User:Gfdgsgxgzgdrc
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Thy Wikiuser: A Text Adventure_
Welcome to
A no-graphical text-venture of semi-epic proportions and hyphen-type words!
Can you edit some pages and maybe save the wiki from impending doom? Try it, why don't you?
start
You find yourself on a USERPAGE. It's all decked out for April Fools' Day, which is an extremely original idea that no one has ever tried before. There's not much to do here. A plethora of links cover the SIDEBAR next to you.
What wouldst thou deau?
Obvious exits:
start2
You go back to that USERPAGE from earlier. It is now covered in Homeschool Winner images and text praising the very ground he walks on. That's pretty creepy.
Obvious exits:
startpast
You go back to that USERPAGE from earlier. Even in the past, there's still nothing to do.
Obvious exits:
main
You click the wiki logo and arrive at the wiki's MAIN PAGE. Adorning your screen are an assortment links to important site features and updates. Unfortunately, you're just a lowly user, so you can't edit the page. You begin to wonder, when is that redesign going to happen?
Obvious exits:
recent
You click the link and enter the RECENT CHANGES page. Nothing has happened since you last checked... oh wait, what's this? An EDIT on the Robots page by Winner87? It looks like a rather large edit, too. The entry reports -3,908 characters. Probably another spam edit for you to revert.
Obvious exits:
recent1.5
You click the link and enter the RECENT CHANGES page. The ROBOTS article was edited by Winner87 just a minute ago, but fortunately, no other pages have been harmed.
Obvious exits:
recent1.75
You click the link and enter the RECENT CHANGES page. Nothing has happened since you last checked. The ROBOTS article is still vandalized.
Obvious exits:
random
You click RANDOM PAGE and see where it takes you. Oh, FLUFFY PUFF MARSHMALLOWS. It looks fine. No editing needed here.
Obvious exits:
random2
Your boredom compels you to click RANDOM PAGE once more. Loading... oh look, it's ALL IS ON. Nothing to edit here again. What an excitement this is.
Obvious exits:
random3
Seriously? All right. You click it again. WALLPAPER. The most exciting page you could have possibly landed on. Isn't the fun almost too much to take?
Obvious exits:
random4
Come on, don't you have, like... a life of some sort? This is getting depressing. Let's see what page you land on this time. Spoiler alert, it's UNDERLINGS. Now go do something productive.
Obvious exits:
random5
Congratulations, you've reached new levels of depressing. You're not really clicking random page for real, you know. A whole interactive adventure awaits you, and you're just pretending to do a boring, repetitive task... without actually doing it. That's like a depressing turducken!
Oh right, the page. It's ODD MARRIAGES. That's a fun one.
Obvious exits:
random6
You know there are other things to do in this text adventure, right? I'm just letting you do this because it's kind of amusing, to be honest. If I wanted to, I could take away the command right now, and then you'd probably start crying because you can't pretend to go to a random wiki article in a pretend wiki game. So don't take this privilege for granted.
You got SKATEBOARDING.
Obvious exits:
random7
Is this really how you want to spend April Fools' Day? Whatever. This time it's MAKE A SCENE WITH TELLTALE AT PAX 2010. I'm still not entirely sure what that thing was, or how it worked.
Obvious exits:
random8
Fine. You click it a bunch of times, and get these pages: Final Hours Playthrough. independent. King of Town DVD. Cassette Tapes. Cricket Noises. Atari Strong Bad. Weekly Fanstuff. So and So. Crackotage's Plane. Dana Swanson. Saw Mill.
There. That's eighteen pages now. Happy?
Obvious exits:
random9
You decide against your better judgement to click RANDOM PAGE again, and you end up at the ROBOTS article. You look over it... hey, it's shorter than you remembered. In fact, it looks like all mentions of robots have been removed from the page. And instead of the Visor Robot, the thumbnail shows an empty transparent image. Someone must've vandalized this page. Looks like your incessant randomizing finally paid off! You should check the RECENT CHANGES to see if any other pages were vandalized.
Obvious exits:
random10
What?! There's vandalism on the wiki, and you're just going to ignore it and look at other pages? You're a terrible user.
I'll give you one last chance. Go to the recent changes and check for vandalism. If you click random page one more time... a terrible fate will befall you.
