User:Thesmokingmonkey

From Homestar Runner Wiki

(Difference between revisions)
Jump to: navigation, search
(NEW! In EYE-STRAIN-O-VISION!)
(a long overdue update)
Line 1: Line 1:
<div style="background-color:#FDE910; border-width:2px; border-style:solid; border-color:#FF9900; margin:4px;">
<div style="background-color:#FDE910; border-width:2px; border-style:solid; border-color:#FF9900; margin:4px;">
-
'''''<center><font color=FF9900>THIS PAGE IS BROUGHT TO YOU IN EYE-STRAIN-O-VISION!</font></center>'''''
+
<!-- '''''<center><font color=FF9900>THIS PAGE IS BROUGHT TO YOU IN EYE-STRAIN-O-VISION!</font></center>''''' -->
-
 
+
<!--<blockquote class="lappy email">
<!--<blockquote class="lappy email">
<div>subject: Let's Trace! Let's Trace Some Drawings!</div>
<div>subject: Let's Trace! Let's Trace Some Drawings!</div>
Line 40: Line 39:
</blockquote> -->  
</blockquote> -->  
-
<blockquote class="tandy email">
+
<!-- <blockquote class="tandy email">
<div>subject: At long last</div>
<div>subject: At long last</div>
Dear Mike and the One Who Is Not Mike,<br>
Dear Mike and the One Who Is Not Mike,<br>
Line 53: Line 52:
Sincerely,<br>
Sincerely,<br>
Peter and the Wolf<br>
Peter and the Wolf<br>
-
</blockquote>
+
</blockquote> -->
-
='''''<font color=FFD800>HAPPY JANUARY, THE MONTH OF NEWNESS!!!</font>'''''=
+
<blockquote class="tandy email">
 +
<div>subject: Who knows funny? I does</div>
 +
Dear Marquez and Malik,<br>
 +
<br>
 +
I thought long and hard about<br>
 +
[http://www.uncyclopedia.org/HRWIKI how best to satirize you and the HRWiki]<br>
 +
without being crass or pointless<br>
 +
And I may have succeeded, for the moment.<br>
 +
Nothing personal,<br>
 +
You guys still rock.
-
=='''''<font color=#FFD800>The Smoking Monkey</font>'''''==
+
Sincerely,<br>
 +
Tron<br>
 +
</blockquote>
-
[[Image:tsm_firebert.png|thumb|right|150px|'''''<small>"The Smoking Monkey" is not a good commando name, either</small>''''']]
+
__NOTOC__
 +
=='''''<font color=#0047AB>The Smoking Monkey</font>'''''==
 +
[[Image:tsm_firebert.png|thumb|right|100px|'''<small>"The Smoking Monkey" is not a good commando name, either</small>''']]
For one reason or another, you have come to the user page of the man calling himself '''The Smoking Monkey'''. You could call him "Tim" for short, but you should not do this, for it is misleading and not at all good. Other known variants are '''''TSM''''', '''Teh Smkonig Mokeyn''', and, of course, [[User:Thesmokingmonkey|Thesmokingmonkey]].
For one reason or another, you have come to the user page of the man calling himself '''The Smoking Monkey'''. You could call him "Tim" for short, but you should not do this, for it is misleading and not at all good. Other known variants are '''''TSM''''', '''Teh Smkonig Mokeyn''', and, of course, [[User:Thesmokingmonkey|Thesmokingmonkey]].
-
'''Welcome!''' Feel free to read some of the rambling crap I've written here, or look at the funny picture of me dressed like Batman on Halloween doing an unintentional impression of [[Firebert]] not long after wearing a mask got old! Either way, you win, and you win ''big''! I may not have been [[Homsar|raised by a cup of coffee]], but I'm certainly saving the best for last<!-- Though under no circumstances will I forever be your girl. -->
