mini-golf

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Revision as of 19:43, 18 March 2008

"And yes, it's every bit as messed up as the cartoon on which it's based."

A trip to the Sweet Puttin' Cakes mini-golf course is followed by insanity.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Drive-Thru Whale, The Cheat, Homestar Runner, The Worm, Keyboard Strong Bad, The Wheelchair, Coach Z, Homsar (Easter egg)

Places: Computer Room, Sweet Puttin' Cakes, Strong Bad's Basement

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: Monday, August 13, 2007

Running Time: 4:27

Page Title: Lappy 486

Transcript

STRONG BAD: {singing} E-mail! I'm so in love with you! It's kind of inappropriate!

subject: miniature golf course

Helllooooooo Strongbad,
I was wondering if Strongbadia had a miniature golf
course because I think it would be cool if Strongbadia
had a miniature golf course.
Hoping to play the Strongbadia miniature golf course soon,
Somebody noone cares about in IA

{Strong Bad pronounces "Helllooooooo" as "Hell-la-la-la-la-looooo" and adds "Also known as, Everyone in Iowa" at the end of the e-mail. Also, he says "Strongbadia miniature golf course" the exact same way every time}

STRONG BAD: {typing} What, are you getting paid everytime you say the words 'miniature golf course?' Because I'd, miniature golf course, like to get in on that ac-miniature golf course-tion.

{clears screen}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Of, miniature golf course, course, I don't sell out for cheap. I usually get {typing in orange} Kozmik Bowling {cha-ching sound from a cash register; continues typing normally} 50 bucks everytime I {typing in red} That Paintball Place Down the Street {cha-ching sound; typing normally} mention some kind of {typing in blue} Waterslide Dan's MoistWorld {cha-ching sound; typing normally} fun-time emporium.

{New Paper comes down}

STRONG BAD: No, no, no! Not now! Did that sound like I was done? Get back up there!

{New Paper goes back up, making a "eang clonk vvvvvt" sound. Strong Bad clears the screen.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Anyways, what were we talking about? Oh yeah, mini-golf. Strong Badia doesn't have a place of its own, so when we need to get our tiny golf on, we usually head over to...

{Cut to a sign that reads "Sweet Puttin' Cakes, Puttiature Golf-Golf". The Sweet Cuppin' Cakes theme tune plays.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Sweet Puttin' Cakes.

{Zoom out to reveal a Sweet Cuppin' Cakes based area. Multiple miniature golf holes are scattered around the sign, including one featuring the Drive-Thru Whale and three holes. Eh! Steve! stands on top of a large golf ball waving a putter. Three regular golf balls are seen bouncing up and down on a piece of turf.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And yes, it's every bit as messed up as the cartoon on which it's based. In fact, we don't even know how to get there.

{Zoom in to the three golf balls bouncing up and down. Slow pan across the hole to a metal version of Sherlock lying on the hole with his mouth open.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} It's just like, one minute you're thinking about miniature golf...

{Cut to Strong Bad's basement. The Cheat and Strong Bad are lying on the couch. The remote lies near The Cheat's feet.}

STRONG BAD: You know what I love? The smell of that rubber handle on the putters, that you know like a thousand other...

{The audio track slows way down. Zoom in to Strong Bad's mouth.}

STRONG BAD: ...people have touched.

{The screen fades to black.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} ...and the next minute, you're there.

{Cut back to Sweet Puttin' Cakes. The Cheat and Strong Bad appear in the middle of the screen.}

STRONG BAD: Whoa!

THE CHEAT: {simultaneously} {impressed The Cheat noises}

{Strong Bad and The Cheat look around. Strong Bad starts scratching the back of his head.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Your descent into madness begins on the first hole.

{Cut to Homestar standing in a circular piece of turf holding a putter. A sign reads "Par 10¹⁰". A ball is at his feet. Off to the right is the metal version of Sherlock.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} The Wormhole.

{Homestar putts the ball. The ball rolls towards the hole when suddenly the hole moves to the right. Homestar looks surprised. Zoom in on the hole. The Worm pops up. As he speaks, the words he says come out of his mouth.}

THE WORM: Get your own!

{The Worm bites into the golf ball. Its other end comes out of the ball and bites the first. It then travels in a circle down the hole and back up out of the ball. Zoom out to Homestar contemplating what's happening.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Umm, I'm gonna say that's a birdie. {Homestar bends over and squints at the worms, then straightens up} Yep. Definitely a birdie. {Homestar bends over and squints two more times}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Things calm down a little bit for the...

{Cut to a sign reading "Eh!th Steve!".}

STRONG BAD: {imitating Eh! Steve!} ...Eh!th, Steve! {normal} hole.

