mini-golf

From Homestar Runner Wiki

Revision as of 19:55, 13 August 2007

The madness begins.

A trip to the Sweet Puttin' Cakes mini-golf course followed by madness.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Eh! Steve!, Drive-Thru Whale, Sherlock, The Cheat, Homestar Runner, The Worm, Keyboard Strong Bad, The Wheelchair, Ready For Primetime, Coach Z, Homsar (Easter egg)

Places: Computer Room, Sweet Puttin' Cakes, Strong Bad's Basement

Date: Monday, August 13, 2007

Running Time: 4:27

Page Title: Lappy 486

Transcript

STRONG BAD: E-mail! I'm so in love with you! It's kind of inappropriate!

subject: miniature golf course

Helllooooooo Strongbad,
I was wondering if Strongbadia had a miniature golf
course because I think it would be cool if Strongbadia
had a miniature golf course.
Hoping to play the Strongbadia miniature golf course soon,
Somebody noone cares about in IA

{Strong Bad pronounces "Helllooooooo" as "Hell-la-la-la-la-looooo" and adds "Also known as, Everyone in Iowa" at the end of the e-mail}

STRONG BAD: {typing} What, are you getting paid every time you say the words 'miniature golf course?' Because I'd, miniature golf course, like to get in on that ac-miniature golf course-tion.

{clears screen}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Of, miniature golf course, course, I don't sell out for cheap. I usually get {typing in orange} Kozmik Bowling {cha-ching sound from a cash register; continues typing normally} 50 bucks everytime I {typing in red} That Paintball Place Down the Street {cha-ching sound; typing normally} mention some kind of {typing in blue} Waterslide Dan's MoistWorld {cha-ching sound; typing normally} fun-time emporium.

{New Paper comes down.}

STRONG BAD: No, no, no! Not now! Did that sound like I was done? Get back up there!

{New Paper goes back up. Strong Bad clears the screen.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Anyways, what were we talking about? Oh yeah, mini-golf. Strong Badia doesn't have a place of its own, so when we need to get our tiny golf on, we usually head over to...

{Cut to a sign that reads "Sweet Puttin' Cakes, Puttiature Golf-Golf".}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Sweet Puttin' Cakes.

{Zoom out to reveal a Sweet Cuppin' Cakes based area. Multiple miniature golf holes are scattered around the sign. Eh! Steve! stands on top of a large golf ball holding a putter.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And yes, it's every bit as messed up as the cartoon on which it's based. In fact, we don't even know how to get there.

{Zoom in to three golf balls bouncing on a piece of turf. Slow pan across the hole to a metal version of Sherlock lying on the hole with his mouth open.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} It's just like, one minute you're thinking about miniature golf...

{Cut to Strong Bad's basement. The Cheat and Strong Bad are lying on the couch. The remote lies near The Cheat's feet.}

STRONG BAD: You know what I love? The smell of that rubber handle on the putters, that you know like a thousand other...

{The audio track slows down. Zoom in to Strong Bad's Mouth.}

STRONG BAD: ...people have touched.

{The screen fades to black.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} ...and the next minute, you're there.

{Cut back to Sweet Puttin' Cakes. The Cheat and Strong Bad appear in the middle of the screen.}

STRONG BAD: Whoa!

THE CHEAT: {simultaneously} {impressed The Cheat noises}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Your descent into madness begins on the first hole. The Wormhole.

{Cut to Homestar standing in a circular piece of turf holding a putter. A ball is at his feet. Off to the right is the metal version of Sherlock. Homestar putts the ball. The ball rolls towards the hole when suddenly the hole moves to the right. Zoom in on the hole. The Worm pops up.}

THE WORM: Get your own.

{The Worm bites into the golf ball. Another Worm appears and bites the first. They then travel in a circle down the hole and back up out of the ball. Zoom out to previous scene}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Umm, I'm gonna say that's a birdie. {Homestar bends over and squints at the worms} Yep. Definitely a birdie. {Homestar bends over and squints again}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Things calm down a little bit for the Eh!, th, Steve! hole.

