garage sale

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"The Lurker"

Strong Bad Email #129

Strong Bad gives his thoughts on garage sales and garage sale patrons.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Marzipan, Bubs, Strong Sad, Senor Cardgage, Coach Z, The Cheat, Frank Bennedetto, Homestar Runner

Places: Computer Room, The Field, Homestar's House

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: May 2, 2005

Running Time: 3:28



STRONG BAD: {singing} Here comes another email that I'll answer for you! Here comes another email that I'll answer for you!

subject: garage sale=money!
hey strong bad!
I seriously think you need to have a garage sale!! I mean
think of all da things you could get with all that money...

cat (yeah that's my real name)

{Strong Bad doesn't read the part in parentheses and instead says...}

STRONG BAD: ...and something I don't wanna read. {typing} What sort of 'da things' are we talking about here, Catman? 'Da bomb' or, uh, 'da boyz' or even, {not typed} uh, {typing} 'da hood?' Nah, I don't think I want any of dose. {clears screen} Lemme tell you a thing or two about garage sales: Ya ever get the feeling that the people just got lazy taking the trash out, so they stopped right there on the driveway and started putting price tags on things? I mean, isn't it just a little suspicious that there's only a one-letter difference between 'garage sale' and 'garbage sale?' {says "garbage" as "gar-BAGE"} Except, don't ever say 'garbage' {same way} like that. That's, like, the only joke Moms have and they can keep it for all I care. So then there's the issue of the sort of folks that frequent garage sales: bottom feeders, lemme tell ya.

{Cut to Strong Bad's garage sale. There is a sign reading "GARBAGE SALE" in the middle of The Field, and merchandise (see below) is found everywhere with various price tags. Marzipan walks up.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} First, there's the haggler, {"THE HAGGLER" appears in the middle of the screen with a bowler derby on it for a moment.} the guy who spends all day trying to talk you down from a quarter to twenty-two cents for some worthless piece of crap.

{The camera scrolls over to Bubs and Strong Bad. Bubs is holding an ugly doll.}

BUBS: I'll give you two thin dimes for this pantyhose doll.

STRONG BAD: First off, uh, that is Aunt Gert! And secondly, she's worth WAY more than the quarter I'm asking for her! Heck, I paid six-fifty for her new! And them's 1998 dollars!

BUBS: Well, maybe if she was wearing a troll outfit, or a witch's hat or somethin'...

STRONG BAD: I'll let it go for twenty-four cents.

BUBS: Twenty-two and a half!

STRONG BAD: You, my friend... just bought yourself an Aunt Gert.

{Cut away to the hills of The Field}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Next is the lurker. {"THE LURKER" appears in the middle of the screen with a candle and two skulls on it for a moment.} You know, the shady night-manager at Stuckey's type, who shades around all day but never buys anything.

{The camera pans down to Strong Sad and Senor Cardgage looking at merchandise.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And you're like, is he there just to be seen?

SENOR CARDGAGE: Look at this can of peas, Helvetica! Won't you help me buy it for you?

STRONG SAD: I'm finding it hard to express just how uncomfortable I am right now.

SENOR CARDGAGE: It ain't know why. Exprecially since you have this can of peas to look forward to!

{Strong Bad walks up.}

STRONG BAD: Look, if you're not gonna buy anything, you gotta leave. You're drivin' away all my best customers!

{Senor Cardgage walks off with the can of peas.}

STRONG SAD: Augh! I feel like I need a chemical shower after talking to that guy! Do we have an emergency eyewash station?

STRONG BAD: At least he bought something, lurker! Go back to Stuckey's! {voiceover} And last, but not least...

{Cut to another part of the garage sale, this time with Marzipan and Coach Z. "COACH Z", with a basketball instead of the O and a towel hanging off the Z, appears in the middle of the screen. Coach Z is carrying a variety of items all labelled "Great for baby!"}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} ...there's Coach Z.

{The text disappears.}

MARZIPAN: Coach Z, may I ask why you're buying up all the "great for baby" items?