+
'''Welcome!''' Feel free to read some of the rambling crap I've written here, or look at the funny picture of me dressed like Batman on Halloween doing an unintentional impression of [[Firebert]] not long after wearing a mask got old! Either way, you win, and you win ''big''! I may not have been [[Homsar|raised by a cup of coffee]], but I'm certainly saving the best for last. <!-- Though under no circumstances will I forever be your girl. -->
-
=='''''<font color=#FFD800>Who This Monkey is and Why He's Here Sometimes</font>'''''==
+
=='''''<font color=#0047AB>Who This Monkey is and Why He's Here Sometimes</font>'''''==
-
Hello, fellow HRWikiers! My name is '''Dave'''. I'm 28, an [[Wikipedia:United States Army|Army]] [[Wikipedia:veteran|combat veteran]] of Operation Iraqi Freedom, and I've been a huge H*R fan since stumbling across it surfing the "web" after I got back from Iraq in late 2003. I liked it immediately, but it wasn't until [[crazy cartoon]] (when I laughed so hard I nearly killed myself when the lemonade I was drinking almost went into my lungs) that I knew I had fallen in love with the quirky web cartoon. <!-- I mean, how hard did you laugh when you first heard Strong Bad say "Sweet Cuppin' Cakes?" Absolute devastation, my friends, absolute devastation. The pain in your side absolute devastation. -->
+
Hello, fellow HRWikiers! My name is '''Dave'''. I'm 29, an [[Wikipedia:United States Army|Army]] [[Wikipedia:veteran|combat veteran]] of Operation Iraqi Freedom, and I've been a huge H*R fan since stumbling across it surfing the "web" after I got back from Iraq in late 2003. I liked it immediately, but it wasn't until [[crazy cartoon]] (when I laughed so hard I nearly killed myself when the lemonade I was drinking almost went into my lungs) that I knew I had fallen in love with the quirky web cartoon. <!-- I mean, how hard did you laugh when you first heard Strong Bad say "Sweet Cuppin' Cakes?" Absolute devastation, my friends, absolute devastation. The pain in your side absolute devastation. -->
When not working, I dabble in fiction and non-fiction writing, making music, video gamin', and yes, the occasional beer or two or three. For those that would care, I quit smoking months ago, although I still slip up every now and again.
When not working, I dabble in fiction and non-fiction writing, making music, video gamin', and yes, the occasional beer or two or three. For those that would care, I quit smoking months ago, although I still slip up every now and again.
-
=='''''<font color=#FFD800>Your Username is Stupid. Why Come?</font>'''''==
+
=='''''<font color=#0047AB>Alter Egos <!-- Besides Batman, the Caped Crusader --> </font>'''''==
 +
My near total absence here at HRWiki is due to my important work at '''Uncyclopedia'''. If you like comedy, we're trying to amp up the funny, we really are. Or, some of us, anyway. Check it out, open an account, try your hand at the serious business of laughter at [http://uncyclopedia.org Uncyclopedia], the wiki devoted to satire, parody, slander, and sometimes actual comedy.
 +
 
