Thorax Corporation

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==Fun Facts==
==Fun Facts==
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===Explanations===
===Explanations===
*A thorax is the middle region of the body of an arthropod between the head and the abdomen.
*A thorax is the middle region of the body of an arthropod between the head and the abdomen.

Revision as of 03:31, 16 November 2008

WE HAVE A PROBLEM!!
Our Gentle Staph.
Offensive content Warning: This article covers certain aspects of the site that contain offensive content and language. Personal discretion is advised.

Thorax Corporation, LLC,,. is a fictional company created by The Brothers Chaps, primarily Matt Chapman. Thorax originated as a joke Web site created by TBC, and the URL to this site is found in one of the Fortune Cookies. They are the stereotypical, overly aggressive domain-name owners who offer domain-name registration services while smashing people with a lot of popups and ads.

Thorax Corporation is helmed by Gent Delabor and its staff seemingly consists entirely of members of the Delabor family. The corporation is a division of Second Income Stream dot com in conjugation with GLOBAL STARDOM ENTERTAINMENT.

Thorax Corporation is located in Mundelow, PA.

Through its division, Thorax Legitimate, Thorax Corporation does frequent business with Lem Sportsinterviews. The movies he has written for them include Litigation Jackson and The Peasant's Quest Movie.

Contents

Front Page Postings

THORAXCORP is NOT Bankrupt!! 07.15.02

Contrary to popular belief and signed "Chapter 11" legal documents, THORAX CORPORATION LLC,,. is not bankrupt. CEO Gent Delabor saited, "We read Chapter 11 and weren't impressed. So we've moved on to Chapter 12."

THORAX acquires 'Arial' font! 07.19.02

In a bold design move sure to shock the industry, THORAXCORP.com recently acquired the 'Arial' family of fonts. "Times New Roman? More like Times OLD Roman," said webmaster Mark Delabor.

THORAXCORP.com launches FLASH site! 06.31.02

Thorax finally gets with the times! "I got the idea from some lights I saw on a sign that had lights on it," says marketing consortium Rode Delabor, "The light would turn on. Then, after a moment, the light would turn off."
[go there now!] If you have epilepsy/sensitivity to flashing lights, do not view this page. rapidly flashing colors

THORAXCORP ASKS: Is there times when you don't know so much? 07.01.02

If you answered "Mggff," "Yes," or "What?"...Then you need to hear this!!Maybe have one of your smarter friends read it to you!!!!
[new produkts!]

'Juwanna Mann' Scores BIG at THORAX Box Office!! 07.15.02

Legible bachelor and social gadabout Leg Delabor has seen 'Juwanna Mann' 2 times since it opened June 21st. "I bought the tickets on-line the first time, but then I forgot to go to the movie," said Leg, "But the second time I bought them, I remebered to go!"

The Delabor Family

The Delabors are a family of pushy, money-grubbing corporate bigwigs with a tenuous grasp on the English language. Gent, Rode, and Leg are probably brothers; their relation to the others is unclear. Delabors mentioned on the Thorax website include:

