love poems

From Homestar Runner Wiki

"Everybody knows I'm the only one around here with any real no-arms-on experience with the lady-makes!"

Strong Bad writes love poems for the hopeless homeless romantic.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Coach Z, Cheerleader, So and So, Meredith, Kimberly, Arrow'd Guy, Tenerence Love, Homestar Runner, Strong Sad (Easter egg)

Places: Computer Room, The Classroom, Strong Sad's Room (Easter egg)

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: Monday, May 26, 2008

Running Time: 4:26

Page Title: Lappy 486

DVD: strongbad_email.exe Disc Six

Transcript

STRONG BAD: {singing} Girl, where's my money that you owe me from all those emails that you wrote me?

subject: love poem

Dear Mr. Strong [Bad],
I am in love. Unfortunately, I am absotively blunderous with
my words which I speak. Will you help me write a love poem?
Sincerely,
Just Another Hopeless Romantic

{Strong Bad pauses just before reading "[Bad]". He reads "Hopeless" as "homeless".}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Well, put on your patchy-stained jacket and gather 'round the fire in the trashcan, Homeless Romantic, 'cause the Rub [Doctor] {same pause duration as before} is here to help!

{Cut to the classroom, where Strong Bad is standing in front of the blackboard, wearing a charcoal gray turtleneck and balding brown hair. The word "Rub" is written on the blackboard next to an arrow pointing downwards.}

STRONG BAD: Hi. I'm Doctor Marvin Rubdown. Did you know that writing love poems is as easy as telling a girl she's hot with the fance-pantsiest words you can think of? {cut to a view from Strong Bad's front-left} For poetic inspiration, I like to swipe the names of scented candle fragrances!

{Fade out. Fade in to Strong Bad, still with the sweater and hair, in front of a gray background. Strong Bad's voice slightly echoes.}

STRONG BAD: Your eyes, {holds up a lit orange and green candle with a label saying "Sandalwood Sage Sunset" in his left hand} they flicker like a Sandalwood Sage Sunset.

{He puts his hand back down.}

STRONG BAD: Your hair flows like Fresh Cotton Linens {holds up a lit white candle with a label saying "Fresh Cotton Linens" in his right hand} hung to dry on the deck.

{He puts his hand down, holds up a lit brown candle with a label saying "Grandma's Apple Cinnamon Spice" in his left hand.}

STRONG BAD: Grandma's Apple Cinnamon Spice is the scented candle I would use to describe your mouth.

{He puts his hand back down}

STRONG BAD: And your nose: like an unscented emergency candle {holds up a white, unlabeled candle in his left hand} for when the power goes out.

{Cut back to the classroom. Echoes stop}

STRONG BAD: Another way of fancying up a love poem is to replace random letters in the middle of words with apostrophes.

{Cut to a closeup of the blackboard; the "Rub" and the arrow have been erased but remain faintly visible.}

STRONG BAD: {as he speaks, the words in quotes appear on the blackboard in chalk. Strong Bad's voice slightly echoes again} "It is never ever over, my lover of clover" becomes "'Tis ne'er e'er o'er m'lo'er o' clo'er".

{Cut to a closeup of Strong Bad; Coach Z is leaning in from the right. Echoes stop}

COACH Z: Now you're sporkin' my language!

STRONG BAD: Get out! {Coach Z leaves quickly} Women love it when you talk all Elizabethan. {"-Elizabethan" appears to the right of Strong Bad.} But you shouldn't be afraid to get Kimberlian {"-Kimberlian" appears under "-Elizabethan"} or Meredithian {"-Meredithian" appears under "-Kimberlian"} if the need arises.

{Cut to a Teen Girl Squad scene with Cheerleader and So and So; Cheerleader has an annoyed look and is wearing a shirt that reads "poi fect".}

CHEERLEADER: I can't stand the way Meredith talks!

{Cut to a wider shot with Cheerleader, still looking annoyed, So and So, frowning, and Meredith, bending backward with a pleased look on her face and her tongue hanging out}

MEREDITH: I'th hath a cruth on ethry boy'th!