{Zoom out to reveal a hole where Eh! Steve! is seen moving his mouth up and down, revealing a hole every time it opens, and making a quiet "ahh" sound every time it opens or closes. On the turf, the hill moves forward and backwards. Strong Bad walks in from the bottom of the screen. Cut to view of Strong Bad and The Cheat at the beginning of the hole. Strong Bad is on the starting mat, preparing to putt. Homestar is still visible in the background, examining the loop of worms. Zoom in on Strong Bad. An arm similar to Strong Bad's reaches in from the right side of the screen and taps Strong Bad on the shoulder.}

STRONG BAD: What?

{Cut to view of Keyboard Strong Bad, holding a putter. Keyboard Strong Bad starts playing demo music and jumping up and down. Cut back to view of the beginning of the hole with The Cheat, Strong Bad, and Keyboard Strong Bad in view.}

STRONG BAD: Okay, geez! I didn't know you were ahead of us! No need to play the whole demo, man!

{Cut to view of the Eh! Steve! hole. Strong Bad stands aside and Keyboard Strong Bad enters. Keyboard Strong Bad putts a hole in one.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And of course, if you sink the putt, you get rewarded with that heavenly sound!

EH! STEVE!: EH! STEVE!

{A tile opens up, revealing The Wheelchair.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: ROOTY ROO ROO AND A FROOTY FROOO!

{The tile closes and the screen dims slightly.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} The place isn't above some of the usual mini-golf transgressions though.

{Cut to a white statue of The Wheelchair with a sign reading "Statch!" next to it.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Like the infamous "statue hole".

{Zoom out to reveal The Cheat, holding a putter, and Strong Bad at the beginning of a hole.}

STRONG BAD: {flatly} Oh. Watch out, The Cheat. There is a statue of a wheelchair outside the field of play, several feet away.

{Zoom back in to the statue. Cricket sounds are heard.}

STRONG BAD: Not moving at all. Just, statuing.

{Cut back to Strong Bad and The Cheat}

STRONG BAD: On top of that, the hole is about one foot from the tee. {screen pans down to reveal so} Isn't the fun, almost, too much, to take?

{The screen dims slightly as The Cheat putts and misses.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And yes, even in this infernal place, you can't escape...

{Cut to a shot of Ready for Primetime with water flowing from its mouth into a lake. Slowly zoom out to reveal a hole with a bridge over the lake. Bumps in the course keep appearing and disappearing. A sign reads "Par ₂O".}

STRONG BAD: ..."the blue family recreation water"! That stuff's just begging for kids to either drink it, or pee in it.

{A ball is putted across the course and stops near the bumps. A bump appears under it, knocking it into the water.}

STRONG BAD: Or worse...

{Zoom back in to Ready for Primetime.}

STRONG BAD: {queasy} ...booooooooooooth.

{On the right side, black letters reading "BOTH" slowly crawl down the screen into the lake, creating a cloud of blackness in the water. Homestar pops up from underwater, slightly tinged blue}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Whoo! I didn't find my ball, but I did see some exotic marine life!

{Strong Bad walks in from the top right part of the screen}

STRONG BAD: Homestar, all that's down there is cigarette butts.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: And... a bra. {holds up a brassiere}

STRONG BAD: Sweet! {gives the thumbs up sign}

{Cut to Coach Z, on a circular hole with a rocky wall, and a sign with "Par ∞" on it. Coach Z is holding a putter with a red golf ball at his feet.}

STRONG BAD: The 18th hole puts a unique twist on the standard bottomless-hole-that-sucks-your-golf-ball-away-forever, hole.

{Zoom out to reveal the course is in the middle of space. Atmospheric music plays. Coach Z putts. The ball goes into the hole, drops down offscreen and then falls from the top of the screen onto Coach Z's head. The ball bounces off his head and lands at his feet. Zoom in on Coach Z's head.}

COACH Z: Oh, I guess I forgort to port.

{Coach Z putts again. The ball again falls into the hole and down onto Coach Z's head. The ball bounces off his head and lands at his feet}

COACH Z: Oh! I guess I forgat to prat!

{Once again, Coach Z putts, and the cycle repeats}

COACH Z: OH! Gorka fa pork!

{Coach Z putts once again, repeating the cycle yet again.}

STRONG BAD: This will go on forever if you let it. In fact, {cut back to the Sweet Puttin' Cakes, slowly panning diagonally downwards} the only way we've found to leave Sweet Puttin' Cakes, {Strong Bad and The Cheat enter from opposite sides of the screen} is to simply will yourself back into reality.

