love poems

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Strong Bad Email #195
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"That's not a love poem!"

Strong Bad makes love poems for the homeless romantic.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Coach Z, Cheerleader, So and So, Meredith, Kim, Arrow'd Guy, Tenerence Love, Homestar Runner, Strong Sad (Easter egg)

Places: Computer Room, The Classroom, Strong Sad's Room (Easter egg)

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: Monday, May 26, 2008

Running Time: 4:26

Page Title: Lappy 486



STRONG BAD: {singing} Girl, where's my money that you owe me from all those emails that you wrote me?

{Strong Bad pauses just before reading "[Bad]". He reads "Hopeless" as "homeless".}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Well, put on your patchy-stained jacket and gather 'round the fire in the trashcan, Homeless Romantic, 'cause the Rub [Doctor] is here to help!

{Cut to the classroom, where Strong Bad is standing in front of the blackboard, wearing a charcoal gray turtleneck and balding brown hair. The word "Rub" is written on the blackboard next to an arrow pointing downwards.}

STRONG BAD: Hi. I'm Doctor Marvin Rubdown. Did you know that writing love poems is as easy as telling a girl she's hot with the fance-pantsiest words you can think of? {cut to a view from Strong Bad's front-left} For poetic inspiration, I like to swipe the names of scented candle fragrances!

{Fade out. Fade in to Strong Bad, still with the sweater and hair, in front of a grey background.}

STRONG BAD: Your eyes, {holds up a lit orange and green candle with a label saying "Sandalwood Sage Sunset" in his left hand} they flicker like a Sandalwood Sage Sunset. {puts his hand back down.} Your hair flows like Fresh Cotton Linens {holds up a lit white candle with a label saying "Fresh Cotton Linens" in his right hand} hung to dry on the deck. {puts his hand down, holds up a lit brown candle with a label saying "Grandma's Apple Cinnamon Spice" in his left hand} Grandma's Apple Cinnamon Spice is the scented candle I would use to describe your mouth. {puts his hand back down} And your nose: like an unscented emergency candle {holds up a white, unlabeled candle in his left hand} for when the power goes out.

{Cut back to the classroom}

STRONG BAD: Another way of fancying up a love poem is to replace random letters in the middle of words with apostrophes.

{Cut to a closeup of the blackboard; the "Rub" and the arrow have been erased but remain faintly visible.}

STRONG BAD: {as he speaks, the words in quotes appear on the blackboard in chalk} "It is never ever over, my lover of clover" becomes "'Tis ne'er e'er o'er, m'lo'er o' clo'er".

{Cut to a closeup of Strong Bad; Coach Z is leaning in from the right}

COACH Z: Now you're sporkin' my language!

STRONG BAD: Get out! {Coach Z leaves quickly} Women love it when you talk all Elizabethan. {"-Elizabethan" appears to the right of Strong Bad.} But you shouldn't be afraid to get Kimberlian {"-Kimberlian" appears under "-Elizabethan"} or Meredithian {"-Meredithian" appears under "-Kimberlian"} if the need arises.

{Cut to a Teen Girl Squad scene with Cheerleader and So and So; Cheerleader has an annoyed look and is wearing a shirt that reads "poi fect".}

CHEERLEADER: I can't stand the way Meredith talks!

{Cut to a wider shot with Cheerleader, still looking annoyed, So and So, frowning, and Meredith, bending backward with a pleased look on her face and her tongue hanging out}

MEREDITH: I'th hath a cruth on ethry boyth!

{Cut to a yet wider shot; Cheerleader and So and So still look irritated; Meredith now has a quizzical look; Kim runs in with her mouth wide open and her hair flying behind her}

KIM: I herly berly on gerly werly!

{Arrowed Guy appears dressed as William Shakespeare and spears Meredith and Kim; Cheerleader and So and So appear pleased.}


{Cut back to the classroom}

STRONG BAD: But if that frilly collar stuff is too olde schoole {pronounces the E's in both words as "eh"} for you, then why not try a more contemporary approach with an overweight R&B make-out jam? {music begins to play} As long as your tone is well-dressed and sweaty enough, it doesn't matter what you say!

{Cut to a black background with yellow lights shining out of it. Tenerence Love, holding a microphone and visibly perspiring, is in the lower right, slowly drifting to the upper left.}

TENERENCE LOVE: {sings} This is Tenerence Love with a sweaty overweight jam! {Tenerence Love disappears and reappears in the lower left, drifting to the upper right} My name is Tenerence Love with a sweaty overweight jam! {Tenerence Love disappears and reappears in the upper center, drifting down} It may be five pounds, {the symbol for the Pound sterling appears in Tenerence Love's right sunglasses lens, the number 5 in his left lens} ten pounds, {the 5 changes to a 10} twenty pounds, {the 10 changes to a 20; Tenerence Love disappears and two Tenerence Loves appear on both sides and drift toward the center} just a little bit overweight, now welcome brother sweaty town!