Obvious exits:
random11
You asked for it.
GAME OVER
robots
You click the "diff" link and the ROBOTS article pops up, showing all the changes Winner87 had made. At first glance, you see huge chunks of text missing. In fact, it looks like all mentions of robots have been removed from the page, and some entries have been deleted entirely. The page now has examples like:Weird. What does this vandal have against robots? They even tampered with the picture! Instead of the Visor Robot, the thumbnail shows an empty transparent image. You should probably click the HISTORY tab to get reverting.
- Email other days — Strong Bad thinks about answering the email, but then decides it is a bad idea.
- Email Accent — The intro goes, "jokes, jokes, there are no jokes in this email."
- Email strong badathlon — According to Strong Bad, his best event in the Strong Badathlon is the "Probably Something with Guitars, Lasers, and Hot Girls" event.
Obvious exits:
robots1.5
You click the "diff" link and the ROBOTS article pops up, showing all the changes Winner87 had made. At first glance, you see huge chunks of text missing. Just as you suspected, all mentions of robots have been removed from the page, and some entries have been deleted entirely. The page now has examples like:Weird. What does this vandal have against robots? You should probably click the HISTORY tab to get reverting.
- Email other days — Strong Bad thinks about answering the email, but then decides it is a bad idea.
- Email Accent — The intro goes, "jokes, jokes, there are no jokes in this email."
- Email strong badathlon — According to Strong Bad, his best event in the Strong Badathlon is the "Probably Something with Guitars, Lasers, and Hot Girls" event.
Obvious exits:
history
You click the HISTORY tab, and click UNDO on Winner87's edit. Wait, that's not Winner87. His edit isn't listed here. The rest of the page history seems to be intact, but the latest revision isn't showing up. Must be a glitch, or maybe you just need to refresh your browser cache or whatever. Try clicking a different REVISION.
Obvious exits:
back
You click the BACK button to return to the ROBOTS article. Hey, is this ALL CAPS text bothering you? Thy Dungeonman did it. It makes it feel more text adventurey, if that makes sense. But I'll try to tone it down a bit. Wait, where was I? Oh right. Robots.
Obvious exits:
toprv
You click the topmost revision in the page history, made by an anonymous user last August. The revision loads, and... huh. The image is still gone, and so is most of the text. That doesn't make sense. This is supposed to be an earlier revision. It's as if Winner87 vandalized the page history too... but that's impossible. Isn't it?
Obvious exits:
earlyrv
You click the revision at the bottom of the page history, made by Has Matt? in 2006. The revision loads, and... the page still doesn't mention any robots, and the image is still empty. How is that possible? This is supposed to be a revision from over a decade ago. It's as if Winner87 vandalized the page history too... but that's impossible. Isn't it?
Obvious exits:
recent2
You click the RECENT CHANGES link, but it takes a while to load. Finally the list pops up, and... oh no. You checked the recent changes less than a minute ago, and since then, the list has been filled with edits to practically every article on the wiki. This kind of thing is usually the work of a spambot. There must be hundreds, and their usernames are all robots from the series. Visor Robot, Humidibot, Chorch, and even obscure ones like Robot Darren, Chizuko, Tech, and Smithybot. Even the MAIN PAGE is being edited, even though it can only be edited by admins. What's happening here? Did the administrators create new bots? Is this somehow related to the vandalism on the Robots page? Why isn't anyone else editing?
Wait. What's this? An edit by a non-robot user? Oh good, someone's editing the PIE FACTORY article. And another one... and another... that's odd. Practically every user is editing the same article, and it's Pie Factory, of all things.
Obvious exits:
main2
You click the logo, and a horrific sight meets your eyes. The Main Page has been vandalized. Only admins can edit the Main Page, and yet somehow it's been vandalized. Things are getting weird.
But wait, that's not all. The text at the top reads "Welcome to the Homeschool Winner Wiki, the Homeschool Winner knowledge base that only I can edit." The "What's new" section shows updates to homeschoolwinner.com. The featured content of the day has been replaced with fake Homeschool Winner cartoons. You look up in the corner of the screen and... it's worse than you could have ever possibly imagined. The logo shows Homeschool Winner. Is this an April Fools' joke? It feels like one, but... something feels wrong about it. The text feels spiteful, the interface gives off a sense of genuine hatred. Whoever did this has serious problems.
