Editing kind of cool

{{sbenav}}
[[Image:Senorsoup.PNG|thumb|"You smell like pea soooup!"]]
Strong Bad tells what he would be like if he wasn't the "stylish, buff, handsome man" that he is. It turns out to be a lot like someone [[The Brothers Strong]] used to know.

'''Cast (in order of appearance):'''  {{Film|Strong Bad}}, {{Film|Senor Cardgage}}, {{Film|Homestar Runner}}, {{Film|Pom Pom}}, {{Film|Strong Mad}}, {{Film|Strong Sad}}

'''Places:''' [[Computer Room]], [[The Field]], [[Bubs' Concession Stand]], [[The Stick]] (Easter egg)

{{Comp|Compy 386}}

'''Date:''' Monday, December 15, 2003

'''Running Time:''' 2:57

'''Page Title:''' Compy 386!!

{{dvd|strongbad_email.exe Disc Three}}, {{dvd|Sbemails' 50 Greatest Hits DVD|notitle=true}}

==Transcript==

'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{monotone}'' Thanks for choosing Strong Bad Email.  Would you like to try a combo meal?

''{reading}''

<blockquote class="compy email">Hey strong bad,<br />
Dude, I was just thinkin and wonderin<br />
what it would be like if you weren't<br />
the stylish, buff, handsome man in a<br />
wrestling mask that you are.<br />
<br />
Your devoted fan,<br />
Jordan</blockquote>

''{Strong Bad pronounces "Jordan" as "Jor-dan" to rhyme with the word "fan".}''

'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{typing}'' So you mean, like, what would it be like if I was an ugly dumpy guy with a beer belly and a comb-over?  I'd still probably be the coolest guy in the world, just a different kind of cool.  More of a "I'm so cool, you don't even know I'm cool" kind of cool.  Or the kind of cool where I'm{{--}}

''{Cut to what is presumably Strong Bad walking in the field. We can only see him from the waist down. He is dragging a plastic Aldi Bag}''

'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{voiceover}''  {{--}}always walking around with a plastic grocery bag full of mysterious unknown contents.  Maybe it's cold pizza.  Maybe it's rotten vegetables.  Or maybe it's the shattered pieces of my former life.

''{Camera lifts up during the voiceover and we see this version of Strong Bad has a creepy comb-over, potbelly, goatee, and glasses. Cut to Bubs' Concession Stand, where Creepy Comb-Over Strong Bad gets in line.}''

'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{voiceover}'' Or maybe it's just full of a bunch of melty candy bars that I eat really loudly while standing too close to you in line.

''{Creepy Comb-Over Strong Bad pulls out a partly melted candy bar and starts munching. Homestar turns to him and glares.}''

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' ''{to Pom Pom}'' Hey, Pom Pom!  This guy smells like pea soup.  ''{Singing, to Creepy Comb-Over Strong Bad}'' You smell like pea soooup!

''{Cut to a small bush. We see Creepy Comb-Over Strong Bad slowly rise up from behind it.}''

'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{voiceover}'' And then I'd always be suspiciously coming out of bushes and shrubs a lot.  Like, right when you walk by.

''{Homestar walks by the bush}'' 

'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{voiceover}'' And if I see you—

''{Creepy Comb-Over Strong Bad turns to face Homestar Runner}''

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' ''{surprised}'' Whoa!

'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{voiceover}'' I'd say some cool phrase that's almost one word and not quite another.

'''CREEPY COMB-OVER STRONG BAD:''' ''{to Homestar Runner}'' Oh, excardon me!

'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:'''  ''{singing}'' Um, I don't know what that means... And you still smell like pea soooup!

''{Cut to Creepy Comb-Over Strong Bad and Strong Mad standing in the field. CCOSB has dropped his glasses on the ground}''

'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{voiceover}'' And I'd be so cool, that even if you were a dude, I'd still call at you like you were a lady.

'''CREEPY COMB-OVER STRONG BAD:'''  ''{To Strong Mad; one of the following lines is randomly selected:}''<br />
*I'm very sorry, ma'am, but could you help an old denominator, like me, gather his spectacles?<br />
*I'm sorry, ma'am. Would you mind helping an old wintergreen gather his spectacles?<br />
*Sorry to bother you, ma'am. Could you help an old Soderbergh gather his spectacles?

'''STRONG MAD:'''  NOOOOOOOOO!

''{Strong Mad runs away. Cut to Strong Bad back in front of the computer.}''

'''STRONG BAD:'''  ''{typing}'' That's a pretty cool guy right there.  It's good to know that if I ever let myself go and grow a couple feet...live behind a bush... I'll be sitting pretty.

''{Cut to Strong Sad standing next to Strong Bad}''

'''STRONG SAD:'''  Uh, excardon me, but none of that stuff is cool, Strong Bad.  You basically described that creep Señor Cardgage that lived down the street from us when we were little.

