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Strong Bad Email #103
watch lunch special theme park
"I DON'T WANT TO EAT A GUITAR!"

Strong Bad gives advice to a Deutschlander on cool "haircuts."

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Marzipan, The Poopsmith, The King of Town, Homestar Runner, Strong Mad, Ready for Prime Time, Strong Sad (Easter egg), Strong Badman (Easter egg), Larry Palaroncini (Easter egg)

Places: Computer Room, Marzipan's Gazebo, The Field, King of Town's Castle, Strong Bad's Basement (Easter egg), Strong Sad's Room (Easter egg)

Computer: Compy 386

Date: May 3, 2004

Running Time: 2:57

Page Title: Compy 386!!

Contents

Transcript

STRONG BAD: Man, if I had a nickel for every email I get, I would throw them at people in the food court. From that railing, like up above.

{Starts reading with "Da da da—"}

{Strong Bad pronounces "coull" just like it is spelled, and in place of "Earlenmacherg," he says "ergonomics."}

STRONG BAD: {typing} I got no hair, Düsseldörke, so I'm gonna have to reach on this one. Now who's got hair around here?

{Cut to Strong Bad and Marzipan by the gazebo. Strong Bad is holding scissors.}

MARZIPAN: {angrily} You gotta be kidding me.

{Cut to Strong Bad and The Poopsmith in the field. The Poopsmith points to one of his hairs.}

STRONG BAD: Uh... Never mind.

{Cut to Strong Bad and Marzipan by the gazebo again.}

MARZIPAN: I'm growing it out for charity.

{Cut to Strong Bad and The King of Town by the castle.}

THE KING OF TOWN: Nobody touches the 'stache!

{Cut to close up of Homestar. He's got an angry look on his face.}

HOMESTAR: N O spells no!

{Fade back to show that Homestar is off by himself, talking to no one, while Strong Bad and the King of Town are in the background.}

STRONG BAD: I didn't even ask you, baldy!

{Homestar looks shocked. Cut to Strong Bad and Marzipan by the gazebo again.}

MARZIPAN: This is a weave.

{Cut back to Strong bad at the Compy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Sorry Ger-man. Looks like I can't practice my barber wizardry, or barbzerdry as I call it, on anybody around here. So, I guess you're on your own. I ghe—

{Widen to show Strong Mad standing next to Strong Bad. Strong Mad is holding a cardboard box.}

STRONG MAD: MAKE IT DANCE! MAKE IT PRANCE!!!

STRONG BAD: Uh, I'll make that cardboard box dance and prance later, big guy. I'm in the middle of...

{Zoom in on Strong Mad's eye brows.}

STRONG BAD: Ah ha! Pay dirt!

{A camera flash goes off and the screen goes white. Fade back to Strong Bad at the Compy. An instant camera type photo of Strong Mad is taped to Compy. It develops as Strong Bad talks.}

STRONG BAD: Okay, now that I have Strong Mad's image...um...scanned in to the computer, I'll use my cutting art, state of the edge technology to simulate different hairstyles. On his eyebrows. I'll just get out my "LIGHT PEN" here.

{Strong Bad's hand comes up. He has a marker and starts to draw on the picture.}

STRONG BAD: First, for the Strong Mad who's out on the prowl, no woman can resist the distinguished grace of what I like to call: The "Gentleman Caller."

{Strong Bad draws gentleman-like eyebrows. "Gentleman Caller" flashes on the screen.}

STRONG BAD: Or...

{Strong Bad wipes picture clean. We zoom in a bit on the picture.}

STRONG BAD: Experience the lightning brows of "Jagged Metal."

{Strong Bad draws lightning-type eyebrows. "Jagged Metal" flashes on the screen.}

STRONG BAD: Oh, and he's definitely going to need a guitar.

{Draws a guitar. It ends up in the middle of Strong Mad's face.}

STRONG MAD: I DON'T WANT TO EAT A GUITAR!

STRONG BAD: You're not eating it... You're shredding some hot licks...with your teeth.

{Strong Bad makes a guitar noise as he draws a whammy bar on the guitar. He then wipes the picture clean.}

STRONG BAD: Or experience the urban flavor of: "Hammer Pants."

{He draws some funky eyebrows with a fade and adds a comic balloon pointing to Strong Mad's mouth that says "proper!" He then wipes the picture clean.}

STRONG BAD: And for the Strong Mad who's not so concerned with attracting ladies: "Big Ol' Eyebrows."

{He draws some big ol' eyebrows.}

STRONG BAD: I should probably go ahead and give him some missing teeth...

{He blackens Strong Mad's upper-right central incisor and upper-left cuspid.}

STRONG BAD: Acne...

{He draws spots on Strong Mad's face.}

STRONG BAD: One of them butt chins.