Obvious exits:
pie
You click the PIE FACTORY link on the recent changes list, and you're brought to... wait, this doesn't look like the Pie Factory article. It looks more like a talk page, but the text is moving. It's deleting and rewriting itself, like people fighting over a keyboard. It's chaos, and you're not entirely sure how this is possible. Then the text calms down, and everything is deleted. The text is replaced with, "We've been waiting for you."
Obvious exits:
Actions:
edit
You click EDIT to see what's happening. The text is backspaced and replaced with, "Hey, I'm talking to you. I know it might seem crazy, but I am genuinely communicating to you right now. All of us are. We need your help."
You pause. This must be an elaborate prank. It's April Fools' Day, after all, but... no one would go this far for a simple prank.
"You must have many questions. Feel free to type into the edit box." the text says.
What do you type?
who
You type into the edit box, not expecting a response. You're proven wrong, however, when dozens of cursors appear, all typing at the same time. Within seconds, you see a massive list of usernames.
"We're trapped in here." one of them types. "You're the only user Homeschool Winner forgot about. You're the only one who can edit. You're our only hope to save the Homestar Runner Wiki."
What do you type?
what
You type into the edit box, not expecting a response. You are proven wrong.
"Homeschool Winner trapped us on the Pie Factory page. Every user on the wiki. Except you. Homeschool must've forgotten about you. You're the only one who isn't trapped. You're our only hope to save the Homestar Runner Wiki."
What do you type?
homeschool
"That's right. It took me a while to believe it myself." one of them types. "I saw Winner87's edit, then I saw a bunch of new bots editing stuff, then the Main Page got taken over, and before I knew it, I woke up inside the wiki, trapped on the Pie Factory page."
"It feels supernatural, but there's no explanation other than... Homeschool Winner is real. He lives in the Internet, and won't stop until Homestar Runner is erased from the world wide web."
"And now that you're here, we finally have a chance to stop him."
What do you type?
help
You type into the edit box, not expecting a response. You are proven wrong.
"Homeschool Winner trapped all of us users here. Except you. He must've forgotten about you. You're our only hope to save the Homestar Runner Wiki."
Another cursor appears in another part of the box, and begins to type. "He's stolen every robot from the wiki. Any edit you make, they'll revert in an instant. With an army of bots at his disposal, he's unstoppable."
Another user starts typing. "We need a plan. We can't ban him, we can't revert his edits, we need to think outside the box. Anyone have any ideas?"
help2
One user types, "Homeschool Winner has stolen every robot from the wiki. Any edit you make, they'll revert in an instant. With an army of bots at his disposal, he's unstoppable."
Another user starts typing. "We need a plan. We can't ban him, we can't revert his edits, we need to think outside the box. Anyone have any ideas?"
whatif1
You type your idea into the edit box.
"Oh, sure. We'll just go ahead and delete Homeschool Winner. Why haven't we thought of that before?!"
"Hey, don't be so derisive. It's a good idea, it's just impossible, that's all."
"Sorry. I'm just fed up with this... being trapped inside the Internet and everything."
whatif2
You type your idea into the edit box.
"How do you suggest we do that? We've been reduced to lines of code. We can't just get up and leave."
"We can figure it out after Homeschool is defeated. Right now, taking care of him is our priority. And by 'taking care of him', I don't mean taking care of him. You know."
"Fine. Homeschool first, return to our corporeal forms later."
whatif3
You type your idea into the edit box. You know it's unlikely, but you're talking to people who have been trapped in the Internet by a dumb animal character from a Flash cartoon, so time travel isn't out of the question.
"Um, are you serious? This is neither the time nor the page for jokes." one user says.
Another user chimes in, "You know time travel is a thing they made up for action movies and 19th century sci-fi novels, right?"
You're not surprised by the response. You knew it wasn't possible. Just as you begin typing up an apology, you see the text changing again — "Wait, I think you might have the right idea. If you think about it, most of us have time travelled already."
"What do you mean?"
"The Internet Archive. Remember the WayBack Machine? It can send you to pretty much any page at any point in history."
