record book

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Transcript

STRONG BAD: {singing} Drape it over your aaaaaaarms, step out in styyyyyle, Strong Bad Emaaaaaaail... {starts reading}

subject: records

dear strong bad, i was wondering if you were in the record book. if so,
what for?

nathan, tx

{Strong Bad says "tx" as "Tee-Ex", as in the individual letters.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Oooh, the Nathan TX! That has, like, way four more cylinders than the standard Nathan. Better Blue Book value, too. I can't remember if I'm in the record book or not. Seems like I should be. Let's take a look. A book-look!

{Cut to a table. Strong Bad places "THE RECORD BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS The Book!" on the table.}

STRONG BAD: All right, let's see what we got in here.

{He opens the book to page 42. The page shows a picture of a really dirty Coach Z with an afro and moustache, and reads "Chapter 4 - Records of Smell, Longest Showering Streak 65 Days, 3 Hours, 42 Minutes: COACH Z."}

STRONG BAD: Sixty-five days?! That's way outdated! I'm pretty sure he's surpassed that one by several fortnights at this point.

{Turns to page 116. This page shows young Strong Bad in a diaper and reads "Chapter 4 - Records of Smell, Dirtiest Diapey, Very, Very Dirty: LI'L STRONG BAD."}

STRONG BAD: Dirtiest Diap— Whoa! {throws eggs, bacon, and coffee on the page} Coffee eggs bacon! Oh, too bad, I accidentally made breakfast all over whatever that record was for.

{Cut back to the Lappy}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Clearly, this book is in serious need of an update. Let's begin with the title. How about: Count Longardeaux's Book of Party Tricks, Redneck Jokes, and Worldly Records. {The book appears} Now that sounds like a book worthy of every toilet-side magazine basket. Now let's go see about updating some o' them records.

{He gets up. We now see Strong Sad, holding a magnifying glass and writing on grains of rice. Strong Bad walks up.}

STRONG BAD: 'Sup, double-bar? How much you weigh?

STRONG SAD: What do you wanna know that for?

STRONG BAD: Count Longardeaux has me out gathering up records {holds up a clipboard, which has a paper on it that reads "who the fattest?"} for his record book.

STRONG SAD: Oh! Well then this should interest you! I've transcribed Paradise Lost onto this single grain of Bazmati rice! {Cut to a view of the rice grain through the magnifying glass.} In four languages!

STRONG BAD: Oh, yeah! That definitely deserves a record!

{A buzzer is heard and a page of the book is shown. It reads "Chapter 7 - Records of Lonliness, Biggest Waste of Dump: STRONG "The Biggest Waste of Dump" SAD."}

{Cut to the King of Town's castle. The King of Town is seen with a giant pile of salt in front of him. Strong Bad walks up.}

STRONG BAD: All right, King o' Town, I need some disgusting eating records. Why don't you just have lunch, and I'm sure you'll set several without even trying.

THE KING OF TOWN: Ooh! I like eating lunch! Today I'm having a giant pile of salt!

{The camera pans over, and we can now see the entire pile. We can also see a salt shaker sitting near the pile. The King sucks it all in in one gulp, like a vaccuum cleaner, including the salt shaker.}

STRONG BAD: Whoa! Nice woik!

{The King seems to hiccup three times.}

STRONG BAD: What, you got some hiccups?

{The King "hiccups" again.}

THE KING OF TOWN: Nope. Those, my friend, are heart attacks!

{Another buzzer, another page that reads "Chapter 3 - Disgusting Eating/Old Person Records, Least Healthiest (Man?): The King of Town."}

TRANSCRIPT IN PROGRESS