Editing Dangeresque Roomisode 3: Keep My Enemies, Loser Responses

{{incomplete}}
These are all of the responses in [[Dangeresque Roomisode 3: Keep My Enemies, Loser]].

{{spoiler}}

==Intro==
''{Picking up where Roomisode 2 left off}''

:''{Dangeresque lands face-first in the street.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Oof!
:''{Renaldo is lying on his back.}''
:'''RENALDO:''' Hey, look at where we landed!
:''{Dangeresque looks up. He is lying in front of a restaurant called Perducci's.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' ''{shouting to the sky}'' PERDUCCI!!
:''{Killingyouguy looms menacingly over and grabs him.}''
:{{short hr}}
:''{Cut to inside the restaurant. Perducci is sitting at a table guarded by Killingyouguy. Dangeresque is standing next to them.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I should have known you were behind all this Perducci! Lemme guess, YOU reminded The Chief about that unsolved case...
:'''PERDUCCI:''' Yep!
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' So I'd be distracted and you could plant that bomb in my car...
:'''PERDUCCI:''' S'right.
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' But you know I'd defuse it in time and it would lead me right here.
:'''PERDUCCI:''' True that.
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' But WHY?!?
:'''PERDUCCI:''' So I could HIRE YOU!
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' WHAAAT?!
:''{Title card for Roomisode 3.}''
:'''ANNOUNCER:''' Roomisode 3: Keep My Enemies, ''{a bullet shoots out the "c" in "closer", the statue is shocked}'' Loser!
:'''PERDUCCI:''' I got an anonymous tip that tonight there will be 4 consecutive attempts on my life. And nobody has thought about more ways to kill me than YOU!
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Hey, that's what it says on my business cards!
:'''PERDUCCI:''' You're gonna make sure these assassins aren't successful.
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' And if I just let them succeed?
:'''PERDUCCI:''' Then Killingyouguy is gonna practice his namesake on ya's!
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' mmmmmmm GULP!!
:'''PERDUCCI:''' Do a security sweep of the place and gimme the ALL CLEAR once it's safe.

==The Restaurant==

===Cabinet===
====Look====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' It's a little cabinay. Slidey door variety.
:{{short hr}}
:''{When open}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' There's a remote control in there.
====Talk To====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Hey Cabinay! Do you know Filene? Does she ever talk about me?
====Get/Use====
:''{Dangeresque opens the cabinet.}''
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Nothin else I need in there.
====Anything &rarr; Cabinet====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I don't need to put anything in there.

===Candle===
====Look====
:''{While lit}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Nothing is more romantic than a flickering candle atop a wine bottle wearing a wicker diaper.
:{{short hr}}
:''{After being extinguished}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Flame's out.
====Talk To====
:''{While lit}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' You trying to burn this place down, candle?
:{{short hr}}
:''{After being extinguished}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I thwarted your plan to commit Grand Theft Arsony!
====Get/Use====
:''{While lit}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Ow! It's too hot to handle while it's lit.
:{{short hr}}
:''{After being extinguished}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' The candle's stuck pretty good. Might have to cut it off.
====Anything &rarr; Candle====
:''{While lit}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I don't wanna singe that.
:{{short hr}}
:''{After being extinguished}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I'm not usin that with the candle, see?!
====Dagger &rarr; Candle====
:''{While lit}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I could mebbe slice the candle off, but it'd prolly start a fire. A real mebbe/prolly paradox.
:{{short hr}}
:''{After being extinguished}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Slicey times!
:''{Dangeresque slices off the tip of the candle and puts it in his inventory.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I lopped the top candle-y part clean off.
:''{Dangeresque walks over to Killingyouguy.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Here you go, big guy. Like I promised.
:''{Dangeresque sticks the dagger in Killingyouguy's bleeding wound.}''
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' WE APPRECIATE YOUR BUSINESS!
:''{A bip. When the scene returns, the dagger is replaced with a sticky note with a dagger drawn on it.}''
====Glass &rarr; Candle====
:''{First time only}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I'm puttin you on ice, candle!
:''{Dangeresque pours the water from the glass, extinguishing the flame.}''
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I already put it out.

===Check===
====Look====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' It's the guest check from whoever ate here last. There's a buncha tiny writing on it that's too small to read.
====Talk To====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Your alibi CHECKS out. All CHARGES have been dropped!
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' THE CRIME PUNS MUST STOP!!
====Get/Use====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I don't wanna pay for someone else's meal!
====Anything &rarr; Check====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' That's not a good tip to leave.
====Glass &rarr; Check====
:''{Dangeresque puts the glass on the check.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Whoa! this cup of water works just like a magnifying glass.
:''{Cut to the check on the table under the glass.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' That tiny text says "WaiterID: ILKO418". I'll add that to my brainventory.

===Cleaner===
====Look====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Non-toxic Cleaning Solusche. "Works Great On Moida!"
:''{If Dangeresque is seeking ingredients for the cocktail, continues below}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' ''{thinking}'' Non-toxic? Aw man!
====Talk To====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I'm gonna clean the floor with you!! Oh wait, that's literally what he's doing.
====Get/Use====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Non-toxic cleaner. 
:''{If seeking ingredients for the cocktail}''
:'''DANGERSQUE:''' Aw man, NON-toxic cleaner?
:''{He swipes it.}''
:'''WAITRE D:''' ''{The Cheat noises}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Uh. Hi. What cleaner? There was never any cleaner. The cleaner was the stains you made along the way.
:'''WAITRE D:''' ''{The Cheat noises}'' ''{He returns to the kitchen}''

===Cocktail Glass===
====Look====
:''{When empty}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I need to find some ingredients quick!
:{{short hr}}
:''{If one ingredient is added}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Still missin' something.
:{{short hr}}
:''{When everything but the poison dart has been added}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' ''{thinking}'' I need to poison it somehow!
:{{short hr}}
:''{When full}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Looks pretty good to me.
====Talk To====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' ''{whispering}'' Psst! Cocktail glass! Can you, like, poison yourself?
:'''PERDUCCI:''' What's that you say, hmm?
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Oh nothin. Just talking to glassware.
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' THAT TRACKS!!
====Get/Use====
:''{When empty}''
:'''PERDUCCI:''' You don't need to take it. Just mix it right here!
:{{short hr}}
:''{When something is in it}''
:'''PERDUCCI:''' If it's ready to drink, just lemme know.
====Cleaner &rarr; Cocktail Glass====
:''{First time only}''
:''{Dangeresque fills the glass with purple liquid}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Brightly colored!
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I already added some.
====Glass &rarr; Cocktail Glass====
:'''PERDUCCI:''' Don't water it down! I wants potency!
====Poison Dart &rarr; Cocktail Glass====
:''{Dangeresque puts the dart in the glass}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Swizzle stick!
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' SO FESTIVE!!
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I just hope there's enough poison left on that dart to do the trick!
====Remote &rarr; Cocktail Glass====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Yeah, yeah! And the batteries in the remote will corrode over time and poison the drink in like 6-8 months! WHAT A GREAT IDEA!!
====Satellite Piece &rarr; Cocktail Glass====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Uh, some fruit!