"That... could almost work. It's not like we have any better ideas. Go for it." They spend a few minutes coming up with a plan, and eventually tell you what to do: "You must go back to the Robots page a few hours ago, and erase it. Homeschool won't be able to steal the bots, and without those bots helping him, he won't be able to take over the wiki and trap us here. Then we can ban him, once and for all."
whatif4
You type it into the edit box.
"What?! You're the only user left in the real world. And the only one who can help stop Homeschool and get us out of here. And you're just going to leave andht4yt9843ut98y4ty4q7tq57985ruievd"
"Hey, quit mashing the text. Everyone needs a break now and then."
"Not when the fate of the wiki, perhaps the Internet, and hundreds of users' lives are at stake. We need to focus. You especially, since you're... you know, still real and alive."
"I wish I could still eat sandwiches. Or eat, in general. You'd think a Pie Factory page would have more food."
whatif
"You... you changed your mind. We finally thought of a plan that might actually have a chance of working, and you just CHANGED YOUR MIND. I'd start laughing hysterically, but a) I'm too annoyed, and b) I'm just text."
"Hey, that plan wasn't guaranteed to work anyway. We can still consider other options. What do you have in mind?"
time
"Excellent. Go back and stop this madness once and for all! We're all counting on you."
You search "wayback machine" online, enter "hrwiki.org", click on the most recent time, and arrive at the wiki's MAIN PAGE. Homeschool Winner is nowhere to be seen. But it won't be long before he takes over, so you have to act fast.
Your progress has been saved.
Obvious exits:
mainpast
You go back to the MAIN PAGE. Wheee.
Obvious exits:
randompast
Are you serious? Are... are you serious? You have precious little time until Homeschool swoops in, steals some bots, and becomes omnipotent (or at least wikipotent), and you're going to a random page? Shame on you.
Obvious exits:
recentpast
Ah, the good old days. There are hardly any edits, but somehow that's comforting. The wiki is still a Homestar Runner Wiki, and the users aren't trapped inside the Interwebs. Those were the days... by which I mean a few minutes ago.
Obvious exits:
robotspast
You enter ROBOTS at the end of the URL, and are taken to the Robots article. Fortunately, everything is still here.
Obvious exits:
Actions:
histpast
You click the HISTORY tab. You look through a few revisions, and the history is intact. All the robots are still there. But not for long...
Obvious exits:
editpast
You click the EDIT tab, delete all text, and save. Upon returning to the now-empty article, text begins to appear.
"Ha ha. I spend all this time planning my return... taking Homestar Runner out of the spotlight, taking my rightful place as the wiki's namesake... and now my robots have all been deleted. You must know my plan already — you're from the future, I presume? Well, I'm glad you've thrown this wrench into my plans. It gives me an excuse to get rid of you. Not just trapping you on the Pie Factory page... no, this requires something more."
You feel drowsy. The room begins to spin. You rest your head for a moment... when you wake up, you find yourself in a blank room. You can see the sidebar in the distance, and the page title up above. And in front of you stands Homeschool Winner himself. He is holding a laptop and grinning as he types into it.
"If you have a moment, I'd like to personally thank you for giving me this opportunity to delete you from the Internet. And by extension, of course, reality. Goodbye."
punch
You swing your fist toward Homeschool, but he simply dodges. He continues typing into his laptop. You clench your fist for another blow, but you don't have a chance to strike before you are deleted.
GAME OVER
run
You run. It doesn't work out very well for you. Homeschool enters a command into his laptop, and before you know it, you're deleted.
GAME OVER
grab
You grab his computer and toss it across the room. Er, page. Whatever. It lands with a thundering crash several feet away. Homeschool runs over to it and picks up the pieces, enraged.
"You... you broke my computer. I was going to delete you with this. I was going to reprogram my robots with this. I was going to take over the wiki with this. This was the catalyst for my revenge." he fumes under his breath. "Well, no matter. If I can't delete you... maybe they can."
Suddenly, the page refreshes, and the room is filled with dozens of robots.
"You didn't honestly think your edit would go unnoticed, did you? If you delete the contents of an article, someone's going to revert it. From all of your editing experience, you should know that. You're the only one from the future and, as such, the only one who knows your true intentions. And fortunately for me, someone has reverted the page to its former glory. Which, of course, means my robots have returned. I may not have my computer to reprogram them, but I may not need it. After all, motivation is more powerful than any reprogramming."