{Cut back to the classroom.}

STRONG BAD: And when that gets you slapped and escorted from her building by security, you can always buy a fourteen-pound bag of extra-long—

{Homestar Runner enters from the left wearing a charcoal grey turtleneck similar to Strong Bad's, but with a black star on it.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {interrupting} Ah, ha ha, ha ha! Oh, Strong Bad. It's funny to me when you try to play grown-up!

STRONG BAD: {raising his fist} What are you talking about, Mary Ann?

{Cut to a close-up of Homestar}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Everybody knows I'm the only one around here with any real no-arms-on experience with the lady-makes! {cut back to wider view of the classroom} Just listen to this little make-out inducing number I threw together this mo'nin'! {starts dancing and speaking in rhythm} This mo'nin'! {Strong Bad begins to dance along} This mo, re-mo, re-mo-mo'nin'!

STRONG BAD: All right, but only 'cause that little song was kind of cool!


{Fade out. Fade in on Homestar Runner, still wearing his turtleneck and now with brown hair similar to Strong Bad's in front of a grey background. He is on the left; to the right of him a paper comes down with the word "MARZiPAN" written vertically}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: M is for milk. {"Milk" appears next to the "M" on the paper} The real stuff! {looking annoyed} Not soy. {no longer annoyed} A is for not-organic apples. {"APPLES" appears next to the "A" on the paper} Pesticides ahoy! R is for raisins, {"RAISINS" appears next to the "R" on the paper} they give me bad gas! Z is too hard, so at this one, I'll pass. {"(PASS)" appears next to the "Z" on the paper} I is for inchiladas! {"inchiladas" appears next to the "i" on the paper} And—

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Homestar!

{Cut back to the classroom}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, what's up?

{Cut to a closeup of Strong Bad}

STRONG BAD: That's not a love poem! That is a lavishly produced grocery list!

{Cut to a closeup of Homestar}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: No, {holds up a small piece of lined paper; writing on the other side saying "amazing thing" four times is faintly visible} here is my grocery list! Amazing thing, amazing thing, amazing thing, amazing thing.

{Cut back to the wider view of the classroom}

STRONG BAD: Whoa, where you been shopping?


STRONG BAD: Homestar, are you and Marzipan even dating right now?

{Cut to a closeup of Homestar Runner}

HOMESTAR: Are we even dating {chuckles and grins} right now? Are we even d— Are we even da—

{Cut back to wider view of the classroom}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {quieter and lower, with a sad look} No, she broke up with me again this morning.

STRONG BAD: This morning?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, I mean {singing and dancing as before} this mo'nin'!

HOMESTAR RUNNER AND STRONG BAD: {singing together} This mo'nin'! This mo, re-mo, re-mo—

{Cut back to Strong Bad at the Lappy}

STRONG BAD: {typing} So there you ha' it
My Homeless Roma'ic.
Love Poems 101
Oh the hearts you will win. {holds up a plug-in air freshener}
Like this lavender scented plug-in {puts the air freshener back down}
New paper, come on and get some!

{New Paper comes down}

Easter Eggs

Verses from the weird shrub and more!
  • Click on "Homeless Romantic" at the beginning to view a book written by Senor Cardgage entitled "The Homeless Romantic".
  • Click on the words "Love poems" at the end of the email to see a small clip with Strong Sad.
{A very eager Strong Sad is jiggling up and down in a chair with a book of poems titled "Poem Tome by Strong Sad" on his lap. A red phone with green marks that resemble Strong Bad's eyes is in the foreground, and the audio of the email can be heard faintly in the distance.}
STRONG SAD: Why isn't he calling me in on the Strong Badphone? This email was practically tailor made for me!

Fun Facts


  • Elizabethan is late 16th century England, coinciding with the reign of Queen Elizabeth I. It is considered the first great era of English poetry and literature, producing authors like Shakespeare. The language of the time is now considered archaic.
  • The "removing of random letters" Strong Bad refers to is done in poems in order to maintain a strict poetic meter.
  • Tenerence Love's overweight "R&B make-out jam" is a reference to soul singers such as Barry White and Luther Vandross, who were overweight but still attractive to female audiences.
  • Homestar's "lavishly produced grocery list" actually resembles an acrostic poem.


  • The shadows offset on "-Elizabethan" and "-Kimberlian" slightly change when "-Meredithian" comes on screen.
    • "-Elizabethan" also slightly moves as "-Kimberlian" is added.

Inside References

Real-World References

  • Sky Mall is an airline catalog from which passengers can order various items after leaving the plane, or by use of airplane telephones. Most of the items in the catalog are gadgets and things that would appeal to those with higher incomes.
  • "I herly berly on gerly werly" is a reference to a lyric in the Manfred Mann's Earth Band rendition of "Blinded By the Light" that was originally performed by Bruce Springsteen. The lyric is "And little Early-Pearly came by in his curly-wurly."
  • The Strong Bad Phone is similar in concept to the Bat phone, a device Commissioner Gordon used to contact Batman in time of need.

External Links

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