===Cork===
====Look====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I got it all candlecorked now.
:''{If the poison dart is stuck in it}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Something toxic's drippin out of it.
====Talk To====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Your cask is grask!
====Get/Use====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' ''{taking the cork}'' We now return to "Taking Back The Cork!"
:''{If the second assassination attempt has been thwarted, dialogue continues below}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' ''{holding up dart}'' Still got the poison dart stuck in it. I'ma keep it.
:''{Dangeresque takes the dart and restores the cork.}''
====Anything &rarr; Cork====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Use that on cask? No thanks!

===Dagger===
====Look====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Does that, like, hurt at all?
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' NO! IT'S LIKE MY ACUPUNCTURE!! THEY USUALLY USE MEAT CLEAVERS!
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Now that is something I'd like to never see!
:'''PERDUCCI:''' You got that right!
====Talk To====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Hey Arm Dagger...
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' YOU DON'T GET TO TALK TO IT! I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOUR OBSESSION WITH TALKING TO INANIMATE OBJECTS! AND I NEVER WILL!!
====Get/Use====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Mind if I borrow this?
:''{Dangeresque leaps up and knocks the dagger out. It falls blade-down into his inventory.}''
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' OKAY BUT YOU GOTTA PUT IT BACK WHEN YOU'RE DONE!!
====Anything &rarr; Dagger====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Ew, no. I'm worried I'll shove it further in!

===Dangeresque===
====Look====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I look like a private eye/crooked cop who's in over his head in the final act of his most daring adventure yet!
:'''PERDUCCI:''' You call doing paperwork and car trouble 'daring'?
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' SHUT THE FACE!
====Talk To====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Stupid assassins. Why couldn't they have tried to murder Perducci last night instead?
:'''PERDUCCI:''' Cause last night was BINGO night, they said.
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Ugh. Workin for Perducci sucks. It's like, he makes you do all these napkin setups but the tables never even need 'em!
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I wonder where Renaldo is. Just lyin out there on the pavement, I guess?
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' My name is Dangeresque and I love talkin to inanimate objects. ''{turns to face the player}'' There, I said it. I do feel better now.
====Get/Use====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' PER-DUE-CHEE!!

====Banana &rarr; Dangeresque====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' BRRING BRRING! ''{answering banana}'' Hello? What's that you say? You say you decided not to assassinate Perducci and I can go home now? Great! Thanks, bye! ''{puts banana away}''
:'''PERDUCCI:''' Nice try, Dangeresque! Now get back to work!
====Candle &rarr; Dangeresque====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I don't have time for this!
:'''PERDUCCI:''' Yeah you don't!
====Cleaner &rarr; Dangeresque====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I'm afraid if I use this on myself, my Thy Dungeonmusk will slaughter this poor lavender scent with a battle axe.
====Dagger &rarr; Dangeresque====
:''{First time only}''
:''Dangeresque takes the knife out of his pants, spins it around and drops it back into his pants.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Yah djjgh ickg!
:{{short hr}}
:''{Second time only}''
:''Dangeresque takes the knife out of his pants, spins it around and drops it back into his pants.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' THATwasacloseone!
:{{short hr}}
:''{Each time thereafter}''
:''Dangeresque takes the knife out of his pants, spins it around and drops it back into his pants.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' WhydoIkeepdointhis?
====Glass &rarr; Dangeresque====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' The only drink Dangeresque needs is a cold one after he's figured a way out of this mess.
====Phone &rarr; Dangeresque====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' ''{answering phone}'' Who is this and why are you trying to murder Perducci through the phone?!
:''{In outer space, an orbiting satellite that says "Experimento" receives a signal and drops straight down. Dangeresque moves out of the way.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Do you hear that?
:''{The phone in Dangeresque's pocket lets out a signal. A bip sounds, and The Stunt Double gets his neck broken by a falling Experimento satellite.}''
:'''THE STUNT DOUBLE:''' Ow.
:'''PERDUCCI:''' Huh. I guess that was the 4th attempt? Oh well, let's eat!
:''{Game over}''
====Poison Dart &rarr; Dangeresque====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' No way! That thing still has poison on it! Green poison even! The worst kind!!
====Satellite Part &rarr; Dangeresque====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' If you squint, this totally looks like fruit. And Perducci's like perpetually squinting so...
====Shield &rarr; Dangeresque====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Don't need it. Dangeresque always rocks kevlar underdrawers.
====TV Remote &rarr; Dangeresque====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I'm gonna put on some wrasslin'.
:''{He changes the channel}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Yes! I love the Facepaint Connection! Their interviews are always delightfully unhinged! "The coldcream always rises to the top!"
:''{He flips it back.}''

===Glass===
====Look====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' This glass looks innocent enough. But it could be ''{fake French accent}'' poisoned! Or as the French say, FISH!
====Talk To====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Why are you sweatin' so much, glass?! Nervous about MURDERING PERDUCCI?!
:'''PERDUCCI:''' Pretty sure that's just condensation.
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Lemme do my job!
====Get/Use====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' WATER you think you're doing? Get in my pants! ''{takes the glass}'' ''{shivering}'' WHOA THAT'S COLD!
====Anything &rarr; Glass====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' That won't add class to the glass!

===Killingyouguy===
====Look====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' That guy is tall. ''{to no one}'' You take the big guy. Oh, wait.
====Talk To====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Say, Killingyouguy...
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' Bluh?
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I know you're probably gonna kill me and everything, but how are you gonna do it?
:''{A menu appears}''
:{{short hr}}
:''{"Slash me up?"}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Think you'll slash my throat?
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' TOO MUCH CLEAN UP!! WHITE TABLECLOTHS!
:{{short hr}}
:''{"Twist me round?"}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Will you twist my neck like a piece of celery?
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' I HATE CELERY! THE LITTLE STRINGIES GET CAUGHT IN MY TEETH!
:{{short hr}}
:''{"Craunch me twice?"}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' You gonna craunch my bones?
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' I LOVE CRAUNCHING BONES!! THE SNAP IS SO SATISFYING!! IT'S LIKE BUBBLE WRAP!!
:{{short hr}}
:''{"Fizzle me down?"}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Might you fizzle me down?
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' NEVER SAY THAT OUT LOUD AGAIN!!
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Yeah yeah, I'm feelin' the same way.
:''{This option disappears from the menu.}''
====Get/Use====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Yeah, this is a supreme idea. ''{to Killingyouguy}'' Hey, Killa. How's about a little tickle? ''{tickles him}'' Deedle-deedle-dee!
:''{Killingyouguy punches Dangeresque so hard he goes flying out the wall.}''
:'''PERDUCCI:''' Oh well. Guess we call Dangeresque Too.
:''{Game over}''
====Anything &rarr; Killingyouguy====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Hey, are you wantingthisguy?
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' ''{crying}'' AWWW. *SNIFF* WANTINGTHISGUY IS MY DEAD COUSIN!
:'''PERDUCCI:''' Now look what you did! Definitely don't mention Tapingthislad!
:{{short hr}}
:''{After doing Anything &rarr; Phone}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Hey, are you wantingthisguy?
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' LOOPTO RODOOPTO!
:'''PERDUCCI:''' See what I'm sayin'?
====Banana &rarr; Killingyouguy====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' ''{holding banana like a gun}'' Meaty hands up, KYG!
:''{Killingyouguy punches Dangeresque so hard he goes flying out the wall.}''
:'''PERDUCCI:''' Oh well. Guess we call Dangeresque Too.
:''{Game over}''
====Cellphone &rarr; Killingyouguy====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Did you wanna answer this?
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' BANANAPHONE GOT ME ALL MIXED UP INSIDE! I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL!!
====Dagger &rarr; Killingyouguy====
:'''DANGERSQUE:''' You want I should stab this thing back into ya?
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' YOU SHOULD TRY AND DO SOMETHING WITH IT FIRST!!
:'''DAGNERESQUE:''' Good point. It'll definitely get infected that way.
====Poison Dart &rarr; Killingyouguy====
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' I DON'T NEED A FRILLY TOOTHPICK!!
====Shield &rarr; Killingyouguy====
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' I'M ALREADY A HUMAN SHIELD!
====TV Remote &rarr; Killingyouguy====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Whatta you wanna watch, KY-G?
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' DOUG THE DINO!! DOUG THE DINO!!
:''{Dangeresque clicks the TV to show Doug the Dino.}''
:'''PERDUCCI:''' Ah-ah! Remember? Your TV privileges are restricted! SOMEONE hasn't killed me enough guys this week.
:''{Dangeresque clicks it back.}''

