Teen Girl Squad Issue 7

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Teen Girl Squad Issue #7
watch Issue 6 Issue 8
He died somehow.

The girls reminisce on when they were toddlers.

Cast (in order of appearance): Cheerleader, So and So, What's Her Face, The Ugly One, Tompkins, Fat Man, Bill Bellamy, Mrs. Commanderson, Arrow'd Guy, Thomas (Easter egg), Fightgar (Easter egg), Gunhaver (Easter egg)

Places: Diaper School, The Sky

Date: Monday, August 23, 2004

Running Time: 1:53

Page Title: Diaper School Grads!

DVD: Everything Else, Volume 1



NARRATOR STRONG BAD: Teeny Tiny Girl Squad! Cheerleader {fattycakes!}, So and So {polite and boring!}, What's Her Face {lice and more!}, The Ugly One! {boy or girl?} And Tompkins.

{The music cuts out as So and So and The Ugly One are shown playing pattycake.}

SO AND SO AND THE UGLY ONE: {rhyming to the beat} Ooncha, ooncha, one-two-three-cha, leave me alone or I'll tell teach-a. Brush your teeth, comb your hair, I saw Tompkins in his under— where are you going, what are you doing, how do you be so short?

THE UGLY ONE: One inch!

SO AND SO: Two inch!

THE UGLY ONE: Three inch!

SO AND SO: Four inch!

{The girls pause.}

THE UGLY ONE: Um, that's as high as I can count.

{The music comes back as What's Her Face appears. So and So is looking back, a perplexed expression on her face.}

WHAT'S HER FACE: I can count to G!

{Zoom out to show Cheerleader walking in from the left.}

CHEERLEADER: That's nothing. I can count to purple backwards!

WHAT'S HER FACE: {pointing to the right} Here comes Tompkins.

{The girls turn to see Tompkins, a boy who is noticeably smaller than them.}

TOMPKINS: Listen up, you undapants! Who wants to get hogtied, and pushed down, into, some snakewater?

THE UGLY ONE: Tompkins, how do you be so short?

TOMPKINS: Heck, I'm taller than you.


TOMPKINS: {crying} Waaaahh!

{Tompkins runs off. As he is running, he is attacked by a long arm with sharp claws, a diamond ring, and a bowler hat, which is then replaced by falling cinnamon buns.}

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: AGGH—! GRAGH—! Uh...he died somehow.

{The deceased Tompkins is in three parts on an Olympic podium with the caption "torso takes silver."}

{Cut back to the four girls.}

WHAT'S HER FACE: Tompkins crinkled when he walked.

SO AND SO: Poor guy never made it out of training pants.

{Closeup on Cheerleader}

CHEERLEADER: Whatta you kiddos think of my... VERY OWN CHOCOLATE BAR!!

{Cheerleader whips out a chocolate bar that is covered in grains of something, has 2 hairs on it, a fly buzzing around it, and one ant.}

SO AND SO: Looks like you dropped it in the sand.

CHEERLEADER: No, I just dipped it in salt!

WHAT'S HER FACE: That's grosser than gross.

CHEERLEADER: {annoyed} Yeah? Well, my house has a hundred bafrooms!

{Closeup on So and So and The Ugly One}

SO AND SO: You mean your parent's house?

THE UGLY ONE: You mean two bafrooms?

{Cut to Cheerleader throwing a tantrum. A slide is behind her.}


{A large, fat man in a singlet appears, going down the slide.}

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: {coughs and sputters, then sotto voce} squished. {The man lands on Cheerleader}

{Closeup on What's Her Face and So and So}

SO AND SO: She led a full life.

WHAT'S HER FACE: She led a full stomach.

{Cut to a standard school bell that says "Bill Bellamy" on it.}


ALL: {yelling} NAPTIME!!

{Mrs. Commanderson, a large Archaeopteryx, appears in the sky behind them then swoops down to grab the girls.}

THE UGLY ONE: Thanks Mrs. Commander...son.

MRS. COMMANDERSON: EERRAAK!! {What's Her Face falls out of Mrs. Commanderson's mouth}

{Cut to modern times. The girls are standing together. So and So is holding a book labeled 'Old Photos', while Cheerleader's dress says, "coolier than thou".}

ALL: Look at how much we've grown!

{Zoom out to reveal the girls falling through the air, with Arrow'd Guy at the bottom of the screen, mouth wide open as if to catch the girls.}


Easter Eggs

  • Click on the O in "It's over!" to see Mrs. Commanderson introducing Thomas to the class.
{A young Thomas stands next to Mrs. Commanderson wearing a cap, with two books piled next to him.}
MRS. COMMANDERSON: Class, please welcome our new student. He's from foreign lands.
{Cut to What's Her Face. She is standing next to the letter blocks S and D}
WHAT'S HER FACE: {thought bubble} I think I have a chance with this guy.
  • Clicking on the exclamation point in "It's over!" displays Mrs. Commanderson with two of the Cheat Commandos.
{Mrs. Commanderson stands with Fightgar and Gunhaver, who are also drawn in Teen Girl Squad style; the latter is saluting her. The normal Cheat Commandos song plays, but with altered lyrics}
SINGERS: Mrs. Commanderson, she's some kind of bird-reptile, and she teaches Pre-K!

Fun Facts


  • Tompkins's "swear" is the word "heck", which many young kids believe to be a swear word (along with "shut up", "stupid" and others).
  • Instead of the usual lined paper, this toon has as a background "skip-rule" paper, commonly used by children first learning penmanship, especially cursive. When the comic returns to the grown-up Teen Girl Squad, the paper is back to its normal college rule. The Easter eggs also use the skip-rule paper.