 +
My alter ego there is [http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/User:Wild_Weasel Wild Weasel]: a busy weasel, I've created about ten articles (one nominated for feature, even!), re-done more than that and fixed up twice as much as both of those combined. Confused? Well, ''stop reading''!
 +
 
 +
As '''Oscar Wilde''' once said:
 +
 
 +
<code>"The Homestar Runner Wiki is like a bar of soap. Sure, it'll keep you clean, but you can't eat it."</code>
 +
 
 +
=='''''<font color=#0047AB>Your Username is Stupid. Why Come?</font>'''''==
 +
 
 +
There's a story there, if you look hard enough.
-
I know [[Wikipedia:Emo Phillips|someone]] out there has wondered, "why is this yahoo calling himself 'the smoking monkey'? Is he obsessed with [[Wikipedia:monkey|monkeys]]? Does he think he's being ever-so-clever by hinting at some kind of laissez-faire slacker lifestyle? The answer to these important questions are: I'm not exactly sure, not really, and no. Some months ago, [[Wikipedia:CNN|mass media]] was running this human interest story - er, a [[Wikipedia:bonobo|chimpanzee]] interest story - about a chimp in the Johannesburg Zoo that had picked up smoking. Much like the [[Wikipedia:Tom Green|idiots]] one sees at the zoo throwing junk food to endangered species*, [[Wikipedia:South Africa|South African]] idiots had been throwing lit cigarettes at the chimps. And, wouldn't you know it, one chimp aped his distant genetic relatives and started smoking them on a regular basis.  
+
<!-- I know [[Wikipedia:Emo Phillips|someone]] out there has wondered, "why is this yahoo calling himself 'the smoking monkey'? Is he obsessed with [[Wikipedia:monkey|monkeys]]? Does he think he's being ever-so-clever by hinting at some kind of laissez-faire slacker lifestyle? The answer to these important questions are: I'm not exactly sure, not really, and no. Some months ago, [[Wikipedia:CNN|mass media]] was running this human interest story - er, a [[Wikipedia:bonobo|chimpanzee]] interest story - about a chimp in the Johannesburg Zoo that had picked up smoking. Much like the [[Wikipedia:Tom Green|idiots]] one sees at the zoo throwing junk food to endangered species*, [[Wikipedia:South Africa|South African]] idiots had been throwing lit cigarettes at the chimps. And, wouldn't you know it, one chimp aped his distant genetic relatives and started smoking them on a regular basis.  
-
Now, if there couldn't possibly be any more shameful idiocy crammed into this story, the [[Wikipedia:newscaster|talking heads]] relating the story said marvelously insightful things after rolling the clips like, "I don't think that's setting a very good [[Wikipedia:Pee Wee Herman|example]] for children!" and "Monkey see, monkey do, right? Ha, ha, ha." In short, the story was such a mixture of the [[Wikipedia:Friends|mundane]], the [[Wikipedia:Stella (television show)|ridiculous]], and even the [[Wikipedia:King Lear|tragic]], I identified with that [[Wikipedia:cigarette|chain-smoking]] chimp, and felt he needed to be honored somehow. And so a name, such as it is, was born.
+
Now, if there couldn't possibly be any more shameful idiocy crammed into this story, the [[Wikipedia:newscaster|talking heads]] relating the story said marvelously insightful things after rolling the clips like, "I don't think that's setting a very good [[Wikipedia:Pee Wee Herman|example]] for children!" and "Monkey see, monkey do, right? Ha, ha, ha." In short, the story was such a mixture of the [[Wikipedia:Friends|mundane]], the [[Wikipedia:Stella (television show)|ridiculous]], and even the [[Wikipedia:King Lear|tragic]], I identified with that [[Wikipedia:cigarette|chain-smoking]] chimp, and felt he needed to be honored somehow. And so a name, such as it is, was born. -->
-
=='''''<font color=#FFD800>What in the World is the Smoking Monkey Not Doing Right Now?</font>'''''==
+
=='''''<font color=#0047AB>What in the World is the Smoking Monkey Not Doing Right Now?</font>'''''==
-
I am ''not'' making a to-do list here at HRWiki:
+
* The Olympics. Straight up, I am ''not'' doing that. I don't care how many medals anyone wins, it's boring. And cold!
-
* Watch '''highschool''' at least three more times
+
-
* Read the Wiki article for '''highschool'''
+
-
* Pants, pants, pants!
+
<!--I am ''not'' listing the lyrics of Oingo Boingo's seminal hit, ''On the Outside'':
<!--I am ''not'' listing the lyrics of Oingo Boingo's seminal hit, ''On the Outside'':
Line 215: Line 235:
<!-- Doesn't that make you feel better? -->
<!-- Doesn't that make you feel better? -->
-
=='''''<font color=#FFD800>Alter Egos <!-- Besides Batman, the Caped Crusader --> </font>'''''==
+
=='''''<font color=#0047AB>What is the Smoking Monkey's Favorite (Fill in Blank) Right Now?</font>'''''==
-
My general absence here at HRWiki is due to two things: a higher workload, and my important work at the Uncyclopedia. If you like comedy, and nonsense (well, a lot of it is nonsense), try [http://uncyclopedia.org Uncyclopedia], the wiki devoted to such things. My alter ego there is [http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/User:Wild_Weasel Wild Weasel] where I've created a half dozen pages and freshened up a dozen more! What whimsical fun! As Oscar Wilde once said:
+
*'''Sinful breakfast''': Biscuits and Gravy
-
 
+
*'''Labyrinth Song''': ''You Remind Me of the Babe''
-
"''Homestar Runner is like a bar of soap. Sure, it'll keep you clean, but you can't eat it.''"
+
-
 