===Kitchen Door===
====Look====
:'''DANGERESQUE:'''  What's that in the kitchen?
:'''PERDUCCI:''' Just my Waitre D and I trust him with my life. And Mama Perducci's sauce recipe.
:{{short hr}}
:''{Only after first attempt}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' No sign of that sultry assassin. Mutsa slipped out the back door. Or disguised herself as a broom.
====Talk To====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Waffle on 2! Quarter cheese plate scattered smothered and covered.
:{{short hr}}
:''{If Dangeresque figured out the WaiterID during the third attempt}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I figured out your WaiterID, Ilko!
:'''WAITRE D:''' ''{The Cheat noises}''
====Get/Use====
:''{During the first assassination attempt, Sultry Buttons will come out.}''
:{{short hr}}
:''{During second and third attempts}''
:''{Dangeresque opens the door. The Waitre D is holding a towel and a turkey.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Oh, excuse me Waitre D.
:{{short hr}}
:''{During the third attempt, after Dangeresque has checked the terminal}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Hey, Waitre D, what's your WaiterID?
:'''WAITRE D:''' ''{The Cheat noises}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Check the check? He's givin me the double talk!
:''{Dangeresque closes the door.}''
:{{short hr}}
:''{During the third attempt, after Dangeresque has figured out the WaiterID }''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I figured out your WaiterID, Ilko!
:'''WAITRE D:''' ''{The Cheat noises}''
:{{short hr}}
:''{After third attempt}''
:''{Dangeresque opens the door. The Waitre D is holding a bottle of cleaner.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Oh, excuse me Waitre D.
:{{short hr}}
:''{After getting the cleaner}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I think I've gotten all I need outta the li'l guy.
====Anything &rarr; Kitchen Door====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' The kitchen doesn't need this nor does this need the kitchen.

===Laser Sight===
:''{If Dangeresque walks in front of the laser, the laser will aim at his blue diamond in the scope.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Laser dang!
:''{Dangeresque hits the deck. The sniper shoots off Perducci's hat. Perducci slumps over. Dangeresque gets up. The sniper walks away. There is a bullethole in the window.}''
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' YOU LET HIM GET SHOT ALL DEAD!!
:''{Dangeresque's response changes each time he fails this attempt.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Oh stamps.
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Oh coins.
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Oh trading cards.
:''{Killingyouguy approaches menacingly. Game over.}''