{Cut to a yet wider shot; Cheerleader and So and So still look irritated; Meredith now has a quizzical look; Kimberly runs in with her mouth wide open and her hair flying behind her}

KIMBERLY: I herly berly on gerly werly!

{Arrowed Guy appears dressed as William Shakespeare and spears Meredith and Kimberly; Cheerleader and So and So appear pleased.}

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: Shakespeared!

{Cut back to the classroom}

STRONG BAD: But if that frilly collar stuff is too olde schoole {pronounces the E's in both words as "eh"} for you, then why not try a more contemporary approach with an overweight R&B make-out jam? {music begins to play} As long as your tone is well-dressed and sweaty enough, it doesn't matter what you say!

{Cut to a black Powered by The Cheat background with yellow lights shining out of it. Tenerence Love, holding a microphone and visibly perspiring, is in the lower right, slowly drifting to the upper left.}

TENERENCE LOVE: {sings} This is Tenerence Love with a sweaty overweight jam!

{Tenerence Love disappears and reappears in the lower left, drifting to the upper right}

TENERENCE LOVE: My name is Tenerence Love with a sweaty overweight ham!

{Tenerence Love disappears and reappears in the upper center, drifting down}

TENERENCE LOVE: It may be five pounds...

{The symbol for the Pound sterling appears in Tenerence Love's right sunglasses lens, the number 5 in his left lens}

TENERENCE LOVE: ...ten pounds, {the 5 changes to a 10} twenty pounds,

{The 10 changes to a 20. Tenerence Love disappears and two Tenerence Loves appear on both sides and drift toward the center}

TENERENCE LOVE: Just a little bit overweight, now welcome, girl, to sweaty town!

{Cut back to the classroom.}

STRONG BAD: And when that gets you slapped and escorted from her building by security, you can always buy a fourteen-pound bag of extra-long—

{Homestar Runner enters from the left wearing a charcoal gray turtleneck similar to Strong Bad's, but with a black star on it.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {interrupting} Ah, ha ha, ha ha! Oh, Strong Bad. It's funny to me when you try to play grown-up!

STRONG BAD: {raising his fist} What are you talking about, Mary Ann?

{Cut to a close-up of Homestar}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Everybody knows I'm the only one around here with any real no-arms-on experience with the lady-makes! {cut back to wider view of the classroom} Just listen to this little make-out inducing number I threw together this mo'nin'! {starts dancing and speaking in rhythm} This mo'nin'! {Strong Bad begins to dance along} This mo, re-mo, re-mo-mo'nin'!

STRONG BAD: All right, but only 'cause that little song was kind of cool!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ahem!

{Fade out. Fade in on Homestar Runner, still wearing his turtleneck and now with brown hair similar to Strong Bad's in front of a gray background. He is on the left; to the right of him a paper comes down with the word "MARZiPAN" written vertically. Homestar's voice slightly echoes.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: M is for milk. {"Milk" appears next to the "M" on the paper} The real stuff! {looking annoyed} Not soy. {no longer annoyed}
A is for not-organic apples. {"APPLES" appears next to the "A" on the paper} Pesticides ahoy!
R is for raisins, {"RAISINS" appears next to the "R" on the paper} they give me bad gas!
Z is too hard, so at this one, I'll pass. {"(PASS)" appears next to the "Z" on the paper}
I is for inchiladas! {"inchiladas" appears next to the "i" on the paper} And—

STRONG BAD: {angry voiceover} Homestar!

{Cut back to the classroom, Homestar no longer has brown hair and his hat is back on. Echoes stop}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, what's up?

{Cut to a closeup of Strong Bad}

STRONG BAD: That's not a love poem! That is a lavishly produced grocery list!

{Cut to a closeup of Homestar}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: No, {holds up a small piece of lined paper; writing on the other side saying "amazing thing" four times is faintly visible} here is my grocery list! Amazing thing, amazing thing, amazing thing, amazing thing.

{Cut back to the wider view of the classroom}

STRONG BAD: Whoa, where you been shopping?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: SkyMall.