+
-
=='''''<font color=#FFD800>What is the Smoking Monkey's Favorite (Fill in Blank) Right Now?</font>'''''==
+
-
*'''Sinful breakfast''': Eggs Benedict
+
-
*'''Labyrinth Song''': Chilly Down
+
-
=='''''<font color=#FFD800>Sage, Sage Wisdom We All Can Use</font>'''''==
+
=='''''<font color=#0047AB>Sage, Sage Wisdom We All Can Use</font>'''''==
''"Let your anger be as a monkey in a pinata, hiding with the candy, hoping the kids don't break through with a stick."''
''"Let your anger be as a monkey in a pinata, hiding with the candy, hoping the kids don't break through with a stick."''
<!-- Kung Pow is a good, quality movie, full of such wisdom. Wee-ow pee-ow wee-ow! -->
<!-- Kung Pow is a good, quality movie, full of such wisdom. Wee-ow pee-ow wee-ow! -->
-
=='''''<font color=#FFD800>Monkey the Enforcer (Are You a Good Editor or a Bad Editor?)</font>'''''==
+
=='''''<font color=#0047AB>Monkey the Enforcer (Are You a Good Editor or a Bad Editor?)</font>'''''==
Here HRWiki, I was a law-and-order type, maybe like the Mel Gibson character in ''Lethal Weapon'', though I'm not suicidal, or teamed with a cagey old veteran cop nearing retirement, or short, or Australian. Come to think of it, I'm nothing at all like the Mel Gibson character in ''Lethal Weapon''. I'm an inactive member of the '''Recent Changes Patrol''', and focused most of my energy there, at one time making sure every edit was a good edit. To date, I have caught '''five''' trolls, and I like to think they learned a valuable lesson. But more than likely, not. <!--and hope to catch ''many'' more; perhaps one day I can live up to the wiki-defending anti-troll standard set by [[User:BazookaJoe|BazookaJoe]]! Well, at least I helped the community by vigilance for bad and malicious edits, and those weird anonymous edits that are all like "Homestar saying "Hello, Strong Bad!" is a reference to every time Homestar said that before" or "Homsar's hat flying is a reference to (fill in the name of waaaaay out-there pop culture reference no one has ever heard of here), which ran from 1999 to 2001." -->
Here HRWiki, I was a law-and-order type, maybe like the Mel Gibson character in ''Lethal Weapon'', though I'm not suicidal, or teamed with a cagey old veteran cop nearing retirement, or short, or Australian. Come to think of it, I'm nothing at all like the Mel Gibson character in ''Lethal Weapon''. I'm an inactive member of the '''Recent Changes Patrol''', and focused most of my energy there, at one time making sure every edit was a good edit. To date, I have caught '''five''' trolls, and I like to think they learned a valuable lesson. But more than likely, not. <!--and hope to catch ''many'' more; perhaps one day I can live up to the wiki-defending anti-troll standard set by [[User:BazookaJoe|BazookaJoe]]! Well, at least I helped the community by vigilance for bad and malicious edits, and those weird anonymous edits that are all like "Homestar saying "Hello, Strong Bad!" is a reference to every time Homestar said that before" or "Homsar's hat flying is a reference to (fill in the name of waaaaay out-there pop culture reference no one has ever heard of here), which ran from 1999 to 2001." -->
Line 234: Line 249:
One day long ago, I had my first (and only) battle with a Willy on Wheels style vandal, eventually beating them back with the help of [[User:Venusy|Venusy]] and [[User:bkmlb|bkmlb]]. And, as part of the battle, I'm proud to say my own user and talk pages were '''vandalized'''! After the damage was repaired, the question arose: what would a smoking monkey on wheels look like? [[User:Venusy|Venusy]] came up with this [http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b354/Venusy/smokingmonkeyonwheels.png delightful image]. Motorists, be warned: '''the smoking monkey on wheels''' often makes triple lane changes without signaling and will cut you off just for the thrill of it!
One day long ago, I had my first (and only) battle with a Willy on Wheels style vandal, eventually beating them back with the help of [[User:Venusy|Venusy]] and [[User:bkmlb|bkmlb]]. And, as part of the battle, I'm proud to say my own user and talk pages were '''vandalized'''! After the damage was repaired, the question arose: what would a smoking monkey on wheels look like? [[User:Venusy|Venusy]] came up with this [http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b354/Venusy/smokingmonkeyonwheels.png delightful image]. Motorists, be warned: '''the smoking monkey on wheels''' often makes triple lane changes without signaling and will cut you off just for the thrill of it!
<!-- YOU CUT ME OFF, YOU DAMNED MONKEY!!! -->
<!-- YOU CUT ME OFF, YOU DAMNED MONKEY!!! -->
-
=='''''<font color=#FFD800>Monkey the Creator!?!? (There's No Intelligent Design Here)</font>'''''==
+
=='''''<font color=#0047AB>Monkey the Creator!?!? (There's No Intelligent Design Here)</font>'''''==
I'm constantly amazed at the dedication and professionalism of the major (and minor!) contributors to this site. At one time, I took a relatively active role in creation and editing instead of just keeping the peace. Here are some of the things I'm most proud of:  