===Napkin===
====Look====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' It's an olive oily doily. Or... napkin.
====Talk To====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I'm here to clean up your act-pkin, napkin!
====Get/Use====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' You're comin with me, oily napkin!
:''{Takes napkin into inventory}''
====Anything &rarr; Napkin====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' That doesn't need to be rubbed down with an oily cloth.
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I don't wanna get that all olive oily.
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Does this need some olive oil? No it don't. No it don't.
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Gettin that oily will help no one.
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I shan't rubbeth with oil!
===Perducci===
====Look====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' It's that morbid mound of monarch mobster, Perducci.
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' It's that gastronomic glob of gangster, Perducci.
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' It's that pudgy pin-striped perp, Perducci.
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' It's that rotund royal racketeer, Perducci.
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' It's that slab of syndicate sloth, Perducci.
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' It's that lumpy lord of lawbreaking, Perducci.
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' It's that crock of criminal corpulence, Perducci.
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' It's that nasty, name-tagged ne'er-do-well, Perducci.
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' It's that voracious volumetric villain, Perducci.
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' It's that blubbering, back alley... bad... guy... Perducci.
:{{short hr}}
====Talk To====
:''{A menu appears}''
:{{short hr}}
:''{"Say Perdooch..."}''
:''{First assassination attempt}''
::''{First time only}''
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' Say, P. Duc, who's tryin to kill ya?
::'''PERDUCCI:''' Could be any of my rivals! And it could happen at any second! The anonymous tipster just said "Watch ya back". Now start securing my res'rant!
::''{{short hr}}
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' What'd that tipster say again?
::'''PERDUCCI:''' They just said, "Watch ya back!"
:''{Second assassination attempt}''
::''{First time only}''
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' Any known holes in your security plan?
::'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' I'M THE SECURITY PLAN!!
::'''PERDUCCI:''' When I asked the tipster about the next assassination attempt they just said "quit whinin or you'll end up in a casket!"
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' Crypticals.
::{{short hr}}
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' What was that cryptic message again?
::'''PERDUCCI:''' "Quit whinin or you'll end up in a casket!"
::{{short hr}}
:''{Third assassination attempt}''
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' Shouldn't we be worried about the obvious sniper right outside your door?
::'''PERDUCCI:''' Nope. I have a natural threat radar. Right now it's hovering between EZ Breezy and Honk Shoo.
::{{short hr}}
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' Shouldn't we be worried about the obvious sniper right outside your door?
::'''PERDUCCI:''' Sniper? He's probably just waitin in line for a table. It's stuffed shells night, ya know!
::{{short hr}}
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' Shouldn't we be worried about the obvious sniper right outside your door?
::'''PERDUCCI:''' That's probably the food service guy. Sometimes they launch the deliveries right through the door.
::'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' I CAUGHT A CAN OF OLIVES WITH MY MOUTH!!
::{{short hr}}
:''{Fourth assassination attempt}''
::''{First time only}''
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' Don't you want me to answer that phone for you?
::'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' THAT'S MY JOB!! I'M HIS OFFICE ASSISSTANT!
::'''PERDUCCI:''' I wouldn't push it. He's serious about his administrative work.
::'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' COLLATE AND STAPLE!!
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' Did the tipster say anything about the final attempt?
::'''PERDUCCI:''' Oh yeah, they just said "ya gotta hand it to her". But I dunno who they were talking about. Maybe Molly McButter.
::{{short hr}}
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' Remind me what the tipster said for the final assault?
::'''PERDUCCI:''' Oh yeah, they just said "ya gotta hand it to her".
:''{"All clear!"}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I've secured the place, Perducci. I'm givin you the ALL CLEAR.
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' ALL CLEAR, Perducci. This place is saferesque. Than it was a minute ago.
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' My security sweep is complete. You're ALL CLEAR, Pre-ducci.
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' BwAH! BWAH! Threat neutralized. ALL CLEAR. Repeat, ALL CLEAR.
:{{short hr}}
:''{First assassination attempt}''
::''{Sultry Buttons is visible in the window. She opens the door, twirling a dagger. She throws it and quickly dashes away.}''
::''{Back in the restaurant, Dangeresque ducks while Perducci is stabbed in the back and collapses.}''
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' Oh wow. That is just- he just got- He is DEAD. Now.
::'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' NOW I'M GONNA KILL YOU GUY!!
::''{Killingyouguy approaches menacingly. Game over.}''
::{{short hr}}
::''{If Perducci is wearing a shield, but the second shield was not adjusted}''
::''{Sultry Buttons is visible in the window. She opens the door, twirling a dagger. She throws it and quickly dashes away.}''
::''{Back in the restaurant, the dagger bounces off Perducci's shield, ricochets on the second shield, and then stabs Perducci in the back.}''
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' Oops. Forgot to cackalate for the ricochet.
::'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' NOW I'M GONNA KILL YOU GUY!!
::''{Killingyouguy approaches menacingly. Game over.}''
::{{short hr}}
::''{After placing the shield on Perducci's back and adjusting the second shield.}''
::''{Sultry Buttons is visible in the window. She opens the door, twirling a dagger. She throws it and quickly dashes away.}''
::''{Back in the restaurant, Dangeresque ducks while the knife ricochets against the Statue Guy's second shield. The knife gets embedded in Killingyouguy's arm.}''
::'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' OWW!
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' Phew! That was a close one!
::'''PERDUCCI:''' That's one attempt down. Three more to go.
::{{short hr}}
:''{Second assassination attempt}''
::''{Homestar Runner's eye peeks through the cork hole in the center wine casket. A blowpipe sticks out and shoots out a poison dart that sticks Perducci in the neck.}''
::'''PERDUCCI:''' GAAAAAH!!
::'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' POISONED??!!!
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' The ol' poison tipped blow dart through the fake wine cask on the wall trick. I should have known!
::'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' NOW I'M GONNA KILL YOU GUY!!
::''{Killingyouguy approaches menacingly. Game over.}''
::{{short hr}}
::''{When the second attempt has been blocked}''
::''{The wine cask is stopped up with a candle cork. It bursts inside.}''
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' I know that sound. Someone just tried to shoot a poison tipped dart through that fake wine cask. Good thing I blocked it up.
::'''PERDUCCI:''' That's two attempts thwarted.
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' One knifed and one darted.
::'''PERDUCCI:''' And two more to go! Who knows what form the next assassination attempt might take!
::''{Cut to the front door. A silhouette resembling Bubs pulls a gun off his back and points a laser-scope rifle through the window. The laser is pointed directly at Perducci's hat.}''
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' Uh, you think it's got anything to do with that laser scope pointed right between your eyes?
::'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' PROLLY JUST A CAT TOY!!
::'''PERDUCCI:''' Yeah, I'm sure it's unrelated. Waitre D! Get ready to start takin orders!
::''{The Waitre D, who is The Cheat with a mustache, comes out from the kitchen and turns on the terminal. He returns to the kitchen when the terminal is on.}''
::{{short hr}}
:''{Third assassination attempt}''
::''{The Waitre D enters and serves the tables. The sniper has a clear line of fire and shoots Perducci. The Waitre D leaves in fright.}''
::'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' YOU LET HIM GET SHOT ALL DEAD!!
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' Oh stamps.
::''{Killingyouguy approaches menacingly. Game over.}''
::{{short hr}}
:''{Fourth assassination attempt}''
::'''PERDUCCI:''' Alright, KYG. Answer the phone.
::''{Killingyouguy picks up the phone.}''
::'''PERDUCCI:''' Hello hello? Gimme the sign!
::''{In space, the Experimento satellite drops from orbit.}''
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' Do you hear that?
::''{Perducci is crushed by the falling satellite}''
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' Crap! Someone musta triungulated the signal when he answered that phonecall.
::'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' A GIANT ROBOT BIRD FELL ON PERDUCCI!
::''{Killingyouguy approaches menacingly. Game over.}''
::{{short hr}}
::''{If the banana is placed and the phone is in the statue}''
::''{Killingyouguy picks up the banana.}''
::'''PERDUCCI:''' Hello hello? Gimme the sign!
::''{In space, the Experimento satellite drops from orbit.}''
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' Do you hear that?
::''{The satellite drops in and crushes the Armzipan statue.}''
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' Sorry, Armzi.
::''{Cut to Perducci}''
::'''PERDUCCI:''' Very good, Dangeresque! I'm still alive. Let's celebrate with a cocktail! ''{pulls out a wineglass}''
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' Y'know what? I'm good. In fact, I should probably be gonna have to jumping...
::'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE!
::'''PERDUCCI:''' YOU'RE gonna make us that cocktail Dangeresque. And if we don't like it, well then... It looks like you're gonna have to DIE!!
::'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' SOMETHING FRUITY!!
::'''PERDUCCI:''' Yes, something bright colored with fruit floatin in it... And a catchy name that me AND Killingyouguy will LOVE.
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' Hmm, maybe Dangeresque can still turn the tables. I'll never get this close to Perducci again. If I could double cross him somehow, I could kill two Perds with one Ucci! Alright, I'll do it. One brightly colored, fruity cocktail with a name you'll both love comin right up!
::{{short hr}}
:''{When crafting the cocktail}''
::''{"What am I doin?"}''
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' What's the lowdown on this cocktail biz again?
::'''PERDUCCI:''' I already told ya's! Bright colored, fruit floatin in it, catchy name both me and KYG will love.
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' Bright fruit catch. Got it.
::{{short hr}}
::''{"Drink's ready!"}''
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' Your cocktail's all ready, Perducci!
::{{short hr}}
::''{If the cleaner wasn't added}''
::'''PERDUCCI:''' That's not brightly colored! Keep mixologizin!
::{{short hr}}
::''{If the button wasn't added}''
::'''PERDUCCI:''' I don't see any fruit in there!
::{{short hr}}
::''{If all parts are in place}''
::'''PERDUCCI:''' Hmm. Looks pretty good. Whattaya call this thing?
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' I like to call it the...
:''{If Dangeresque didn't check the postcards or speak with Killingyouguy earlier}''
::''{A menu appears with "Er", "Um", "Uh", and "ErUmUh".}''
::''{"Er"}''
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' Er... I call it... the...
::{{short hr}}
::''{"Um"}''
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' Um... it's the... great name call...
::{{short hr}}
::''{"Uh"}''
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' Uh, y'know... it's like the...
::{{short hr}}
::''{"ErUmUh"}''
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' Er um uh... words make...
::''{All options continue below}''
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' ''{to the player}'' I got nothin. I dunno what these guys like!
:''{If Dangeresque viewed the postcards earlier}''
::''{A menu appears with "Lobasho", "Saint Pod", "Coches", and "Balustenich".}''
:''{If Dangeresque spoke with Killingyouguy}''
::''{A menu appears with "Slash", "Twist", "Craunch", and "Fizzle".}''
::{{short hr}}
::''{If the wrong name is chosen}''
::'''PERDUCCI:''' That's a terrible name! I hate it! Killingyouguy! Do  your thinging you guy!
::'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' YOU MADE A BAD DRINK! NOW I PUT YOU IN THE DRINK!
::''{Cut to the bottom of the ocean. Dangeresque sinks to the bottom in a barrel. Game over.}''
::''{If St. Pod Wrong Name is chosen}''
::'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' I HATE THAT NAME!
::'''PERDUCCI:''' Killingyouguy! Do that thinging you guy!
::'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' YOU MADE A BAD DRINK! NOW I PUT YOU IN THE DRINK!
::''{Cut to the bottom of the ocean. Dangeresque sinks to the bottom in a barrel. Game over.}''
::''{If "Saint Pod Craunch" is chosen}''
::'''PERDUCCI:''' A Saint Pod Craunch?! I love that name!
::'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' ME TOO!!
::'''PERDUCCI:''' Welp, down the hatch! 
::''{If not poisoned}''
::'''PERDUCCI:''' That was delicious, Dangeresque!
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' Great! So I can finally leave--
::'''PERDUCCI:''' I'm surprised you didn't try to poison me or summat. But since you didn't... Killingyouguy? Fizzle him down!
::'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' I'LL FIZZLE YOU DOWN!! TO THE BOTTOM OF THE RIVER!
::''{Cut to the bottom of the ocean. Dangeresque sinks to the bottom in a barrel. Game over.}''
::{{short hr}}
::''{If poisoned}''
::''{Perducci drains the glass. He spits all over the tablecloth}'' HACK! CHOKE! COUGH! I'M DYING!
::'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' PERDUCCI!! NOOOOO!!
::''{Killingyouguy pushes Perducci on the back.}''
::'''ANNOUNCER:''' Roomisode complete!
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' Sorry bout the double cross, Perducci. Never trust a Dangeresque when the stakes are chipped!
::'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' THAT DIDN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!!
::'''DANGERESQUE:''' Time to go. But the KGB has infiltrated this doorknob with espionage sauce. So you know what that means I'm gonna have to do!
::''{Dangeresque jumps out the front window to the restraurant, shattering the glass. He runs into the street as the End Credits Roll.}''

