bike thief

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Revision as of 21:21, 10 June 2009

"Hey, my bromide."

Strong Bad reveals his bike thieving secrets.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Pom Pom, Bubs, The Cheat, Strong Mad, Homestar Runner, Marzipan, Strong Sad

Places: Computer Room, The Field, Bubs' Concession Stand, Crazy Go Nuts University/The Stick, Basement of the Brothers Strong

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: Monday, September 10, 2007

Running Time: 3:56

Page Title: Lappy 486

DVD: strongbad_email.exe Disc Six

Transcript

STRONG BAD:{rapping} Letters. And words. Emails get absurd, I just gotta jump back?

subject: bike thieves

Hey Strong Bad,
I'm at college and I need to keep my bike from being
stolen. I figure if I think like a thief, I can figure out
how to protect it. So, how would you try to steal my bike?
Virginia
MI

{Strong Bad reads MI as two letters}

STRONG BAD: {typing} {disappointed tone} Oh, not smart enough for MIT, huh? Just MI? {clears screen} {regular voice}Well first off, how do you know your crappy bike is even worth stealing? How many pegs you got? Mag wheels? White tires? Worthless baseball card in the spokes? If not, then you got nothing to worry about. What self-respecting bicycle thief would steal a (shudder) ten-speed? Or a (shudder, shudder) mounTAIN bike? The only thing those bikes gets you is tired. Any bike with a water bottle holder is a complete waste of bike. {clears screen} But, let's pretend you do have a cool bike. I would first go to my old thieving standby: dress up like a bush. {pronounces it "boosh"}

{Cut to the field. Strong Bad is hiding behind a short berry bush with cartoon eyes, his feet clearly visible. He shuffles over to a pink bicycle, carrying the bush with him. He picks up the bike through the bush, and starts carrying it away.}

STRONG BAD: Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. {Pull out to see Pom Pom talking on a phone. He looks away from his phone to glare at Strong Bad.}

POM POM: {bubbles}

STRONG BAD: {walking offscreen} Oh, I mean... Bush. Bush. Leaves. Branch. Um... Berries.

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And don't forget: dressing up as a bush is also a great way to get free pizza!

{Cut to Bubs' Concession Stand. Strong Bad walks up to the counter behind his bush costume.}

STRONG BAD: Can I have some free pizza?

BUBS: Sure thing, bush!

{Bubs pulls a pizza box from behind the counter and drops it on top of the bush. Strong Bad walks off-screen.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Variations on this approach—

{Cut to the field, with just Strong Bad standing in the middle of screen.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} —include dressing up as a cactus,—

{The bush is replaced by a cactus, with Strong Bad badly concealed behind it, and cartoony eyes.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} —a trashcan,—

{The cactus is replaced by a trashcan, again with cartoony eyes.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} —or a barrel.

{The trashcan is replaced by a wooden barrel, yet again with cartoony eyes.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Though, depending on your physique—

{The Cheat appears next to Strong Bad's barrel.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} —you could also dress up like... a hideous pile—

{The Cheat turns into a pile of unidentified pink goo, with tufts of hair, a crushed can, a plank of wood, a circular saw blade, and two misaligned cartoony eyes. Strong Bad inches away from the mess. Strong Mad appears on the other side of the barrel.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} —or a... textile factory?

{Strong Mad turns into a factory building, signed "BRRLAP", with cartoony eyes near the roof. Cut back to the computer room.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} So if I were you, I'd steer clear of pretty much anything with cartoon eyeholes. If that method didn't work for me, I'd go for the awkward swindle. This is especially effective on college campuses.

{Cut to The Stick. A silhouette of a CGNU building is visible in the background. Homestar, wearing a backpack and backwards cap, is chaining up his white bike to The Stick, the chain is simply looped over the top branch. Strong Bad, sporting a ponytail, walks in, carrying a clipboard.}

STRONG BAD: Hey, brother. Hey, my bromide. You look like a cool guy who likes to progress. I was wondering if you'd be interested in signing this petition to ban roll-on...

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, um, yeah, sorry, uh, I've got a class...

STRONG BAD: ...free vegan food...

HOMESTAR RUNNER: ...and my roommate's like... you know...

STRONG BAD: ...fellowship...

HOMESTAR RUNNER: ...so, my parents, um...

STRONG BAD: ...drum circle?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Computer lab! {darts off-screen}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Man. so effective! I've stolen people's lunches this way... their girlfriends... puppies even!