I'm constantly amazed at the dedication and professionalism of the major (and minor!) contributors to this site. At one time, I took a relatively active role in creation and editing instead of just keeping the peace. Here are some of the things I'm most proud of:  
Line 269: Line 284:
I uploaded some PNGs for this extravaganza, and maybe some will survive the surge of activity surrounding the release of everyone's favorite teen-based comic! I helped non-stubbify [[Manolios Ugly One]], uncover the true meaninglessness of [[Minor Teen Girl Squad Characters|Olympic Man and Coach]], and dash off a little piece on [[Minor Teen Girl Squad Characters|A Mighty Warrior]]. Naginatas are dangerous, and corn is no place to be! <small>Or something like that.</small>
I uploaded some PNGs for this extravaganza, and maybe some will survive the surge of activity surrounding the release of everyone's favorite teen-based comic! I helped non-stubbify [[Manolios Ugly One]], uncover the true meaninglessness of [[Minor Teen Girl Squad Characters|Olympic Man and Coach]], and dash off a little piece on [[Minor Teen Girl Squad Characters|A Mighty Warrior]]. Naginatas are dangerous, and corn is no place to be! <small>Or something like that.</small>
-
=='''''<font color=#FFD800>The Monkey's Gallery of Some of His H*R Favorites! In Technicolor!</font>'''''==
+
=='''''<font color=#0047AB>The Monkey's Gallery of Some of His H*R Favorites! In Technicolor!</font>'''''==
<gallery>
<gallery>
Line 291: Line 306:
</gallery>
</gallery>
-
=='''''<font color=#FFD800>Monkey Shout-Outs! Certain Users Get Prizes!</font>'''''==
+
=='''''<font color=#0047AB>Monkey Shout-Outs! Certain Users Get Prizes!</font>'''''==
<!--Slowly but surely, I'm getting to know more of the members here. And, when I discover how awesome you are, I'll honor you here! -->  
<!--Slowly but surely, I'm getting to know more of the members here. And, when I discover how awesome you are, I'll honor you here! -->  
Line 301: Line 316:
*[[User:AbdiViklas|AbdiViklas]] - He used to be '''notstrongorbad''', but now he's '''AbdiViklas'''! He also plays musical instruments, to possibly include the cowbell, kazoo, triangle, accordion, and saxamophone. This guy is all up ons H*R knowledge, providing an introspective look at everyone's favorite web cartoon. He's done a lot more since [http://www.hrwiki.org/index.php/Talk:What%27s_Her_Face this] and [http://www.hrwiki.org/index.php?title=Talk:geddup_noise&action=edit&section=18 this], but anyone who can run up the word count on H*R and still make good sense is an asset to the community!
*[[User:AbdiViklas|AbdiViklas]] - He used to be '''notstrongorbad''', but now he's '''AbdiViklas'''! He also plays musical instruments, to possibly include the cowbell, kazoo, triangle, accordion, and saxamophone. This guy is all up ons H*R knowledge, providing an introspective look at everyone's favorite web cartoon. He's done a lot more since [http://www.hrwiki.org/index.php/Talk:What%27s_Her_Face this] and [http://www.hrwiki.org/index.php?title=Talk:geddup_noise&action=edit&section=18 this], but anyone who can run up the word count on H*R and still make good sense is an asset to the community!
-
=='''''<font color=#FFD800>The Monkey Reveals His Impression Abilities!</font>'''''==
+
=='''''<font color=#0047AB>The Monkey Reveals His Impression Abilities!</font>'''''==
If there was something I've always wanted to do, it would be voice acting. But, failing that, I can always imitate the work of other voice actors to my great satisfaction. I'm pretty adept at impressions, and happily, the "cast" of H*R are mostly easy for me to do. Here, for no reason, is my candid assesment of my Matt Chapman mimickry efforts:
If there was something I've always wanted to do, it would be voice acting. But, failing that, I can always imitate the work of other voice actors to my great satisfaction. I'm pretty adept at impressions, and happily, the "cast" of H*R are mostly easy for me to do. Here, for no reason, is my candid assesment of my Matt Chapman mimickry efforts:
<gallery>
<gallery>
Line 319: Line 334:
<!-- Seriously, though, Strong Mad, Bubs and Homsar give me fits. Senor Cardgage is my favorite voice to do, because it's not only easy but fun. Just saying, "Enjoy a free canceltation, Valerie!" is a surefire way to feel a-pretty good. -->
<!-- Seriously, though, Strong Mad, Bubs and Homsar give me fits. Senor Cardgage is my favorite voice to do, because it's not only easy but fun. Just saying, "Enjoy a free canceltation, Valerie!" is a surefire way to feel a-pretty good. -->
-
=='''''<font color=#FFD800>The Smoking Monkey Pledge (i.e., the small red print)</font>'''''==
+
=='''''<font color=#0047AB>The Smoking Monkey Pledge (i.e., the small red print)</font>'''''==
-
''<small><font color=#FF4F00><!-- If I revert your edit and you feel slighted, feel free to bring it to my talk page (or if you just want to say "what up, my dog", you can always do that, too). I do make mistakes, like the time I let a looter go and then arrested him again an hour later for trying to steal the same fish he was trying to steal when I arrested him in the first place. Also, I don't claim any special authority here at the Wiki - I simply try to enforce established rules and make sure that this Wiki stays the outstanding Homestar Runner resource that it is!-->I will not, under any circumstances, be faded.</font></small>'' - {{User:Thesmokingmonkey/sig}}
