portrait

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'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{typing}'' Guess what? Nobody calls you Coolio da Fabio (aka quit making up nicknames for yourself.) I'm just gonna call you Dealin' Burgers, which I assume doubles as an accurate job description.
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'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{typing}'' Guess what? Nobody calls you Coolio da Fabio (aka quit making up nicknames for yourself.) ''[sic]'' I'm just gonna call you Dealin' Burgers, which I assume doubles as an accurate job description.
''{Clears screen.}''
''{Clears screen.}''
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===Goofs===
===Goofs===
 +
*The second small line on the right newspaper paragraph repeats the word "the".
*The second small line on the right newspaper paragraph repeats the word "the".
*In the Easter egg, when Strong Bad is moving the cardboard cutout of the key-sword-tar around, the picture reverses direction.
*In the Easter egg, when Strong Bad is moving the cardboard cutout of the key-sword-tar around, the picture reverses direction.
 +
*Strong Bad mistypes the his line "Guess what? Nobody calls you Coolio da Fabio (aka quit making up nicknames for yourself)." The full stop should be outside the brackets, Strong Bad types it inside.
===Inside References===
===Inside References===

Revision as of 05:37, 6 December 2005

Done by a Deutsch Master

Strong Bad Email #139

Strong Bad tries to make a portrait of himself.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Lord Quackingstick, The Cheat, Homestar Runner, Strong Mad

Places: Computer Room, Strong Mad's Room, Strong Bad's Basement, The Field (Easter egg)

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: December 4, 2005

Running Time: 3:37

Contents

Transcript

STRONG BAD: Hey everybody, it's a musical Strong Bad Email this week! {presses enter} {singing} Doo doo doo Dear, Dear Strong Bad, oh I was wondering—{stops singing} I can't keep this up.

STRONG BAD: {typing} Guess what? Nobody calls you Coolio da Fabio (aka quit making up nicknames for yourself.) [sic] I'm just gonna call you Dealin' Burgers, which I assume doubles as an accurate job description.

{Clears screen.}

STRONG BAD: Moving onwardly, I suppose my greatness is worthy of portraiture. Perhaps one done by a Deutsch Master.

{Cut to a portrait of Strong Bad, in a long-haired wig, a beret, and a toga, holding a toy stick with a duck's head on the end. The painting is in a gold frame, with a museum placard beside it (see below).}

STRONG BAD: The kind that are always getting stolen or vandalized by art bandits.

{The Cheat appears from the top, wearing a black mask, skullcap, and a t-shirt reading "4rt b4ndit". He places a stencil over the painting and paints a "robotank", along with the words "RAD, RAD ROBOTANK", in pink spray paint.}

STRONG BAD: {offscreen} Thanks little buddy; now it's worth something.

THE CHEAT: {obliging The Cheat noises; salutes}

{Cut back to the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: {resumes typing} Or what about one of those black and white ink portraits you see in all the rich-guy newspapers.

{Cut to a black-and-white newspaper. An image of Strong Bad in a suit and tie and holding a large cell phone is in the center.}

STRONG BAD: Well apparently they're not rich enough to afford any color. Or even solid lines... Just a bunch of dots and dashes. I look like Morse code. {imitating Morse code} Dah dah dah dee dee dee... I a-am ho-o-olding a real-ly ol-d cel-l-l pho-o-one.

{Cut back to the Lappy. The screen has cleared.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Oops. No. Hey, I got it! A painting of such greatness demands only the finest materials. And what could be finer than black velvet in a cheap imitation wood frame? It would be showcased—

{Cut to the velvet painting. It shows Strong Bad holding a skunk. A lamp with a moose on it can be seen to the left.}

STRONG BAD: —in only the fanciest double-wide trailers. Oh, and look! I finally caught that skunk. I been chasing after that little scamp for—Whoa!—

{The shot suddenly shifts to the right to reveal a poster of a unicorn on a snowmobile with the caption "Born to be danged!!!". Another moose lamp is seen on the right.}

STRONG BAD: —Is that a blacklight poster of a unicorn riding a snowmobile?! Now that is some esteemed company.