{Cut to a hole where Eh! Steve! is seen moving his mouth up and down, revealing a hole every time it opens. Strong Bad walks in from the bottom of the screen. Cut to view of Strong Bad and The Cheat at the beginning of the hole. Strong Bad is on the starting mat. Homestar is still visible in the background, examining the loop of worms. Zoom in on Strong Bad. An arm similar to Strong Bad's reaches in from the right side of the screen and taps Strong Bad on the shoulder.}

STRONG BAD: What?

{Cut to view of Keyboard Strong Bad. Keyboard Strong Bad starts playing music and jumping up and down. Cut back to view of the beginning of the hole with The Cheat, Strong Bad, and Keyboard Strong Bad in view.}

STRONG BAD: Okay, geez! I didn't know you were ahead of us! No need to play the whole demo, man!

{Cut to view of the Eh! Steve! hole. Strong Bad exits the bottom and Keyboard Strong Bad enters. Keyboard Strong Bad putts a hole in one.}

STRONG BAD: Of course, if you sink the putt, you get rewarded with that heavenly sound!

EH! STEVE!: EH! STEVE!

{A tile opens up, revealing The Wheelchair.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: ROOTY ROO ROO AND A FROOTY FROOO!

{The screen dims slightly.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} The place isn't above some of the usual mini-golf transgressions though.

{Cut to a white statue of The Wheelchair with a sign reading "Statch!" next to it.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Like the infamous "statue hole".

{Zoom out to reveal The Cheat and Strong Bad at the beginning of a hole.}

STRONG BAD: Oh! Watch out, The Cheat! There is a statue of a wheelchair outside the field of play, several feet away!

{Zoom back in to the statue.}

STRONG BAD: Not moving at all! Just, statuing! On top of that, the hole is about one foot from the tee. {pan down to reveal so} Isn't the fun, almost, too much, to take?

{The screen dims slightly as The Cheat putts and misses.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And yes, even in this infernal place, you can't escape the blue family recreation water!

{Cut to a shot of Ready for Primetime with water flowing from its mouth into a lake. Slowly zoom out to reveal a hole with a bridge over the lake. Bumps in the course keep appearing and disappearing.}

STRONG BAD: That stuff's just begging for kids to either drink it, or pee in it.

{A ball is putted across the course and stops near the bumps. A bump appears under it, knocking it into the water.}

STRONG BAD: Or worse, {queasy} booooooooooooth.

{Zoom back in to Ready for Primetime. On its right side black letters reading "BOTH" slowly crawl down the screen into the lake. Homestar pops up from underwater, slightly tinged blue}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Whoo! I didn't find my ball, but I did see some exotic marine life!

{Strong Bad walks in from the top right part of the screen}

STRONG BAD: Homestar, all that's down there is cigarette butts.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: And... a bra. {holds up a brassiere}

STRONG BAD: Sweet! {gives the thumbs up sign}

{Cut to Coach Z, on a circular hole with a rocky wall, holding a putter with a red golf ball at his feet. Zoom out to reveal it's in the middle of space.}

STRONG BAD: The 18th hole puts a unique twist on the standard bottomless-hole-that-sucks-your-golf-ball-away-forever, hole.

{Coach Z putts. The ball falls into the hole and drops down offscreen then falls from the top of the screen onto Coach Z's head. The ball bounces off his head and lands at his feet. Zoom in on Coach Z's head.}

COACH Z: Oh, I guess I forgort to port!

{Coach Z putts again. The ball again falls into the hole and down onto Coach Z's head. The ball bounces off his head and lands at his feet}

COACH Z: Oh, I guess I forgat to prat!

{Once again, Coach Z putts, and the cycle repeats}

COACH Z: Oh! Fork of a pork!