  • In keeping with the theme of "returning from the dead", Cheerleader dies in the "past" and is somehow alive again in the present with the other girls.
  • According to the Sketchbook, an alternate death that was not used in this issue was one of the girls getting choked by a tetherball.
  • The YouTube description for this toon is "Preschool versions of them! Shorter and rounder!"
  • Although the salty chocolate is deemed gross, having salt added to chocolate would eventually become trendy.


  • There is no "again" option at the end of this issue.
  • During the segment with the "Teeny Tiny" Girl Squad, the theme music is played on what is meant to sound like a child's toy piano or xylophone. When the comic returns to the grown-up Teen Girl Squad, the music is the usual keyboard version.
  • In the Cheat Commandos Easter egg, Gunhaver is saluting with his left hand. Most military salutes involve the right hand/arm.
  • This is the first Teen Girl Squad episode in which all of the members of the squad have died. (What's Her Face and The Ugly One lived through being crushed in Issue 4, as revealed in the bonus footage.)


  • So and So's remark about Cheerleader's house should be written "You mean your parents' house?", with the apostrophe after the S. The fact that she doesn't refer specifically to either parent indicates that Cheerleader still lives with both parents, so the plural form should be used.
  • The flower on So and So's dress appears only in the introductions.
  • When Mrs. Commanderson is fully on screen, the foot/claw that has The Ugly One in it is white paper style.
  • On the closing screen, the contraction "it's" is misspelled as the possessive "its". Ironically, Strong Bad has pointed out this mistake in the Strong Bad Email "local news".
  • When The Ugly One says "Three Inch", the area of the speech bubble above the frame is colored white.

Inside References

Real-World References

Fast Forward

  • The "Ooncha, ooncha" song would be reworded and sung in the next issue.

DVD Version

  • The DVD version features hidden creators' commentary. To access it, switch the DVD player's audio language selection while watching.

Commentary Transcript

(Commentary by: Mike Chapman, Matt Chapman)

MIKE: Remember when we went to like four different toy stores to try and find a little toy keyboard?

MATT: {simultaneously} Toy piano? {alone} Yeah, and we— this is what we— it's a weird like bells; it's not quite—

MIKE: And it was shaped like a tiger and it was just a xylophone, essentially—

MATT: {simultaneously} That's right!

MIKE: —that you hit buttons instead of hit the mallets.

MATT: That's right. Look, those— those blocks there say "SD", which is a reference to that terrible drawing I made of SD Special Delivery Jones!

MIKE: {simultaneously} {laughs} Oh yeah! What was that? {alone} Oh yeah!

MATT: And it said "SD"!

MIKE: {laughs}

MATT: Maybe we should put that in the sketchbook some week!

MIKE: {laughs} SD Special Delivery Jones was one of my favorite wrestlers growing up. And he— he never won. In fact, he got beat by King Kong Bundy in seven minutes in the first Wrestlemania.

MATT: {laughs} Nice!

MIKE: But anyway. Tompkins! Tompkins is based largely in part on a little cousin of ours.

MATT: Our cousin's son.

MIKE: Second cousin once removed twice times?

MATT: {in a singsong voice and trilling the "r"} Kraekol! Uh, and he did— he did threaten to push us down into some snakewater at some point.

MIKE: {laughs} And into a fiery furnace!

MATT: And he would lock us in a fiery furnace, and— if we didn't get into his truck and go get some gas station with him, partner.

MIKE: That's—

MATT: Anyways.

MIKE: So, Teeny Tiny Girl Squad, kinda like... Muppet Babies! Or...

MATT: Exactly!

MIKE: Flintstone Kids! Or...

MATT: Scooby—

MIKE: A Pup Called Scooby Doo!

MATT: There's a Loony Tunes Babies, too. I saw it the other day.

MIKE: {simultaneously} In addition to Tiny Toons?

MATT: It was on— it was on Boomerang. And it was... yeah.

MIKE: Oh, is it from back in the day?

MATT: I don't know. It definitely didn't look new. But it was terrible.

MIKE: Oh. There's King Kong Bundy right there! I never realized that, uh—

MATT: {simultaneously} That's right! How appropriate! {alone} So how about how What's Her Face is just Pig Pen? She has no hair! What is wrong with her? Ah, Mrs. Commanderson! An Archaeopteryx! "Coolier than thou" is my favorite shirt, I think, she's worn. Look out for Arrow'd Guy!

Fun Facts

  • In addition to giving the full names of several shows, Matt and Mike refer to Tiny Toon Adventures, which featured young characters based on classic Looney Tunes characters, and Baby Looney Tunes, which featured younger versions of the classic characters. The latter first aired in 2001, not, by the Chaps' standards, "back in the day".
  • Tiny Toon Adventures, Flintstone Kids, A Pup Named Scooby Doo (A Pup Called Scooby Doo in the commentary), and Muppet Babies are all cartoons from the '80s-'90s fad of creating kid versions of popular cartoon characters.
  • Special Delivery Jones was one of the many aliases of Conrad Efraim, and Mike's recollection of Wrestlemania I is generous; the official match time of Jones's loss to Bundy was 9 seconds.
  • Boomerang is a TV station initially designed to showcase classic cartoons. The network has since added more recent shows from the '90s-present such as Dexter's Laboratory, hence the confusion over Baby Looney Tunes.

External Links

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