what I want

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Strong Bad Email #163
watch the chair some kinda robot
"Listen to that moldy oldy in glorious drive-thru stereo."

Strong Bad tells us not only what he wants for Decemberween, but also what he doesn't want.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Marzipan, Strong Sad (voice)

Places: Computer Room,

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: December 10, 2006

Running Time: 3:29

Page Title: Lappy 486

Contents

Transcript

STRONG BAD: {singing} Ding-ding-dong, ding-ding-dong, ding-ding-dear Strong Bad.

{Strong Bad pauses between "Jen" and "dro", and does not say "Des Moines, Iowa".}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Where'd you get that name? George Lucas? Ta'lon J'en-dr'o from the computery generated planet of Des' Moi-nes'ia. {clears screen} Anyways, everybody knows the kind of stuff I want, Ta'lon. A catapult that launches balls of cobras, chainsaw car, subscription to EGM2, hot step-sister. That email writes itself. It's more important to establish what I don't want for X-berween. {pronounces "X-berween" as "Decemberween"}

{cut to "Z' ShopChan" TV shopping channel}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Our first item is a perennial all-star of bad awful Decemberween presents: the ornament.

MARZIPAN: There's no better way to say, "I have no idea what your interests are" than to give someone a present that ceases to be useful the moment it's opened.

STRONG BAD: Yes, there's nothing like opening a gift just in time to put it in a box in the attic for a year. And next Decemberween when you get it back out, guess what? It's still just a cool snowman surfing the internet.

MARZIPAN: Internet is so hot this year.

{A phone rings}

STRONG BAD: Oh, we got a caller. {puts an empty hand next to his head} Go ahead, caller. How many FR114P-dc8s should I put you down for?

STRONG SAD: {voiceover} Strong Bad, did you put wildebeest pheromones in my laundry again?

{wildebeest noises}

STRONG SAD: Aaaah!

{dial tone}

STRONG BAD: Another satisfied customer. Next up, we have one of those mechanical dancing musical nobots. The kind that you accidentally activate by getting too close.

DANCIN' STRONG BAD MUSICAL NOBOT: {heavily distorted voice} I'm like come on Fhqwhgads, I said come on Fhqwhgads, Everybody to the limit, The Cheat is to the limit.

MARZIPAN: Listen to that moldy oldy in glorious drive-thru stereo.

STRONG BAD: Who can appreciate the song when all you're really hearing are the plastic gears and motors working together in an effort to barely bust some sort of move.

MARZIPAN: These things just scream "I stopped at the drug store on my way over". Now, on to our next item.

{Strong Bad is staring at the nobot, with swirly eyes.}

MARZIPAN: Uhh, Strong Bad?

STRONG BAD: Sorry, I'm completely entrangled by those hypnotically swaying hips. {shakes his head violently} Our last gift items are all about the false notion that just because you made something yourself, it's not a worthless piece of crap.

MARZIPAN: These sea-shells have office supplies hot-glued to them for absolutely no reason.

STRONG BAD: Yes, and the more globs of hot glue I can see, the quicker I throw it in the trash.

MARZIPAN: This clothes-pin reindeer ornament is forgettably precious.

{record scratches}

STRONG BAD: Woah, home-made and an ornament. That thing is an anti-gift. If someone gives you one of those, you actually have to pay them because it's so poor. Uh, probably because they're so poor.

{white noise, cut back to Strong Bad typing on his Lappy}

STRONG BAD: {typing} So Ta'lon, my young apprentice, there's my "Please Great Aunt Whoever, Don't Get Me This Stuff For Decemberween" list. I highly suggest you make your own. But if it doesn't work, don't forget to take advantage of all the temporary help that retailers hire this time of year. Those people will refund ANYTHING! Last year, I returned an omelette to a hardware store for nigh on fifty bucks. Well, happy Decemberween everybloody!

{The Paper comes down}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on the words "balls of cobras" as Strong Bad types them to see a board game entitled "COBRA-PULT!!"
  • Click on the words "chainsaw car" as Strong Bad types them to see the blueprints to a chainsaw car.
  • At the end of the email, click on the words "Don't Get Me This" to see a Dancin' Homestar Runner Musical Nobot that plays the intro tune.
DANCIN' HOMESTAR RUNNER MUSICAL NOBOT: {heavily distorted singing} Everybody! Everybody! Everybody! Everybody!

Fun Facts

Explanations

  • Strong Bad types "Decemberween" as "X-berween". X-mas is a common abbreviation of the word Christmas, deriving from the ancient Greek abbreviation for "Christ". Moreover, "decem" is Latin for ten, and "X" the corresponding numeral.
  • Hollandaise is a French lemon-butter sauce, and is also the French feminine form of the word "Dutch".
  • A pheromone is a natural chemical produced by animals that signals that they are ready to mate.
  • This email parodies the general format of home-shopping television networks, such as QVC and the appropriately-named Home Shopping Network.

Trivia

  • The Floppy Disk Container reads "low blow".
  • The following is a list of all items seen being sold by Z' ShopChan:
    ZXJ481-78b
    Commemorative Coach Z Ornament
    WRT54G-Sc
    Eh! Steve! Soiled Gold Ornament
    FR114P-dc8
    Cool Snowman Surfing the Internet Ornament
    3DT178-2t2
    Dancin' Strong Bad Musical Nobot
    N2cXL8-42
    Seashells b/w Office Supplies
    Kj78M-Xn45
    31 Kt Clothes Pin Reindeer – "Klibber"

Goofs

  • For a split second at the end when Strong Bad gets off the computer his reflection is outside of the screen.
  • When Strong Bad typed "Please Aunt Whoever", there should have been a comma after please.

Remarks

  • The calculator glued to the shell reads "04 04 04", which upside down looks like "ho ho ho".
  • This is a rare instance of Marzipan and Strong Bad co-existing peacefully, even doing something together without conflict.
  • The Dancin' Strong Bad Musical Nobot was said to have Drive-Thru Stereo even though only one speaker was visible.
  • Unlike previous emails such as privileges, Strong Bad overlooks the fact that his name is spelled as one word.

Inside References

Real-World References

  • George Lucas is the creator of the hugely popular Star Wars series of movies. This email makes several references to the Star Wars series, specifically Episodes 1 through 3 (released between 1999 and 2005):
    • Episodes 1 through 3 contain many characters, places and sequences (including entire planets and large-scale battles) that were completely computer-generated. This is likely why Strong Bad mentions a computer-generated planet when addressing Talon.
    • When Strong Bad calls Talon "Ta'lon J'en-dr'o", he refers to the many aliens in the Star Wars universe whose names contain apostrophes and/or hyphens.
    • Strong Bad calls Talon "my young apprentice", another reference to Star Wars: Darth Sidious often addresses Darth Vader and later Luke Skywalker in this way.
  • EGM² was a spin-off magazine of the video game magazine Electronic Gaming Monthly. It was published until 1998 when it became Expert Gamer.
  • Two of the part numbers, WRT54G-Sc and FR114P-dc8, refer to popular networking hardware – the Linksys WRT54G and the NetGear FR114P.

External Links

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