Where's The Cheat?

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"The King's gone mad with power! He's gonna eat The Chort!"

Strong Bad and his posse can't find The Cheat. Homestar Runner makes Marzipan a sandwich, which she immediately falls in love with and names Homestar Jr.

Cast (in order of appearance): Homestar Runner, Marzipan, Strong Bad, Pom Pom, Strong Mad, Strong Sad, Bubs, Coach Z, The Goblin, Homsar, The Poopsmith, The King of Town, The Cheat.

Places: Marzipan's House, The Stick, Strong Sad's Room, Bubs' Concession Stand, King of Town's Castle, The King of Town's Grill

Date: February 25, 2002

Running Time: 6:18

Page Title: Where is the Cheat?


Contents

Transcript

{We begin by looking at a sesame seed bun with mayo being spread over it. Each time the knife passes over it, the credits displayed on the mayo change. "This is a Homestar Runner Cartoon" "Mike, Craig and Matt wrote it" "Matt and Mike made it" "Matt and Missy did the voices" "its [sic] called: Where's the Cheat?" We zoom out to see Homestar Runner in Marzipan's kitchen making a veggie burger. He puts green olives on top and sticks them on with toothpicks.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {making sound effects for the olives} Dik! Doing! Dik! Sboing! {the sandwich is finished, Homestar lifts it up to marvel at his creation} Hmm! {Homestar walks over to Marzipan, who's taking a nap on her couch} Hey stupid, I brought you this stuff! Oh, I mean, I brought you this veggie burger.

{Marzipan gets up from the couch and Homestar hands her the burger.}

MARZIPAN: Oh, thanks, Homestar! {she looks at the burger} Oh! He's just adorable! He's got a little face!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, I thought that was great, too. The olives, um, kinda look like... he has eyes.

MARZIPAN: Little green eyes with red pupils and a big leafy smile? Homestar, I don't think I can eat this. He's just too cute.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Umm... yeah. It's cute and all, but, um, it's not that cute.

MARZIPAN: Oh, yes he is {voice squeaks briefly} that cute! Aren't you that cute? Aren't you that cute?

{The phone begins to ring. The following dialogue overlaps.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Umm... Marzipan? Um, I think your phone... is ringing. Yeah, definitely your phone's ringing.

MARZIPAN: Yes you are. Yes you are. Oh yes you are. Now do a little smile for me. Do a smile, that's it. That's it. Oh, I like your lettuce.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Um... are you gonna get that?

{Cut to Marzipan's Answering Machine.}

MARZIPAN: {answering machine} Hi, this is Marzipan. Please leave me a message.

{beep}

STRONG BAD: {leaving a message} Oh hey Marzipan. Have you seen The Cheat? Because we can't find him anywhere. Anyways, this is Strong Bad—uh, ooh, um... {clears throat and starts mimicking Homestar's style of speech, badly} I mean this—this is Homestar... Runner. Oh Marzipan... um... I killed Pom Pom! {Cut to the stick; Strong Bad, Pom Pom, and Strong Mad are there. Strong Bad is talking on Pom Pom's cell} Yeah, we're—we were playing badminton in his yard... and I got mad and I killed him! {cut back to the answering machine} Oh no, I need your help...burying his body... {Strong Bad tries to hold back laughter, cut back to the field} Uh, bring some towels...and some garbage bags... Uh... this is Homestar... {Strong Bad closes the cell phone and tosses it to Pom Pom} Pom Pom, cell. {Pom Pom's body absorbs the cell phone} BWAHAHAHA! Oh man, that was so great! You guys shoulda heard that man! I pretended to be Homestar, and I said I killed you, Pom Pom! Like, Marzipan's gonna freak out—

STRONG MAD: THE CHEEEEEAAAAT! Huh?

STRONG BAD: Oh, The Cheat? Right, right. Pom Pom, cell again. {Pom Pom, lowers his eyelids in annoyance, bubbles, and gives him the cell again. Strong Bad makes a call, and Strong Sad answers.}

STRONG SAD: Hello?

STRONG BAD: Hey, wiener. Is The Cheat over there? Don't you guys play Candyland sometimes or something?