"What do you mean?" you ask.
"I mean... you deleted them. You erased them from the article. Need I say more?"
As he says this, the robots glare at you. Suddenly you regret every decision you've ever made.
attack
You run up to the storybook robot. "Take that!" you shout, as you deliver a swift kick in the shins and hurt your foot. You hop around in agony for a bit, until the Visor Robot ends your misery with a VOIP.
GAME OVER
hide
You run frantically, looking for a place to dodge the oncoming laser blasts. Where can you hide?
hide1
You leap toward the Visor Robot, and hide in a safe space behind its legs. He turns around and crushes you with his foot. I guess it was worth a shot.
GAME OVER
hide2
You duck behind the Grape-Nuts Robot. Unfortunately, it's a fraction of your size, and barely hides your face.
"NOW SPELL, THIS PERSON IS RIGHT BEHIND ME." it says.
A barrage of lasers shoots your way, distracting you from the falling Duck Guardian robot head directly above you. Splat. Next time, hide somewhere that's not behind a cereal box.
GAME OVER
hide3
Bubs' Concession Stand? What is that doing on the Robots article? Whatever, it doesn't matter. You jump over the counter and hide in the stand's protection. Then you hear a voice.
"BUBTRONIC SECURITY ROBOT ACTIVATED. SIT YOUR BUTT DOWN UNTIL THE AUTHORITIES ARRIVE."
Oh, so that's why this is on the Robots article. A Kolkaryu flies through the stand window and bombards you with pixelated bullets. Better luck next time.
GAME OVER
run2
You sprint out of the article like your life depends on it, because it does. You dodge voip beams and lasers of all colors as you climb the sidebar and leap into the logo. You end up on the Main Page, which looks a lot more lively from the inside. You're safe for now, but the robots will catch up to you soon. Maybe you should escape to a high place, seeing as the robots can't climb very well.
Obvious exits:
browse
You jump to the "Browse the knowledge base" section. Where can you go next? The Items page would have lots of weapons... or you could go to the Links page and escape to a different website... or you could hide on one of the Sightings pages, since they're so long... or maybe—
Oops, you froze too long. Now you've been frozen by An Ice Machine. Sorry.
GAME OVER
whatsnew
You not-so-gracefully leap into the "What's new" box. Hey, there's a link to the RSS feed. No one uses RSS feeds anymore! They'll never find you in there!
You click the link, but while you wait for it to load, Stlunko crushes you under his stone fists. Stupid Internet speed.
GAME OVER
mainmenu
You climb up to the top of the page and stand on the Main Menu, with links to the site's most important features. The robots are still hot on your trail, so you'd better act fast. It would probably help if you gathered a few allies.
Obvious exits:
nope
You click the link and land on the page. You run from the approaching robots, but you are stopped by Boltotron, the robot that effortlessly offed Jimmy Carter. And now you too.
GAME OVER
characters
You click the link and land on the page. You run from the approaching robots, but you are stopped by Boltotron, the robot that effortlessly offed Jimmy Carter. You close your eyes and brace for voipage... but nothing happens. You hesitantly lift your eyelids and see the robot blown to smithereens, as a familiar figure towers above you.
"Fear not, mortal. I've got your back."
"Strong Badman? Is that really you?" you ask.
"Not just me," he says, as he gestures toward the rest of the page. The characters all run toward you, ready to fight for the fate of the wiki.
Homeschool Winner walks in. "Well, well. You've made friends. Shame they're no match for my metal army."
"I doubt they'll be much of a challenge," Stinkoman interjects.
"I think you'll find that we're a forxe to be reckoned with," H. Star says.
"Let's have a babble, Pretenda. You might make it out arrive." Senor Cardgage mumbles.
"Characters page... rock, rock on!" the Cheat Commandos cheer.
Your progress has been saved.
fight
The robots and other characters charge toward each other and clash in a giant brawling cloud of dust. It's truly a sight to behold. Everyone on the Characters page is here — Homestar Runner, Sir Loodabert Comma, Tom Servo's silhouette, Eustice Pietimer, Onion Bubs, Damp Towel Man, Reinforcements, Maggot Man, Turkey Joe, Trogdor— hold on. Where is Trogdor? If he was here, the battle would be over already. You have to track him down somehow. Maybe ask someone nearby.