'''STRONG BAD:'''  What!? You didn't think Senor ''{He pronounces it "seh-nor."}'' Cardgage was cool?

'''STRONG SAD:'''  No! He was extremely sketchy and gave me nightmares.

'''STRONG BAD:'''  And... What's not cool about giving you nightmares?

'''STRONG SAD:'''  Oh, never mind.  Go back to your creepy comb-over story.

'''STRONG BAD:''' Anyways, Jor-dan, creepy comb-over story Strong Bad is definitely a cool, cool guy.  In fact, I wouldn't mind hanging out with a guy like that.  Well, things certainly are looking up for the future.  Me, I'm gonna go look up Senor Cardgage.  ''{stops typing.}''  See where that guy ended up.

''{[[The Paper]] comes down.}''

==Easter Eggs==
{| align=right style="border:none; padding: 3px; background-color: #CD0101; color: #FFFFFF; margin-left:30px; font-weight:bold; font-style:italic"
| <center style="margin:0.5em">HAVE YOU SEEN THIS GUY?</center>
[[Image:Haveyouseenthisguy.png|130px|center|Silhouette of Senor Cardgage]]
LAST SEEN:<br>WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE

GOES BY THE NAME-A:<br>SENOR CARDGAGE

STANDS, I WOULD SAY, ABOUT:<br>OH, SO HIGH

DISTINGUISHING FEATURES:<br>WICKED COMB-OVER
|}
*At the end of the email, click on the word "Senor Cardgage" to see a [[milk carton]] describing Senor Cardgage.
*Also at the end of the email, click on the words "hanging out" to see Strong Bad chillin' with Senor Cardgage at The Stick.

:'''STRONG BAD:''' So, uh, you're really cool.
:'''SENOR CARDGAGE:''' Thank you, ma'am, would you care for a slice of gum?
:'''STRONG BAD:''' Yeah, totally, I'd be way into a slice of gum. 
:''{Senor Cardgage hands Strong Bad a stick of gum.}''
:'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{to himself}'' Man! So cool! ''{to Senor Cardgage}'' Uh... Say something else.
:'''SENOR CARDGAGE:''' I have to be going, Ethel. I've got some important lines to stand in.
:'''STRONG BAD:''' Oh... Will I ever see you again?
:'''SENOR CARDGAGE:''' Ex-obably not.
:''{Senor Cardgage walks offscreen.}''

{{clear}}

==Fun Facts==
===Trivia===
[[Image:ZAGNUT.png|thumb|A melty Zagnut bar.]]
*The label on the disk in the floppy disk container reads "[[Floppy Disk Container#nabunagas ambition|nabunaga's ambition]]".
*This email marks the debut of [[Senor Cardgage]].
*Senor Cardgage is eating a [[Zagnut bar]].
*The [[YouTube]] description for this email is "Strong Bad describes what he would be like if he wasn't a stylish, buff, handsome man. Enter Senor Cardgage!!"

===Remarks===
*Jordan asks what Strong Bad would be like if he "weren't that buff, handsome, and stylish man in a wrestling mask that he is", but Creepy Comb-Over Strong Bad still has the wrestling mask.
*When Senor Cardgage is eating the melted candy bar, the candy bar doesn't get any shorter.
*Senor Cardgage's glasses only have one temple. Although the other might as well not be there, seeing as, like other characters, Senor Cardgage doesn't have any ears. This is yet another reference to [[lack of visible body parts]].
*Strong Sad says that Cardgage used to live down the street when the Brothers Strong were little, even though 1) there are no roads in [[Free Country, USA]] (save for the one seen in [[Theme Song Video]]), and 2) later toons establish that Cardgage still does live near the Strongs.

===Goofs===
*In line, both Pom Pom and Senor Cardgage have a shadow, but Homestar doesn't.
*When Strong Sad comments on Strong Bad's story, the carpet on the right is not completely shaggy; part of it is flat.
*In the Senor Cardgage Easter egg, Strong Bad's eyes are not the same size - his left eye is significantly larger.

===Inside References===
*Strong Bad stressing the "dan" in Jor-''dan'' is yet another reference to the running gag of [[Dan]].
*This is another mention of [[pizza]] and [[peas]], two food-related recurring themes.
*This is the first time Strong Bad uses the word "[[Senor]]" instead of the correct [[Spanish]] word "Señor".
*The scene with Creepy Comb-Over Strong Bad and Strong Mad, and the Easter egg with Senor Cardgage and Strong Bad, are cases of [[gender confusion]].
*When Creepy Comb-Over Strong Bad appears from the bush, he appears from [[Hammerspace]].

===Real-World References===
*"Thanks for choosing Strong Bad Email. Would you like to try a combo meal?" is a take on the way fast-food cashiers greet customers at the drive-through.
*"Soderbergh" is most likely a reference to [[Wikipedia:Steven Soderbergh|Steven Soderbergh]], who has directed many films, including [[Wikipedia:Erin Brockovich (film)|''Erin Brockovich'']], and the 2001 remake of [[Wikipedia:Ocean's Eleven (2001 film)|''Ocean's Eleven'']].
*Senor Cardgage drags around an [[Aldi bag]].