{A Cold One Ice flies at the lamp and shatters it.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Thanks for breaking my moose lamp.

{Cut back to the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Unfortunately, I don't know anybody with a useless Master of Fine Arts degree, so I might have to settle for something a bit more, how you say, made by Strong Mad or The Cheat.

{Cut to The Cheat, who is noisily gnawing Strong Bad's face into a log.}

STRONG BAD: Very... uh, slobbery, The Cheat. This isn't quite what I had in mind when you said "sculpture."

{Music starts playing.}

STRONG BAD: You're really just... goin' to town there, aren't ya?

{Strong Bad stares at The Cheat working for a moment.}

STRONG BAD: I'm gonna {motioning with his glove} leave you two alone.

{Strong Bad backs away. Cut to Strong Mad's room. Strong Mad is sprinkling glitter over a macaroni picture. Strong Bad walks up.}

STRONG BAD: Oh, nice work, Chef Boyardee.

{Cut to a close-up of the picture.}

STRONG BAD: Like I couldn't have gone down to the kindergarten and hired a five-year-old to make me one of those.

{Cut back to the wide shot.}

STRONG BAD: ...Except that sounds pretty creepy and I'd probably go to jail.

STRONG MAD: {slams the glitter down} I'LL WAIT FOR YOU!!

{Cut back to the Lappy. Strong Bad sits down.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Well, thanks to my no-talent minions, it looks like a self-portrait is the only way to go. And I will render it in nothing less than the classic style of the Trüe Mästers.

{Cut to a shot of Strong Bad, who has somehow fit his head into a wooden cutout of a muscular man holding a sword with a keyboard on it. The man has "SB" written on his stomach and is holding a falcon. His one visible leg wears a boot that looks vaguely similar to a 'Lectric Boot. There are also two cans of paint nearby, labeled "Some Paint" and "Some More Paint". There is also a cutout of a mermaid at his feet with an empty space for a head. He paints it with a small brush.}

STRONG BAD: Ah, at last: A self-portrait that accurately depicts who I am, where I'm from, and my passing interest in falconry.

{He tries to get out.}

STRONG BAD: Uh, oh. {keeps trying} How do I get outta this thing?

{Cut to the reverse angle. He can be seen hanging by his head.}

STRONG BAD: How did I get into this thing? {kicks his legs together a few times}

{Cut back to the front view. He holds up the duck-head toy from the first portrait.}

STRONG BAD: {making the bird talk} Quack, quack.

{Cut to a close-up.}

STRONG BAD: Why, Lord Quackingstick, how nice to see you. You don't happen to have a hacksaw in your pocket, do you? {making the bird talk} Quack, quack.

{Cut back to the wide shot.}

STRONG BAD: Oh, too bad. {looking down at the mermaid} Well, what about you, Princess Shellbra?

{He moves the bird-on-a-stick into the face hole for the mermaid.}

STRONG BAD: {making the bird talk in a high, sultry voice} Quack, quack. {speaking normally} But of course. I love to serenade you anytime with my {looks down to his right} mystical key-sword-tar. I mean it's not like I'm goin' anywhere... anytime soon.

{The Paper comes down.}

Easter Eggs

  • Click the white card by the portrait by the Deutsch Master to see an "Adventures of Strong Badman" comic book.
  • Click the key-sword-tar at the end to see a printable version of the robotank stencil The Cheat used to vandalize the painting.
  • Click Lord Quackingstick at the end to see Strong Bad show off his key-sword-tar to Homestar.
{Cut to The Field with Homestar and Strong Bad holding the key-sword-tar, his head still in the hole, although it has been broken off from the rest of the portrait.}
STRONG BAD: So that's when I realized I don't even need lamaze classes.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Strong Bad, there's something different about you. Did you get a haircut?
STRONG BAD: No, but I did get this new key-sword-tar. Maow, maow, maoooooooow. {falsetto} Keyboard, keyboooooard. {normal} Maow, maow, maooooooooow. {falsetto} Fight some brigands!! {Homestar holds up a SAAB lighter, Strong Bad's voice returns to normal} Maow Maow, Maoooow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-owwowwoww-whammy-barrrrruh.