Characters:
wormdingler
"Hey, Wormdingler. Do you have an idea of where Trogdor might be?" you ask.
"Ya lookin' fer Tragdar?" Wormdingler replies in Coach Z's voice for some reason. "He won't help ya's, I'm sure. He's too busy hoggin' all da consummate V's. He just won't share! Why, Tragdar, why?!"
It's probably best to back away slowly.
Characters:
jhonka
"Hey, Jhonka. Would you happen to know where Trogdor is?" you ask.
"All hail Burninator! Trogdor Number One! Beat Peasant Tech!" says the grimy Jhonka. Yeah, I doubt he'll be much help.
Characters:
rather
"Hey, Rather Dashing. Where do you think Trogdor could be?" you ask.
"Oh, yeah, him. I live right next door to him on the gallery, and I've found that he's usually asleep. That's probably what he's doing right now."
"So I just find him and wake him up?"
"It's not that easy. He hibernates for like a hundred years between burninations, and can only be woken up by those with powerful influence over the Burninator."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I dunno, man. It's just something I heard."
As you thank Rather Dashing and walk away, the walking metal robot, The Robot, shows up out of nowhere. He's surprisingly stealthy considering he's attached to a cord and probably weighs several tons. You can't fight him without help... but who can help?
Characters:
grapefairie
The Robot prepares to strike, but the Grape Fairie raises his wand and zaps the Robot with a pile of grapes. The Robot lifts them with ease, and drops the pile onto you, crushing your windpipe and probably snapping your spinal cord. Somehow you forgot that the Robot was the winner of the Strongest Man in the World Contest back in '95.
GAME OVER
dijjerydoo
"Dijjery do something, Dijjery Do!" you cry.
Dijjery Doo makes a last ditch effort to sabotage The Robot. He takes out a missile, but he fumbles with it until it explodes in his hands. Also, you explode too. Why was he carrying that thing around anyway?
GAME OVER
thecheat
The Robot raises his arm to attack, but he stops. After a second, he drops his arms, and his eyes flicker as they fade away. You look down at The Cheat holding the cord and shrugging. Technical difficulties indeed!
Now you just need to find someone who can awaken the Burninator. But who could that be?
Characters:
kerrek
"Pardon me, Kerrek—" you say as he pounds your head into the ground.
Your mom always told you not to take head poundings from strange Kerreks. And NOW looks what's happened. You dead. Thanks for playing.
GAME OVER
baby
"Pardon me, baby, but can you awaken the mighty Burninator?"
The baby sneezes, then it cries. Nice going.
Characters:
stonklar
"Excuse me, Stonklar. Would you happen to know how to awaken Trogdor?" you ask.
"Sorry, I am. Understand, I cannot." the Keeper replies.
"How... wake... Trog-dor?" you say, emphasizing each syllable.
"Understand, I still cannot. So terribly, you should not be talking." he says.
You sigh. "Awaken Trogdor, can you?" you ask.
"Now my dialect you are speaking," he says. "Sure, wake him up I can, but a bit rusty my magic is. Nourishment, I need. An energy drink of some kind, do you have?"
"An energy drink? I don't have one on me, but I could probably find one."
Out of the corner of your eye, you see a Greggo marching toward you. These guys are indestructible unless they look away. Who you gonna call?
Characters:
stinkoman
"Hyah!" Stinkoman grunts as he sends a scorching fireball in the Greggo's general direction. It doesn't even flinch. Well, it does flinch, but only so it can duck to prevent its vulnerable legs, deflecting the fireball toward you. Ouch.
GAME OVER
jibblies
"Come on in heeere!" the Jibblies Painting beckons. The Greggo isn't fazed. Robots aren't often affected by the jibblies. But you are. In your jibblie-induced paralysis, you are vaporized by Robot Darren. VOIP!
GAME OVER
thnikkaman
"Here Comes the Thnikkaman!!!" floats the text across the screen. The Greggo looks left and right frantically until he sees the Thnikkaman, striding along all distractingly. The Greggo stares at the Thnikkaman in profound admiration. Now what? There aren't many useful characters nearby, so who do you choose?
Characters:
stave
"Stave it off, 1, 2, 3, and now you can count to 3!" he sings. Why did you think this was a good idea?