====Get/Use====
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' DON'T TUCC THE DUCC!!

====Anything &rarr; Perducci====
:'''PERDUCCI:''' Don't bother me with that! Save my life why don'tcha!
:{{short hr}}
:''{When waiting for a cocktail}''
:'''PERDUCCI:''' Make me that cocktail already!

====Banana &rarr; Perducci====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' ''{holding banana like a gun}'' Nana freeze, Perducci!
:'''PERDUCCI:''' Ooh! I'd love a Nana freeze! With jimmies and hot fudge!

====Cellphone &rarr; Perducci====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I don't wanna give it to him! It could be a murderous robocall.

====Dagger &rarr; Perducci====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Here's the knife that almost claimed your life, Perducci.
:'''PERDUCCI:''' Knife is for food!
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Uh. Okay. Great talkin to ya.

====Glass &rarr; Perducci====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Wan' some watta?
:'''PERDUCCI:''' Never touch the stuff! It's like the anti-butter.

====Napkin &rarr; Perducci====
:''{First time only}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Is this your oily napkin, Perducci?
:'''PERDUCCI:''' ''{sounding guilty}'' I wan't cryin' into it earlier! My tears aren't made of olive oil!
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Just gonna leave that one alone.
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Nope. Not bringing that up again.

====Shield &rarr; Perducci====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I don't like how your back's to that kitchen door, Der Pucci. Wear this shield on your back to protect you.
:'''PERDUCCI:''' But I already got a flatbread pizza stuffed in there.
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I don't think that's gonna stop a bullet.
:'''PERDUCCI:''' Fine. Shields up!
:''{Dangeresque places the shield on Perducci's back.}''

====TV Remote &rarr; Perducci====
:'''PERDUCCI:''' I don't wanna change the channel. I like this opera. It's called the Tragedy of Mrs. Dash.

===Phone===
====Look====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' It's one of them fancy cordless phones.
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' IT'S LIKE LIVING IN THE FUTURE!!
====Talk To====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' You phony! You're not a real crooked cop! HANG UP your badge!
====Get/Use====
:''{Before fourth assassination attempt}''
:'''PERDUCCI:''' Don't take it off the hook! I'm expecting an important call later.
:''{When ringing}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I should screen your calls for security reasons. And possible free weekend getaways. ''{He picks up the phone}'' Who is this and why are you trying to murder Perducci through the phone?
:''{In outer space, an orbiting satellite that says "Experimento" receives a signal and drops straight down. Dangeresque moves out of the way.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Do you hear that?
:''{The phone in Dangeresque's pocket lets out a signal. A bip sounds, and The Stunt Double gets his neck broken by a falling Experimento satellite.}''
:'''THE STUNT DOUBLE:''' Ow.
:'''PERDUCCI:''' Huh. I guess that was the 4th attempt? Oh well, let's eat!
:''{Game over}''

====Anything &rarr; Phone====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Loopto rodoopto!
:'''PERDUCCI:''' What the crap was that?
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I dunno. Thought it sounded better than another "you can't use that with this".

====Banana &rarr; Phone====
:''{Before fourth attempt}''
:'''PERDUCCI:''' Hey! Don't mess with that! I'm expecting an important call later.
:{{short hr}}
:''{During fourth attempt}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Maybe if I swap em real quick, I can get the phone without answering it. ''{swaps phone with banana}'' It worked!

====TV Remote &rarr; Phone====
:''{Before fourth attempt}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I don't think it remotely controls that.
:{{short hr}}
:''{During fourth attempt}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' ''{thinking}'' Swappin out the phone is a good idea, but this remote's the wrong shape.

===Photos===
====Look====
:''{Dangeresque looks at a billboard with four postcards on it.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' These must be the places around the world where Perducci has his evil lair timeshares.
:{{short hr}}
:''{Coches Mountains}''
:'''PERDUCCI:''' I've got some flex weeks left in the Coches if you're interested. I hate that place.
:{{short hr}}
:''{Eastern Balustenich}''
:'''PERDUCCI:''' That's where I keep the Perducci jet in a super secret bunker. So secret, that last time I went there I couldn't find it. Had to borrow a jetpack from that creep Stingy Relenque just to get home.
:{{short hr}}
:''{Lobasho}''
:'''PERDUCCI:''' Lobasho used to be my favorite. But the lake's gotten so full of "former associates" that it's starting to stank.
:{{short hr}}
:''{St. Pod}''
:'''PERDUCCI:''' Ah, St. Pod. The place I was made a made man, man. And then double crossed my partners and had them all wiped out. Good times. Good times.
====Talk To====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Hey photos! Where were YOU the night Perducci was attempted murdered?!
:'''PERDUCCI:''' Um. They were right there. On m'wall.
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Pretty convenient alibi if you ask me.
====Get/Use====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I can't reach em. Not much to do 'cept give em a good LOOK.

====Anything &rarr; Photos====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Nah. I'm good.

