User:Thesmokingmonkey

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<div style="background-color:#FDE910; border-width:2px; border-style:solid; border-color:#FF9900; margin:4px;">
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'''Man!''' It's been like, over a freaking year, and there's still no re-imaginin' going on for this user page! No graphics, no funny statements, no funny questions! Not even a miserable italicized word!
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[[image:homestar.jpg|thumb|500px|right|<small>The cause of the disappearance of the T-Zone?</small>]]
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''That's better.''
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<!-- '''''<center><font color=FF9900>THIS PAGE IS BROUGHT TO YOU IN EYE-STRAIN-O-VISION!</font></center>''''' -->
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==The Failure of Imagination (Or, Why No One Should Ever Compose Streams of Consciousness)==
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<!--<blockquote class="lappy email">
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<small>'''DISCLAIMER: None of the following is true, nor is it endorsed by the Homestar Runner Wiki, employees of SOGLO, Ltd., or any sandals, anywhere. Maybe Teva sandals, but that would be the exception.'''</small>  
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<div>subject: Let's Trace! Let's Trace Some Drawings!</div>
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Dear Two-Bit Wrestleman,<br>
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<br>
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Whatever happened to the King of Town's servants?<br>
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And for that matter, where can I get me some Grumblecakes?<br>
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And why is your mouth pink? That's not normal.<br>
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With much crap,<br>
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The Smoking Monkey thinks that [[Strong Sad|when angels cry]], this means Vlad Guerrero has a season-ending MCL injury. When someone says, "I Can't!" he replies ,"not ''the'' Immanuel Kant, philosopher extrordinaire?" He believes firmly that everything Homestar says is really a coded message somehow linked to that piece of tire he once saw on Route 95. He feels it's not always right to hold the door open for little old ladies - what is he, a professional doorman? No, no, no. He is, was, and shall be a proponent for getting manatees put on restaurant menus, expunging the word "crotchless" from the English language, and tapioca. Lots of thick, rich, tapioca.
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Dave (yeah that's my real name), DC<br>
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</blockquote> -->
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<!-- <blockquote class="lappy email">
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Dee-lish.
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<div>subject: But, You ''Know'' What a Pizza Looks Like, Right?</div>
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YO YO yo STRONG BAD,<br>
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<br>
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Stave it off, one, two, three<br>
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Now I can count to three!<br>
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I wanna hear of that song 50 times more!<br>
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Sincerly,<br>
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&mdash; {{User:Thesmokingmonkey/sig}} 03:57, 25 July 2007 (UTC)
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73|-| 5/\/\0|<1|\| |\/|0|\||<37<br>
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</blockquote> -->
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<!-- <blockquote class="tandy email">
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<div>subject: Why, the Brothers Chaps, Why?</div>
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Dear Jeff and Sandy,<br>
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<br>
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Decemberween hath come and gone<br>
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And my seasonal toon still yet is done<br>
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No laughs I have at 'Ween's expense<br>
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And thus myself shall make no sense. <br>
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Sincerely,<br>
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The Monkey Who Smokes Occasionally<br>
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</blockquote> -->
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<!-- <blockquote class="tandy email">
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<div>subject: At long last</div>
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Dear Mike and the One Who Is Not Mike,<br>
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<br>
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Oh, man. Last night, I was all like,<br>
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"I'll check the HRWiki ''for no reason''<br>
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, it's not like there's an update, meh," and<br>
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A-Holy Crap! There ''was'' an update. And I<br>
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watched '''highschool''', drank a beer and laughed.<br>
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Thanks.
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Sincerely,<br>
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Peter and the Wolf<br>
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</blockquote> -->
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<blockquote class="tandy email">
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<div>subject: Who knows funny? I does</div>
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Dear Marquez and Malik,<br>
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<br>
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I thought long and hard about<br>
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[http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/HRWIKI how best to satirize you and the HRWiki]<br>
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without being crass or pointless<br>
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And I may have succeeded, for the moment.<br>
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Nothing personal,<br>
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You guys still rock.