STRONG BAD: Homestar, are you and Marzipan even dating right now?

{Cut to a closeup of Homestar Runner}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Are we even dating {chuckles and grins} right now? Are we even d— Are we even da—

{Cut back to wider view of the classroom}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {quieter and lower, with a sad look} No, she broke up with me again this morning.

STRONG BAD: This morning?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, I mean-a {singing and dancing as before} This mo'nin'!

HOMESTAR RUNNER AND STRONG BAD: {singing together} This mo'nin'! This mo, re-mo, re-mo—

{Cut back to Strong Bad at the Lappy}

STRONG BAD: {typing} So there you ha' it
My Homeless Roma'ic.
Love Poems 101
Oh the hearts you will win. {holds up a plug-in air freshener}
Like this lavender scented plug-in {puts the air freshener back down}
New paper, come on and get some!

{New Paper comes down}

Easter Eggs

Verses from the weird shrub and more!

• Click on "Homeless Romantic" at the beginning to view a book written by Senor Cardgage entitled "The Homeless Romantic".

the
HOMELESS
ROMANTIC

verses from the weird shrub
and alarming recipes for
brunswick stew

by
Senor Cardgage

• Click on the words "Love poems" at the end of the email to see a small clip with Strong Sad.

  {A very eager Strong Sad is jiggling up and down and holding a book of poems titled "Poem Tome by Strong Sad". A red phone with green marks that resemble Strong Bad's eyes is in the foreground, and the audio of the email can be heard faintly in the distance, along with the music from caffeine}

  STRONG SAD: Why isn't he calling me in on the Strong Badphone? This email was practically tailor-made for me!

  STRONG BAD: (simultaneously, muffled in background) ...Well, put on your patchy-stained jacket and gather 'round the fire in the trashcan, Homeless Romantic, 'cause the Rub...

Fun Facts

Explanations

• Elizabethan is late 16th century England, coinciding with the reign of Queen Elizabeth I. It is considered the first great era of English poetry and literature, producing authors like Shakespeare.
• The "removing of random letters" Strong Bad refers to is done in poems in order to maintain a strict poetic meter.
  • this has often reflected the dialect of particular poets; hence later poetry emulating the older language and styles.
• Homestar's "lavishly produced grocery list" actually resembles an acrostic poem.

Trivia

• The song info for Tenerence Love's song reads:

Tenerence Love
A Sweaty, Overweight Jam
Simma Down Girl
Director: The Cheat

• The summary of the Podstar Runner RSS feed reads, "Dr. Marvin Rubdown gives some advice on writing love poems."
  • This is also the YouTube description for this email, except with "some advice" replaced with "lessons".

Remarks

• In Strong Bad's suggestion of replacing letters with apostrophes, he uses eight. Ironically, he rebuked overusing apostrophes in unnatural.
• The shadows' offset on "-Elizabethan" and "-Kimberlian" slightly change when "-Meredithian" comes on screen.
  • "-Elizabethan" also slightly moves as "-Kimberlian" is added.
• The title and subtext of Homeless Romantic reiterates a point made in kind of cool, alongside many of the other Senor Cardgage appearances, that implied he was homeless.
• The sweat drops on Tenerence Love's head are smaller versions of the condensation drops shown in the Strong Bad Screensaver.

Goofs

Nevermind the email, Strong Sad, what's up with your arm (circled)?

• The back button appears at the bottom left of the viewing screen (making it nearly illegible), rather than the bottom left of the Lappy's screen, as is usual for emails ending on a computer closeup.
• In Strong Sad's Easter egg, Strong Sad's left arm doesn't go around his body, but is instead wrapped around the book he's holding.

