The Next Epi-Snowed

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Toon Category: Shorts
watch The Baloneyman Strong Bad Sings
Umm, words, say, talk?

Crack Stuntman becomes uncooperative while recording for his next episode of the Cheat Commandos.

Cast (in order of appearance): Silent Rip, Fightgar, Blue Laser Commander, Super Snowldier, Gunhaver, Crack Stuntman, A. Chimendez, Reynold, Crackotage, Crack Stuntman's Girlfriend (New Bad Guy Girl Character), Agent Chimendez, Ripberger, Firebert, Flashfight, Blue Laser Minion (Easter Egg), Guy Who Does The Bad Guy's Voice (Easter egg).

Places: Arctic Playset, Recording Studio, Cheat Commandos HQ, Blue Laser HQ (Easter egg)

Date: Monday, July 28, 2008

Running Time: 4:10

Page Title: Cheat Chimendez-O's

Contents

Transcript

{Open to a snowy landscape and military music, where Silent Rip and Fightgar are walking, silhouetted. The titles "JUST CHILL...TIL THE NEXT EPI-SNOWED" and "written by A. Chimendez" appear, then the Commandos appear close up, in front of a frost-covered building with a satellite dish.}}

FIGHTGAR: {annoyed} How come we always get stuck patrolling the arctic playset?

SILENT RIP: Somebody's got to do it, Fightgar. In the last week alone, Blue Laser's tried to control, blow up and make super-soldiers out of snow.

BLUE LASER COMMANDER: {revealed to the left, with two large snowmen with coal eyes and the "BL" insignia} They're called super-snowldiers, thank you very much! And if I can find some carrots, they'll be destroying you all momentarily!

{Gunhaver bursts from the left in a snowmobile, destroying one of the super-snowldiers.}

GUNHAVER: Sorry, Blue Laser, your evil plan is going snow-where!

{Cut back to Blue Laser Commander, revealing two super-snowldiers and one pile of snow.}

BLUE LASER COMMANDER: Aah! The mere sight of you makes me want to retch!

SILENT RIP: It's Gunhaver, in the new Cheat Command-snowbile!

{"CHEAP AS FREE" appears in a balloon on the bottom-left, then disappears.}

GUNHAVER: {confusedly} Um... words, say, talk? {whispering} What's my line?

SILENT RIP: {whispering} We should head back to base.

GUNHAVER: Yeah, or more like we should head back to my cabin in Tahoe! It's got a two-story hot tub, and an underwater fireplace!

A. CHIMENDEZ: {voiceover} Cut, cut cut.

{Cut to a recording booth, where Crack Stuntman faces A. Chimendez, who is in silhouette in the foreground.}

CRACK STUNTMAN: What was wrong with that, Chimendez?

A. CHIMENDEZ: Mister Stuntman, while I'm unsure of the physical feasibility of an underwater fireplace, {Crack Stuntman scowls} I'm sure your home in Lake Tahoe is very lovely. But can we please just stick to the script?

CRACK STUNTMAN: Well, why can't the cowboy one have a house in Tahoe too? He seems to be doing all right for himself.

A. CHIMENDEZ: Once again, his name is "Gunhaver", and he is a great military leader. He cares not for such things as hot tub.

CRACK STUNTMAN: What about massage chairs? Can he at least like massage chairs?

A. CHIMENDEZ: Are you going to be difficult about this, Mister Stuntman?

CRACK STUNTMAN: {annoyed} Yeah, I think this one's a deal-breaker.

{A. Chimendez sighs. Cut to the arctic playset, where Gunhaver is sitting in a vibrating massage chair.}

GUNHAVER: {distorted by the vibrating chair} Aaaah. Get 'em, boys!

{A Blue Laser super-snowldier, now with a carrot nose, is holding Fightgar up in one hand and Silent Rip down with the other. Blue laser shots fly overhead.}

FIGHTGAR: Er, Gunhaver, we could really use that gun of yours right about now.

GUNHAVER: Sorry, it fell down between the cushions.

{Cut to Cheat Commandos HQ, where Crackotage and Reynold are talking.}

REYNOLD: I hope everything's going okay at the arctic playset.

CRACKOTAGE: {voiced by Crack Stuntman} I'm sure they're all just doin' fine. They fight Blue Laser all the time!

A. CHIMENDEZ: {voiceover, annoyed} Those are not your character's lines!

{Cut back to the recording booth.}

CRACK STUNTMAN: But I like the rhyming guy's lines better. I'm gonna do his voice now.

A. CHIMENDEZ: Mister Stuntman, I refuse to—

CRACK STUNTMAN: {crossing his arms} Deal-breaker.

{A. Chimendez sighs. Cut back to Cheat Commandos HQ, where a calculator says "ERROR!" and is releasing black smoke.}

REYNOLD: I'm sorry my financial experiment backfired and switched you and Gunhaver's voices, Crackotage.