===Rusty Shield===
====Look====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Thing looks legit.
====Talk To====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' That thing won't shield you from the law OR the crime, statue!
====Get/Use====
:''{Before being oiled}}
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Seems like it could swivel, but it's rusted in place.
:{{short hr}}
:''{After being oiled}''
:''{Dangeresque rotates the shield.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I turned the shield a li'l bit.
:{{short hr}}
:''{Dangeresque rotates the shield.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I turned it back.

====Anything &rarr; Rusty Shield====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' That doesn't need to get shielded.

====Glass &rarr; Rusty Shield====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' That'll prolly just make it MORE rusted in place.

====Napkin &rarr; Rusty Shield====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' This is an appropriate fate for an oily rag. That has been in my pants.
:''{Dangeresque rubs the rusty shield with the oily napkin.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I think that loosened it. And the napkin all fell apart.

===Satellite===
====Look====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Its got a little blinky clown nose thing.
====Talk To====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Who are you working for, satellite with a picture of Professor Experimento on it?! WHO?!
====Get/Use====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Looks like a little cherry. ''{He takes it}''
====Anything &rarr; Satellite====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Why use something on it when I could just take it?

===Shield===
====Look====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Thing looks legit.
====Talk To====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' That thing won't shield you from the law OR the crime, statue!
====Get/Use====
:''{Dangeresque takes the shield into his inventory.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Huh, it came right off.
:'''PERDUCCI:''' I use it for sleddin in the wintertime!

===Spaghetti===
====Look====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' It's a heap of pasta with meatballs for the nice invisible couple sitting here.
====Talk To====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Hey, 'Ghetti.
====Get/Use====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Oops. 
:''{Dangeresque drops a meatball on the floor. The Waitre D rushes in to clean it up. He brings a bottle of cleaner with him.}''
:{{short hr}}
:''{After the cleaner is obtained}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' No need for more meatballery.

====Anything &rarr; Spaghetti====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I postulate that I don't need to PASTAlate this item.
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' I'LL GIVE YOU THAT ONE!! GAVE ME A LI'L CHUCKLE!

====Glass &rarr; Spaghetti====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I don't need to make any sloppy spaghetti.

===Statue===
====Look====
:''{First time only}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Who's this lady?
:'''PERDUCCI:''' That's the Venus de Armzipan. Goddess of cheap wine and plastic fruit.
:{{short hr}}
:'''Dangeresque:''' She's got a cornucopia fulla plastic fruit.
====Talk To====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Don't even think about coming to life and murdering Perducci, ya got that?
:'''HOMESTARMERO DUPLICISHIELD:''' Don't worry, she won't.
====Get/Use====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' You hidin a .22 in that cornucopia? ''{Takes a plastic banana}'' No, but you were packin this plastic banana!
:{{short hr}}
:''{After banana is taken}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Her horn of plenty has already plentified me. I shouldn't ask the goddess for more.
====Anything &rarr; Statue====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' The goddess does not want that offering.

===Statue Hand===
====Look====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Her hand's got like a holdy-hole in it now.
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' DON'T EVER SAY HOLDY-HOLE AGAIN!
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' ''{to Killingyouguy}'' It's a scientific term!
====Talk To====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Looks like I CRACKED the case.
===Get/Use===
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I don't wanna shake the goddess's hand.

====Anything &rarr; Statue Hand====
:''{While holding the phone}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' She's already holdin that phone!

====Banana &rarr; Statue Hand====
:''{Dangeresque puts the banana back in.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Oh wait. I just took this from you. Give it back!
:''{Dangeresque takes the banana back.}''

====Candle &rarr; Statue Hand====
:''{Dangeresque puts the candle in.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' You can't hold a candle to my style!
:''{Dangeresque takes the candle back.}''

====Cellphone &rarr; Statue Hand====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Here, hold this, Armzipan. It's for you.
:''{Dangeresque puts the phone in the statue.}''

====Cleaner &rarr; Statue Hand====
:''{Dangeresque puts the cleaner in the statue.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' All hail the Goddess of lavender scented freshness! Smote those stains!
:''{Dangeresque takes the cleaner back.}''

====Dagger &rarr; Statue Hand====
:''{Dangeresque puts the dagger in the statue}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Why don'tcha cut you and your statue boyfriend's arms off so you'll be all ancient n' priceless?
:'''HOMESTARMERO DUPLICISHIELD:''' But I love having armpits!
:''{Dangeresque takes the dagger back.}''

====Glass &rarr; Statue Hand====
:''{Dangeresque puts the glass of water in the statue}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' She doesn't want water. She's high-falootin!
:''{Dangeresque takes the glass back.}''

====Napkin &rarr; Statue Hand====
:''{Dangeresque puts the napkin in the statue}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Gross. Looks like she just blew her nose.
:''{Dangeresque takes the napkin back.}''

====Poison Dart &rarr; Statue Hand====
:''{Dangeresque puts the poison dart in the statue}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Psst! Armzi! Chuck that at Perducci!
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' I HEARD THAT!! I HAVE EARS LIKE A... UM... LIKE A... I HAVE EARS?!
:''{Dangeresque takes the dart back.}''

====Shield &rarr; Statue Hand====
:''{Dangeresque puts the shield in the statue}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Use this to look at Perducci's reflection so you don't get turned to stone.
:'''PERDUCCI:''' That was just a rumor! I swear, I turned one pizza delivery guy to stone in college and it follows me the rest of my life!

====TV Remote &rarr; Statue Hand====
:''{Dangeresque puts the remote in the statue}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Here you go, Armzipan. You can decide what to watch.
:''{A Blubb-O's commerical comes on the TV. The raccoon from Roomisode 2 is eating a burger.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Hey! The Raccoonolith hit the big time!
:''{Dangeresque takes the remote back. The TV switches back to opera.}''

====After All Objects Have Been Placed====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I think I've put enough unnecessary stuff in her hand.

===Statue Guy===
====Look====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' What kinda ancient soldier used two shields and no sword?
:'''PERDUCCI:''' He's Homestarmero Duplicishield. The patron saint of overprotectiveness.
====Talk To====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Don't try anything funny, Shieldym'n!
====Get/Use====

====Anything &rarr; Statue Guy====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I don't need to use that with ol' Overprotecto.

====Banana &rarr; Statue Guy====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' ''{holding banana like a gun}'' Drop that shield, Homestarmero!
:'''HOMESTARMERO DUPLICISHIELD:''' But I need it for disc golf!
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' WAAAH!

====Dagger &rarr; Statue Guy====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' You think that shield can withstand my blades of of flippins?
:''{Dangeresque flips the dagger in the air and drops it back into his pants.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' THATwasacloseone!

====Phone &rarr; Statue Guy====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I can't give him the phone. His hands aren't like, holdy hands, know'msayin?

====Poison Dart &rarr; Statue Guy====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' As much as I'd love to be able to poison a statue, I can probably find something more important to use this for.

====Shield &rarr; Statue Guy====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' One shield is enough for Saint Undabite over here.

