animal
From Homestar Runner Wiki
Strong Bad Email #119
Strong Bad has a new computer! Introducing... Lappy 486! Meanwhile, Spud Jr. asks Strong Bad what he would like as if he was his own made up animal.
Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Made Up Strong Bad Animals, Homestar Runner, Marzipan, Baby Styles, Sterrance, The Cheat
Date: November 29, 2004
Contents |
Transcript
{Both Strong Bad and the Compy 386 are absent from their usual place at the desk. Silhouettes of the Compy monitor and the keyboard are evident against the slightly faded wall and table. A tumbleweed rolls past.}
STRONG BAD: {offscreen} It is a time of desolation, chaos and uncertainty. Brother pitted against brother; babies havin' babies. Then one day, from the right side of the screen, {Strong Bad walks on from the right, carrying the folded-up Lappy} came a man. {sits down at the desk and places the Lappy on it} A man with a plastic rectangle. I MEAN LAPTOP COMPUTER! {unfolds the Lappy; the words "Lappy 486" appear on the screen with an accompanying note, then the Lappy's logo appears above; the screen becomes a black screen with a square bracket in the top left} Now that is a classy start-up noise! {imitating the start-up noise} Dum… ding! And check out all these speculations!
{Some music starts playing. Cut to the set of The Show, with a silhouetted Lappy on the pedestal. As Strong Bad speaks, the camera zooms in and the Lappy becomes visible.}
STRONG BAD: The Lappy 486 weighs in at an extremely portable forty-two pounds {the words "42 POUNDS!!! (LBS.) appear in the top right} and features an impressive battery life {the words ""Several" color monitor" and "2 MB Hard Drive!" appear at the top of the screen} of one half of ten minutes. {the words "WARNING: +/- FIVE MINUTE BATTERY LIFE" appear under the first slogan} The Lappy 486 {"512k RAM" appears next to the battery life warning} by Compy.
{The slogan "Finally, a computer for your lap!" appears at the bottom of the screen next to a Compy logo. An applause accompanies the scene. Cut back to the computer room.}
STRONG BAD: Alright! Let's see if this bad boy can check some emails. {types in "strongbad_email.exe" as with the Compy}
subject: made up animal Dear Strong Bad, What would you like as if you were your own made up animal Sincerely, Spud Jr.
STRONG BAD: {typing} Come now, Spud Jr. What would Spud Sr. think of such nightmarish grammar and punctuation? And poor Spudmom. "What would you like as if…" I at least hope you're good at sports, for their sake. {stops typing} All right, I'm done. {clears the screen and resumes typing} Well Stu-Pud Jr., If I was my own made up animal I would probably like as the coolest made up animal ever made up. I would have all the cool animal options and accessories:
- Claws
- Horns
- Tusks
- Tentacles
- Power Doors
- 15 Year Drivetrain Warranty
- Proboscis {pronounced "pro-boss-kiss" throughout}
- Segmented Eyes
{Cut to the field, where Strong Bad stands with three segmented eyes, two antlers, two tusks, a proboscis, four claws on each hand and four tentacles. Homestar Runner is also present.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: I say there monstrosity, do you know the times?
{Strong Bad attempts to respond, makes gargling sound while foaming at the mouth. Homestar steps back, looking surprised. Cut back to the Lappy.}
STRONG BAD: {typing} Oh. I guess I couldn't really talk with that proboscis. Not that I'd have much of an answer for "Do you know the times," anyway. Hmmm. Maybe I could be one of those deep-sea fangly fishes.
{Cut to the sea, rendered in Powered by The Cheat style.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} You know, the kind that have Christmas lights all over them, and those custom lures hanging over their heads.
{An anglerfish with flashing lights adorning its body and Homestar's head for a lure appears.}
HOMESTAR LURE: Right this way, everyone! Free puppies, ginger snaps {a fish version of The Cheat swims past} Pocket PCs…
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} 'Cept I'd also have an awesome back deck on me for dinner and dancing!
{A deck appears on the fish's back. Zoom in to see a woman dancing on it with Strong Bad, with some typical Powered-by-the-Cheat techno-ish music playing.}
PbtC STRONG BAD: Hey there, Baby Styles, do you want to watch me bench-press a lot... of weights?
HOMESTAR LURE: {lowers onto the deck} Turn it out, Strong Bad, turn it out!
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Oh, wait. {The Strong Bad on the deck disappears.} How could I enjoy the dinner and dancing if I'm already the fanglyfish?
{Zoom out to see the full view of the "fanglyfish". Cut back to the Lappy.}
STRONG BAD: {typing} Maybe I'm overthinking this. I should just come up with a cool name and the rest will like as itself. I would be called {considers} da huuuuuudge. {pronounces each letter of huuuuudge, as if to say "huh-duh-juh"}
{Cut to the field, where there is an enclosure. A sign on the front of the enclosure reads:}
Please, for the love of Pete, DO NOT feed Da Huuuuuudge
STRONG BAD: Da huuuuuudge! {Pronounced as "hudge."} {a large, pus-colored, gelatinous, bubbling creature with Strong Bad's face lands in the enclosure} Eew! No. No huuuuuudge. {Pronounced as "hudge" again.}
MARZIPAN: {enters from right, silhouetted, outside the enclosure} Oh, wow! Look at the huuuuuudge! {Pronounced as "hudge" again.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Um… how about… the red steckled elbermung? {An open book descends into the frame with a picture of a red gastropod with a pattern like Strong Bad's mask around its eyes and huge lips. The text in the book reads:}
R is for Red steckled elbermung
STRONG BAD: No no no. {the lips, the eyes and the tail become annotated with the word "No" each time Strong Bad says the word} Um… the pardack? {some yellow lined paper descends into the frame. On it is a picture of a large blobby creature with Strong Bad's eyes, horns, duck feet, one of Strong Bad's arms and Strong Sad's leg for the other arm. Text under it reads: "el pardack"} What the? {the pardack gains a speech bubble with the text "what the?"} Why do these keep coming out as nasty blob things?