Gent Delabor, Sr.
  • Gent Delabor, Sr., the CEO and Chief Executive Officer of Thorax Corporation, LLC,,., the CFO of Global Stardom Entertainment, and Webmaster of Second Income Stream dot com. His age is hinted between 18 and 65. He appears to run Delabor family affairs, which he manages from his parents' basement. Gent is even more pushy and money-grubbing than his relatives. Gent believes himself to be a genius, though in reality he is stupid, arrogant, and even abusive to his brother, Leg. He also believes himself to be more popular than he really is, claiming to receive about 300,000 emails a day. Gent really receives only about 3 a day (most of the time from himself sent to remind himself to pick up more grecian formula) and claims that this lack of emails is because his Outlook is screwed up. Gent displays his low intelligence in many ways, once even going so far as to buy a $643 plane ticket to the town of Awe, Mississippi, just to try and meet someone named PuckHead0 who sent him an email which stated that he (PuckHead0) was in awe.
Rode DeLabor
  • Rode Delabor/DeLabor, Thorax's marketing consortium. Rode is apparently Gent's chief lackey and business partner. Rode spells his last name as "DeLabor", which he claims is not because of an inability to type/read/speak the English Language(TM), but because he just thinks it makes his name look "Peruvian". Rode claims that he grew up in the farm fields of Frederick, Maryland, U.S.A., dreaming of INDUSTRY and then eventually left (because of INDUSTRY) to go to the big city, leaving behind his alcoholic father and his misanthropic mother. These claims, however, are all lies, and it's clear that Rode doesn't like his parents very much.
Leg Delabor
  • Leg Delabor, lovelorn, legible bachelor and social gadabout who sells a series of self-help tapes. Like Rode, he is one of Gent's partners. Leg is frequently the target of Gent and Rode's scorn, derision, and ridicule. It is unknown if he is actually biologically related to the other Delabors, as Gent claims that they "got him from the gypsies in 19$7". Gent has made Leg sign no less than 35 contracts, the 28th of which legally, mentally, and physically bound Leg to THORAX CORPORATION LLC,,. in legal matrimony with the strongest of legal solvents and tapes, preventing Leg from having relationships with, among other people and things, females. Violations of this contract are punishable by up to 12 times in prison or 2 hours in the hall closet (whichever comes first). Gent even claims to have beaten the ever-loving crap out of Leg for about 2 and a half minutes when he found Leg emailing a female named Adrian.
WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP!!
  • Sted Delabor, who works for Gent in an office cubicle, or "ofice-cubikle", as he says. He is the the "new guy" at work. He is the other Delabors' "3rd cousin-in-law twice divorced". Although he seems to believe that most of the time people tend to pick on the new guy, but that the fellows at the Thorax "ofice" have been nothing but helpful, and even mentions that Gent Delabor himself pointed him in the direction of the men's room after he had been holding it in for the first three days of his job. He is perpetually on his fifth day of work at Thorax, as he mentions that it had been yesterday when the "men's room" event happened. Sted looks up to the other Delabors, especially Gent, but the others think of him as "WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP!!" (which they claim is their way of saying "Welcome, friend. Don't steal any of our stuff.").
  • El Delabor, the "mystical, phantom Delabor", who occasionally writes produkt offers for Gent. Gent used to just think that he was Rode in a sheet.
  • Mark Delabor, Thorax's webmaster and a spokesman for Second Income Streak dot com.
  • Regular Size Delabor ("Reg"), probably one of Gent's four children, born on January 1, 1994. He is property of Thorax Corporation, LLC,,. His temperament is fuggy.
  • Patricia Delabor-Jones, a shift manager and one of Leg's customers.
  • Granpa Delabor , The other Delabors' grandpa. He warns "when El Delabor comes for you, it's time to pay the piper."

Fun Facts

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Explanations

  • A thorax is the middle region of the body of an arthropod between the head and the abdomen.

Remarks

  • The "Flash" site is actually a flashing animated gif, located here. If you have epilepsy/sensitivity to flashing lights, do not view this page. rapidly flashing colors

Inside References

  • On the Sign-Up page, where it says to give an email address, the email address soandso@lowenbrau.com is already typed. This may actually be So and So's real address on the web.
  • Under "Gent", Gent Delabor, Sr. writes, "Every once in a while, I like to come down off my high horse and bring small silver baubles in a burlap sack to the peasant children in the thatched roof cottages. And YOU'RE that thatched roof cottage." Thatched-roof cottages would later figure greatly into Trogdor's activities. Baubles would show up again in Thy Dungeonman.
  • The website repeatedly misspells "web" or "website" as Wed.
  • "Mary Perry" is a reference to Limozeen.
  • There are many occurrances of Homophones. The list is as follows:
    • "Our Gentle Staph"
    • "[...] we can't weight!"
  • The eMission Statement mentions "Nedscape".
  • Rode Delabor's page mentions and has an image of "The Mythological Goat of Success".
  • Leg Delabor's "Paths to Total Stardom" page states that he was drinking while thinking of new produkts.
  • Leg Delabor's page has an animated GIF that at one point shows a martini (see above reference) and a lit cigarette.
  • Gent Delabor's "Thorax Dynamic Intern" page says that emailer PuckHead0 "need[s] to serve as [his] right hand dan".
  • The alternative text for Leg's photo is "11/4/74"
  • One of the names for the PROGRAM CONGRATULATION(TM)(R)(C) PRODUKT testimony is "Litigation Johnson."
  • The Sky's the Limit! PRODUKT has an email address with the domain of "cheepasfree.com"

