The Next Epi-Snowed

From Homestar Runner Wiki

Revision as of 02:51, 1 September 2019

"Um... words... say. Talk?"

Crack Stuntman becomes uncooperative while recording for his next episode of the Cheat Commandos.

Cast (in order of appearance): Silent Rip, Fightgar, Blue Laser Commander, Super Snowldier, Gunhaver, Crack Stuntman, A. Chimendez, Reynold, Crackotage, Crack Stuntman's Girlfriend (New Bad Guy Girl Character), Mrs. Commanderson, Agent Chimendez, Ripberger, Firebert, Flashfight, Blue Laser Minion (Easter egg), Guy Who Does The Bad Guy's Voice (Easter egg)

Places: Arctic Playset, Recording Studio, Cheat Commandos HQ, Blue Laser HQ (Easter egg)

Date: Monday, July 28, 2008

Running Time: 4:10

Page Title: Cheat Chimendez-O's

Transcript

{Open to a snowy landscape and military music, where Silent Rip and Fightgar are walking, silhouetted. The titles "JUST CHILL...TIL THE NEXT EPI-SNOWED" and "written by A. Chimendez" appear, then the Commandos appear close up, in front of a frost-covered building with a satellite dish.}

FIGHTGAR: {annoyed} How come we always get stuck patrolling the arctic playset?

SILENT RIP: Somebody's got to do it, Fightgar. {closeup} In the last week alone, Blue Laser's tried to control, blow up, and make super-soldiers out of snow.

{Zoom out and pan left to Blue Laser, standing next to two large Cheat-shaped snowmen with the Blue Laser insignia on their chests.}

BLUE LASER COMMANDER: They're called super-snowldiers, thank you very much! And if I can find some carrots, they'll be destroying you all momentarily!

{Gunhaver bursts from the left in a snowmobile, crushing one of the super-snowldiers.}

GUNHAVER: Sorry, Blue Laser! {closeup} Your evil plan is going snowhere!

{Cut back to Blue Laser Commander, revealing two super-snowldiers and one pile of snow.}

BLUE LASER COMMANDER: Aah! The mere sight of you makes me want to retch!

SILENT RIP: It's Gunhaver, in the new Cheat Command-snowbile!

{"CHEAP AS FREE" appears in a balloon on the bottom-left, then disappears.}

GUNHAVER: {confusedly} Um... words... say. Talk? {whispering} What's my line?

SILENT RIP: {whispering} We should head back to base.

GUNHAVER: Yeah, or more like we should head back to my cabin in Tahoe! {closeup} It's got a two-story hot tub, and an underwater fireplace!

A. CHIMENDEZ: {voiceover} Cut, cut cut.

{Cut to a recording booth, where Crack Stuntman faces A. Chimendez, who is in silhouette in the foreground.}

CRACK STUNTMAN: What was wrong with that, Chimendez?

A. CHIMENDEZ: Mister Stuntman, while I'm unsure of the physical feasibility of an underwater fireplace, {Crack Stuntman scowls} I'm sure your home in Lake Tahoe is very lovely. But can we please just stick to the script?

CRACK STUNTMAN: Well, why can't the cowboy one have a house in Tahoe too? He seems to be doing all right for himself.

A. CHIMENDEZ: Once again, his name is Gunhaver, {Crack puts his finger up to his mouth} and he is a great military leader. He cares not for such things as hot tub.

CRACK STUNTMAN: What about massage chairs? Can he at least like massage chairs?

A. CHIMENDEZ: Are you going to be difficult about this, Mister Stuntman?

CRACK STUNTMAN: {annoyed} Yeah, I think this one's a deal-breaker.

{A. Chimendez sighs. Cut to the arctic playset, where Gunhaver is sitting in a vibrating massage chair.}

GUNHAVER: {distorted by the vibrating chair} Aaaah. Get 'em, boys!

{A Blue Laser super-snowldier, now with a carrot nose, is holding Fightgar by the arm with one hand and Silent Rip down with the other. Blue laser beams fly overhead.}

FIGHTGAR: Er, Gunhaver, we could really use that gun of yours right about now.

GUNHAVER: Sorry, it fell down between the cushions.