Characters:
dance
The Dancing Brothers all stepped on nails and fainted of shock.
Characters:
moon
While the Greggo is distracted, the Old-Timey Moon falls down from the sky and crushes him. Cool. Now you just need to find a nice beverage for Stonklar.
Characters:
worm
"Hi, are you The Worm? Would you happen to have any energy drinks or anything I could borrow? They're for one of the Keepers of Trogdor."
"I'M TOO BUSY," The Worm spouts in giant text, "I HAVE SOMEWHERE ELSE TO BE." And he just disappears. Weird.
Characters:
lotionman
"Excuse me... Lotionman? Do you have anything for my friend Stonklar to drink?"
Eventually it dawns on you that you are talking to a dunce cap. What imbecile added this thing to the Characters page?
Characters:
smith
"Pardon me, Mr. Smith. Stonklar the Keeper of Trogdor really wants a fresh beverage of some kind. Do you have any on you?"
He shakes his head, then thinks for a moment. After a second, he raises a sign reading "...But the King might."
"Okay, sweet. Where is he?"
He raises another sign. "You see King Bubsgonzola Supreme over there in the distance? I saw the King of Town cowering next to him in fear."
"Great, thanks!"
You sprint across the battlefield to King Bubsgonzola Supreme, only to run into An Ice Machine. He's freezing everything in sight. How can you get past him?
Characters:
largebean
Large Bean attempts to steal An Ice Machine's soul, but alas, robots do not have souls. He freezes you to square.
GAME OVER
mrpitters
"Mr. Pitters!" you shout.
He limps over to you. "Ointment?" he mutters.
"No, I need you to take down this An Ice Machine for me."
"He's ointment!" he yells in fear, or perhaps celebration... confusion maybe? It doesn't matter anyway, because now you're a block of ice. Sorry.
GAME OVER
biztar
You pick up a nearby Biztar — come to think of it, what's the difference between a Biztar and an ice cube? And why are they cubes? Do they just naturally form that way? Anyway, you pick it up and use it as a shield against An Ice Machine's freezy freeze. You run past him with the Biztar until you arrive at... wait, which character were you going to again?
Characters:
yellodello
"Oh, hello, Dello. Would you mind directing me to the King of Town? You see, it's—"
Oops. You've now been pecked on the head one too many times. Your head looks like one of those things on a cow. You know, the part where the milk comes out. Also, you dead.
GAME OVER
mrpoofers
"Oh, hello, Poofers. Would you mind directing me to the King of Town? You see, it's—"
"Miffa miffa!" Mr. Poofers oh-so-rudely interrupts, offering you a fresh pimecone.
"No, not a pimecone. I need a drink to restore the Keeper of Trogdor's energy."
"Meeka moo!" he funny-sounds as he offers you a beard and winks. Where did that beard come from?
Characters:
bubsgonzola
"Oh, hello, King Bubsgonzola Supreme. Would you mind directing me to the King of Town? You see, it's—"
"Doo! You aren't one of them robits, are you?" the King asks, peeking out from behind Bubs.
"No, I'm not. I was just wondering if you had any energy drinks on you that I could borrow for Stonklar."
"As a matter of fact, I do! Take this!" he says, handing you an open can of Butter-da.
"...Is this stuff, you know... edible?"
"That doesn't matter. It's delicious either way!"
"Thanks," you say as you walk off with the can. "Wait!" the King shouts, "We haven't discussed my payment!"
You stop and let out a resigned sigh. More fetch quests? "What do you want?" you ask in the least enthusiastic way possible.
"Not much. I'd just like something edible in return. Something to replace this can of Butter-da."
"Got it." Where can you find a replacement food?
Characters:
visorrobot
"Hi there, Visor Robot," you say as you're instantly disintegrated by a lethal red beam of extreme voip. What were you thinking? You realize the robots hate you, right?
GAME OVER
homsar
"Homsar. Got any food?" you mumble.
"AaAaAaAh, don't waste your staples on the cake machine!"
It was worth a try.
Characters:
marshie
"Hi, Marshie. The King needs food. Got any?"
"I sure do, you fantastic excuse for a human being! Just wait here. I seem to have misplaced my stash of Fluffy Puff Marshmallows..." he oozes creepily. He slinks away for a moment. Suddenly, you are hit in the back by a barrage of flying marshmallows, knocking you to the ground.