{Cut to Strong Sad's room.}

STRONG SAD: Oh, no. The Cheat and I play Jenga on Tuesdays. Tonight is my night to play—

{Cut back to The Stick, you can hear Strong Sad mumbling coming from Pom Pom's cellphone.}

STRONG BAD: Okay, so The Cheat is not there. Thanks. Bye. {hangs up and tosses the cell to Pom Pom} I mean, where could he be, you know? It's like, what part of "Meet us at the stick" didn't he understand? Well, I guess we should go look for him. Come on, guys.

{They all walk off and arrive at Bubs' Concession Stand. Bubs is going over inventory.}

BUBS: 17... 24... 17... hey you guys! This isn't another shake-down, is it?

STRONG BAD: Naw, man. We're just looking for The Cheat. You seen him?

BUBS: Well, let's see here! {starts going through his inventory checklist} Candy bars, popcorns, ketchup, catsup... {arrives at "cheats... 0"} Uh, nope! I'm fresh outta Cheats.

{Using the veggie-burger as a scene change a la Batman logo in the old Batman show, we go to Marzipan's living room. She's talking to the burger, while Homestar is standing there in a daze, slowly tipping over.}

MARZIPAN: Somebody needs a name! Who needs a name? You need a name, that's who! I think I'll call you Homestar Junior. Homestar Junior! {Homestar falls over} Do a smile for me, Homestar Junior! Who's the cutest, Homestar Junior?

{We have the same logo scene change. We're at the locker room with Strong Bad, Pom Pom, Strong Mad, Bubs, and Coach Z.}

COACH Z: Sorry, boys! I haven't seen The Chort! Though I have caught him sleepin' in that far locker there from time to time.

{Strong Bad goes up to the locker and opens it up.}

STRONG BAD: Lessee what we got in there... nope, he's not here. Though I see he has been cheating on his New Year's Resolution. {pulls out a pack of cigarettes} Though I can't really blame him. You know, because he's The Cheat.

{Strong Mad holds up a signed picture of The Cheat that he gave to Strong Mad. It's signed "To Strong Mad, You are rad! —The Cheat" Strong Mad starts crying.}

STRONG BAD: Don't worry, big guy. We'll cut to a montage. I mean, find The Cheat.

{Cut to a montage. Pom Pom puts up posters of The Cheat, titled "Have You Seen The Cheat???? Ht: 1 ft. 2 in. wt: 18 lbs." He then bounces off. Strong Mad walks through the Halloween area. He overturns the Gremlin, revealing the Goblin underneath.}

STRONG MAD: The Cheat?

{The Goblin starts dancing. We do a logo transition, this time using one of the posters Pom Pom was putting up. We are in Strong Sad's room. He's playing Connect Four.}

STRONG SAD: Okay, your turn.

{Cut to the other side of the table, where Homsar is sitting.}

HOMSAR: Oh no! You shanked my Jengaship!

STRONG SAD: {slight pause} I shanked your Jengaship? We're playing Connect Four!

{Bubs walks in.}

BUBS: Hey you guys! Where The Cheat is at?

STRONG SAD: Oh, I don't know. It's just us two.

HOMSAR: AaAaAaAaAaAaA! Hey, Tubbs! I just lost my Jengajam.

BUBS: Don't you talk to me!

{Bubs walks off. Cut to Strongbadia. Strong Bad walks in.}

STRONG BAD: The Cheat? The Cheat! {His voice echos as the wind howls. He sighs.} How's it going, Tire?

{Cut to The Poopsmith and Coach Z near The Poopsmith's pile.}

COACH Z: So you haven't seen him then? {The Poopsmith shakes his head} Okay. So I see you still got your pile of whatsit there.

{The Poopsmith nods. We look over to see the King of Town approaching his grill with a steak.}

THE KING OF TOWN: Doo hoo hoo! Doo dee doo doo doo! Doo hoo hoo hoo! {he lifts the cover of the grill to find The Cheat sleeping there} Oh! That little yellow thing! Wake up!

{Cut back to Coach Z.}

COACH Z: Hey look! The King's gone mad with power! He's gonna eat The Chort! JEEEOOOOORRRHH! {Strong Mad walks up} I got him, Strong Mad!

