Oh. Musta been a paper jam.

{Static cut back to Strong Bad in the black scene.}

STRONG BAD: Ah, that was a good one. But you know what? I can't think of anything else to say. I'ma run through the rest of the memories one by one.

{He turns around and clicks the remote again. Static cut to a scene from for kids.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} THE PAPER, PLEASE TAKE US HOME.

{The Paper comes down.}

{Static cut to a scene from animal.}

STRONG BAD: The Paper, come on down and meet your new brother!

{The Paper begins to edge down.}

STRONG BAD: Come on!

{It edges down a bit more.}

STRONG BAD: It's okay!

{It edges back a bit.}

STRONG BAD: No, ah! Come on!

{It edges down a bit.}

STRONG BAD: Lappy's not going to bite you or tear at your perforated edges!

{It comes down a bit more.}

STRONG BAD: That's it!

{It comes all the way down.}

STRONG BAD: Lappy, this is The Paper. He lets me know when I've stopped being funny!

{The Paper comes down even more so that it now reads:}

STRONG BAD: Oops! Sorry.

{Static cut to a scene from Sick Day.}

STRONG BAD: {groans and coughs while speaking} The Paapeeeer!

{The Paper comes down, with a distorted noise. It appears crinkled and says:}

STRONG BAD: Oh no, not you too! Can I blow my nose on you?

{The Paper goes back up.}

{Static cut to a scene from retirement.}

STRONG BAD: Sorry, guys, we're getting nowhere. I don't speak extravagantly broken computer.

{The Paper comes down, reading:}

STRONG BAD: The Paper! You're just in time! Find out what they want!

{The Paper goes back up, and the Compy "talks" for a bit. The Paper comes back down with:}

STRONG BAD: Retirement? They didn't retire, I threw them away. Ask them if they mean they want to come out of thrown-awayment.

{The Paper comes down again, reading:}

STRONG BAD: Are they joking? Those guys couldn't check an email with the help of sixty horses dressed up as IT professionals!

{Static cut back to Strong Bad in the black scene.}

STRONG BAD: And that Homestar almost ruined the Compy when he poured Mountain Dew all over it! Good thing The Paper did his duty catching him when he tried to do it on the Lappy.

{He points his arm backward and clicks the remote again. Static cut to another flashback scene in the paper, to the computer room with the Lappy on the desk. Homestar is wrapped up in paper dangling from the ceiling. A bottle of Mountain Dew is visible on the desk.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Look, I was just trying to pour Mountain Dew on it! Ohwait. I mean Mello Yello on it! Ohwait. I mean Sierra Mist!

{Cut to a closeup of Homestar.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Fresca! {pronounced "fresha"} Surge!

{Static cut. Homestar is still wrapped up in The Paper and hanging.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {Singing to the tune of Neverending Story} The blood is rushing to my head... Blacking out, blacking out, blacking out...

{Static cut to another flashback with Strong Bad, on the Island, which has a hole in it and is slowly sinking. Strong Bad is wearing a ragged bandanna. Many shark fins appear circling the island.}

STRONG BAD: How is this island sinking?! I didn't even kill any end bosses!

{The Paper comes down reading:}

STRONG BAD: {looking up} The Paper! I thought you were still in Pyongyang! Let's go! Jump!

{He jumps up and grabs The Paper, which reels upwards. Cut back to a silhouetted version of the scene over a sunset. Strong Bad and The Paper appear to be flying away from the island. Video game music plays.}

{Static cut back to a closeup of Strong Bad in the black scene.}

STRONG BAD: And then, this happened.

{Static cut to a scene from more armies.}

STRONG BAD: Tito the Tophaticent's beautiful assistant's looking a little...lopsided.

{Strong Bad gets up and leaves. The Paper comes down with an odd, sick-sounding noise; it is crumpled and torn. Strong Bad peeks in from the right side of the screen.}

STRONG BAD: Oh. That's a bad sign.

{Static cut to a scene from the paper.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Ol' Papes is at the top of his game, the prime of his time, the cusp of his stuff!

{The printer falls onto Strong Bad, knocking him offscreen.}

STRONG BAD: OW!!!

{Cut back to show the full computer room. The wrecked printer is on the ground, with Strong Bad reeling next to it. The printer prints a sheet with a sickly, distorted sound. A dramatic chord plays. Cut to a closeup of The Paper, which reads:}

STRONG BAD: {offscreen} The Paper! No!!!

{Cut back to a shot of the whole screen.}

STRONG BAD: Why do all my thirty-year-old electronics keep breaking on me?!

{Cut to a closeup of The Paper, which prints out some more text reading:}

STRONG BAD: {offscreen} We sure did, pal.

{Static cut.}

STRONG BAD: I can't believe this is really it!

{Cut to a closeup of The Paper. It prints out:}

STRONG BAD: {offscreen} Farewell—

{Cut to a full shot. Strong Bad pats the printer.}

STRONG BAD: —my stripèd friend.

{Strong Bad pulls out the BMW Lighter. Cut to a closeup of The Paper again. Strong Bad burns it, leaving ashes that read "BYE NOW". Cut back.}

STRONG BAD: {singing, distressed} And The Paper goeth into the {a spotlight shines down on Strong Bad} niiIIiiIIiiIIght!

{The scene fades out, then a static cut.}

STRONG BAD: Ah, we sure had some great times The Paper. Really, really great times. {leaves quickly}

{Fade to the Lappy, which displays the following message:}

In Memoriam
- The Paper -

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} I'm gonna miss you, bro.

{The New Paper comes down.}