{Cut back to the Lappy.}
STRONG BAD: {typing} Okay, okay, okay. Gotta look good for the Lappy. My made up animal {slight pause} would be called
{Cut to Strongbadia.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Sterrance. {a blue creature with stick arms and legs, red hands, yellow feet, angel wings, a yellow tongue, buck teeth, and a pattern like Strong Bad's mask around its eyes appears. Some music starts playing} Hey, I did it! {Sterrance starts dancing} Look at Sterrance. Aw, Sterrance! I want one! Sterrance is way cuter than that stupid ugly old washed-up The Cheat I used to have.
{Cut back to the computer room. The Cheat is standing by Strong Bad, looking angry.}
THE CHEAT: {angry Cheat noises}
STRONG BAD: Oh, Captain Past-His-Prime himself.
THE CHEAT: {angry Cheat noises}
STRONG BAD: Yeah, I know you heard me. And I stand by it.
THE CHEAT: {angry Cheat noises; walks away}
STRONG BAD: {turns back to the Lappy, affectionately stroking it} Don't worry about him, Lappy. That's just The Cheat. He uses {dismissively} new computers. Psssh! The Paper, come on down and meet your new brother! {The Paper begins to edge down} Come on! {he edges down a bit more} It's okay! {he edges back a bit} No, ah! Come on! {he edges down a bit} Lappy's not going to bite you or tear at your perforated edges! {he comes down a bit more} That's it! {he comes all the way down} Lappy, this is The Paper. He lets me know when I've stopped being funny! {The Paper comes down even more so that it now reads:}
Enough already, Strong Bad Click here to e-mail Strong Bad strongbad@homestarrunner.com
STRONG BAD: Oops! Sorry. Bye, everybody.
Easter Eggs
- Click on the word 'cuter' to show a small movie of Homestar's head on a lure next to the dancing girl in a dance club.
- {The Homestar lure and the dancing woman are at a disco, Powered by The Cheat style. Two disco balls hang from the ceiling and a rough approximation of music is playing.}
- HOMESTAR LURE: Hey there, Baby Styles. This is a nice dancing club, right? Do you have a phone at your house?
- Click on the words 'The Cheat' to see what the runners-up get.
- {Cut to the pedestal of The Show again. The fanglyfish is on it.}
- VOICEOVER: Second-place contestants receive deep sea fanglyfish. Promotional considerations by Sterrance. Strong Bad's wardrobe furnished by Styles Upon Styles. {Some text appears on the screen reading:}
MR. BAD'S WARDROBE PROVIDED BY Styles Upon Styles
HOMESTAR LURE: Steep prices and trees! {these words appear on the bottom of the screen as he says them}
Fun Facts
Explanations
- The Christmas lights he mentioned on the fish refer to bioluminescence, which is used by various deep sea creatures to attract prey, among other functions.
Trivia
- This, obviously, is the end of the Compy 386 era and the beginning of the Lappy 486 era.
- The table has been re-drawn with thinner lines with no shadow along the back edge. The obvious differences can be seen with comparison to the table in "virus."
Remarks
- One of Strong Bad's picks of animal accessories and options is listed as "Segmented Eyes," although he evidently meant "Compound Eyes" in his trademark lingo.
- Since the proboscis is where the monstrosity's nose should be, it shouldn't prevent him from speaking at all, but it does anyway.
- The wall behind the computer had been expertly mended, leaving no seams or cracks. It is impossible to tell where the shot entered the wall after destroying Compy in virus.
- Despite its supposed portability, the Lappy is plugged into the same socket that both Tandy and Compy used to occupy -- which is good, since well over 75% of its battery life would have been exhausted during the email. However, we never see Strong Bad plug in the Lappy. The Lappy was plugged in after Strong Bad cut away from the speculations back to the computer room.
- Strong Bad refers to The Paper as a male, yet in the email invisibility the Tandy 400 says that the printer is a girl.
- Strong Bad's mention of "Christmas lights" is one of the few references to Christmas on the site, since Christmas is replaced by Decemberween.
Inside References
- The Lappy was mentioned in the commentary on the DVD for the email invisibility when the Tandy was replaced by the Compy.
- Strong Bad's pronunciation of "lure" when envisioning the fangly fish comes from lures & jigs.
- The eerie, breezy sound at the beginning originated in ghosts. It is re-used in The System Is Down and Not the 100th Email!!!
- The new page title is a reference to the facts in which Homestar says "not no more."
Real-World References
- The new email client bears a strong resemblance to a Unix/Linux email client, PINE. However, Strong Bad uses the "strongbad_email.exe" filename, rather than "./strongbad_email", or, more appropriately, "./strongbad-email".
- The Lappy's classic startup noise sounds somewhat like the startup tone on the older Macintoshes.
- Sterrance's feet look remarkably like the feet of Mickey Mouse.
- The way Strong Bad describes Lappy is in the style of many game shows, such as
The Price Is Right.
