being mean

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Strong Bad Email #199
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"This is why be'sing mean is not always the best choice."

Nice Dad comes to Strong Bad for advice on teaching his kids... not to be like Strong Bad.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Hungry Shark, Homestar Runner, The King of Town, Coach Z, Marzipan, Strong Mad

Places: Computer Room, The Field, The Classroom

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: Monday, September 8, 2008

Running Time: 3:26

Page Title: Lappy 486



STRONG BAD: I had to pay my doctor just to have this email removed. A-so smooth.

STRONG BAD: {typing} You're coming to me for nice lessons? You expect me to tell your wussy kids that being mean isn't the best choice? I wonder what other gems are in your sent mail outbox.

{Strong bad types in other_gems.exe, bringing up another email, accompanied by a ding.}

{Strong Bad picks up a drawing of a bloody-toothed shark at a computer with the caption "HUNGRY SHARK EMAiLS" when he says "thought of you."}

STRONG BAD: And there's probably one like...

{Strong Bad types more_other_gems.exe as he says this, bringing up a third email.}

{Strong Bad picks up a drawing of a goblin with the caption "GOBLiN KEEP SiEGE" when he says "Goblin Keep Sieges."}

STRONG BAD: {typing} The only time I know of when being mean isn't the best choice is when someone nearby is holding a really tall ice cream cone.

{Cut to the Field. Homestar has an ice cream cone that towers above the top of the screen. Ice cream truck music plays in the background.}

STRONG BAD: Hey wow, Homestar. That's a great same-shirt-you-always-wear you have on today.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Thanks, Strong Bad. Did you want some of my...

{Strong Bad approaches him and kicks him in the leg, sending the ice cream cone flying and landing on his face in pieces.}


STRONG BAD: Wahahahaha!

{Homestar starts to lick the ice cream again. Cut back to the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Oh, wait. Being mean is the best choice there too. Look, this is clearly not a job for me Nice Dad (translation: Uncool Dad). When it comes to teaching kids about behavior and choices and various other words from parenting books, there's only one place to look for answers, the Drama Club!

{Cut to the King of Town in the Classroom. The camera "rotates" around him until it faces him straight-on.}

THE KING OF TOWN: Listen up, class. Instead of watching me doze off for the last ten minutes like we usually do, I've got a special treat for you all today. The drama club is going to perform a state-required skit about being nice, so we can avoid losing our accreditation! Now, give it up... for Coach Z's Nicetown Players!

{Cut to the side of the room. The lights dim as Coach Z, Marzipan, and Strong Mad enter. They get into various still poses. A couple claps are heard.}

STRONG BAD: {offscreen} You suck.

{Slow music begins to play. A spotlight goes up on Coach Z.}

COACH Z: Oh, man. What a great pratty. I wonder what kid's house this is.

{The spotlight goes out, and another one comes up on Marzipan.}

MARZIPAN: I wonder if he likes me. Will I make the team? I wish my parents would stop fighting.

{The spotlight goes out, and a third comes up on Strong Mad.}


{The lights go up. Zoom in on Coach Z.}

COACH Z: Hey, Pants Pull-Upper! Nice pulled-up... pants!

{Camera Pans right to Marzipan.}

MARZIPAN: I shouldn't laugh, but I want to fit in. Good one, Head Male Cheerleader!

{Zoom out showing all three. Strong Mad runs away.}


{Close-up of Coach Z and Marzipan. Coach Z moves closer to Marzipan as she leans away from him.}

COACH Z: My parents' room is out of town in my car. Wanna go park out?

MARZIPAN: But what about that poor nerd?

COACH Z: Ah, who cares about...

{Wide shot of original stage area. Strong Mad runs in brandishing a baseball bat with spikes on the end. Marzipan screams. He swings it at Coach Z and then they all freeze. Marzipan comes forward as the lights dim. Strong Mad taps Coach Z with the bat, laughing while Coach Z says "Ow." "Stop." "Quit it.", while she speaks.}

MARZIPAN: This is why be'sing mean is not always the best choice.

COACH Z: Drap it! {A rap beat begins to play.} Now being mean ain't the greatest choice! My name's Coach Z and I—

{The King of Town appears in front of him.}

THE KING OF TOWN: Aaaand we've run out of time.

STRONG BAD: {offscreen} You suck.

{Cut back to the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} See how lame that was Nice Dad? I'm sure your kids could learn all sorts of crap-kicked-out-of-them lessons from superbly acted dramatizations like that. But don't take it from me, let's hear from our resident parenting expert, Hungry Shark.

{He holds up the Hungry Shark Emails picture again.}

HUNGRY SHARK: Sometimes the taste of blood in the water is just so sweet, makes me wanna... I just gon... uh, I'm gonna eat your kids.

{New Paper comes down. Strong Bad moves the picture out of its way.}

Easter Eggs

  • When the King of Town is in the middle of the screen, click on the right-hand side of the chalkboard to change the image. It switches between an image of a gun shooting the King labeled "BANG" and a blob on the other side of him labeled "BRAINS", an Olympic stadium with a torch bearer setting the King's head ablaze, striped horns on the King's head labeled "croissants?", a bear with the King's crown as its lower jaw, ice cream in the King's crown labeled "ice cream 99¢", and a spear impaling the King labeled "THUCK!"
  • After the paper comes down, click on the logo on Hungry Shark's computer to hear the rest of Coach Z's rap song. The scene cuts to an album cover labeled "COACH Z GETS NOICE!" with an insert that says "Learn all sorts of crap-kicked-out-of-you lessons!" and shows Coach Z holding a large Ice Cream cone like Homestar.
COACH Z: Drap it! {The rap beat begins to play.} Now being mean ain't the greatest choice! My name's Coach Z and I likes to get noice! If you don't believe me, listen to my voice; I'll tell ya why being nice is the greatest choice!

Fun Facts


  • This email is listed as "being mean" in the Strong Bad Email menu, but "being nice" in the Toons menu.



  • When clubbed on the head by Strong Mad, Coach Z's arms are briefly separated at the elbow.

Inside References

  • The music that plays during the ice cream cone scene is the music from Bubs' Baloney Sammich truck.
  • Marzipan mentions the word "be's", in the same way as Homestar in candy product.
  • The croissant-like horns in the King of Town Easter egg are a reference to 3 Wishes.
  • This is another instance of blood.
  • This email features a case of Lowercase i's in place of Regular I's in the case of "HUNGRY SHARK eMAiLS" and "GOBLiN KeeP SieGeS".
  • Coach Z saying "Drap it!" before his rap song is a reference to your funeral.

Real-World References

  • The bad acting presentation and Coach Z's rap song parody after-school good-behavior shorts from the early '90s, such as Don't Copy That Floppy.
  • The quote "But don't take it from me..." is reminiscent of Lavar Burton's introductions of kid's book reviews on Reading Rainbow.

External Links

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