what i want

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Strong Bad Email #163
watch the chair some kinda robot
"Listen to that moldy oldy in glorious drive-thru stereo."

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Marzipan, Strong Sad (voice), Homestar Runner


Computer: Lappy 486

Date: December 10, 2006

Running Time: 3:29

Page Title: Lappy 486



STRONG BAD: {singing} Ding-ding-dong, ding-ding-dong, ding-ding-dear Strong Bad.

{pronounces "Talon Jendro" as "Tuhlonn Jendddro"}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Where'd you get that name? Geroge Lucas? Ta'lon J'en-dr'o from the computer generated planet of Des' Moi-nes'ia. {clears screen} Anyways, everybody knows the kind of stuff I want, Ta'lon. A catapult that launches balls of cobras, chainsaw car, subscription to EGM2, hot step-sister. That email writes itself. It's more important to establish what I don't want for X-berween. {pronounces "X-berween" as "Decemberween"}

{cut to "Z' ShopChan" TV shopping channel}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Our first item is a perennial all-star of bad awful Decemberween presents: the ornament.

MARZIPAN: There's no better way to say "I have no idea what your interests are" than to give someone a present that ceases to be useful the moment it's opened.

STRONG BAD: Yes, there's nothing like opening a gift just in time to put it in a box in the attic for a year. And next decemberween when you get it back out, guess what? It's still just a cool snowman surfing the internet.

MARZIPAN: Internet is so hot this year.

{A phone rings}

STRONG BAD: Oh, we got a caller. Go ahead, caller. How many FR114P-dc8s should I put you down for?

STRONG SAD: {voiceover} Strong Bad, did you put wildebeest pheromones in my laundry again? {wildebeest noises} Aaaah! {dial tone}

STRONG BAD: Another satisfied customer. Next up, we have one of those mechanical dancing musical nobots. The kind that you accidentally activate by getting too close.

DANCIN' STRONG BAD MUSICAL NOBOT: {heavily distorted voice} I'm like come on Fhqwhgads, I said come on Fhqwhgads, Everybody to the limit, The Cheat is to the limit..

MARZIPAN: Listen to that moldy oldy in glorious drive-thru stereo.

STRONG BAD: Who can appreciate the song when all you're really hearing are the plastic gears and motors working together in an effort to barely bust some sort of move.

MARZIPAN: These things just scream "I stopped at the drug-store on my way over". Now, on to our next item. Uuh, Strong Bad?

STRONG BAD: Sorry, I'm completely entrangled by those hypnotically suave hips. {shakes his head violently} Our last gift items are all about the false notion that just because you made something yourself, it's not a worthless piece of crap.

MARZIPAN: These sea-shells have office supplies hot-glued to them for absolutely no reason.

STRONG BAD: Yes, and the more globs of hot glue I can see, the quicker I throw it in the trash.

MARZIPAN: This clothes-pin reindeer ornament is forgettably precious.

{record scratches}

STRONG BAD: Woah, home-made and and ornament. That thing is an anti-gift. If someone gives you one of those, you actually have to pay them because it's so poor. Uh, probably because they're so poor.

{white noise, cut back to Strong Bad typing on his Lappy}

STRONG BAD: {typing} So Ta'lon, my young apprentice, there's my "Please Great Aunt Whoever, Don't Get Me This Stuff For Decemberween" list. I highly suggest you make your own. But if it doesn't work, don't forget to take advantage of all the temporary help that retailers hire this time of year. Those people will refund ANYTHING! Last year, I returned an omelette to a hardware store for nigh on fifty bucks. Well, happy Decemberween everybloody!

{The Paper comes down}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on the words "balls of cobras" as Strong Bad types them to see a board game entitled "COBRA-PULT!!"
  • Click on the words "chainsaw car" as Strong Bad types them to see the blueprints to a chainsaw car.
  • At the end of the email, click on the words "Don't Get Me This" to see a Homestar toy that plays the intro tune.

Fun Facts


  • Strong Bad types "Decemberween" as "X-berween". Xmas is a common abbreviation of the word Christmas, deriving from the Ancient Greek abbreviation for Christ.

Inside References

Real-World References

External Links

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