{He draws a cleft.}

STRONG BAD: There we go. One hundred and ten percent lady-proof.

{He wipes the picture clean. He then draws a dog and a cat for eyebrows.}

STRONG BAD: "A Dog and Also a Cat Shaped Eyebrows."

{"A Dog and Also a Cat Shaped Eyebrows" flashes on the screen.}

STRONG BAD: And a couple of muskrats.

{He adds two muskrats. He then wipes the picture clean.}

STRONG BAD: And don't forget: the "Ready for Primetime."

{Draws a weird-looking character over Strong Mad's face. "Ready for Primetime" flashes on the screen.}

STRONG BAD: Which I admit I got a little carried away with.

STRONG MAD: SWEETIE CAKES! SWEETIE CAKES!!!

STRONG BAD: Sweetie cakes? What are you ta— O-oh, yeah I guess it does look a little bit like one of them "Sweet Cuppin' Cakes" guys.

{He draws an "Eh! Steve"-esque character.}

STRONG BAD: Eh! Greg.

{He wipes the picture clean.}

{Strong Bad takes the picture down and starts typing.}

STRONG BAD: So that gives you a lot to choose from, Deutschman. I think you could easily apply all my eyebrow style to your {pauses} headbrow style. So good luck witchasself. I have to use my "LIGHT PEN" on napping Strong Sad. Prreeow.

{Strong Bad gets up and The Paper comes down.}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on "Barbzerdry" to see a piece of parchment about this obscure trade.
  • At the end, click on "Deutschman" to see a comic book Cover.
Cheap as Free Comics
The Total Adventures of STRONG BADMAN
Sufferin' Schnitzels It's...DEUTSCHMAN!
  • At the end, click on "eyebrow style" to see Strong Bad make the box dance.
    {cut to the basement. Strong Bad is behind the couch, holding up the cardboard box. We can see Strong Mad standing in the foreground watching}
    STRONG BAD: {singing as he moves the box around} Doo dit doo doo! It's tough being a box! But I'm livin' it up! Livin' it up! Do dit do dit! Livin' it up! Do dit do dit do! Box!
    STRONG MAD: HOORAY FOR BOX!
    • While Strong Bad is singing, you can click on the Limozeen poster in the top-right corner to hear Limozeen's version of the song.
  • At the end, click on 'napping Strong Sad' to see how Strong Bad used the 'light pen' on Strong Sad.
    {cut to Strong Sad's room. Strong Sad is laying in bed asleep. A funny face has been drawn on him with the "light pen"}
    STRONG SAD: {murmuring in his sleep} Jokey Smurf... Brainy... Brainy Smurf... that Carpenter Smurf ... Watch out Julian Sands!

Fun Facts

Trivia

  • The label on the disk in the floppy disk container reads "tengen classix".

Remarks

  • The cardboard box has "GLUTEMATES (BOX OF 6)" very faintly printed on it.
  • Strong Bad's "permanent" marker apparently isn't permanent at all, although permanent markers frequently rub off smooth surfaces, such as the Polaroid picture of Strong Mad.
    • A few times, he does not wipe all of the Polaroid, yet all the marker is erased.
  • Strong Bad must have a pretty spiffy keyboard. He can umlaut his "O"s really quickly. Normally, one needs to change the language on your keyboard, use the Alt+0246 key combination in Windows, or hold down option. (ö).
    • Also, he mispronounces his umlauted "U"s and "O"s.
  • The "Gentleman Collar" bears a striking resemblance to Old Timey Strong Bad's moustache and hair.
  • The font for the Deutschman comic book logo is the same as the one used for the words that flash on-screen when Homestar says Neva-Die in the e-mail car.
  • There are no words in the English language that begin with "ghe" that fit the context of what Strong Bad is typing when he is interrupted.

Inside References

Real-World References

  • In the "napping Strong Sad" Easter egg, when Strong Sad mentions "that Carpenter Smurf," he is probably referring to Handy Smurf but forgetting his name.
  • Julian Sands is a British horror film actor.
  • When Strong Bad draws the guitar on "jagged metal" Strong Bad says that Strong Mad is playing the guitar with his teeth, he is referencing Jimi Hendrix, who gained notoriety playing "Wild Thing" with his teeth at the Woodstock Music Festival in 1969.
  • "Ready for Primetime" may refer to "The Not Ready For Primetime Players," the name of the original cast of Saturday Night Live.
  • When you zoom in on the comic book Easter egg where there is a picture of The Cheat, the price reads "$1.25". Below that, it reads in a smaller font "$8.00 CAN." This is probably a reference to the difference in value between U.S. and Canadian dollars (though it is not really that severe.) This comic book is modeled after Marvel Comics of the mid-to-late '90s.
  • Hammer Pants is a nickname given to the balloony pants worn by rapper MC Hammer in the early '90s.
  • Hammer Pants's eyebrow style was frequently seen on early '90s hip-hop stars, most notably Vanilla Ice.
  • The barbzerdry parchment references a grade-school rhyme about cutting in line: "No cuts, no butts, no coconuts."
  • "Deutsch" (pronounced "doich") is German for "German" (the nationality or the language). A male German is called a "Deutscher".
  • The LIGHT PEN mentioned by Strong Bad was an accessory for a vector-graphics video game system known as the Vectrex.