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Sincerely,<br>
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Tron<br>
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</blockquote>
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__NOTOC__
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=='''''<font color=#0047AB>The Smoking Monkey</font>'''''==
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[[Image:tsm_firebert.png|thumb|right|100px|'''<small>"The Smoking Monkey" is not a good commando name, either</small>''']]
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For one reason or another, you have come to the user page of the man calling himself '''The Smoking Monkey'''. You could call him "Tim" for short, but you should not do this, for it is misleading and not at all good. Other known variants are '''''TSM''''', '''Teh Smkonig Mokeyn''', and, of course, [[User:Thesmokingmonkey|Thesmokingmonkey]].
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'''Welcome!''' Feel free to read some of the rambling crap I've written here, or look at the funny picture of me dressed like Batman on Halloween doing an unintentional impression of [[Firebert]] not long after wearing a mask got old! Either way, you win, and you win ''big''! I may not have been [[Homsar|raised by a cup of coffee]], but I'm certainly saving the best for last. <!-- Though under no circumstances will I forever be your girl. -->
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=='''''<font color=#0047AB>Who This Monkey is and Why He's Here Sometimes</font>'''''==
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Hello, fellow HRWikiers! My name is '''Dave'''. I'm 29, an [[Wikipedia:United States Army|Army]] [[Wikipedia:veteran|combat veteran]] of Operation Iraqi Freedom, and I've been a huge H*R fan since stumbling across it surfing the "web" after I got back from Iraq in late 2003. I liked it immediately, but it wasn't until [[crazy cartoon]] (when I laughed so hard I nearly killed myself when the lemonade I was drinking almost went into my lungs) that I knew I had fallen in love with the quirky web cartoon. <!-- I mean, how hard did you laugh when you first heard Strong Bad say "Sweet Cuppin' Cakes?" Absolute devastation, my friends, absolute devastation. The pain in your side absolute devastation. -->
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When not working, I dabble in fiction and non-fiction writing, making music, video gamin', and yes, the occasional beer or two or three. For those that would care, I quit smoking months ago, although I still slip up every now and again.
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=='''''<font color=#0047AB>Alter Egos <!-- Besides Batman, the Caped Crusader --> </font>'''''==
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My near total absence here at HRWiki is due to my important work at '''Uncyclopedia'''. If you like comedy, we're trying to amp up the funny, we really are. Or, some of us, anyway. Check it out, open an account, try your hand at the serious business of laughter at [http://uncyclopedia.org Uncyclopedia], the wiki devoted to satire, parody, slander, and sometimes actual comedy.
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My alter ego there is [http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/User:Wild_Weasel Wild Weasel]: a busy weasel, I've created about ten articles (one nominated for feature, even!), re-done more than that and fixed up twice as much as both of those combined. Confused? Well, ''stop reading''!
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As '''Oscar Wilde''' once said:
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<code>"The Homestar Runner Wiki is like a bar of soap. Sure, it'll keep you clean, but you can't eat it."</code>
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=='''''<font color=#0047AB>Your Username is Stupid. Why Come?</font>'''''==
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There's a story there, if you look hard enough.
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<!-- I know [[Wikipedia:Emo Phillips|someone]] out there has wondered, "why is this yahoo calling himself 'the smoking monkey'? Is he obsessed with [[Wikipedia:monkey|monkeys]]? Does he think he's being ever-so-clever by hinting at some kind of laissez-faire slacker lifestyle? The answer to these important questions are: I'm not exactly sure, not really, and no. Some months ago, [[Wikipedia:CNN|mass media]] was running this human interest story - er, a [[Wikipedia:bonobo|chimpanzee]] interest story - about a chimp in the Johannesburg Zoo that had picked up smoking. Much like the [[Wikipedia:Tom Green|idiots]] one sees at the zoo throwing junk food to endangered species*, [[Wikipedia:South Africa|South African]] idiots had been throwing lit cigarettes at the chimps. And, wouldn't you know it, one chimp aped his distant genetic relatives and started smoking them on a regular basis.