+
''<small><font color=#FF4F00><!-- If I revert your edit and you feel slighted, feel free to bring it to my talk page (or if you just want to say "what up, my dog", you can always do that, too). I do make mistakes, like the time I let a looter go and then arrested him again an hour later for trying to steal the same fish he was trying to steal when I arrested him in the first place. Also, I don't claim any special authority here at the Wiki - I simply try to enforce established rules and make sure that this Wiki stays the outstanding Homestar Runner resource that it is! I will not, under any circumstances, be faded. --> Take 'er easy, for Pete's sake.</font></small>'' - {{User:Thesmokingmonkey/sig}}
-
=='''''<small><font color=#FFD800>Wha?!? Footnotes!?! Yes, Sadly, Footnotes. You Will Be Tested On This.</font></small>'''''==
+
=='''''<small><font color=#0047AB>Wha?!? Footnotes!?! Yes, Sadly, Footnotes. You Will Be Tested On This.</font></small>'''''==
<nowiki>*</nowiki><small> Seriously, if you do this, stop. Gorillas do not need Twinkees to survive any more than a chimp needs a Marlboro. Like, imagine ''you'' were in a cage and some stupid monkey kept throwing nits at you. Who wants to eat nits? Monkeys. You see? Steel-trap logic, steel-trap logic.</small>
<nowiki>*</nowiki><small> Seriously, if you do this, stop. Gorillas do not need Twinkees to survive any more than a chimp needs a Marlboro. Like, imagine ''you'' were in a cage and some stupid monkey kept throwing nits at you. Who wants to eat nits? Monkeys. You see? Steel-trap logic, steel-trap logic.</small>
<nowiki>**</nowiki><small>The discussion (backlash!?) regarding the infamous "teen pregnant" line is one of the strangest [http://www.hrwiki.org/index.php/Talk:Commandos_in_the_Classroom things] I've seen at the HRWiki. It's gonna be hggghaghl righhhht, folks. </small>
<nowiki>**</nowiki><small>The discussion (backlash!?) regarding the infamous "teen pregnant" line is one of the strangest [http://www.hrwiki.org/index.php/Talk:Commandos_in_the_Classroom things] I've seen at the HRWiki. It's gonna be hggghaghl righhhht, folks. </small>
-
<nowiki>***</nowiki><!-- <small>This is not meant to reflect my own thoughts, but rather the thoughts of the monkey depicted in the picture. Kinda like the picture is meant to be me, but isn't? Got it? Good. Let the MONKEYQUOTE begin! FYI, when I downloaded the picture, apparently the little dude's name was "Consul." What in the heck kind of name is that for a monkey? If I had a monkey, I'd name him "Lord Algernon Hawthorne Shropshire Witherpenny of Northumbria."</small> --> <small> Fortuitously, there is no longer a "***". It used to refer to my user picture, but now, since my user picture is actually me (dressed as Batman and looking for all the world as if I had always meant to be Firebert), there is no more Monkeyquote. For those missing Monkeyquote (that should be approximately none of the users of this fine Wiki), simply ''a) take a piece of paper b) get a writing implement c) write something d) read it.'' Is it funny? Did it make you chuckle? Could you see a tormented monkey in a strip-ed suit thinking what you'd just written? If the answer is "yes," put the piece of paper in a self-addressed envelope and mail it to Holland. Why? Because the Dutch could use some cheering up these days, that's why.
+
<nowiki>***</nowiki><!-- <small>This is not meant to reflect my own thoughts, but rather the thoughts of the monkey depicted in the picture. Kinda like the picture is meant to be me, but isn't? Got it? Good. Let the MONKEYQUOTE begin! FYI, when I downloaded the picture, apparently the little dude's name was "Consul." What in the heck kind of name is that for a monkey? If I had a monkey, I'd name him "Lord Algernon Hawthorne Shropshire Witherpenny of Northumbria."</small> --> <small> Fortuitously, there is no longer a "***". It used to refer to my user picture, but now, since my user picture is actually me (dressed as Batman and looking for all the world as if I had always meant to be Firebert), there is no more Monkeyquote. For those missing Monkeyquote (that should be approximately none of the users of this fine Wiki), simply ''a) take a piece of paper b) get a writing implement c) write something d) read it.'' Is it funny? Did it make you chuckle? Could you see a tormented monkey in a strip-ed suit thinking what you'd just written? If the answer is "yes," put the piece of paper in a self-addressed envelope and mail it to Denmark. Why? Because the Danishes could use some cheering up these days, that's why.
<!-- <nowiki>****</nowiki><small>This isn't meant as a slight to Australians. No, no no. I'm dating one right now, and she's swell. Plus, I get to "borrow" Vegemite from her, and I have to admit I love the stuff. It's like, um, super salty cheese. Goes great with crackers, I swear!</small> -->
<!-- <nowiki>****</nowiki><small>This isn't meant as a slight to Australians. No, no no. I'm dating one right now, and she's swell. Plus, I get to "borrow" Vegemite from her, and I have to admit I love the stuff. It's like, um, super salty cheese. Goes great with crackers, I swear!</small> -->

