lady...ing

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Holy-crap-adorable!

Strong Bad Email #135

Strong Bad goes back five or six years to the first email he ever answered to show how he gave advice on lady...ing.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, The Cheat, The Announcer, Homestar Runner, Marzipan, Strong Sad, Mustachioed Homestar Runner (Easter egg)

Places: Computer Room, Arena, The Field (Easter egg)

Computer: Lappy 486, Tandy 400

Date: August 8, 2005

Running Time: 4:25

Contents

Transcript

STRONG BAD: {singing loudly in falsetto} Why do I check emails the way I do? I don't know. {begins reading}


{After reading "could never get any ladies", Strong Bad says "Oooh, something I would not openly admit." He inserts a long pause between "lady" and "ing."}

STRONG BAD: 2nd and 3rd best friends?? What about Fabrosi? What'd you two do to Fabrosi? Eh, whatever. That guy's probably out lady-ing with that fake mustache he always wears. It's only gonna attract gold-diggers. {clears screen} Desperate losers or not, you guys should remember that I addressed this issue, like, 5 or 6 years ago. In fact, I think it mighta been the first email I ever checked. The Cheat, roll that beautiful email footage!

{Cut to the computer desk. The Cheat walks in holding a laserdisc.}

STRONG BAD: Ooh, a laserdisc. {music starts and The Cheat spins the disc as Strong Bad sings} The Cheat's playin' something on a LaserDisc. Everything is better on a LaserDisc. Whatever happened to the LaserDisc? LaserDisc! {The Cheat and Strong Bad touch hands as the music stops.}

{The Cheat walks to the left. Cut to the old loading screen from Marshmallow's Last Stand, then to the Arena from the same toon. Throughout this section of the email, the animation and voices are in the same style as the old toon. Cut to a close-up on the Announcer.}

ANNOUNCER: And in the red corner, hailing from Parts Unknown, {holds microphone closer} the Ramblin' Wreck of Email Check, Strong Bad!

{Cut to the corner of the wrestling ring, which contains a table with the Tandy on it. Strong Bad pops out from a trapdoor.}

STRONG BAD: Greetings all you morones {"morons" with Strong Bad's old, affected Mexican accent}. Holy crap! Welcome to the Strong Bad show, where I check a real email from one of you {leans in toward the camera} stupid idiots.

{The crowd boos. Strong Bad produces an anvil and hurls it at them.}

STRONG BAD: Hey, you a-shut up!

{The anvil lands with a crash. Someone in the crowd says "Ow!" Strong Bad laughs at him.}

STONG BAD: Now let's a-holy crap get to business!

{Strong Bad walks over to the Tandy and brings up the email somehow. He reads:}

STRONG BAD: But of course. When it comes to the ladies, I've got no... competition! {He pronounces the last word like on the Strong Bad talker. He jumps up and shakes as he says it.} {very quietly} Holy crap.

{Cut to a close-up}

STRONG BAD: First, Fabrosi, you've got to look as much as possible like the Strong Bad. {He points to himself with both hands.} Take off your shirt, {produces some sandpaper} sand off your nipples, {rubs it on his chest; the camera pans down to his feet} and wear tight pants that accentuate all your suppleties. {He shakes his body around once.} But sometimes {shakes it again} that's not enough, and you have to douse yourself in the finest {produces a can of gasoline} Mongolian aftershave lotion.

{He douses himself as the crowd cheers "Yay!" Strong Bad walks off and over to Homestar Runner (sans cap) and Marzipan. Gasoline fumes emanate above Strong Bad's head.}

STRONG BAD: Oh, Marzipan. Do you want a-my bod!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Uh, Strong Bad, why do you smell like a garage?

MARZIPAN: Me too!

STRONG BAD: Why, you... A-take a-this!

{He leaps at Homestar, somersaulting over and over with a helicopter-like noise. He lands right on Homestar's head. There is a huge explosion of stars as Homestar is knocked to the mat, stars spinning above his eyes.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh!

{Cut to a close-up of Strong Bad.}

STRONG BAD: The ladies also can't resist... {All of the sudden his chest is very defined; his biceps bulge up.} ...muscular wrestling moves... {The camera pulls back.} ...off the top rope!

{Strong Bad leaps from the top rope and crashes right on Homestar, who is still down. There is another starry explosion.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ow!