{Cut to Cheat Commandos HQ, where Crackotage and Reynold are talking.}

REYNOLD: I hope everything's going okay at the arctic playset.

CRACKOTAGE: {voiced by Crack Stuntman} I'm sure they're all just doin' fine. They fight Blue Laser all the time!

{Crackotage and Reynold look at the screen over Chimendez's next line.}

A. CHIMENDEZ: {voiceover, annoyed} Those are not your character's lines!

{Cut back to the recording booth.}

CRACK STUNTMAN: But I like the rhyming guy's lines better. {holds up a finger} I'm gonna do his voice now.

A. CHIMENDEZ: Mister Stuntman, I refuse to—

CRACK STUNTMAN: {crossing his arms} Deal-breaker.

{A. Chimendez sighs. Cut back to Cheat Commandos HQ, where an adding machine says "ERROR!" and is releasing black smoke.}

REYNOLD: I'm sorry my financial experiment backfired and switched you and Gunhaver's voices, Crackotage.

CRACKOTAGE: {voiced by Crack Stuntman, looking at the camera} Hey, I was thinking that right here would be a great place for a casino or a dinosaur to happen!

REYNOLD: {hesitantly} Um... are you talking to me?

{Cut to Gunhaver on the snowmobile, moving through the arctic playset landscape accompanied by faint music.}

GUNHAVER: {imitating racecar engine noises} Uhhhhhhhhh... eeuuuuuuuhhhh... uhhhhhhh.....

CRACK'S GIRLFRIEND: {voiceover} Crack, you said there'd be a cold-cut tray.

GUNHAVER: Hang on baby. {shouting offscreen, music scratches to a stop} Hey, where the cold cuts at?!

{Cut back to the recording booth. There is a girl hanging on to Crack Stuntman's arm.}

A. CHIMENDEZ: {frustrated} Mister Stuntman, you cannot bring your girlfriend into the recording booth!

CRACK STUNTMAN: Don't blow this—

{Cut back to an annoyed Gunhaver, as Crack Stuntman continues to speak}

GUNHAVER: —for me, Chimendez! I told her she could be in a cartoon!

{Cut to a hot tub containing a shirtless Gunhaver, a female character in a Blue Laser costume with a scar and black and white hair, and Mrs. Commanderson. The arctic building now has a neon sign, reading "CASINO!".}

NEW BAD GUY GIRL CHARACTER: Does this thing really have an underwater fireplace?

GUNHAVER: Sure does, new bad guy girl character!

{Far view of the hot tub. Agent Chimendez is seen to the right, dressed in fatigues and a hat, with A. Chimendez' hair and voice.}

AGENT CHIMENDEZ: I am a new character too! Mister Gunhaver, If you will please step into this tiny box, {points to a gray box} I can almost guarantee that you will appear in the rest of this season's episodes!

GUNHAVER: {now out of the hot tub, in a towel} Who are you?

AGENT CHIMENDEZ: Uh, my name is A...gent Chimendez. I'm an expanded universe character. Novelizations, read-along story books... {the book "Agent Chimendez: On Assignment!" and the story book "Guess Who? Agent Chimendez!" appear} Things like that.

GUNHAVER: Well, anyone who can guarantee I'll appear in the rest of this season's episodes is all right in my book! {jumps into the box, which closes} Whee!

{Agent Chimendez throws a lock onto the hatch, grinning. Cut to the outside, then the interior of Cheat Commandos HQ, where Agent Chimendez stands among Ripberger, Silent Rip, Fightgar, Reynold and Crackotage.}

SILENT RIP: Thanks again, Agent Chimendez! We couldn't have defeated Blue Laser's super-snowldiers without you!

{Closeup on Reynold.}

REYNOLD: It's too bad Gunhaver's on a secret mission to the moon for an undisclosed period of time, and that when he gets back his voice might have changed.

AGENT CHIMENDEZ: {dismissively} Yes yes, quite unfortunate. Now, what do you say Cheat Commandos, let's rock, rock on! {rolling his r's}

{The Cheat Commandos Adventures title screen appears, with Agent Chimendez in place of Gunhaver. The podium reads "RRRRRROCK, RRRROCK ON!"}

CHEAT COMMANDOS: Ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-rock, ruh-ruh-ruh-rock on!