===Fast Forward===
*The half-eaten Zagnut bar appears again in [[flashback]] and [[rough copy]].

==DVD Version==
*The "denominator" line is used in the email in the "calling at you like you were a lady" scene. The alternate pieces of dialogue are still there, but now only viewable as Easter eggs at the end of the email by the hidden Strong Bad icons in the center-left and center-right of the bottom of the Compy 386 screen (the "Soderbergh" and "wintergreen" lines respectively). 
*The milk carton Easter egg can be viewed by selecting the hidden Strong Bad logo at the bottom right of the Compy screen at the end of the video.
{{c|email=true}} This commentary is only available on the [[Sbemails' 50 Greatest Hits DVD]].

===Commentary Transcript===
('''Commentary by:''' [[Senor Cardgage]], [[Mike Chapman]], [[Matt Chapman]])

'''SENOR CARDGAGE:''' ''{grumbles}''

'''MIKE:''' Oh, look at who it is!

'''SENOR CARDGAGE:''' Tablature, Fernelda.

'''MIKE:''' Hello, Senor Cardgage.

'''SENOR CARDGAGE:''' Oh, I'm going to go back to bed now.

'''MIKE:''' I'd appreciate you backing up a little. You're approximately one half inch from my face right now.

'''SENOR CARDGAGE:''' ''{laughs}'' Wa-ha-hooo.

'''MIKE:''' That's encroaching on my personal space.

'''SENOR CARDGAGE:''' I don't think I've ever encroached for many years, back in the service, twice related.

'''MIKE:''' ''{laughing}'' Um...

'''SENOR CARDGAGE:''' A poolside affair.

'''MIKE:''' You were in the service?

'''SENOR CARDGAGE:''' Oh, not as well.

'''MIKE:''' ''Not'' as well?

'''SENOR CARDGAGE:''' Well, I not as well. If you're not going to pretand, I can't break it off to you.

'''MIKE:''' Um... what were you waiting for here at Bubs's? You already had your candy bar.

'''SENOR CARDGAGE:''' Have to go now.

'''MIKE:''' Okay, good.

''{laughter}''

'''MIKE:''' All right, who's it now? Aldi bags. I'd never been to... I don't, in fact, I don't know if I really knew what Aldi was, I think you told me; I think this cartoon was sort of you telling me what Aldi was.

'''MATT:''' Steve, that was {{--}} that guy Steve I used to work with {{--}} his, uh {{--}} I was, I'd actually kind of be doing the Coach Z voice before Coach Z existed, and he always managed it being this depressing guy carrying around an Aldi bag.

'''MIKE:''' Why are his glasses off there?

'''MATT:''' ''{laughing}'' I don't know!

'''MIKE:''' Did that, something happen?

'''MATT:''' Somebody smacked 'em off his head! I think Strong Mad may have smacked them off his head.

'''MIKE:''' Oh, he's asking about his spectacles. That's why.

'''MATT:''' Yeah, but...

'''MIKE:''' He's an old wintergreen. ''{laughter, then pause}'' Um...

'''MATT:''' Um, so there's a pretty awesome [[Sketchbook (video)|sketchbook]] sketch of Cardgage, right?

'''MIKE:''' Before this, or as we made this?

'''MATT:''' Yeah, before we {{--}} I mean it was maybe {{--}} I think I just drew the drawing first, and that's what, where we kind of made this email from.

'''MIKE:''' Yeah.

'''MATT:''' Was from this drawing. He was dragging around this piece of, that  wooden block of cheese on a string.

'''MIKE:''' Right, [[The Cloitsterizer]].

'''MATT:''' ''{laughing}'' Yeah, was that the... does that show up in our cartoon?

'''MIKE:''' Yeah, it's in the [[Ab-Abber]], but yeah, we saw a kid in that thrift store dragging around a piece of cheese on a string.

'''MATT:''' A ''wooden'' piece of cheese.

'''MIKE:''' Um... also he was called Weird Bad, right? All the...

'''MATT:''' Yeah, all his symbols in Flash.

'''MIKE:''' Yeah. And wasn't the bush called something?

'''MATT:''' Strongberg.

'''MIKE:''' Strongberg was gonna be the name of the bush?

'''MATT:''' Yeah. His, his kingdom.

'''MIKE:''' There, back when we lived in the old apartment I remember the end of this email.

'''MATT:''' Me too. ''{cut off by the end of the email}''

{{dvdproofread}}

==External Links==
{{preforumsbemailextlinks|92|youtube=IvnRl_GM77c}}
{{Strong Bad Email}}

[[Category:Toons with Dialogue Alternatives]]