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Now, if there couldn't possibly be any more shameful idiocy crammed into this story, the [[Wikipedia:newscaster|talking heads]] relating the story said marvelously insightful things after rolling the clips like, "I don't think that's setting a very good [[Wikipedia:Pee Wee Herman|example]] for children!" and "Monkey see, monkey do, right? Ha, ha, ha." In short, the story was such a mixture of the [[Wikipedia:Friends|mundane]], the [[Wikipedia:Stella (television show)|ridiculous]], and even the [[Wikipedia:King Lear|tragic]], I identified with that [[Wikipedia:cigarette|chain-smoking]] chimp, and felt he needed to be honored somehow. And so a name, such as it is, was born. -->
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=='''''<font color=#0047AB>What in the World is the Smoking Monkey Not Doing Right Now?</font>'''''==
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* The Olympics. Straight up, I am ''not'' doing that. I don't care how many medals anyone wins, it's boring. And cold!
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<!--I am ''not'' listing the lyrics of Oingo Boingo's seminal hit, ''On the Outside'':
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'''Oingo Boingo - On The Outside Lyrics'''
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They laugh at me aloud
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They say I'm just a clown
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That I ain't got no pride
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I'm on the outside
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The girls look really cute
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They really make it work
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They think I'm just a jerk
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I'm on the outside
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I never could sit still
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I never was too hip
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I never caught the ride
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I'm on the outside
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I'm on the outside, I'm on the outside now
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This is where it all begins right here
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On the outside lookin' in, I'm on the outside
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I never was a punk
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I never shot junk
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I never even tried counter
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Culture passed me right by
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(I'm on the outside)
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Don't talk to debutantes
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Don't eat in restaurants
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The patrons sit and stare
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The waiters make wise cracks behind my back
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(I'm on the outside)
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Teachers there in school
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They flunked me by the rule
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They say I had no motivation, brains or dedication
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I guess the imbeciles were right I'm on the outside
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I'm on the outside, I'm on the outside now
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This is where it all begins on the outside looking in
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Looking in
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At you
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I'm just an alien through and through
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Tryin' to make believe I'm you
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Tryin' to fit
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Just a stranger on the outside looking in
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The disco makes me sick I
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Wear the wrong clothes
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I say the wrong things
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You know I can't dance
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My feet are much too wide (I'm on the outside)
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You think you set the trends
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You wear your hair just right
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Your clothes are out-a-sight
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Your house is modern really kitch
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You get so macho when you're with your bitch
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(I'm on the outside)
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I see them go to work
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I see them go to sleep
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I see them on T.V.
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I see them laugh and cry
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I'm on the outside.  I'm on the outside.  I'm on the outside
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(Repeat chorus)
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I'm on the outside.  I'm on the outside now
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I'm on the outside
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I'm on the outside now'' -->
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<!-- I am not adding one to two, then subtracting one, and then dividing by three, and then multiplying by twelve, and then by .205, and then graphing whatever I come up with where ''x= < 1.68 < 5,768.0000000002'' and ''y= a small rodent''. -->
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<!--I am ''not'' painting a picture of a flashlight in a bowl of jello.-->
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<!--I am ''not'' moving very slowly - very slowly. Moving very slowly, moving very slowly. -->
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<!-- I am ''not'' stranded on the little planet inhabited by the little prince, waiting until he turns his back so I can cut his flower off at the stem with the shears I keep in my pocket! -->
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<!-- I am ''not'' putting on a one-man show of Shakespeare's ''A Midsummer Night's Dream'' for a malfunctioning [[Wikipedia:Roomba|Roomba]]! -->
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<center>'''And now you know what I'm not doing right now!'''</center>
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<!-- Doesn't that make you feel better? -->
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=='''''<font color=#0047AB>What is the Smoking Monkey's Favorite (Fill in Blank) Right Now?</font>'''''==
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*'''Sinful breakfast''': Biscuits and Gravy
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*'''Labyrinth Song''': ''You Remind Me of the Babe''
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=='''''<font color=#0047AB>Sage, Sage Wisdom We All Can Use</font>'''''==
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''"Let your anger be as a monkey in a pinata, hiding with the candy, hoping the kids don't break through with a stick."''