====TV Remote &rarr; Statue Guy====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Yeah, I'm all for morbid curiosity. Lemme guess what you'd want to watch, statue guy.
:''{Dangeresque clicks the remote. The channel changes.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' 14 hours of stock footage of a rutabaga. Yeah... sounds about right.
:''{He clicks it back.}''

===Terminal===
====Look====
:''{When turned off}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' It's the computer the waiter uses to put in orders. It's shut down right now.
:{{short hr}}
:''{When turned on}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' It's the computer the waiter uses to put in orders. It's showing the current orders now.
====Talk To====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Stop MONITORING me or I'll COMPUTE your sentence!
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' THAT ONE WAS A STRETCH!!
====Get/Use====
:''{Before activation}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' It's shut down and I dunno how to turn it on.
:{{short hr}}
:''{After activation}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' It's asking me to enter my WaiterID. Dunno what that mess is.
:{{short hr}}
:''{After WaiterID is acquired}''
:''{First time only}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Enter your WaiterID? Ooh! I'll put in ILKO418.
:''{The screen shows three tables. One table has Flatghetti and the other has Tallturkey. Dangeresque can drag and drop the orders to rearrange.}''
:{{short hr}}
:''{If the Flatghetti is at Table 1 and the Tallturkey is at Table 2, the Waitre D will come in, walking behind Perducci. The sniper has a clear line of fire over the empty plate and Perducci will get shot. The Waitre D will splatter ketchup all over Perducci's table.}''
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' YOU LET HIM GET SHOT ALL DEAD!!
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Oh stamps.
:''{Killingyouguy approaches menacingly. Game over.}''
:{{short hr}}
:''{If the Flatghetti is at Table 1 and the Tallturkey is at Table 3, the Waitre D will come in, walking behind Perducci. The sniper has a clear line of fire and Perducci will get shot. The Waitre D will run back to the kitchen in fright.}''
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' YOU LET HIM GET SHOT ALL DEAD!!
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Oh stamps.
:''{Killingyouguy approaches menacingly. Game over.}''
:{{short hr}}
:''{If the Flatghetti is at Table 2 and the Tallturkey is at Table 1, the Waitre D will come in placing the orders. The laser sight will pass over the empty plate and Perducci will get shot. The Waitre D will splatter ketchup all over Perducci's table.}''
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' YOU LET HIM GET SHOT ALL DEAD!!
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Oh stamps.
:''{Killingyouguy approaches menacingly. Game over.}''
:{{short hr}}
:''{If the Flatghetti is at Table 2 and the Tallturkey is at Table 3, the Waitre D will pass in front of Perducci with the Tallturkey. The Tallturkey will block the sniper's line of fire, blasting the turkey. The Waitre D will run back to the kitchen in fright.}''
:'''PERDUCCI:''' That is now the fourteenth time turkey has saved my life.
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I don't doubt it.
:'''PERDUCCI:''' All right, Dangeresque. We're down to the last attempt.
:''{The phone immediately begins to ring.}''
:{{short hr}}
:''{If the Flatghetti is at Table 3 and the Tallturkey is at Table 1, the Waitre D will come in, walking behind Perducci. The sniper has a clear line of fire and Perducci will get shot. The Waitre D will run back to the kitchen in fright.}''
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' YOU LET HIM GET SHOT ALL DEAD!!
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Oh stamps.
:''{Killingyouguy approaches menacingly. Game over.}''
:{{short hr}}
:''{If the Flatghetti is at Table 3 and the Tallturkey is at Table 2, the Waitre D will pass in front of Perducci with the Flatghetti. The laser sight will pass over the spaghetti and Perducci will get shot. The Waitre D will splatter ketchup all over Perducci's table.}''
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' YOU LET HIM GET SHOT ALL DEAD!!
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Oh stamps.
:''{Killingyouguy approaches menacingly. Game over.}''
:{{short hr}}
:''{After failing the puzzle three times}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Perhaps I can properly position these plates to protect portly Perducci.
====Anything &rarr; Terminal====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' That won't help now or quite possibly ever!
====Remote &rarr; Terminal====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Guess this remote doesn't work with that screen.

===TV===
====Look====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Oh, you watchin "Woman Silently Screaming and Waving Hand 4"?
:'''PERDUCCI:''' That's called an opera you unrefined slob! It's muted cause her singing would prolly shatter all the glass in here!
====Talk To====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Hey Screamy Lady, can you change yourself to the Clarks game? Or maybe the Ola Toya fight?
====Get/Use====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I can't reach it. Maybe there's a remote somewhere.
====Anything &rarr; TV====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I can't devise how that could be televised.
====TV Remote &rarr; TV====
:''{First time only}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Let's crank it, opera lady!
:''{Dangeresque turns the volume up. The TV warbles. The glass in the room shatters.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Dang! Opera lady's got pipes!
:{{short hr}}
:'''PERDUCCI:''' Not again. I don't wanna lose any more glassware!

===TV Remote===
====Look====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' There's a remote control in there.
====Talk To====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' You don't have a remote chance of controlling me!
====Get/Use====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I'm takin this remote. There's no telling what it might control.
:''{Takes remote into inventory}''

===Wine Casks===
====Look====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Nothing says "this restaurant is in an old strip mall" like fake wine barrels on the wall. One of em's missing a cork. That's a serious security flaw right there.
:'''PERDUCCI:''' I only ate the one!
====Talk To====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Your cask is grask!
====Get/Use====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I should prolly plug that middle one somehow. Just a sniper hole waiting to happen, y'ask me.
====Anything &rarr; Wine Casks====
:''{When corked}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' It's already blechted up.
====Banana &rarr; Wine Casks====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Mebbe this'll block it up.
:''{The banana drops out. Homestar's eye is now visible.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' It's too slippery. Might need something that'll stick better.
====Candle &rarr; Wine Casks====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I better plug this hole. Who knows what the laundromat next door might be plotting.
:''{The hole in the cask is now plugged with the wax candle.}''
====Dagger &rarr; Wine Casks====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Mebbe this'll block it up.
:''{Homestar's eye peeks in through the corkhole. A blowpipe sticks out. Dangeresque ducks and Perducci gets shot in the neck.}''
:'''PERDUCCI:''' GAAAAAH!!
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' POISONED??!!!
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' The ol' poison tipped blow dart through the fake wine cask on the wall trick. I should have known!
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' NOW I'M GONNA KILL YOU GUY!!
:''{Killingyouguy approaches menacingly. Game over.}''
====Glass &rarr; Wine Casks====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' PSSHH! There. I filled up the glass with invisible wine from that fake barrel. That was a useful thing I just did.
====Napkin &rarr; Wine Casks====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I could cram the napkin in this hole but that wouldn't stop a would-be assassin. Unless they're like an ant.
:'''PERDUCCI:''' Don't write ants off entirely! They hate me on account of I never leave crumbs at picnics!
====Shield &rarr; Wine Casks====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' This is a little big for sealing up a tiny hole.

===Wine Glass===
====Look====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' It's a real like glass glass type glass glass. Glass.
:'''KILLINGYOUGUY:''' STOP SAYING GLASS!
====Talk To====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' You're gonna be WINE-in' when I put you behind bars, pinot noirs!
====Get/Use====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I can't get it. It's like all sculptured into her hand.
====Anything &rarr; Wine Glass====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I can't give her this. She's already holdin that wine glass.
====Dagger &rarr; Wine Glass====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I can't cut the wine glass out of her hand. Maybe there's another way to remove it.