{Strong Bad throws away his clipboard and walks over to Homestar's bike, and starts kicking the tires. Marzipan walks in, with multicolored dreadlocks, and her own clipboard.}

MARZIPAN: Hey, my bromide, wanna sign this...

STRONG BAD: Meal plan! {darts offscreen}

MARZIPAN: Cool, man, free bike.

{Cut back to the computer room.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} But my all-time favorite thiefnique has got to be, the best use of black turtlenecks and suction cups ever devised: cat-burgling!

{Cut to a featureless orange wall. Strong Bad climbs up the wall with suction cups, wearing a black turtleneck and beanie.}

STRONG BAD: Almost... to the top!

{Cut to Strong Bad's basement... Strong Bad climbs up from behind the orange couch. The bicycle seat Red, White, and Banana is on the couch, and two laser guns duct taped to the couch on either side of it. Strong Bad pulls out a spray can of "C'mon! It's Fog!" and sprays it into the air, revealing the two laser beams.}

STRONG BAD: Aw, Ponch. Laser tech security! I'll have to employ some Chinese acrobatics!

{Strong Bad tries to jump up, but is stuck to the couch.}

STRONG BAD: Ugh, these suction cups are stuck to the side of this couchscraper. Ah, somebody? The Cheat? Come put that bicycle seat in my mouth! Gently!

{The lights turn on.}

STRONG BAD: Aw, Jon! Light tech security!

STRONG SAD: {walking in} Well, if you had agreed to play Cats the musical, instead of cat-burglar, maybe you wouldn't be stuck to the back of the couch again.

STRONG BAD: I would rather die.

{Cut back to the computer room.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} That's how I'd do it, College Bike Owner. So keep away from shrubbery, don't talk to anyone with a clipboard, and avoid putting your bike on the roof of glass skyscrapers.

{During the next part, Strong Bad types "Your bike should be totally safe if you listen to me. I am a good person that gives sound advice. Bike on, my friend, bike on!" while he says his other lines.}

STRONG BAD: Secret message to bike thieves!

{The words "SECRET MESSAGE!" flash on the screen.}

STRONG BAD: Bolt cutters, guys! Just use bolt cutters!

{The words "BOLT CUTTERS!" flash on the screen.}

STRONG BAD: We'll split the pawn-shop money fitty-fitty!

{The words "FITTY FITTY!" flash on the screen.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} See you next time!

{New Paper comes down, printing a picture of The Paper.}

STRONG BAD: Nice try, New Papes. Though that does make me feel a little better... he was so stripedy...

Easter Eggs

• After Strong Bad says MI, click on it to see a pennant for Mediocre Institute.
• Click on "baseball card" to see a trading card.
• At the end, click on "safe" for this:

{The Lappy slowly moves to the right}

STRONG BAD: Whoa, what the?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {dressed up as a trash can, speaking in a monotone voice} Garbage. Garbage. Rubbish. Umm... murder weapon.

STRONG BAD: Are you supposed to be a trash can or a robot?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ummm... {pulls out petition reading "The Bromide Solution"} you wanna sign this petition, my bromide?

Fun Facts

Explanations

• "Mag wheels", (not to be confused with Magnesium alloy wheels) are wheels on a bike that are made with larger and thicker spokes than on a typical bike. Typical mags had 5 to 6 large "spokes". The bike pictured in this episode is a bike with wheel covers. These plastic covers actually fit on the outside of a traditional spoked wheel, much like a hubcap on a car.
• "Pegs" are metal tubes affixed to a bicycle's front or rear axle, allowing the rider to balance their weight on an area other than the pedals and freeing the body of the bike for a wider range of tricks.
• A bromide is an ion of a bromine atom with a charge of -1. Such bromides as potassium bromide were once used as sedatives, leading to the once prevalent use of the word "bromide" to indicate someone or something is platitudinous and boring.
  • Bromide is water soluble, so a bromide solution would be bromide in water.
• Attaching a baseball card to the spokes would simulate the sound of a motorcycle as the wheel rotates.
• "Earf" is a dialectic spelling of "Earth."

Trivia

• Strong Bad's petition reads:

-PETITION-
i do hearby sign that
i am in full support
of fully supporting
all the good causes
and casual effects of
said causes and, as it
were, caucuses. now,
previously, and also
futurely held...
X________________

• Marzipan's petition reads:

Counter-Petition
I, the willing signer of this
document, betta recognize
that Earf in trouble. Earf
injured. Injured bad.

X______________

• Homestar's bike is a Huffy SIGMA circa 1987.
• The summary for the Podstar Runner RSS feed reads, "Strong Bad teaches a college kid how to avoid getting their bike stolen."