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<!-- Kung Pow is a good, quality movie, full of such wisdom. Wee-ow pee-ow wee-ow! -->
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=='''''<font color=#0047AB>Monkey the Enforcer (Are You a Good Editor or a Bad Editor?)</font>'''''==
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Here HRWiki, I was a law-and-order type, maybe like the Mel Gibson character in ''Lethal Weapon'', though I'm not suicidal, or teamed with a cagey old veteran cop nearing retirement, or short, or Australian. Come to think of it, I'm nothing at all like the Mel Gibson character in ''Lethal Weapon''. I'm an inactive member of the '''Recent Changes Patrol''', and focused most of my energy there, at one time making sure every edit was a good edit. To date, I have caught '''five''' trolls, and I like to think they learned a valuable lesson. But more than likely, not. <!--and hope to catch ''many'' more; perhaps one day I can live up to the wiki-defending anti-troll standard set by [[User:BazookaJoe|BazookaJoe]]! Well, at least I helped the community by vigilance for bad and malicious edits, and those weird anonymous edits that are all like "Homestar saying "Hello, Strong Bad!" is a reference to every time Homestar said that before" or "Homsar's hat flying is a reference to (fill in the name of waaaaay out-there pop culture reference no one has ever heard of here), which ran from 1999 to 2001." -->
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<!-- Trolls are teh suck -->
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One day long ago, I had my first (and only) battle with a Willy on Wheels style vandal, eventually beating them back with the help of [[User:Venusy|Venusy]] and [[User:bkmlb|bkmlb]]. And, as part of the battle, I'm proud to say my own user and talk pages were '''vandalized'''! After the damage was repaired, the question arose: what would a smoking monkey on wheels look like? [[User:Venusy|Venusy]] came up with this [http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b354/Venusy/smokingmonkeyonwheels.png delightful image]. Motorists, be warned: '''the smoking monkey on wheels''' often makes triple lane changes without signaling and will cut you off just for the thrill of it!
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<!-- YOU CUT ME OFF, YOU DAMNED MONKEY!!! -->
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=='''''<font color=#0047AB>Monkey the Creator!?!? (There's No Intelligent Design Here)</font>'''''==
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I'm constantly amazed at the dedication and professionalism of the major (and minor!) contributors to this site. At one time, I took a relatively active role in creation and editing instead of just keeping the peace. Here are some of the things I'm most proud of:
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===<font color=red>Free Country, USA</font>===
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I was shocked to see the community noticed my work on [[Free Country, USA]] and made it a featured article! It came about oddly - some anonymous user added some info, and I reverted it. Then someone re-reverted it: "it was good", they said. Then I reverted it again. Then [[User:It's dot com|It's dot com]] stepped in and reminded me just because an edit is anonymous, it's not automatically bad. Then, I started looking closely at the article, and before long, I got a wee bit obsessive adding things, sorting other things out, and generally trying to flesh out what Free Country was. It's interesting to note how similarly the article now resembles actual Wikipedia articles about real countries - coincidence or ''fact''?!
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===<font color=darkred>geddup noise</font>===
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Sitting bleary eyed in front of my terminal at 6:30 one morning, I was amazed - a new sbmail, [[geddup noise]]! And, before I even thought twice, I checked the wiki to see the completed article. Lo and behold, the transcript was 10% done! I nearly started jumping up and down in impish glee - finally, a chance to smash out a rough transcript. With my friend [[Wikipedia:Microsoft Word|Microsoft Word]] and the "play" button of Flash player, I slogged through the sbmail twice before I came up with [http://www.hrwiki.org/index.php?title=geddup_noise&oldid=151043 this] busted masterpiece. A dozen edits later, it was up to [http://www.hrwiki.org/index.php?title=geddup_noise&oldid=151093 this] (along with the work of a half-dozen others during that feverish time!), and I got that warm feeling of [[Wikipedia:happiness|self-satisfaction]] I always suspected I'd get if I ever got a chance to do a transcript.