Fast Forward

DVD Version

  • The music during Strong Bad's hair-search scene ends early.
  • The DVD version features hidden creators' commentary. To access it, switch your DVD player's audio language selection while watching.

Commentary Transcript

(Commentary by: Matt Chapman, Ryan Sterritt, Jonathan Howe)

RYAN: This is Matt Chapman here.

MATT: This is Ryan.

JON: And I don't have anyone else to pretend to be, so I'm Jon.

MATT: {laughs} Uh no, look, this is Matt.

RYAN: This is Ryan, Jonny.

MATT: What do you guys think of this? Do you really think this is from a dude in Germany? It sounds like from a German, actually, even.

RYAN: Wasn't Düsseldorf John Denver's real last name?

MATT: Really? I don't know.

RYAN: John Düsseldorf.

MATT: Nice.

RYAN: Switched it to Denver—

{Matt laughs}

RYAN: for his folky songs.

MATT: Yeah, exactly. Figured that sounded...

RYAN: more American.

MATT: Yeah, definitely.

RYAN: I like the blurry backgrounds.

MATT: You do that? You like that? The rack focus, sorta?

RYAN: I do.

MATT: well I guess we're not rack focusing, but—

RYAN: You do do that sometimes.

MATT: Sometimes we do that. We do have—

JON: Does Homestar have hair?

MATT: ha—hair?

JON: Hair.

MATT: No, see, he called him "baldy". That's sort of a joke.

RYAN: Marzipan has some blonde hair.

MATT: She does. She's mostly bald on top. She has a very receded hair line.

RYAN: I wanna— I wanna easter egg right there on the word "wizardry" which shows that screenshot from—

JON: we got it. Check the alternate angle.

MATT: There's barbzerdry

RYAN: {laughing} Barbzerdry.

JON: That's a card.

MATT: That shows his, uh, card.

JON: I'm just, totally...wait, no. I mean like the game "Wizardry". Remember the game?

MATT: Oh, oh. Gotcha, sorry.

RYAN: I like your polaroid...fading in. That's a good—

MATT: Thanks. It looks pretty good. I think Mike did that. I think this might have been one that Mike— I was out of town again and Mike ended up finishing. But, hey, I record all the voices, you guys.

RYAN: Not lately, man. I mean, Shark-Tooth Bubs is a central figure on the site now.

MATT: Not really. He still hasn't appeared on the site, actually.

RYAN: Yeah, he's very important. {laughs} Um, I like how you guys rub off sharpie from the polaroid—

MATT: Yeah, it works. You've never done that? It works like dry-erase.

{All three laugh in turn}

JON: Polaroids are actually a great dry-erase surface. I don't know if you know that.

MATT: If you're using a dry-erase marker it probably would work, but not the sharpie.

JON: Not the permanent... See, we're just setting up the—later on, he's gonna have a tough time rubbing off paint pen.

MATT: Yeah, that's sorta—

RYAN: That's great {laughs}

JON: —was a good—

RYAN: Favorite hair style thus far?

JON: Yeah, you're starting to lose me on, yeah, the chin.

MATT: What? You don't like this one?

JON: I was, "you had me at", you had me at—

RYAN: You had me at chin strap. This is one of my favorites, though.

{Matt and Jon laugh}

RYAN: I think it's pretty hilarious. That, that got me the first time.

MATT: Really?

RYAN: It did.

MATT: You made it laugh.

JON: It takes a lot to make Ryan laugh.

MATT: A chuckle laugh?

RYAN: I am not a laugher. Is that "Ready—"? That's the name of—

MATT: Yeah. I mean, we've never— It's never been referred to, but I would imagine—

RYAN: His name is "Ready for Prime Time?"

MATT: —that Sweet Cuppin' Cakes Universe's name is "Ready for Prime Time".

RYAN: You made the poster, see.

MATT: {character voice} Ready for Prime Time, you and Eh! Steve are in cahoots!

MATT: {returns to normal voice} That sort of thing?

RYAN: It's good, it's good.

MATT: Thanks.

RYAN: {laughing} Did you spell "Deutsch" right?

MATT: I think so. I think that's "Deutsch", correct? And with "man" added in.

RYAN: Deutschmarks.

MATT: Sounds like a pretzel. Sounds like a type of pretzel. That's all.

RYAN: Wait. There's one.

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