COACH Z: I'd prefer that you didn't.

{cut back to the Lappy}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Obviously, wasting your Saturday morning just to sell three dollars and nineteen cents' {typed as "$3.19"} worth of trash isn't the real reason to have a garage sale. It's to get people out of their houses so The Cheat can ransack them!!

{Cut to Homestar's living room. The place is a wreck, and The Cheat is standing in the middle of the room near a large bag. Bennedetto is in the foreground.}

THE CHEAT: {says something while stuffing Homestar's cow lamp into the bag}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {popping out of the bag} Hey, can you put this cow lamp back? {throws it out} We're running out of room in here! You wouldn't get much for that thing anyways. It's not even a real cow.

{Cut back to the Lappy}

STRONG BAD: {typing} See? And then we'd make a killing when we sell the stuff back to them a few weeks later at an inflated price.

{Cut to the garage sale. Marzipan and Strong Bad are standing near an answering machine.}

MARZIPAN: Ooh! This is perfect! I've always wanted an answering machine!

ANSWERING MACHINE: {in Marzipan's voice} It's a great day at Marzipan's! Please leave me a message!

{Marzipan looks at Strong Bad angrily, while Strong Bad looks around shiftily.}

STRONG BAD: Uh, see, it is perfect! It already knows your name, even! Heh! Oooh, heh. Eee. Oh. Hmm. Preow! {runs off}

MARZIPAN: More like, pree-ow!

{The Paper comes down.}

Easter Eggs

  • At the beginning, click on "da bomb," "da boyz" and "da hood" to bring up t-shirts with phrases incorporating each term.
  • At the end, click on the Heavy Lourde to see Homestar make an offer he can't refuse.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: We got a Homestar Runner for sale! Slightly used and mostly confused! We can't give these things away! {turning around} I'll take it! {turning back} I'll take twelve! Drive one home today!
  • Click on the answering machine to see more of Coach Z.
{Marzipan and Coach Z are at the garage sale in the same positions as before.}
MARZIPAN: This garage sale is more like a gar-BAGE sale.
STRONG BAD: {leaning in from offscreen} AIH AIH AIH AIH AIH! Moms Only!
COACH Z: Oh, then I'm okay to say it!
{Strong Bad and Marzipan look somewhat horrified by Coach Z's comment.}

Fun Facts


  • This is the first time we see Marzipan raise an eyebrow.
  • For the first time, we see that Strong Sad has creases on his legs behind his knees.
  • Señor Cardgage refers to Strong Sad as Helvetica which is a true type font found in most Microsoft Office type products -Matt C.
  • This is the first time we "see" any of strong Bad's intermidiate familly.

Inside References

  • The line "It's a great day at Marzipan's!" references the email part-time job.
  • "Graw Mad" is Strong Bad's nickname for Strong Mad in the facts.
  • Homestar's cow lamp is from caper.
  • "Pree-oww" is a reference to the sound The Paper makes when it comes down.

Some Items for Sale

On Display

Hidden Items

  • A bag of Potate chips - price not given
    • Appears out of frame in the swf file when Bubs is haggling with Strong Bad
  • "What About YOU Write A Book About Come-Back Jokes, NERD!" book from 50 emails: "Great for Baby!" - $50
    • Appears out of frame in the swf file when Bubs is haggling with Strong Bad
    • Presumably bought by Coach Z, as it appears in his arms later in the cartoon

Sold Items

  • "Aunt Gert" pantyhose doll - $.25
    • Sold to Bubs for $.225
  • "Canopy's" can of peas - $99
    • Presumably sold to Senor Cardgage, since it disappears as he leaves, and Strong Bad comments that, unlike Strong Sad, Senor Cardgage did buy something.
  • Clock Radio (possibly Homestar's Radio): "Great for Baby!" (price not given)
    • Presumably bought by Coach Z
  • Box of scorpions from your friends: "Great for Baby!" (price not given)
    • Presumably bought by Coach Z
  • Homestar Runner - SOLD
    • Apparently bought by himself

External Links

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