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===<font color=darkblue>Random Refreshings</font>===
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One of my creative drives here can be summed up in this concept: '''Random Refreshings'''. Using the HRWiki's "Random Page" button, I surf around looking for articles to freshen up. Sometimes, I'll find articles with piecemeal [http://www.hrwiki.org/index.php?title=Tire&oldid=147642 content] - there's nothing wrong with the article, but perhaps with a little more structure, some tweaking, and a dash of encyclopedic-sounding jargon, an article can get closer to that "academic" feel that's absolutely necessary for a knowledge base about a cartoon that stars [[Homestar Runner|an armless guy with no pants(?)]], a [[Strong Bad|two-bit wrestleman]] and his [[The Cheat|little yellow dog]].
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Some of the illustrious articles to receive my Random Refreshings include:
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*[[Balding Man]]
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*[[On Point Kings]]
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*[[Tire]]
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*[[Old-Timey Marzipan]], [[Sickly Sam]]
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*[[Double Deuce]]
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*[[Nibbles]]
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*[[Homestar Jr.]]
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<!-- [[The Sandbox]] -->
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<!-- [[Worshboard]] -->
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''(Let's not exclude non-random refreshings, Monkeyman!)''
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*[[Cheerleader]], [[So and So]], [[What's Her Face]], [[The Ugly One]]
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===<font color=purple>Pasta Salad</font>===
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To date, this is the only article I created out of whole cloth, as it were. And what a doozy! I seemed to have sparked off a minor firestorm in the community over the [[Pasta Salad|article]], because the subject matter was so minor. But I made the article because it was one of the funniest things I have yet encountered at H*R. If you haven't seen the clip, watch [[old comics]] and check for easter eggs at the end! "IT TASTES SO GOOD!!!"
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===<font color=blue>Teen Girl Squad Issue 10 Minor Characters</font>===
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I uploaded some PNGs for this extravaganza, and maybe some will survive the surge of activity surrounding the release of everyone's favorite teen-based comic! I helped non-stubbify [[Manolios Ugly One]], uncover the true meaninglessness of [[Minor Teen Girl Squad Characters|Olympic Man and Coach]], and dash off a little piece on [[Minor Teen Girl Squad Characters|A Mighty Warrior]]. Naginatas are dangerous, and corn is no place to be! <small>Or something like that.</small>
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=='''''<font color=#0047AB>The Monkey's Gallery of Some of His H*R Favorites! In Technicolor!</font>'''''==
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<gallery>
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Image:DancingBros.PNG|<center><small>'''Gonna have a real good good good good time tonite!'''</small></center>
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Image:ehsteve.png|<center><small>'''Still at large'''</small></center>
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Image:sbemail92.png|<center><small>'''Excardon me, ma'am'''</small></center>
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Image:Reynold.PNG|<center><small>'''Totally not getting teen pregnant **'''</small></center>
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Image:limozeen.jpg|<center><small>'''Liquid and leather - in equal measure!'''</small></center>
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Image:Dangeresque.PNG|<center><small>'''He also fights the crime, but not as much'''</small></center>
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Image:The Lil Brudder Show.png|<center><small>'''I can't tell you how happy I am for you to be with me'''</small></center>
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Image:Not Panama.PNG|<center><small>'''(Not) Doing the hully-gully on the Panama Canal'''</small></center>
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Image:malloween.png|<center><small>'''What more do they WANT?!?!'''</small></center>
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Image:kot.PNG|<center><small>'''They tell him not to!'''</small></center>
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Image:teh goblin.PNG|<center><small>'''A different kind of tiny, tiny dance'''</small></center>
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Image:Whaddaya Know Haddi-man.png|<center><small>'''What exactly does Haddi-man know, anyway?'''</small></center>
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Image:A_mighty_warrior.png|<center><small>'''Not a fan of corn'''</small></center>
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Image:pastasalad.png|<center><small>'''Just like Mom used to make'''</small></center>
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Image:Coach_and_olympic_man.png|<center><small>'''Someone here will be testifying before Congress'''</small></center>
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Image:balding man.png|<center><small>'''One day that half-eaten Pop Tart will be his'''<!--Ehhhhghh! --></small></center>
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</gallery>
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=='''''<font color=#0047AB>Monkey Shout-Outs! Certain Users Get Prizes!</font>'''''==
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<!--Slowly but surely, I'm getting to know more of the members here. And, when I discover how awesome you are, I'll honor you here! -->
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'''These guys were swell, and this is my testament to them.'''