Revision as of 23:49, 20 February 2006





The Smoking Monkey

"The Smoking Monkey" is not a good commando name, either

For one reason or another, you have come to the user page of the man calling himself The Smoking Monkey. You could call him "Tim" for short, but you should not do this, for it is misleading and not at all good. Other known variants are TSM, Teh Smkonig Mokeyn, and, of course, Thesmokingmonkey.

Welcome! Feel free to read some of the rambling crap I've written here, or look at the funny picture of me dressed like Batman on Halloween doing an unintentional impression of Firebert not long after wearing a mask got old! Either way, you win, and you win big! I may not have been raised by a cup of coffee, but I'm certainly saving the best for last.

Who This Monkey is and Why He's Here Sometimes

Hello, fellow HRWikiers! My name is Dave. I'm 29, an Army combat veteran of Operation Iraqi Freedom, and I've been a huge H*R fan since stumbling across it surfing the "web" after I got back from Iraq in late 2003. I liked it immediately, but it wasn't until crazy cartoon (when I laughed so hard I nearly killed myself when the lemonade I was drinking almost went into my lungs) that I knew I had fallen in love with the quirky web cartoon.

When not working, I dabble in fiction and non-fiction writing, making music, video gamin', and yes, the occasional beer or two or three. For those that would care, I quit smoking months ago, although I still slip up every now and again.

Alter Egos

My near total absence here at HRWiki is due to my important work at Uncyclopedia. If you like comedy, we're trying to amp up the funny, we really are. Or, some of us, anyway. Check it out, open an account, try your hand at the serious business of laughter at Uncyclopedia, the wiki devoted to satire, parody, slander, and sometimes actual comedy.

My alter ego there is Wild Weasel: a busy weasel, I've created about ten articles (one nominated for feature, even!), re-done more than that and fixed up twice as much as both of those combined. Confused? Well, stop reading!

As Oscar Wilde once said:

"The Homestar Runner Wiki is like a bar of soap. Sure, it'll keep you clean, but you can't eat it."

Your Username is Stupid. Why Come?

There's a story there, if you look hard enough.


What in the World is the Smoking Monkey Not Doing Right Now?

  • The Olympics. Straight up, I am not doing that. I don't care how many medals anyone wins, it's boring. And cold!


And now you know what I'm not doing right now!

What is the Smoking Monkey's Favorite (Fill in Blank) Right Now?

  • Sinful breakfast: Biscuits and Gravy
  • Labyrinth Song: You Remind Me of the Babe

Sage, Sage Wisdom We All Can Use

"Let your anger be as a monkey in a pinata, hiding with the candy, hoping the kids don't break through with a stick."

Monkey the Enforcer (Are You a Good Editor or a Bad Editor?)

Here HRWiki, I was a law-and-order type, maybe like the Mel Gibson character in Lethal Weapon, though I'm not suicidal, or teamed with a cagey old veteran cop nearing retirement, or short, or Australian. Come to think of it, I'm nothing at all like the Mel Gibson character in Lethal Weapon. I'm an inactive member of the Recent Changes Patrol, and focused most of my energy there, at one time making sure every edit was a good edit. To date, I have caught five trolls, and I like to think they learned a valuable lesson. But more than likely, not.

One day long ago, I had my first (and only) battle with a Willy on Wheels style vandal, eventually beating them back with the help of Venusy and bkmlb. And, as part of the battle, I'm proud to say my own user and talk pages were vandalized! After the damage was repaired, the question arose: what would a smoking monkey on wheels look like? Venusy came up with this delightful image. Motorists, be warned: the smoking monkey on wheels often makes triple lane changes without signaling and will cut you off just for the thrill of it!

Monkey the Creator!?!? (There's No Intelligent Design Here)

I'm constantly amazed at the dedication and professionalism of the major (and minor!) contributors to this site. At one time, I took a relatively active role in creation and editing instead of just keeping the peace. Here are some of the things I'm most proud of:

Free Country, USA

I was shocked to see the community noticed my work on Free Country, USA and made it a featured article! It came about oddly - some anonymous user added some info, and I reverted it. Then someone re-reverted it: "it was good", they said. Then I reverted it again. Then It's dot com stepped in and reminded me just because an edit is anonymous, it's not automatically bad. Then, I started looking closely at the article, and before long, I got a wee bit obsessive adding things, sorting other things out, and generally trying to flesh out what Free Country was. It's interesting to note how similarly the article now resembles actual Wikipedia articles about real countries - coincidence or fact?!

geddup noise

Sitting bleary eyed in front of my terminal at 6:30 one morning, I was amazed - a new sbmail, geddup noise! And, before I even thought twice, I checked the wiki to see the completed article. Lo and behold, the transcript was 10% done! I nearly started jumping up and down in impish glee - finally, a chance to smash out a rough transcript. With my friend Microsoft Word and the "play" button of Flash player, I slogged through the sbmail twice before I came up with this busted masterpiece. A dozen edits later, it was up to this (along with the work of a half-dozen others during that feverish time!), and I got that warm feeling of self-satisfaction I always suspected I'd get if I ever got a chance to do a transcript.

