portrait

From Homestar Runner Wiki

Revision as of 04:36, 5 December 2005

Done by a Deutsch Master

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, The Cheat/Firebert, Homestar Runner, Strong Mad

Places: Computer Room, Strong Mad's Room, Strong Bad's Basement

Transcript

STRONG BAD: Hey everybody, it's a musical Strong Bad Email this week! {presses enter} {singing} Doo doo doo Dear Strong Bad, oh I was wondering—{stops singing} I can't keep this up.

subject: portrait

Dear Strong Bad-
I was wondering if you ever wanted to have somebody
paint a portrait of  your greatness.
guess what, it's-
Dylan Brangers (aka Coolio da Fabio)
Texas

STRONG BAD: {typing} Guess what? Nobody calls you Coolio da Fabio (aka quit making up nicknames for yourself.) I'm just gonna call you Dealin' Burgers, which I assume doubles as an accurate job description.

{clears screen}

STRONG BAD: Moving onwardly, I suppose my greatness is worthy of portraiture. Perhaps one done by a Deutsch Master.

{Cut to a portrait.}

STRONG BAD: The kind that are always getting stolen or vandalized by art bandits.

{The Cheat appears from the top and paints on the portrait with spraypaint.}

STRONG BAD: {not typing} Thanks little buddy; now it's worth something.

THE CHEAT: {makes noises like Strong Bad is welcome}

{Cut back to the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: {resumes typing} Or what about one of those black and white ink portraits you see in all the rich-guy newspapers.

{Cut to a rich-guy newspaper}

STRONG BAD: Well apparently they're not rich enough to afford any color. Or even solid lines... Just a bunch of dots and dashes. I look like Morse Code. {imitates speaking as though in Morse Code} Dah dah dah dee dee dee... I-I a-am h-holding a-a r-re-eal-ly o-old c-cell ph-phone.

{Cut back to the Lappy. The screen has cleared}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Oops. No. Hey, I got it! A painting of such greatness demands only the finest materials. And what could be finer than black velvet in a cheap imitation wood frame? It would be showcased—

{Cut to the velvet painting}

STRONG BAD: —in only the fanciest double-wide trailers. Oh, and look! I finally caught that skunk. I been chasing after that little scamp for—

{The shot suddenly shifts to the right to reveal a poster of a unicorn.}

STRONG BAD: —Whoa! Is that a blacklight poster of a unicorn riding a snowmobile?! Now that is some esteemed company.

{A Cold One flies at the lamp and shatters it.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Thanks for breaking my moose lamp.

{Cut back to the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Unfortunately, I don't know anyone with a useless Master of Fine Arts degree, so I might have to settle for something a bit more, how you say, made by Strong Mad or The Cheat.

{Cut to The Cheat, who is noisily gnawing Strong Bad's face into a log.}

STRONG BAD: Very... uh, slobbery, The Cheat. This isn't quite what I had in mind when you said "sculpture."

{Music starts playing.}

STRONG BAD: You're really just... goin' to town there, aren't ya?

{Strong Bad stares at The Cheat working for a moment.}

STRONG BAD: I'm gonna just {motinging with his glove} leave you two alone.

{Strong Bad backs away.}

Easter Eggs

• Click the white card by the portrait by the Deutsch Master to see an "Adventures of Strong Badman" comic book.
• Click the keyswordtar at the end to see a printable version of the tank stencil the Cheat used to vandalize the painting.
• Click Lord Quackingstick at the end to see Strong Bad show off his keyswordtar to Homestar.

{Cut to The Field with Homestar and Strong Bad holding the keyswordtar, his head still in the hole, although it has been broken off from the rest of the portrait.}

STRONG BAD: So that's when I realized I don't even need lamaze classes.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Strong Bad, there's something different about you. Did you get a haircut?

STRONG BAD: No, but I did get this new keyswordtar. Maow, maow, maoooooooow. {falsetto} Keyboard, keyboooooard. {normal} Maow, maow, maooooooooow. {falsetto} Fight some brigands!! {Homestar holds up a SAAB lighter, Strong Bad's voice returns to normal.} Maow Maow, Maoooow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-owwowwoww-whammy-barrrrruh.

Fun Facts

Trivia

• The left side of the newspaper reads:

Mulligatawny
stew rose high in
the markets today
fter rumors spread
a really sweet deal
over at my place
usually get started
d nine and go until
who knows when!
Pork bellies will be
erved around 8-ish.
tures to follow at 9
ase bring your own
pkins if you're into
 that crap. Not me.
ipe hands on pants,
 yo. Anyways, I'm
ally rich and money
s still very valuable.

Remarks

• The lighter in the keyswordtar Easter egg is a Saab lighter, as opposed to the usual BMW one.
• The fours in The Cheat's 4rt b4ndit shirt are another example of Leetspeak in the toons.

Inside References

• Homestar also thanked someone for breaking his lamp in caper, although it was then a cow lamp.
• A Strong Badman comic appeared in connection with a "Deutschman" in haircut.
• The velvet painting of Strong Bad holding the skunk was done by Lem Sportsinterviews.
• The gnawing pose for The Cheat was last used in personal favorites. In the DVD commentary, The Brothers Chaps mention wanting to use that pose again.

Real-World References

• Mulligatawny is a kind of soup.
• The head of the tank easter egg resembles that of a Transformer, quite likely Optimus Prime.

External Links

• Watch
• View the Flash File