Real-World References

  • The portrait of Sted Delabor is that of astronaut and former Ohio Senator John Glenn.
  • The portrait of El Delabor is that of the character Tuco from The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.
  • One popup reads, "That's no APR! This ain't no disco! They'll be no fooling around!" This is a reference to the Talking Heads song "Life During Wartime."
  • In program: "The Sky's The Limit," it says, "Divert all his income streams into yours, but don't cross them!" This refers to Egon's line in Ghostbusters when he tells Venkman not to cross the streams.
  • Juwanna Mann is a 2002 movie starring Miguel A. Nunez, Jr. as a basketball player who poses as a female to play in the WNBA. It was actually both a critical and box office failure.
  • Lowenbrau (found on the sign-up page) is a brewery in Munich.
  • The fake 404 page that's in place the sign-up agreement mentions "Leg got all scared cause Gent told him Tim Curry lived in our basement [...]".
  • The Total Stardom Scheme PRODUKT mentions Burger King, a popular fast food restaurant.
  • The Total Stardom Scheme PRODUKT also mentions the Porsche 911.

Thorax Corporation Sightings

External Links

NOTE: The "Alternate Text" details are found the HTML code. They specify what text to show if the image cannot load. This is required for images by the W3C. Examples of alternate text in action are found on the navigation buttons (if they were non-existent images), and Leg Delabor's photo on the "[Our] Gentle Staph" page is an actual example. Sometimes this attribute will be left blank.

Main Site Components

This is broken.
So is this
Same deal here
Yep
I work though
no you don't

Our Gentle Staph

Page Title: MEET THE THORAX CORPORATION LLC,,. STAPH

Files

Rode Delabor

Page Title (for all pages): RODE DELABOR 1 2 3!!

Files

Leg Delabor

Files

Front page
{A Mariachi trumpet player is on screen and moves to the left of the image in a white background. Shortly after a cigarette, a martini, and a star appear from right to left, to the left of the Mariachi, along with the text "THE HI-LIFE" in brown letters, and then the cigarette, martini, and star move up and down for a short period of time. Shortly after that, the cigarette, martini, and star are replaced with the phrase "you can too!" in blue italics. There is then a cut to the a close-up shot of the Mariachi moving up from the bottom of the image. Once he stops the phrase "tuck in that stardom!", in yellow words and also in italics, appears over the Mariachi. After a pause "www.thoraxcorp.com" replaces the text using the same format.}
{The words "Which is wurst?" appears in the center of the image in blue on a white background. There is then a cut to a side-view of a man's head on left, with the quote "Party at my place? Or rhythm and blues?" appearing to his right in red shortly after. There is then a cut to an elderly woman's head straight-on to the right of the image. The quote, "I remember the 80's. It was a gaaas crisis." appears in green to her left shortly after. There is then a cut to an African-American woman straight-on with her head up and mouth open, whose head is on the left of the image. Her head is cut by the bottom of the image. The quote "I can't keep anything down. Solid food is a joke!" appearing in dark-blue to the right of her shortly after. Then a cut to a man's head with glasses appearing to the right of the image. The quote "Which Ham sandwich is right for me? I'm a child." appearing in orange to the left shortly after. Then there is a cut to all of the heads appearing one after another in order from left to right. After all of them appear they move down, and the text "watch it all slip away" in blue is shown. "www.thoraxcorp.com" is shown in the same format after a pause.}
OPEN YOUR EYES!
Paths to Total Stardom
LEG DELABOR: {He moves the mic occasionally, and the mic picks it up. He talks in a monotone voice throughout} When you look...at yourself. You have to {voice gets quieter} look inside yourself. On the inside of you...to your personal {pauses} being. And if you have what it takes to be a star, that'll...that'll be there. On the wall...of your insides.

Sted Delabor

Files

  • Rode Delabor's photo is included on the page (See above for the link)

PRODUKTS(TM)

Pop-ups

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