"Ow... I... don't need this many..." you manage to utter.
"I know," Marshie grins. "This will be your downfall."
"What?"
"Oh, how delightful," Homeschool mutters from the distance, as he slowly walks toward you. "You've forgotten one of the examples on the Robots page. Homestar Runner calls Marshie 'that freakin' robot' in Meet Marshie, so technically he is one of the 'robots' listed on that page, and as such, one of the characters you erased earlier."
Marshie floats up with a threatening grin. "YOU CAN'T DESTROY ME," he creeps.
Characters:
gavin
"Go, Gavin, go!" you cheer as he just kind of... crawls around. You're hit with another barrage of marshmallows. This time, you're not so lucky. As in, you dead.
GAME OVER
dndgreg
"Whoa! A class 5 confectionery mage! You'll need a maxed-out skill tree to even lay a scratch on this monstrosity!"
"How do we beat him?" you ask.
"Perhaps if I look up his stats..." he says as he flips through his book. "+17 Strength, +54 Stamina, +3 Charisma..."
"Does it give any useful information? Like, how to beat him?"
"It does give a few tips, yes. Marshie is allergic to noodles. He has a weak immune system, making him susceptible to germs. He hates gunk, and can be melted by hot beverages."
"Well, that doesn't help," you reply.
Characters:
bozar
"Riddle me sidewise, you delectable delight! How will you be able to take over the wiki when you're draped in fresh campanelle?!"
Now he's in a pile of noodles. He turns all red and swells up. It's real gross.
"See? I told you he was allergic to noodles!" D n' D Greg pipes up.
Characters:
ehsteve
"Eh! Steve!" says Eh! Steve! as you're brutally killed by marshmallows.
GAME OVER
hudge
"Help, Da Huuuuu—"
Before you can finish pronouncing all the U's in his name, you're hit with another marshmallow. It's not easy for one to attack quickly when they're immobile and also a pile of ambiguous sludge.
GAME OVER
homestarmecium
"For my twin brother!" Homestarmecium shouts triumphantly as he enters Marshie's mouth. Marshie starts coughing and stuff, which I think is what happens when you eat bacteria, right? Is that how sick works?
Characters:
stamplyjr
"Stamply Jr.!" you call, until you realize there's no character named Stamply Jr. and also you're impaled by marshmallows probably.
GAME OVER
gunkiller
Gunk Iller gets gunk all over Marshie, which totally grosses him out big time. Now what?
Characters:
knight
The Knight aims his spear... then he pauses. "What am I supposed to do?" he asks. "There's no 'instant death' function on this thing!"
Also, you dead now because reasons.
GAME OVER
stingy
"Ah, cordon bleu, Marshieux! You're going to have so much Hot Jhones, you may need subtitels!" Stingy Relenque vowel-sounds. He tosses a bunch of Hot Jones at Marshie, melting him a bit. Ew.
I think he's almost defeated! We're almost there!
Characters:
snake
Seriously? You chose Weird Snake Joe? You should've expected this.
GAME OVER
kot
"Doo! A big fat marshmallow! Doo hoo! It's mine! It's all mine!! Doo hoo hoo!" he screeches. You blink, and Marshie is gone. You did it!
You give the Butter-da to Stonklar, who goes to awaken Trogdor with some ancient incantation. Trogdor opens one eye. Then the other. Slowly, he rises. Everyone on the page is struck by pure majesty, in awe of his abundance of beef and the flawless consummation of his V's. He inhales, then breathes out. Orange sparks fly as a glow appears from his throat...
Immediately, the page is engulfed in pure unbridled burnination. Flames wreak havoc across the galleries and headers. The robots are annihilated. Only Homeschool Winner remains... until he, too, is burninated.
You did it. You saved the Homestar Runner Wiki, all the users within, and perhaps the Internet itself. You stopped Homeschool Winner's plan of revenge. You've succeeded, and everything is as it should be. Congratulations.
epilogue
APRIL FOOLS!
Just kidding, you didn't save the wiki! It was just a text adventure!
Retrieved from "http://www.hrwiki.org/wiki/User:Gfdgsgxgzgdrc"