{Cut to Marzipan.}

MARZIPAN: Ooh, that's resistable.

STRONG BAD: And if that doesn't work, bring out your cute baby brother {Strong Sad walks up but falls through the ground when a trapdoor appears} or holy-crap-adorable pet {The Cheat walks in from the right}.

{The Cheat squeaks softly and bats his bright blue eyes.}

MARZIPAN: {frowning} Now it smells like a garage with a litter box in it.

STRONG BAD: The Cheat, I told you to wear finest Mongolian aftershave lotion!

{The Cheat hums and bats his eyes some more. Strong Bad kicks him out of the ring.}

STRONG BAD: If all else fails...

{Cut to a table set up in the ring, complete with a tablecloth, two candles, and a serving platter. The Cheat flies overhead and crashes.}

STRONG BAD: ...employ the secret weapon: {The lid lifts off the serving platter to reveal:} A candlelit dinner with caviar burritos and finest cigars!

{Strong Bad, still emanating gasoline fumes, holds a cigar up to one of the candles to light it. Naturally, it explodes}

STRONG BAD: Aaahhh!

{Strong Bad's head begins to crack and then shatters, leaving just his mouth.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: You see, Strong Bad? What the luscious ladies really want is a guy that still has a face and head.

MARZIPAN: {leaning toward Homestar} Yeah, me too!

STRONG BAD: {still mostly headless} Holy crap.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I'm a star!

{He leaps into a freeze frame. The background turns orange and the words "The End" appear in the corner as the old old theme music plays. One of The Brothers Chaps can be heard in the background, saying "ding ding ding ding ding da ding ding ding...etc. Cut back to Strong Bad, now asleep and snoring at the Lappy. He wakes up with a start.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Aught? What? Ooot? Oh, yeah. Boy, those old cartoons still pack a whallop. Uh, so yeah, Danny. Now's a great time to plant cucumbers. Stocks are up, stipes are down. And old Strong Bad's got a date with a bowl of creme brulee ice creme. Cream.

{He gets up. After a couple of seconds, the camera pans right to reveal him still at the table, snoring away. The Paper comes down.}

Easter Eggs

  • At the end, click on the word "And" to see Homestar following Strong Bad's advice... sort of.
    {Homestar and Marzipan are standing in The Field. Homestar appears to be wearing a very wide fake mustache}
    HOMESTAR RUNNER: So, ladytype, I'm wearin' tight pants {shakes a pantless leg} so as to accentuate all my bubbleties!
    MARZIPAN: Have I broken up with you yet?
    HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, a couple times.
  • Click on the Floppy Disk Container to see a bottle of "Genghis Khan" lotion for women ("Smell like a Warlord!").
  • Click on Strong Bad's head to see a brief dream of him somersaulting over a canyon.

Fun Facts

Explanations

  • A stipe is a supporting stalk or stemlike structure, especially the stalk of a pistil, the petiole of a fern frond, or the stalk that supports the cap of a mushroom.

Remarks

  • The old-fashioned Homestar in this email has a lower voice than his Marshmallow's Last Stand counterpart, sounding slightly more like his modern self. Strong Bad's voice is also slightly different and sounds more like his modern counterpart.
  • Strong Bad does a flip jump like Stinkoman in Stinkoman 20X6.
  • This is the first time we see the Floppy Disk Container close up.

Goofs

  • In the "dream" easter egg, Strong Bad starts outside the thought balloon.

Inside References

Real-World References

  • Laserdisc was the first optical-disc storage medium, and the precursor to modern DVDs.
  • The background riffs in the Laserdisc song are two of the "rock" bass demos on the Casio MT-100 keyboard.
  • "Roll that beautiful email footage" is a reference to the Bush's Baked Beans commercials' "Roll that beautiful bean footage."
  • "Ramblin' Wreck of Email Check" is a reference to Georgia Tech's athletic teams, though today they are more commonly known as The Yellow Jackets. The first line of one fight song declares, "I'm a Ramblin' Wreck from Georgia Tech..." Georgia Tech can be found in Atlanta, also home to The Brothers Chaps.
  • Strong Bad's phrase "Oh, Marzipan. Do you want a-my bod!" after he uses the Mongolian aftershave lotion might be a reference to BOD fragrance spray, the advertisements for it consist of women exclaiming "I want your BOD!"

External Links

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