kind of cool

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Run away!

Strong Bad Email #92

A writer asks Strong Bad if he would be as cool if he wasn't the "stylish, buff, handsome man" that he is. Strong Bad says he would and describes what he would be like instead.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Senor Cardgage, Homestar Runner, Pom Pom, Bubs, Strong Mad, Strong Sad

Places: Computer Room, The Field, Bubs' Concession Stand, The Stick (Easter egg)

Computer: Compy 386

Date: December 15, 2003

Running Time: 2:35



STRONG BAD: Thanks for choosing Strong Bad Email. Would you like to try a combo meal?


{Strong Bad pronounces "Jordan" as "Jor-dan."}

STRONG BAD: {typing} So you mean, like, what would it be like if I was an ugly dumpy guy with a beer belly and a comb-over? I'd still probably be the coolest guy in the world, just a different kind of cool. More of a "I'm so cool, you don't even know I'm cool" kind of cool. Or the kind of cool where

Cut to what is presumably Strong Bad walking in the field. We can only see him from the waist down. He is dragging a plastic Aldi Bag}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} I'm always walking around with a plastic grocery bag full of mysterious unknown contents. Maybe it's cold pizza. Maybe it's rotten vegetables. Or maybe it's the shattered pieces of my former life.

{Camera pans up during the dialogue and we see this version of Strong Bad has a creepy comb-over, potbelly, goatee, and glasses. Cut to Bubs' concession stand, where Creepy Comb-Over Strong Bad gets in line.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Or maybe it's just full of a bunch of melty candy bars that I eat really loudly while standing too close to you in line.

{Creepy Comb-Over Strong Bad pulls out a partly melted candy bar and starts munching. Homestar turns to him and glares.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {to Pom Pom} Hey, Pom Pom! This guy smells like pea soup. {Singing, to Creepy Comb-Over Strong Bad} You smell like pea soooup!

{Cut to a small bush. We see Creepy Comb-Over Strong Bad slowly rise up from behind it.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And then I'd always be suspiciously coming out of bushes and shrubs a lot. Like, right when you walk by.

{Homestar walks by the bush}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And if I see you—

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {surprised} Whoa!

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} I'd say some cool phrase that's almost one word and not quite another.

CREEPY COMB-OVER STRONG BAD: {to Homestar Runner} Oh, excardon me!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing} Um, I don't know what that means.... And you still smell like pea soooup!

{Cut to Creepy Comb-Over Strong Bad and Strong Mad standing in the field. CCOSB has dropped his glasses on the ground}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And I'd be so cool, that even if you were a dude, I'd still call at you like you were a lady.

CREEPY COMB-OVER STRONG BAD: {To Strong Mad; he says one of following three things every time you watch it:}
{1} I'm very sorry, ma'am, but could you help an old denominator, like me, gather his spectacles?
{2} I'm sorry, ma'am. Would you mind helping an old wintergreen gather his spectacles?
{3} Sorry to bother you, ma'am. Could you help an old Soderbergh gather his spectacles?


{Strong Mad runs away. Cut to Strong Bad back in front of the computer.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} That's a pretty cool guy right there. It's good to know that if I ever let myself go and grow a couple behind a bush... I'll be sitting pretty.

{Cut to Strong Sad standing next to Strong Bad}

STRONG SAD: Uh, excardon me, but none of that stuff is cool, Strong Bad. You basically described that creep Señor Cardgage that lived down the street from us when we were little.

STRONG BAD: What!? You didn't think Senor {He pronounces it "seh-nor."} Cardgage was cool?

STRONG SAD: No! He was extremely sketchy and gave me nightmares.

STRONG BAD: And... What's not cool about giving you nightmares?

STRONG SAD: Oh, never mind. Go back to your creepy comb-over story.

STRONG BAD: Anyways, Jor-dan, creepy comb-over story Strong Bad is definitely a cool, cool guy. In fact, I wouldn't mind hanging out with a guy like that. Well, things certainly are looking up for the future. Me, I'm gonna go look up Senor Cardgage. {stops typing.} See where that guy ended up.

{The Paper comes down.}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on the word "Senor Cardgage" to see a milk carton describing Senor Cardgage.
 Have you seen this guy?

Last seen: When you were little
Goes by the name-a: Senor Cardgage
Stands, I would say, about: Oh, so high
Distinguishing features: Wicked comb-over 
  • At the end of the e-mail, click on the words "hanging out" to see Strong Bad chillin' with Senor Cardgage.

Easter Egg Transcript

STRONG BAD: So, uh, you're really cool.

SENOR CARDGAGE: Thank you, ma'am, would you care for a slice of gum?

STRONG BAD: Yeah, totally, I'd be way into a slice of gum. {to himself} Man! So cool! {to Senor Cardgage} Uh... Say something else.

SENOR CARDGAGE: I have to be going, Ethel. I've got some important lines to stand in.

STRONG BAD: Oh... Will I ever see you again?

SENOR CARDGAGE: Ex-obably not.

Fun Facts


  • Jordan asks what Strong Bad would be like if he "weren't that buff, handsome, and stylish man in a wrestling mask that he is," but Creepy Comb-Over Strong Bad still has the wrestling mask. This is probably because with Strong Bad, it is given that he has the wrestling mask, it might even be his actual face (as evidenced in some kinda robot). It is as if someone asked a normal guy "What if you weren't that buff, handsome, and stylish man that you are."
  • Strong Sad says Señor Cardgage, but his name is spelled Senor, probably because Strong Bad didn't feel like using the Alt+164 key code.


  • In line, both Pom Pom and Creepy Comb-Over Strong Bad have a shadow, but Homestar doesn't.
  • When Strong Sad comments on Strong Bad's story, the carpet on the right is not completely shaggy; part of it is flat.

Real-World References

DVD Version

  • The alternate pieces of dialogue for "calling at you like you were a lady" are still there, but now only viewable as Easter eggs at the end of the Email (by the hidden Strong Bad icons in the center-left and center-right of the bottom of the Compy 386 screen).

External Links

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