Random Refreshings

One of my creative drives here can be summed up in this concept: Random Refreshings. Using the HRWiki's "Random Page" button, I surf around looking for articles to freshen up. Sometimes, I'll find articles with piecemeal content - there's nothing wrong with the article, but perhaps with a little more structure, some tweaking, and a dash of encyclopedic-sounding jargon, an article can get closer to that "academic" feel that's absolutely necessary for a knowledge base about a cartoon that stars an armless guy with no pants(?), a two-bit wrestleman and his little yellow dog.

Some of the illustrious articles to receive my Random Refreshings include:

(Let's not exclude non-random refreshings, Monkeyman!)

Pasta Salad

To date, this is the only article I created out of whole cloth, as it were. And what a doozy! I seemed to have sparked off a minor firestorm in the community over the article, because the subject matter was so minor. But I made the article because it was one of the funniest things I have yet encountered at H*R. If you haven't seen the clip, watch old comics and check for easter eggs at the end! "IT TASTES SO GOOD!!!"

Teen Girl Squad Issue 10 Minor Characters

I uploaded some PNGs for this extravaganza, and maybe some will survive the surge of activity surrounding the release of everyone's favorite teen-based comic! I helped non-stubbify Manolios Ugly One, uncover the true meaninglessness of Olympic Man and Coach, and dash off a little piece on A Mighty Warrior. Naginatas are dangerous, and corn is no place to be! Or something like that.

The Monkey's Gallery of Some of His H*R Favorites! In Technicolor!

Monkey Shout-Outs! Certain Users Get Prizes!

These guys were swell, and this is my testament to them.

  • It's dot com - The consummate H*R sage. His no-nonsense, yet fair, attitude (not to mention his expansive contributions to the HRWiki) are some of the reasons he was recently made a sysop. If you have important HRWiki questions or need help figuring something out, he's your man. And, if you mess around, he's the guy who's gonna drop the hammer on you!
  • E.L. Cool - Based in Israel, E.L. gives the HRWiki a little international flair. Good-natured and possessing of the sense of humor one would expect from a fan of H*R, E.L. always up to something positive. Plus, he can translate your name into Hebrew! Very, er, cool.*******
  • Rogue Leader - Unlike some of the more rambunctuous (and sometimes destructive) youngsters around here, young Rogue truly has his act together. He contributes, he regulates, he has two small dogs. Plus, he digs Star Wars, so he's aces in my book.
  • AbdiViklas - He used to be notstrongorbad, but now he's AbdiViklas! He also plays musical instruments, to possibly include the cowbell, kazoo, triangle, accordion, and saxamophone. This guy is all up ons H*R knowledge, providing an introspective look at everyone's favorite web cartoon. He's done a lot more since this and this, but anyone who can run up the word count on H*R and still make good sense is an asset to the community!

The Monkey Reveals His Impression Abilities!

If there was something I've always wanted to do, it would be voice acting. But, failing that, I can always imitate the work of other voice actors to my great satisfaction. I'm pretty adept at impressions, and happily, the "cast" of H*R are mostly easy for me to do. Here, for no reason, is my candid assesment of my Matt Chapman mimickry efforts:

The Smoking Monkey Pledge (i.e., the small red print)

Take 'er easy, for Pete's sake. - THE SMOKING MONKEY

Wha?!? Footnotes!?! Yes, Sadly, Footnotes. You Will Be Tested On This.

* Seriously, if you do this, stop. Gorillas do not need Twinkees to survive any more than a chimp needs a Marlboro. Like, imagine you were in a cage and some stupid monkey kept throwing nits at you. Who wants to eat nits? Monkeys. You see? Steel-trap logic, steel-trap logic.

**The discussion (backlash!?) regarding the infamous "teen pregnant" line is one of the strangest things I've seen at the HRWiki. It's gonna be hggghaghl righhhht, folks.

*** Fortuitously, there is no longer a "***". It used to refer to my user picture, but now, since my user picture is actually me (dressed as Batman and looking for all the world as if I had always meant to be Firebert), there is no more Monkeyquote. For those missing Monkeyquote (that should be approximately none of the users of this fine Wiki), simply a) take a piece of paper b) get a writing implement c) write something d) read it. Is it funny? Did it make you chuckle? Could you see a tormented monkey in a strip-ed suit thinking what you'd just written? If the answer is "yes," put the piece of paper in a self-addressed envelope and mail it to Denmark. Why? Because the Danishes could use some cheering up these days, that's why.


*******For you, E.L., just for you!

Personal tools