Inside References

• Strong Bad's song about a girl that owes him money references bottom 10 where he charges "Simone" the "girl" $7.50 for the email.
• The music during Homestar and Strong Bad's poems is the music in do over, when Strong Bad placed a candle on the desk.
• Homestar mentions his lack of visible arms.
• Homestar's poem has each letter of Marzipan's name capitalized, except for one lowercase i.
  • Following suit, the word "inchiladas" is written in all lowercase letters, while all the others on Homestar's list are written in all caps.
• Homestar describes not-organic apples.
• Meredith's line echoes The Ugly One's line, "I have a crush on every boy!", from Teen Girl Squad Issue 1.
• Cheerleader's shirt reads "poifect", another instance of "Er" pronounced as "Oi".
• The Easter egg references Brunswick stew, first mentioned in New Boots.
• Strong Bad mentions grandparents.
• Homestar admits that Marzipan broke up with him.
• Homestar's grocery list is made entirely up of nondescript nouns.
• Tenerence Love's tongue is green, and his song mentions ham.
• Homestar previously tried to use a grocery list for an unrelated reason in The Interview.

Real-World References

• "I herly berly on gerly werly" is a reference to a line spoken by the second witch in Shakespeare's Macbeth. The line is "When the hurlyburly's done, when the battle's lost and won."
  • This reference could also be a combined reference to the song "Blinded By The Light" by Bruce Springsteen, whose lyrics consist of: "And little Early-Pearly came by in his curly-wurly and asked me if I needed a ride."
• Tenerence Love's overweight "R&B make-out jam" is a reference to soul singers such as Barry White and Luther Vandross, who were overweight singers but still attractive to female audiences.
• Homestar's "This Mo'nin" jam (specifically the way he says "Mo'nin") sounds like Newcleus' hip-hop classic, "Jam On It", and sounds nearly identical to the chorus of "Got" by Mos Def.
  • "Jam On It" was previously referenced in "Happy Hallow-day".
• Sky Mall is an airline catalog from which passengers can order various items after leaving the plane, or by use of airplane telephones. Most of the items in the catalog are gadgets and things that would appeal to those with higher incomes. It filed for bankruptcy in 2015.
• The Strong Bad Phone is similar in concept to the Batphone, a device Commissioner Gordon used to contact Batman in time of need in the live-action '60s television series.
• The Rub Doctor is also a reference to Super Ninja Boy, an adventure/RPG game on the SNES in which Rub-A-Doc brings peace to the universe.

DVD Version

• The DVD version features hidden creators' commentary. To access it, switch the DVD player's audio language selection while watching.

Commentary Transcript

(Commentary by: Mike Chapman, Matt Chapman, Ryan Sterritt)

MATT: You guys, I think we should all write love poems for our wives.

MIKE: Right now, during this commentary?

MATT: Yeah.

MIKE: Okay, I'll start.

MATT: Alright.

MIKE: You like to ride horses... and... make pasta, but not stir it up so it's always very clumpy.

MATT: Wait, no, you're already going the wrong way with this.

MIKE: But, wait, clumpy, I— I was going to be able to rhyme it with dumpy.

MATT: "And you look really dumpy"... That's great, Mike.

RYAN: Two out of the three... are not good.

MIKE: Um...

RYAN: When was the last love poem you actually wrote?

MIKE: Uh...

MATT: Have you ever written one?

MIKE: Not... maybe outside of, like, second or third grade, not seriously.

MATT: In high school, I'd write songs, but they weren't like— Y'know, they weren't overtly, like, romantic.

MIKE: Right, I would write songs about girls.

MATT: Yeah.

MIKE: Yeah.

MATT: I wrote an instrumental song about a girl once called "Mold".

MIKE: Oh yeah, that was you? That was about a girl?

MATT: Yeah.

MIKE: Good job.

MATT: Yeah.

RYAN: Did she like it?

MATT: She did.

RYAN: Did she hear it?

MATT: She did hear it.

MIKE: We should hear from Ryan about this. Ryan is a bi— is way into scented candles. Ryan, you should talk about them.

RYAN: I enjoy scented candles.

MIKE: What's your latest favorite flavor?

RYAN: My still— I still think "Grass" is my favorite one.

MIKE: Do they still make that? Does {unintelligible because Ryan interrupts} candles still make it?