{Strong Bad and The Cheat both scrunch their faces and grunt. Cut back to the couch. Both The Cheat and Strong Bad appear on the couch exactly how they were before}

STRONG BAD: {speaking backwards}

THE CHEAT: {surprised The Cheat noises}

STRONG BAD: {shakes head} Whoa, that was weird. {zoom in on Strong Bad, smacking his lips} My mouth tastes like backwards.

{Cut to The Cheat.}

THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}

STRONG BAD: Your mouth tastes like what?

{The Cheat open his mouth, showing his teeth dyed with the blue water from Sweet Puttin' Cakes. Zoom out to show the full couch}

STRONG BAD: The Cheat! You didn't!

THE CHEAT: {shrugs} {apologetic The Cheat noises}

{New Paper comes down.}

STRONG BAD: There you go! See? That was a punchline! And, another thing. Are you ever not running out of ink?

Easter Eggs

The "That Paintball Place Down the Street" Scorecard.

• Click on "Kozmik Bowling", "That Paintball Place Down the Street", and "Waterslide Dan's Moistworld" to see scorecards from each of these establishments.
• At the end, click the remote to see a scene at the Drive-Thru Whale hole.

{Strong Bad is arguing with the Drive-Thru Whale on a green with no apparent hole. A sign reads "Par, please".}

STRONG BAD: {irritated} No, the hole. Where is the hole?

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Pour gravel on your stump please, ma'am.

STRONG BAD: Did you just tell my mom to pour gravel on her stump?

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Cave your brown.

STRONG BAD: Cave my brown? Homsar, is that you?

{Homsar floats by in the background. His hat leaves his head, flies off the top of the screen, but does not return. Strong Bad turns to look at him.}

HOMSAR: AaAaA! Don't count on it, monster may-an!

Fun Facts

Explanations

• In golf, par refers to the number of strokes expected to complete a hole.
• A birdie is one stroke under par.
• 10¹⁰ is equal to 10,000,000,000, or 10 billion.
• ∞ is the sign for infinity.
• A wormhole is an occurrence in theoretical physics in which two different points are connected to one another through a tunnel in space-time, in a way that entering one end instantly transports matter and energy to the other end.
• The worm biting itself alludes to Ouroboros (A single snake that devours itself, symbolizing the concept of cyclicality or philosophical perennialism).
• Par₂O refers to H₂O, the molecular formula for water.
• Kosmik (or Cosmic) Bowling is a promotion where fluorescent pins, black lights, and loud music are used on the lanes.
• Many Mini-Golf courses have water that is dyed blue. The dye keeps aquatic flora from growing on the water's surface.
• On many mini-golf courses, after the ball is sunk in the 18th (final) hole, it goes into a chest that only golf course employees can open.
• "Sweet Puttin' Cakes, Puttiature Golf-Golf" is written on the sign; miniature golf is also known as putt-putt.

Trivia

• Strong Bad's backwards speech as he and The Cheat return are the words "thousand other people have touched", from the beginning, though not as slowly.

• The synthesized "vocal" instrument used in the Sweet Puttin' Cakes music is probably an homage to the 1988 game Zany Golf, which has a similar synthesized vocal instrument in its music. The concept of the Sweet Puttin' Cakes course may have also been inspired in part by Zany Golf, which is fairly surreal and has many unusual and bizarre holes.

Remarks

• All characters putt right-handed. Also, when Coach Z putts, his right hand is above his left hand (cross-handed), which is reversed from the proper form for right-handed putting (right hand below left hand).
• When New Paper appears the first time, the "Click Here to Email Strong Bad" link is fully functional.
  • The New Paper drops much more quickly than it did in the paper.
• In the beginning, the Drive-Thru Whale putting surface is seen with several holes, but in the Easter egg, all the holes are gone, and the green is differently shaped.
• There is no Back button at the end of the email.
• Strong Bad previously spoke backwards in rock opera.
• The sound of Keyboard Strong Bad tapping Strong Bad on the shoulder is made with the same Casio VL-Tone keyboard that the "demo music" comes from.

Goofs

• In the beginning of the email, Strong Bad types "every time" as one word.
• There is no link back to the Email menu at the end of the Email

Inside References

• One of the players in the bowling scorecard easter egg is named Dan.
  • Strong Bad also mentions "Waterslide Dan's Moistworld" for yet another reference to the name "Dan".
• Rumble Red appears on the KommunistKozmik Bowling scorecard.
• Strong Bad saying his mouth tastes like backwards is a reference to the Strong Bad Email morning routine, where he said his mouth tasted like emails.
• Homestar finds a bra in the lake.
• Strong Bad claims that the only thing in the pond are cigarette butts.
• "Puttiature" is a portmanteau.

External Links

• watch "mini-golf"
• watch "mini-golf" on the old Flash site
• view the Flash file for "mini-golf"
• forum thread re: "mini-golf"