User:The Chort

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"Secret identities aren't just for superheroes and Garth Brooks anymore."

This user has an extremely busy real life and has therefore gone into semi-retirement from the Homestar Runner Wiki. For now, at least.

"I still alive!"
-Señor, Strongest Man in the World

Contents

Introduction

Hello, there! I'm The Chort! No, I do not look anything like The Cheat, nor do I make a habit of talking like Coach Z. I'm just another Homestar Runner fan, just like you! I was bitten by the H*R bug on Saturday, 30 April, 2005 when I was at a loose end. I had already discovered TROGDOR! and Peasant's Quest but for some reason had never bothered to explore the rest of the site. After getting yet another Game Over on TROGDOR!, I decided to conduct a quick search on the Internet for two things. Firstly, I wanted to find some more information about this awesome Trogdor guy. Secondly, I wanted the secret code hinted at on the secret screen of TROGDOR!. It was a search that would change my life forever. A few clicks later, I was watching SBEmail #58, dragon. My first thoughts of the site were something along the lines of "Okaaay... why is there an email show presented by some mexican westling guy on the Internet?" So I had a look at the FAQ to find out what the history and background to the site was, for I was confused and felt lost. There, I learnt that there was this secret game hidden somewhere on the site that was apparently impossible to beat. That's right, it was Super Kingio Bros. Interested, I did another quick search and ended up instantly addicted to the HRWiki. That night, I lay in my bed, completely unable to sleep, for I knew that I had discovered something truly special that day. Three months later and having watched every toon on the site at least once, on Monday, 25 July, 2005 at nearly 7PM, I finally decided to become a regular editor of this wiki by signing up with a unique and imaginative Username.

As you can see, I didn't succeed.

About Me

All you need to know is that I'm young male who lives in England, (which makes this certain SBEmail very relevant to me). I'm at Uni now, and am supposed to be busy working all the time, not editing some fan wiki about an Internet cartoon featuring dumb animal characters! You'll probably see me drop by every now and then, either checking out all the edits in Recent Changes ormaybe proofreading articles for bad grammar, poor spelling, inaccuracy, informality, malfunctioning code and utter nonsense. In addition, whenever anything new is released on the website, I'll sometimes go through the entire transcript and compare it with the actual toon, so I can add little details that may be missing. I also discuss articles for deletion and go through the new/unused images, marking any duplicates or those in the wrong format to be deleted. I used to be addicted to cleaning up image summaries (thanks, DeFender1031!) but simply don't have the time anymore. And if there's ever a problem on the Wiki, I'm willing to contribute to the discussion and suggest possible solutions or compromises. But I usually end up posting crap in the sandbox. In closing, if you'd like to see what I've recently got up to on the wiki, click here and maybe you'll see something other than the the words "Image Summary Cleanup" repeated endlessly.

Stuff I Probably Did

The Chort's

1. Stupid Crap-For-Brains on the Internet who think it's funny to be as stupid/offensive/racist ect. as possible to other users. Such morons do not deserve to have Internet access at all.
2. Hitting Save page and then thinking up something else to add to the article.
3. UNIVERSITY WORKLOAD!!!
4. Hearing the word "Aluminium" pronounced as "Aluminum".
5. Um... not penguins.
6. Computers which crash, run slowly or just randomly malfunction.
7. Forgetting to click Show preview.
8. Accidently mashing Insert instead of Delete, Caps instead of Shift ect.
9. Bad spelling/grammer/English.
10. Coughing.

Personal Favourites

Screenshot Category Title Why?
Strong Bad Email for kids The Peasant's Quest opening. Strong Bad's and Homsar's kids' shows. Strong Bad losing it.
Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 12.2 The Thnikkaman. Strong Bad's song. Wait, Marzipan's not a natural blonde?!
Teen Girl Squad Issue 9 The song. BBF. Science Fiction Greg and D N'D Greg debut. Everyone dies.
Powered By The Cheat mile The Cheat answers an email. PBTC Bubs debut.
Puppet Stuff Dangeresque: Puppet Squad How can you make Dangeresque even more ridiculous than before? Why, by featuring puppets and rubbish special effects, of course!
Halloween Any of the Fan Costumes Still can't believe so many fans are willing to dress up in cheap, homemade costumes of characters from an obscure website. Strong Bad's wit is on point.
Decemberween That Time of Year Everything. Originally had to close browser due to uncontrollable laughter.
Cheat Commando Cartoon An Important Rap Song Crack Stuntman's first real debut. Hilarious rapping ensues.
Main Page Main Page 11 Strong Bad's weather forecast. Can be the most glitched up Main Page.
"Game" Super Kingio Brothers The music. The good graphics. The stunning level design. The groundbreaking gameplay. The fact that the KOT's life is a joke.
Easter Egg kids' book, "book" Everything. Final page never fails to raise a laugh.
Epic Project HRWiki:Image summary cleanup This is the Super Secret Epic Project that I'm currently working which will soon be finished in a few months/years/after my death. But you can help too!
HRWiki article Crimes Committed by Strong Bad Truly, one of the best articles I have ever seen on this wiki.


HRWiki:Userboxes
RC
RV

The Wit of Strong Bad

"Too much of a good thing is an awesome thing. But too much of an awesome thing is... umm... really, really dumb and bad." — cartoon
"...A One that is not cold is scarcely a One at all." — property of ones
"The Internet is a place where absolutely nothing happens. You need to take advantage of that. I mean, you can make a webpage of your cat... or your The Cheat. And who knows? Maybe tomorrow you'll be really big in Pakistan. Or at least, with some guy named Stan." — website
"GOOD... GRAVY. I've got two words for the children that are raised on that crap: HELD BACK. REPEATING THE THIRD GRADE. LOW STANDARDIZED TEST SCORES. I GUESS THIS WAS MORE THAN TWO WORDS. THE PAPER, PLEASE TAKE US HOME." — for kids
"So, why wear pants? An age old question. Was it not Adam West who once said..." — long pants
"...When people send me stupid emails, I'm obligated by law to do what they say. So, extra special cool coming right up!" — lady fan
"Next up, we got The Cheat's trading card game, which is really more like a trading card activity or trading card goings-on, because the word "game" implies fun and enjoyment. And you won't find none of that here. — trading cards
"Hordes of locusts and famine got nothing on the sight of Strong Sad dancing interpretively. So, in order to spare the world, I guess I can just never die." — your funeral
"Web comics are easy, Gunky. They're all about video games, gamernerds, webgeeks, dorknerds, gamewads, nerdgames, webwebs, and elves. So just pick one of those and start tableting! Like the one where the slickly drawn college roommates make nothing but video game inside jokes! ... Or if you can't draw, never fear, just steal some graphics from your favorite video game. And add yet another unlicensed pixel comic to the overcrowded, overstunk landfill of web comics. ... So to answer your question, Gunky, DON'T MAKE A WEB COMIC! Why can't you just make a... comic. Everyone knows that putting 'web' in front of words automatically makes them crappier. Just look what happened to 'pages,' and 'cams,' and 'logs.' And who could forget the fall of the mighty 'isode.' Ohh, so tragic. — web comics
"You internet types ruined Trogdor! Just like you did zombies, pirates, ninjas and Strong Bad!" — Trogday 08
"Ah, fan clubs. Sweet, innocent, restraining order-inducing fan clubs. Don't get me wrong, fans are great. It's the addition of 'club' that totally roons it. Which is the opposite of how it usually works. For instance: turkey = mrenh, turkey club = mmmMMRENHhhhh!" — fan club
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