{The Cheat Commandos theme plays, and the screen fades to black. Fade in to the recording booth, where there is a large sealed cardboard box.}

CRACK STUNTMAN: {knocking from inside the box} Hello? Chimendez? I'm ready to record my lines for the rest of this season's episodes! Anyone? Man, this thing reminds me of the two-story box I've got at my place in Tahoe.

{Danger music plays, followed by a fade to "THE END."}

Easter Eggs

• At the end, click on the E in "END" to see an extra scene of Crack Stuntman in the booth.

CRACK STUNTMAN: Anyone? Chimendez? Guy who does the bad guy's voice?

{Camera scrolls over to reveal a shriveled, pale-green, balding man with no shirt and bloodshot eyes.}

GUY WHO DOES THE BAD GUY'S VOICE: Can I help you with something, Crack Stuntman?

CRACK STUNTMAN: Uuuuh... Never mind.

{Box scoots away from the Guy Who Does The Bad Guy's Voice.}

• At the end click on the period for a scene in Blue Laser's hideout.

BLUE LASER COMMANDER: So, what do you think of the new girl?

BLUE LASER MINION: To be quite honest, she seems a bit overly concerned with cold cuts, sir.

BLUE LASER COMMANDER: Cold cuts! Add that to the list!

{Camera scrolls over to a large pad of paper on an easel}

Things that might crush Cheat Commandos

1. Dumb kids

2. Tons of goo

3. Corporate mumbo/jumbo

4. Cold cuts!

Fun Facts

Explanations

• The character of Agent Chimendez is an example of an author surrogate.
• Expanded Universe is a term used to refer to when a popular fiction franchise is treated in media beyond its original conception; for example, when Star Wars characters and mythology were developed in novels, games, and comics beyond the work created by George Lucas.
• Cold cuts is a U.S. term that refers to cheeses or precooked or cured meat, often sausages or meat loaves, that are sliced and usually served cold on sandwiches or on party trays.

Trivia

• The YouTube description for this toon is "Crack Stuntman is giving the Cheat Commandos some trouble while recording his lines."

Remarks

• Reynold mentions that Crackotage and Gunhaver switched voices, yet in the next scene, Gunhaver doesn't have Crackotage's voice.
• This is the first time that Gunhaver's eyes (which are usually hidden behind his sunglasses) or chest hair (which is usually hidden behind his jacket) are seen.
• Agent Chimendez and New Bad Guy Girl Character are the only two normally-sized Cheat Commandos characters whose figurines have not yet been seen.
• New Bad Guy Girl Character seems to be voiced by Jackie Chapman.
• The sound quality has been increased, as the voices sound less muffled. However, sound effects which were reused from previous toons, such as the sound used for the Cheat Command-Snowbile, were not rerecorded.
• When Gunhaver is riding the Snowbile, the tread marks in the snow do not move.
• In the beginning, when Silent Rip looks around to see the Blue Laser Commander, his buttons are on his right side, but when he turns around, they are on his left.
• This is the first Cheat Commandos toon where there is no Buy all our playsets and toys!! jingle.
• Combustion underwater is quite possible for many oxidizing agents such as chlorates.

Goofs

• In the source file for the Random Toons feature of the site, this toon uses the number 0 where a lowercase letter 'o' should be used. I.e. ccd06.html instead of ccdo6.html.
• During the title screen, the background scrolls at a slightly faster rate than the silhouettes, making it appear as if Silent Rip and Fightgar are walking backwards.

Inside References

• This is the first time that Mrs. Commanderson has made an appearance in a Cheat Commandos cartoon.
• At the end of the toon, Crack Stuntman is put inside a cardboard box.

Real-World References

• The appearance of the "New Bad Guy Girl Character" is based on the GI Joe character Baroness.
• The title of the Cheat Commandos episode itself is a reference to the Dr. Dre song, "Nuthin' but a 'G' Thang" (specifically, the lyrics "So just chill, til the next episode").

External Links

• watch "The Next Epi-Snowed" on the old Flash site
• view the Flash file for "The Next Epi-Snowed"
• watch "The Next Epi-Snowed" on YouTube
• forum thread re: "The Next Epi-Snowed"