{Coach Z putts once again.}

STRONG BAD: This will go on forever if you let it. In fact, {cut back to Sweet Puttin' Cakes} the only way we've found to leave Sweet Puttin' Cakes, {Strong Bad and The Cheat enter from opposite sides of the screen} is to simply will yourself back into reality.

{Strong Bad and The Cheat both scrunch their faces and grunt. Cut back to the couch. Both The Cheat and Strong Bad appear on the couch exactly how they were before}

STRONG BAD: .dehcuot evah elpoep rehto dnasuoht a ekil wonk uoy hcihw ,rettup eht no eldnah rebbur taht fo llems ehT

THE CHEAT: {surprised The Cheat noises}

STRONG BAD: Aie-e-i-e-i-e-ah. Whoa, that was weird. {zoom in on Strong Bad} My mouth tastes like, backwards.

{Cut to The Cheat.}

THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}

STRONG BAD: Your mouth tastes like what?

{The Cheat open his mouth, revealing some of the water from Sweet Puttin' Cakes. Zoom out to show the full couch}

STRONG BAD: The Cheat! You didn't!

THE CHEAT: {shrugs} {apologetic The Cheat noises}

{New Paper comes down.}

STRONG BAD: There you go! See? That was a punchline! And, another thing. Are you ever not running out of ink?

Easter Eggs

• Click on "Kozmik Bowling", "That Paintball Place Down the Street", and "Waterslide Dan's Moistworld" to see scorecards from each of the establishments.
• At the end, click the remote to see a scene at the Drive-Thru Whale hole.

{Strong Bad is arguing with the Drive-Thru Whale on a green with no apparent hole}

STRONG BAD: {irritated} No, the hole. Where is the hole?

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Pour gravel on your stump please, ma'am.

STRONG BAD: Did you just tell my mom to pour gravel on her stump?

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Cave your brown.

STRONG BAD: Cave my brown? Homsar, is that you?

{Homsar floats by in the background}

HOMSAR: AaAaAaAaA! Don't count on it, monster man!

Fun Facts

Explanations

• In golf, par refers to the number of strokes expected to complete a hole.
• A birdie is one stroke under par.
• 10¹⁰ = 10,000,000,000, or 10 billion.
• ∞ is the sign for infinity.
• Many Mini-Golf courses have water that is dyed blue.
• The worm biting itself alludes to uroboros (A single snake that devours itself, symbolizing the concept of cyclicality or philosophical perennialism).

Trivia

• Strong Bad's backwards speech as he and The Cheat return are the words "thousand other people have touched" from the beginning (although not slowed as much).

Remarks

• In the beginning, the Drive-Thru Whale putting surface is seen with several holes, but in the Easter egg, all the holes are gone.
• All characters putt right-handed. Also, when Coach Z putts, his right hand is above his left hand, which is reversed from the proper form for right-handed putting (right hand below left hand).
• There is no Back button at the end of the email.

Inside References

• One of the players in the bowling scorecard easter egg is named Dan.

• Strong Bad also mentions "Waterslide Dan's Moistworld" for yet another reference to the name "Dan".

• Rumble Red appears on the KommunistKosmik Bowling scorecard.
• Strong Bad saying his mouth tastes like backwards is a reference to the Strong Bad Email morning routine, where he said his mouth tastes like emails.
• The black sludge that enters the water appears similar to the blackness that appeared when Coach Z removed his bathing suit in underlings.

Real World References

• The "Sweet Puttin' Cakes, Puttiature Golf-Golf" sign is a play on the fact that miniature golf is sometimes known as "putt-putt".
• Kosmik (or Cosmic) Bowling is a promotion where fluorescent pins, black lights, and loud music are used on the lanes.

External Links

• watch "mini-golf"
• watch "mini-golf" on the old Flash site
• view the Flash file for "mini-golf"
• forum thread re: "mini-golf"