Fun Facts

Explanations

  • Deutsch is the German word for "german". Strong Bad uses it as a play on Dutch, however (the similarity in sound has lead to confusions before such as the Pennsylvania Dutch, who are actually German). "Dutch masters" is a general term for the famous Dutch artists of the 17th century, such as Rembrandt and Vermeer. "Dutch Masters" is also a specific name for a brand of cigars.
  • Falconry is the art or sport of training raptors (birds of prey) to hunt or pursue game.
  • Lamaze is a relaxation technique designed to avoid the use of pain-killing drugs during childbirth.

Trivia

  • This email was released late Sunday night Atlanta time, but the website claimed that its release date was on Monday.
  • The card next to the first portrait reads:
Strongio da Baddio
DaVantres
c. 1658
  • The picture's captions read "Sell phones or Cell phones?" above and "Strong Bad" below. A lower headline reads "Banks have "money"".
  • The left side of the newspaper reads:
Mulligatawny
stew rose high in
the markets today
fter rumors spread
a really sweet deal
over at my place
usually get started
d nine and go until
who knows when!
Pork bellies will be
erved around 8-ish.
tures to follow at 9
ase bring your own
pkins if you're into
 that crap. Not me.
ipe hands on pants,
 yo. Anyways, I'm
ally rich and money
s still very valuable.
  • The right side of the newspaper reads:
Gigantic cell phone
making a 4th quart
comeback as the the "it'
toy of the Decemberwe
season. "Who wants to
put a phone in their poc
when you can carry aro
a separate suitcase just
for a portable, wireless
mobile, take-anywhere
cellular telephone. Ma
analysts predict all the
cool kids will be luggi
these stylish jobbies fr
prom dance to soccer
practice in 2006.
 "I want a cell phone
that is quite large," say
the sleepy rabbit.
The technology sector is anticipating
other woodland creatures to be amon
early adopters of the new technology

Remarks

  • Homestar's lighter in the key-sword-tar Easter egg is a Saab lighter, as opposed to Strong Bad's BMW one.
  • The fours in The Cheat's 4rt b4ndit shirt are another example of Leetspeak in the toons.
  • Strong Bad mentions a whammy bar, or tremolo arm, while playing his key-sword-tar (a pun on the Keytar). However, only actual guitars have these.

Goofs

  • The second small line on the right newspaper paragraph repeats the word "the".
  • In the Easter egg, when Strong Bad is moving the cardboard cutout of the key-sword-tar around, the picture reverses direction.
  • Strong Bad mistypes the his line "Guess what? Nobody calls you Coolio da Fabio (aka quit making up nicknames for yourself)." The full stop should be outside the brackets, Strong Bad types it inside.

Inside References

Real-World References

  • The Rad Rad Robotank is likely a double-reference to Transformers (the head is that of Optimus Prime), and to the Newgrounds.com logo (the overall pose is very similar).
    • The fact that it appears as a stencil is possibly a jab at Newgrounds' tendency to encourage people to place their promotional stickers everywhere.
  • Chef Boyardee was an Italian chef who is famous for his canned food franchise.
  • The black and white portrait of Strong Bad bears a strong resemblence to ones found in The Wall Street Journal, which is probably the "rich-guy newspaper" he was referring to.
  • Strong Bad mentions "anybody with a useless Master of Fine Arts Degree." Mike Chapman has a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree, and dropped out of graduate school feeling that his photographic style was not commercially viable.

External Links

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