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*[[User:It's dot com|It's dot com]] - The consummate H*R sage. His no-nonsense, yet fair, attitude (not to mention his expansive contributions to the HRWiki) are some of the reasons he was recently made a sysop. If you have important HRWiki questions or need help figuring something out, he's your man. And, if you [[WikiTroll|mess around]], he's the guy who's gonna drop the hammer on you!
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*[[User:E.L. Cool|E.L. Cool]] - Based in Israel, E.L. gives the HRWiki a little international flair. Good-natured and possessing of the sense of humor one would expect from a fan of H*R, E.L. always up to something positive. Plus, he can translate your name into Hebrew! Very, er, cool.*******
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*[[User:Rogue Leader|Rogue Leader]] - Unlike some of the more rambunctuous (and sometimes destructive) youngsters around here, young Rogue truly has his act together. He contributes, he regulates, he has two small dogs. Plus, he digs [[Wikipedia:Star Wars|Star Wars]], so he's aces in my book.
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*[[User:AbdiViklas|AbdiViklas]] - He used to be '''notstrongorbad''', but now he's '''AbdiViklas'''! He also plays musical instruments, to possibly include the cowbell, kazoo, triangle, accordion, and saxamophone. This guy is all up ons H*R knowledge, providing an introspective look at everyone's favorite web cartoon. He's done a lot more since [http://www.hrwiki.org/index.php/Talk:What%27s_Her_Face this] and [http://www.hrwiki.org/index.php?title=Talk:geddup_noise&action=edit&section=18 this], but anyone who can run up the word count on H*R and still make good sense is an asset to the community!
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=='''''<font color=#0047AB>The Monkey Reveals His Impression Abilities!</font>'''''==
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If there was something I've always wanted to do, it would be voice acting. But, failing that, I can always imitate the work of other voice actors to my great satisfaction. I'm pretty adept at impressions, and happily, the "cast" of H*R are mostly easy for me to do. Here, for no reason, is my candid assesment of my Matt Chapman mimickry efforts:
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<gallery>
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Image:homestar.PNG|<center>'''I do a pwetty good Homestaw Wunner'''</center>
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Image:MontageStrongBad.png|<center>'''My Strong Bad is dead on...says me'''</center>
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Image:modernthecheat.gif|<center>'''Meh...You wanna hear my The Cheat? Too bad!'''</center>
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Image:strongmad.PNG|<center>'''STRONG MAD IS HARD! STRONG MAD IS HARD!'''''</center>
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Image:strongsad.png|<center>'''Whiny, but not whiny enough'''</center>
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Image:pompom.PNG|<center>'''Needless to say he's impossible without a straw and milk'''</center>
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Image:qod_11_-_senor_cardgage.PNG|<center>'''Exobably so, Valerie'''</center>
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Image:coach-z.png|<center>'''My Coach Z is goerd'''</center>
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Image:Bubs.png|<center>'''I can't do Bubs to save my grits - Shut up, Kids!'''</center>
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Image:kot.PNG|<center>'''The King is the easiest to Doo-Hoo-Hoo!'''</center>
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Image:poopsmith.PNG|<center>'''Obviously, I'm awesome at this guy'''</center>
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Image:homsarcharacter.PNG|<center>'''I can do a passable "ah-ah-ah-ah!" but I'm no jengajam'''</center>
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</gallery>
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<!-- Seriously, though, Strong Mad, Bubs and Homsar give me fits. Senor Cardgage is my favorite voice to do, because it's not only easy but fun. Just saying, "Enjoy a free canceltation, Valerie!" is a surefire way to feel a-pretty good. -->
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=='''''<font color=#0047AB>The Smoking Monkey Pledge (i.e., the small red print)</font>'''''==