RYAN: {simultaneously} They don't. They have something else that's not as good, but it just made your house smell like you just cut the grass, which is a good thing.

MIKE: Could you— did it have a little hint of gasoline?

{unintelligible}

RYAN: That I would splash on my face a little... get the smell. {pause} Dr. Rub? Is that his name?

MATT: The Rub Doctor. Dr. Marvin Rubdown.

MIKE: He's on the cover of this DVD. The back cover.

MATT: {pause until Teen Girl Squad segment} I like it when Strong Bad Emails cut away to Teen Girl Squad.

MIKE: Yeah.

MATT: It feels like it should happen more.

MIKE: Not quite as Teen Girl Squad.

MATT: {laughs} Is that what it would be categorized as?

MIKE: The wiki's, probably.

MATT: {pause until Strong Bad says "olde schoole"} How do you spell that, Mike, y'think?

MIKE: Uh...

MATT: O-L-D-E S-K-U Umlaut-L-E?

MIKE: Probably. {pause} So, is he— is he supposed to be dressed up as Art Garfunkel?

RYAN: I was just gonna ask that.

{unintelligible}

MATT: Oh, it's a Tenerence Love jam.

MIKE: I like how—

RYAN: The sweat.

MIKE: Yeah, his sweat, like, contours to his brow and stuff.

MATT: Yeah, I spent way too much time on that sweat.

MIKE: Everyone watch that sweat, it's {stressing the words} real good. Lookit, that one curled around another bead of sweat.

MIKE: {pause} The Cheat's animations are really good now.

MATT: {simultaneously} Welcome to sweaty town.

MIKE: He kinda reminds me of Baby Cakes, that Tenerence Love.

MATT: {laughs} Oh! I'm gonna have Jackie knit me a sweater like that with a, like, cable-knit star in the middle of it.

RYAN: You guys have any turtleneck sweaters?

MIKE: I've got my Teeg Dougland turtleneck, my blue turtleneck for Teeg Dougland appearances, that's the only one I've got these days.

MATT: You got one, Ry?

RYAN: No.

{unintelligible as Ryan and Matt talk at the same time}

MATT: I made a— I made a squished body and a new bent body for that, I forgot.

{all laugh as Homestar comes in with his acrostic poem}

MIKE: And now he's Art Garfunkel.

MATT: He looks even more like Art Garfunkel, I think, than Strong Bad.

MIKE: Look, the little bottom of his hair is tucked into the turtleneck.

MATT: {laughs} That is a goof, man! That is a goof, and a glitch, and a reference, and a real-world reference, and an inside reference.

MIKE: And a fun fact.

MATT: Yeah.

MIKE: Don't forget about a fun fact.

MATT: Whadda ya call those poems?

MIKE: Uh... an... an...

MATT: Antacrostic? Antanacrostic?

RYAN: Yeah, I think it's an acrostic.

MATT: Agnostic?

MIKE: Acro—

RYAN: An acronym.

MATT: Ohh, the SkyMall! What, uh, what Lord of the Rings authentic creation—

MIKE: I was just gonna say, the weird Lord of the Rings—

RYAN: {interrupting} —Those see-through bathing suits that you can get tan while you wear it, towards the back of SkyMall. Maybe when you're flying to Florida they want you to buy a real expensive bathing suit.

MATT: {pause} Um... Oh, look at that, we had— we had—

MIKE: Glade Plugins.

MATT: Yeah.

MIKE: We should put in the old Scent Stories, the CD player disguised as a— er—

Fun Facts

• Art Garfunkel was the second half of the Grammy-winning folk duo Simon and Garfunkel.
• Glade is a brand of household air fresheners.
• Baby Cakes is a bald, overweight college student who regularly appears in the cartoons of Brad Neely.
• "A goof, and a glitch, and a reference, and a real-world reference, and an inside reference" are the categories of fun facts on the Homestar Runner Wiki (except "references").

External Links

• watch "love poems"
• watch "love poems" on YouTube
• watch "love poems" on the old Flash site
• view the Flash file for "love poems"
• forum thread re: "love poems"