Joystick Wagglin' with Videlectrix: Halloween Edition

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Revision as of 17:27, 26 October 2016

"Welcome to the weekly waggle!"

The Videlectrix Guys review "one of the classics of the horror survival genre," Atari's Haunted House.

Cast (in order of appearance): Videlectrix Guys

Date: October 26, 2016

Running Time: 3:09

Transcript

{Joystick Wagglin' title sequence}

VIDELECTRIX 3: Welcome, everyone. Here we are at the—

VIDELECTRIX 1: Welcome to the Weekly Waggle. I can't hear you, are you—can you hear me? {blows into the mic}

VIDELECTRIX 3: Yeah—

VIDELECTRIX 1: Welcome to the Weekly Waggle.

VIDELECTRIX 3: Speak down. Okay, I'm Videlectrix—

VIDELECTRIX 1: {shouting} Welcome to the Weekly Waggle, I am Videlectrix One!

VIDELECTRIX 3: I'm Videlectrix Two over here on the—

VIDELECTRIX 1: {slapping sound} You are Videlectrix Three!

VIDELECTRIX 3: I'm—okay, uh—

VIDELECTRIX 1: We discussed this! You will never be Number Two!

VIDELECTRIX 3: I'm Three. I'm Thr—

VIDELECTRIX 1: Until you can... graphic it up! This week we are playing one of the classics of hor—the horror-survival genre.

VIDELECTRIX 3: {spooky voice} Haunted House!

VIDELECTRIX 1: That's pretty—that was actually pretty good.

{The game begins.}

VIDELECTRIX 3: Left! Right! Look down, left, right...

VIDELECTRIX 1: Yeah, I can't decide where. The game hasn't even started yet. I haven't hit Game Select.

VIDELECTRIX 3: What'd you do?

VIDELECTRIX 1: That's my candlelight. I'm holding a candelabra and I have only 30 matches to save the haunted house. Oh!

VIDELECTRIX 3: {screams}

VIDELECTRIX 1: Oh, there it is! A spectral—oh! Oh! Waah! What is that? Oh, there's another one!

VIDELECTRIX 3: It's doing—

VIDELECTRIX 1: Oh, man, what is it doing?

VIDELECTRIX 3: Jumping jacks?

VIDELECTRIX 1: An insect—yeah, calisthenics. Okay, we gotta get out—oh, a four! I found a four. I found the four. Woof, the pulse—I tell ya, this game needs a Pee-Pants-Ometer down there at the bottom.

VIDELECTRIX 3: Yeah, I can work one up. I mean, gimme a second.

VIDELECTRIX 1: You typing it up?

VIDELECTRIX 3: Yeah, working on it!

VIDELECTRIX 1: Well, bring it on-screen. We'll superimpose.

VIDELECTRIX 3: That's it!

VIDELECTRIX 1: That's the Pee-Pants-Ometer?

VIDELECTRIX 3: I could only do one leg of the pant. See? That's the crotch part.

VIDELECTRIX 1: You can't—this is a family wholesome Waggle. You can't say—here, bleep me out. You can't say crotch—

VIDELECTRIX 3: Bleep!

VIDELECTRIX 1: You came in late, do it again. You can't say crotch—

VIDELECTRIX 3: Bleep!

VIDELECTRIX 1: —on the Weekly Waggle. Whatever that's supposed to be, fill it up, 'cause I have soiled myself through and through. Oh! The walls stained with blood! Here, look at that.

VIDELECTRIX 3: Why can't we see the rest of our body in the, um, candlelight?

VIDELECTRIX 1: What do you mean? We see—

VIDELECTRIX 3: The flicker should show the rest of our body.

VIDELECTRIX 1: It's an artistical choice!

VIDELECTRIX 3: Okay.

VIDELECTRIX 1: Have you ever experienced artistical film?

VIDELECTRIX 3: I—yeah.

VIDELECTRIX 1: Hey, that made a different sound. You hear that?

VIDELECTRIX 3: Do you really know what we're doing in this game?

VIDELECTRIX 1: Well—well, sure, we've got to assemble the shards and, uh, the scepter, and then, uh, make the squares go through one of the black squares.

VIDELECTRIX 3: Look at the font on those numbers. It's quite scriptic.

VIDELECTRIX 1: Yeah, like it's from the 1800s. The umpteen-hundreds! Ha! That's how many time I've had to ask you {screaming} TO MAKE GOOD GRAPHICS!

VIDELECTRIX 3: Um.

VIDELECTRIX 1: Look at that! We won! We stumbled right into the winning of the game.

VIDELECTRIX 3: Let's, uh—okay, let's see what we get.

VIDELECTRIX 1: I can't wait to see the reward. Any second, comin' up.

VIDELECTRIX 3: Wait, can we still move the eyes? Even after we've won?

VIDELECTRIX 1: Oh, that's the reward!

VIDELECTRIX 3: From the grave?

VIDELECTRIX 1: Now everyone can go change their drawers. Time for a fresh pair!

External Links

• Watch "Joystick Wagglin' with Videlectrix: Halloween Edition"