Remarks

• In hygiene, two emails prior, Strong Bad complained about a lack of college girls sending him email. The sender of this email, Virginia, appears to be a female college student.
• "Thiefnique" is a portmanteau of "thief" and "technique."
• "Couchscraper" is a portmanteau of "couch" and "skyscraper."
• "Brrlap" on Strong Mad's textile-mill disguise refers to burlap, a durable but coarse cloth made of vegetable fiber.
• Strong Bad can spray the can of fog, although his hands are stuck to the couch later.
• Homestar's trash disguise has his own eyes, whereas Strong Bad, Strong Mad and The Cheat wore disguises with a unified, cartoony eye pattern, quite distinct from their own.
• Homestar boasted in cliffhangers that he had the history and the motive to steal the Lappy.
• While Homestar is stealing the Lappy, clicking its screen will not create any ripples.
• Strong Bad's bush disguise bears a similarity to a berry-laden bush appearing in the Peasant's Quest video game.
• This is the first toon to show the exterior of a CGNU building (assuming that the tower in the background is in fact a building).
• Strong Bad claims that no self-respecting bicycle thief would steal a "mounTAIN bike." Then, dressed as the bush, he proceeds to steal Pom Pom's mountain bike.
• Assuming the couch is a standard one with fabric upholstery, Strong Bad couldn't have either climbed up or gotten stuck to the couch with suction cups.
• At the end of the Podstar Runner version of the email, the Easter egg of the Lappy slowly moving to the right starts automatically; however, it does not show Homestar Runner stealing it.

Goofs

azziP dlO 'sbuB
"sdrawkcab yllaer a-s'tI"

• After Strong Bad receives the pizza and turns around, the logo on the pizza box gets reversed.
• When College Strong Bad throws the clipboard into the air, and then a second time he throws it off the screen, the entire text occasionally gets reversed.
• The printed The Paper is straight and does not follow the curvature of the New Paper.
• The word "safe" can be clicked even while the monitor continues to move in the Easter egg at the end, which restarts that segment from the beginning.
• When Homestar steals the Lappy, the power cord doesn't stretch or move. Instead it stays as it is.
• In the podstar version, the audio only plays on the left speaker until after the switch back to Strong Bad's lappy after Marzipan's line.
• In the easter egg, during the cut to the wide shot, the New Paper disappears.

Fixed Goofs

• Strong Bad misspelled "enough" as "enogh" in the beginning of his response. This was fixed a few hours after it was released.

Inside References

• The pizza Bubs gives Strong Bad is Bubs' Old Pizza from privileges.
• Pom Pom's costume is from technology.
• The cat-burglar scene shows another instance of duct tape.
• Strong Bad's cat-burgling outfit was seen before in Strong Bad is in Jail Cartoon (minus the suction cups).
• The music playing as Strong Bad first appears in his bush disguise made its debut as Sterrance's theme in animal.
• The bicycle seat Red, White, and Banana first appeared in the chair.
• When Strong Bad attempts to steal the bike seat off of the couch, he is foiled by two Lazer Tag guns. The Poopsmith previously carried one of these guns when he dressed up in Lazer Tag gear in The House That Gave Sucky Treats.
• Strong Bad's line, "I would rather die," when asked to do something with someone, was first heard in Biz Cas Fri 1.
• The can in The Cheat's hideous pile is the same as the can Homestar kicks in the Easter egg in "original".
• Strong Bad's intro song is to the same tune as Strong Sad's lyrical rampage.

Real-World References

• Strong Bad makes reference to the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.
• The CGNU building bears a strong resemblance to Tech Tower, the main administrative building on the Georgia Tech campus in downtown Atlanta, not far from where The Brothers Chaps live.
• Cats is a musical stage production, premiering in 1981, in which all the actors, portraying cats, perform in skin-tight costumes.
• Ban Roll On is the name of an actual deodorant product.
• Ponch and Jon were the main characters of the television show CHiPs.
• The laser guns taped to the couch appear to be Lazer Tag "StarLyte" pistols.

Fast Foward

• Strong Bad would later conclude two sbmails with the line "See you next time!" in Sbemailiarized!
• The word "Earth" will later be spelled as "erf" again in Pistols for Pandas.

DVD Version

• The DVD version features hidden creators' commentary. To access it, switch the DVD player's audio language selection while watching.

External Links

• watch "bike thief"
• watch "bike thief" on the old Flash site
• view the Flash file for "bike thief"
• forum thread re: "bike thief"