===Using Inventory Items Together===
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' This ain't no crafting game! This is a "Use Items on Stuff in Scene" Game!
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' You try combining inventory items in your pants!
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' You can't combine stuff! Just think of the monstrosities you could create! Shieldnana? Who wants a shieldnana?
:'''PERDUCCI:''' My Nana Perducci could use one. She's been shot 27 times!
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' You shut up!
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Brainblow City has a strict No Combining Items law. It's one of the few I actually follow.
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Hey! You found the one item combination that actually works! Or I'm lying and you're a terrible listener.

====If Dangeresque Talked to Every Inanimate Object====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' Even when the powder keg's inside the pressure cooker, Dangeresque still makes time to talk to all inanimate objects!

====If Dangeresque Used the Banana All Three Times====
:'''PERDUCCI:''' I sense that all bananas have been waggled.

====If Dangeresque Used the Remote All Five Times====
:'''DANGERESQUE:''' I watched all the available progrumming.

==Game Overs==
:But in actuality...
:{{short hr}}
:Ctrl+Z
:{{short hr}}
:Folding space-time...
:{{short hr}}
:Meanwhile, in a better player's game...
:{{short hr}}
:+3 Plot Armor...
:{{short hr}}
:Is this one o' those time-loop games?
:''{If failing the third attempt multiple times}''
:No bonus point here. Look elsewheres.

==Epilogue==
:''{Fade into Dangeresque's office.}''
:'''THE CHIEF:''' Dangeresque?! Are you still there? I'm comin in! For real this time!
:''{Shuffling sounds}''
:'''THE CHIEF:''' You?! What are you doing here? ''{beating up sounds}'' OW! OOF! KIDNEYS!!
:''{Dangeresque Too enters with a hovering spin kick.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE TOO:''' THE PIPES ARE BROKEN!!
:''{He turns around and closes the door.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE TOO:''' Dangeresque? I'm here to perform some routine post-game bonus content. ''{Looks at the broken window}'' Looks like he gonna had to jump.

===Boombox===
:'''DANGERESQUE TOO:''' Ooh! Hidden jamz! ''{He starts a track and dances in place.}''
:'''RENALDO:''' ''{rapping}'' Hub-Bump. Bump-Hub. Hub-bump. Bump-hub. ''{rap continues}''

:Hub-Bump a-to the front, Bump-Hub to the back
:Open up the hood so we can attack
:The automotive issues at hand
:Renaldo, he's the rapping man!

:What's all the hub-bub about a couple hub caps?
:Renaldo, he's the man who raps!
:Hub-Bump to the front, Bump Hub to the back
:Open up the hood so we can take a crack
:At defusing that deadly bomb
:Cause if we don't, then we bought the farm
:That's right, we're gonna blow ourselves up tonight

:Hub-bump a-to the front, Bump-Hub to the back
:Open up the hood so we can attack
:The automotive issues at hand
:Renaldo, I'm the rapping man!
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE TOO:''' Bring that beat back! Bring that beat back!

===Chair===
:''{Dangeresque Too spins in the chair. A trading card comes flying out.}''

===Dangeresque Too===
:'''DANGERESQUE TOO:''' ''{spin kick}'' The pipes are broken!
:''{If Dangeresque Too is next to the ''ENDED'' text, ashtray, or the phone, he will kick it away. He will also kick the chair around and kick the open desk drawer closed.}''
:{{short hr}}
:''{If Dangeresque Too is standing on the broken glass near the window, his foot will catch the blind cord and get tangled upside-down in it.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE TOO:''' The blood is rushing to my head. Blacking out, blacking out, blacking out.
:''{Fade out. Return to title screen.}''
:{{short hr}}
:''{when the text, ashtray, phone, and chair have all been kicked}''
:'''DANGERESQUE TOO:''' Looks like all the pipes have been broken.

===Desque===
:'''DANGERESQUE TOO:''' My bread is brown!
:''{He slams his head on it. The drawer opens}''
:'''DANGERESQUE TOO:''' Is that a good cop thing to say?
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE TOO:''' Misleading the witness!
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE TOO:''' I ate the last brownie!
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE TOO:''' Dial M for Rated M for Mature!

===Files===
:'''DANGERESQUE TOO:''' Oh HEY, Filene. What's been up? ''{impersonating Filene}'' Oh, Dangeresque Deux! We cannot let Dangeresque know about our private love affair! ''{normal}'' Don't worry. I'll guard that secret with my LIFE. Or should I say, with my FILE! Get it? Cause, like, the same letters? ''{Filene}'' Oui. I get it. Here's ze files.
:''{drawer opens}''
:{{short hr}}
:''{Perducci's Cocktail Menu is shown with four drinks.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE TOO:''' A cocktail menu from Perducci's? Dangeresque Too never touches the stuff! But I do remember all their little radio jingles.
:{{short hr}}
:''{Coches Twist}''
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE TOO:''' ''{singing}'' That's why you need a twist! Twist of the Coches! That's not a wood shaving. I think it's an orange peel.
:{{short hr}}
:''{St. Pod Craunch}''
:'''DANGERESQUE TOO:''' ''{singing}'' You won't develop a paunch, from a St. Pod Craunch. It's the low-calorie poisoned drink!
:{{short hr}}
:''{Lobasho Slash}''
:'''DANGERESQUE TOO:''' ''{singing}'' There's just a little splash (of lake water) in a Lobasho Slash! There's also an entire steak knife! 
:{{short hr}}
:''{Balustenich Fizzle}''
:'''DANGERESQUE TOO:''' ''{singing}'' When the summer heat begins to sizzle, you're gonna need a fizzle. And Balustenich is best!

===Game Box===
:''{Box art for Rig Rug is shown.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE TOO:''' It's the home console version of Rig Rug! Help Handyman Jorge renovate vintage homes by tearing up rugs before the evil General Contractor-Bot blands things up with beige paint and wall to wall carpeting. Now with 30% less raids by the Feds!

===Lamp===
:'''DANGERESQUE TOO:''' I say there, Lampstrosity, do you know the times?

===Mugshots===
:''{Three mugshots are shown. Rackingyougal is Strong Mad with a wig an a sticky note over his eye showing a pirate eyepatch. She is "At Large". Wantingthisguy is Strong Mad with a sticky note that looks like a fedora on his head and a massive sticky note showing pointy teeth and a forked tongue. He is "Deceased". Tapingthislad is Strong Mad with duct tape on his head, patching his arm, and covering his mouth. He is "Missing".}''
:'''DANGERESQUE TOO:''' Lookit this family of felons! A real rogue's ''{pronounced roh-goos}'' gallery.

===Safe===
:''{The safe opens. A Boombox is inside.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE TOO:''' Open up, 73!

===Trading Card===
:''{It's a Clarks Rif Simken card. He plays seventh base.}''
:'''DANGERESQUE TOO:''' That Rif Simken was a real homestar runner for the Clarks.
:{{short hr}}
:'''DANGERESQUE TOO:''' I remember that champeenship season in '92. Riff had 16 full hitters, 12 resists, and 37 MRI's!

===Exit to Title===
:'''DANGERESQUE TOO:''' I guess my guesswork here is done here. Where I am here. In this office. I guess.
:''{Dangeresque Too leaves. Fade out.}''

{{Dangeresque|cat=Dangeresque: The Roomisode Triungulate}}

[[Category:Video Game Responses]]