CRACKOTAGE: {voiced by Crack Stuntman} Hey, I was thinking that right here would be a great place for a casino or a dinosaur to happen!

REYNOLD: {taken aback} Um... are you talking to me?

{Cut to Gunhaver on the snowmobile, moving through the arctic playset landscape accompanied by faint music.}

GUNHAVER: {makes engine noises}

CRACK'S GIRLFRIEND: {voiceover} Crack, you said there'd be a cold-cut tray.

GUNHAVER: Hang on baby. {shouting, music scratches to a stop} Hey! where the cold cuts at?

{Cut back to the recording booth. There is a girl hanging on to Crack Stuntman's arm.}

A. CHIMENDEZ: {frustrated} Mister Stuntman, you cannot bring your girlfriends into the recording booth!

CRACK STUNTMAN: Don't blow this—

{Cut back to an annoyed Gunhaver, as Crack Stuntman continues to speak}

GUNHAVER: —for me, Chimendez! I told her she could be in a cartoon!

{Cut to a hot tub containing a shirtless Gunhaver, a female character in a Blue Laser costume with a scar and black and white hair, and an archaeopteryx. The arctic building now has a "CASINO!" sign.}

NEW BAD GUY GIRL CHARACTER: Does this thing really have an underwater fireplace?

GUNHAVER: Sure does, new bad guy girl character!

{Agent Chimendez is seen to the right, dressed in fatigues and a hat, with A. Chimendez' hair and voice.}

AGENT CHIMENDEZ: I am a new character too! Mister Gunhaver, If you will please step into this tiny box, {points to a gray box} I can almost guarantee that you will appear in the rest of this season's episodes!

GUNHAVER: {now out of the hot tub, in a towel} Who are you?

AGENT CHIMENDEZ: Uh, my name is A...gent Chimendez. I'm an expanded universe character. Novelizations, read-along story books... {the book "Agent Chimendez: On Assignment!" and the story book "Guess Who? Agent Chimendez!" appear} Things like that.

GUNHAVER: Well, anyone who can guarantee I'll appear in the rest of this season's episodes is all right in my book! {jumps into the box, which closes} Whee!

{Agent Chimendez throws a lock onto the box, grinning. Cut to the outside, then the interior of Cheat Commandos HQ, where Agent Chimendez stands among Ripberger, Silent Rip, Fightgar, Reynold and Crackotage.}

SILENT RIP: Thanks again, Agent Chimendez! We couldn't have defeated Blue Laser's super-snowldiers without you!

REYNOLD: It's too bad Gunhaver's on a secret mission to the moon for an undisclosed period of time, and that when he gets back his voice might have changed.

AGENT CHIMENDEZ: {dismissively} Yes yes, quite unfortunate. Now, what do you say Cheat Commandos, let's rock, rock on! {rolling his r's}

{The Cheat Commandos Adventures title screen appears, with Agent Chimendez in place of Gunhaver. The podium reads "RRRRRROCK, RRRROCK ON!"}

CHEAT COMMANDOS: {reading each "R"} R-r-r-r-r-rock, r-r-r-rock on!

{The Cheat Commandos theme plays, and the screen fades to black. Fade in to the recording booth, where there is a large sealed cardboard box.}

CRACK STUNTMAN: {knocking from inside the box} Hello? Chimendez? I'm ready to record my lines for the rest of this season's episodes! Anyone? Man, this thing reminds me of the two-story box I've got at my place in Tahoe.

{Danger music plays, followed by a fade to "THE END."}

Easter Eggs

  • At the end, click on the E to see an extra scene of Crack Stuntman in the booth.
CRACK STUNTMAN: Anyone? Chimandez? Guy who does the Bad Guy's voice?
{Camera scrolls over to reveal a shriveled, pale green character}
GUY WHO DOES THE BAD GUY'S VOICE: Can I help you with something, Crack Stuntman?
CRACK STUNTMAN: Uuuuh... Never mind.
{Box scoots away from Bad Guy's Voice}
  • At the end click on the period for a scene in Blue Laser's hideout
BLUE LASER COMMANDER: So what do you think of the new girl?
BLUE LASER MINION: To be quite honest, she seems a bit overly concerned with cold cuts, sir.
BLUE LASER COMMANDER: Cold cuts! Add that to the list!
{Camera scrolls over to a large pad of paper on an easel}
Things that might crush Cheat Commandos
1. Dumb kids
2. Tons of goo
3. Corporate mumbo/jumbo
4. Cold cuts!

Fun Facts

Remarks

  • Reynold mentions that Crackotage and Gunhaver switched voices, yet in the next scene, Gunhaver doesn't have Crackotage's voice

Real-World References

  • The appearance of the "New Bad Guy Girl Character" is based on the GI Joe character Baroness.

External Links

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