{Coach Z jumps on top of the King of Town and they struggle}

THE KING OF TOWN: Woo hoo! Woo hoo hoo! I'm absolutely being assaulted! Woo hoo hoo hoo!

{Strong Mad walks up and punches the King of Town, and they both go flying back into the wall of the King's castle. Strong Bad shows up.}

STRONG BAD: Hang on, everybody! The King of Town was not going to eat The Cheat.

COACH Z: Ooh jeeze! Sorry about that there, Kingy!

{Coach Z and the King of Town walk up to the grill, and Pom Pom arrives from the opposite direction}

STRONG BAD: No, no, no, no. That's where The Cheat lives. That's his house!

COACH Z: Wait a minute! The Chort lives in the King of Town's grill, but you didn't think to check there before now?

STRONG BAD: Uh... Well... Yeah! I mean, it's a really complicated story. It all started...

{Marzipan arrives with the veggie-burger.}

MARZIPAN: Hey guys! Homestar Junior's talking now!

STRONG BAD: Who?

MARZIPAN: He said, "Put that freakin' sandwich down!"

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {from behind Marzipan} No, it was me!

{Marzipan holds up Homestar Jr. so that it blocks Homestar's head from our view, making it look like the sandwich has a body}

MARZIPAN: I know it was, sweetie!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: No, it was me! Homestar Runner!

MARZIPAN: You're Homestar Junior, remember?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Would you put that freakin' sandwich down!

MARZIPAN: There, he said it again! I'm so proud of you! Who's the best, Homestar Junior?

{She continues to baby-talk Homestar Junior under Homestar's dialogue as the scene cuts to a silhouetted wide shot. The screen slowly fades to black.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Somebody, can I get some help here? Strong Bad? {Strong Bad shrugs.} Would someone talk some sense into this woman? King, you wanna eat that sandwich? Somebody eat that sandwich.

{Fade into a commercial for "The Homestar Jr."}

Announcer: Introducing the Homestar Junior. For a limited time only, certain children get prizes. Pay 99 cents.

Fun Facts

Trivia

  • This is the first big 'toon on the site featuring The Brothers' Chaps current style of animation.
  • This is currently the longest 'toon, short, or email on the entire site. This is closely followed by Halloween Fairstival, which is 13 seconds shorter.
  • When the The King of Town is walking towards his grill, a flyer for The Cheat is seen stapled to his stone castle wall, which is impossible, since staples could never go through stone.
  • The old pop-up menu appears on this cartoon (at the bottom). All the buttons still work. Only this toon, A Jorb Well Done, Chinese Food Toons Menu, and the Yearbook Character Page seem to still have it.
  • The cookie jar in Marzipan's kitchen is modeled after Trivia Time, Pom Pom's dog that never saw the light of day in any cartoons.
  • The Cheat apparently prefers "Trophy Lights" brand cigarettes, in keeping with his trophy obsession seen in crazy cartoon.
  • The Cheat weighs more than 4 times as much as Pom Pom.
  • This is the first time Homsar is acknowledged by a character other than Strong Bad.
  • This cartoon marks the debut of The Stick.
  • The ring of Marzipan's phone is default ringin.wav file in Microsoft Windows.
  • Bubs's "fresh outta Cheats" is a rare use of The Cheat's name without the definite article.
  • This is the only toon (besides Halloween toons) that shows every single main character.
    • This is also the only non-Halloween toon to feature The Goblin.
  • The announcer who says, "Introducing the Homestar Junior..." was Mike.

Goofs

  • In the beginning, Homestar's toothpicks appear from nowhere.
  • Right before The King of Town comes up when Coach Z is talking to The Poopsmith, Coach Z quickly changes his hand gesture. Apparently, The Brothers Chaps accidentally left the graphic for his other gesture there for a couple frames.
  • Bubs's legs are missing when he is talking with Homsar and Strong Sad.
  • Throughout random parts of the cartoon, one of Strong Bad's eyes is drastically larger than the other.
  • When Strong Sad and Homsar are playing Connect Four, the piece that Strong Sad put in is not seen later.
  • When Homestar mentions that the olives on the Homestar Junior do in fact look like eyes, his eyes are reversed from the previous shot.

Inside References

Fast Forward

External Links

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