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''<small><font color=#FF4F00><!-- If I revert your edit and you feel slighted, feel free to bring it to my talk page (or if you just want to say "what up, my dog", you can always do that, too). I do make mistakes, like the time I let a looter go and then arrested him again an hour later for trying to steal the same fish he was trying to steal when I arrested him in the first place. Also, I don't claim any special authority here at the Wiki - I simply try to enforce established rules and make sure that this Wiki stays the outstanding Homestar Runner resource that it is! I will not, under any circumstances, be faded. --> Take 'er easy, for Pete's sake.</font></small>'' - {{User:Thesmokingmonkey/sig}}
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=='''''<small><font color=#0047AB>Wha?!? Footnotes!?! Yes, Sadly, Footnotes. You Will Be Tested On This.</font></small>'''''==
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<nowiki>*</nowiki><small> Seriously, if you do this, stop. Gorillas do not need Twinkees to survive any more than a chimp needs a Marlboro. Like, imagine ''you'' were in a cage and some stupid monkey kept throwing nits at you. Who wants to eat nits? Monkeys. You see? Steel-trap logic, steel-trap logic.</small>
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<nowiki>**</nowiki><small>The discussion (backlash!?) regarding the infamous "teen pregnant" line is one of the strangest [http://www.hrwiki.org/index.php/Talk:Commandos_in_the_Classroom things] I've seen at the HRWiki. It's gonna be hggghaghl righhhht, folks. </small>
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<nowiki>***</nowiki><!-- <small>This is not meant to reflect my own thoughts, but rather the thoughts of the monkey depicted in the picture. Kinda like the picture is meant to be me, but isn't? Got it? Good. Let the MONKEYQUOTE begin! FYI, when I downloaded the picture, apparently the little dude's name was "Consul." What in the heck kind of name is that for a monkey? If I had a monkey, I'd name him "Lord Algernon Hawthorne Shropshire Witherpenny of Northumbria."</small> --> <small> Fortuitously, there is no longer a "***". It used to refer to my user picture, but now, since my user picture is actually me (dressed as Batman and looking for all the world as if I had always meant to be Firebert), there is no more Monkeyquote. For those missing Monkeyquote (that should be approximately none of the users of this fine Wiki), simply ''a) take a piece of paper b) get a writing implement c) write something d) read it.'' Is it funny? Did it make you chuckle? Could you see a tormented monkey in a strip-ed suit thinking what you'd just written? If the answer is "yes," put the piece of paper in a self-addressed envelope and mail it to Denmark. Why? Because the Danishes could use some cheering up these days, that's why.
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<!-- <nowiki>****</nowiki><small>This isn't meant as a slight to Australians. No, no no. I'm dating one right now, and she's swell. Plus, I get to "borrow" Vegemite from her, and I have to admit I love the stuff. It's like, um, super salty cheese. Goes great with crackers, I swear!</small> -->
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<!-- <nowiki>#</nowiki><small> '''''LOOK LIVELY!'''''</small> -->
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<nowiki>*******</nowiki><small>For you, E.L., just for you!</small>
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<!--You have reached the end of the page. Reward yourself with several spoonfuls of delicious pudding! -->
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Current revision as of 03:57, 25 July 2007

Man! It's been like, over a freaking year, and there's still no re-imaginin' going on for this user page! No graphics, no funny statements, no funny questions! Not even a miserable italicized word!

The cause of the disappearance of the T-Zone?

That's better.

[edit] The Failure of Imagination (Or, Why No One Should Ever Compose Streams of Consciousness)

DISCLAIMER: None of the following is true, nor is it endorsed by the Homestar Runner Wiki, employees of SOGLO, Ltd., or any sandals, anywhere. Maybe Teva sandals, but that would be the exception.

The Smoking Monkey thinks that when angels cry, this means Vlad Guerrero has a season-ending MCL injury. When someone says, "I Can't!" he replies ,"not the Immanuel Kant, philosopher extrordinaire?" He believes firmly that everything Homestar says is really a coded message somehow linked to that piece of tire he once saw on Route 95. He feels it's not always right to hold the door open for little old ladies - what is he, a professional doorman? No, no, no. He is, was, and shall be a proponent for getting manatees put on restaurant menus, expunging the word "crotchless" from the English language, and tapioca. Lots of thick, rich, tapioca.

Dee-lish.

THE SMOKING MONKEY 03:57, 25 July 2007 (UTC)

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