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Subtitles logo These are the English subtitles for the process. watch this toon
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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="sbemail79.swf" width="550" height="400">
  <line start="16" end="84" speaker="strongbad"><em>(singing)</em> My name is not Email Sam. Ooh ahh. So please don't call me Email Sam. Ooh ahh.</line>
  <line start="93" end="106" speaker="strongbad">"Dear Strong Bad,"</line>
  <line start="109" end="137" speaker="strongbad">"How long does it take to answer an e-mail?"</line>
  <line start="138" end="181" speaker="strongbad">"Can you show me the prosess-sess... sess?"</line>
  <line start="182" end="195" speaker="strongbad">"Em."</line>
  <line start="197" end="209" speaker="strongbad">Em?</line>
  <line start="210" end="243" speaker="strongbad">What's that supposed to stand for?</line>
  <line start="244" end="267" speaker="strongbad">Emerson?</line>
  <line start="268" end="296" speaker="strongbad">Embrodak?</line>
  <line start="297" end="301" speaker="strongbad">Em<span style="visibility:hidden">tarkanderundersgunderson?</span></line>
  <line start="302" end="306" speaker="strongbad">Emtar<span style="visibility:hidden">kanderundersgunderson?</span></line>
  <line start="307" end="309" speaker="strongbad">Emtarkan<span style="visibility:hidden">derundersgunderson?</span></line>
  <line start="310" end="314" speaker="strongbad">Emtarkander<span style="visibility:hidden">undersgunderson?</span></line>
  <line start="315" end="328" speaker="strongbad">Emtarkanderunders<span style="visibility:hidden">gunderson?</span></line>
  <line start="329" end="347" speaker="strongbad">Emtarkanderundersgunderson?</line>
  <line start="348" end="383" speaker="strongbad">Boy, you have some stupid and terrible names.</line>
  <line start="384" end="400" speaker="strongbad">Anyways.</line>
  <line start="401" end="429" speaker="strongbad">Show you the process, eh, Em?</line>
  <line start="430" end="451" speaker="strongbad">Sure, I can do dat.</line>
  <line start="452" end="503" speaker="strongbad">But I should warn you, it may spoil the magic for some of you out there.</line>
  <line start="504" end="581" speaker="strongbad">I strongly urge both the faint of heart and the faint of butt to leave the room at this time.</line>
  <line start="582" end="596" speaker="strongbad">So...</line>
  <line start="597" end="652" speaker="strongbad">Usually I try to start things off with a little song that somehow involves the word email.</line>
  <line start="653" end="680" speaker="strongbad">You know, like "I'm pronouncing, email!"</line>
  <line start="681" end="729" speaker="strongbad">Or like "Email, bu da ba doo dow!" Something like that.</line>
  <line start="730" end="816" speaker="strongbad">Then I pull up the email I picked for this week and read it, pointing out any and all spelling or grammatical errors along the way.</line>
  <line start="817" end="874" speaker="strongbad">Then, after I make fun of your name, I begin to answer your email.</line>
  <line start="875" end="896" speaker="strongbad">Generally, I like to start with,</line>
  <line start="897" end="931" speaker="strongbad">"Well, whoever, something something something."</line>
  <line start="932" end="953" speaker="strongbad">Or occassionally I switch it up with,</line>
  <line start="954" end="987" speaker="strongbad">"Something something, eh, whoever?"</line>
  <line start="988" end="1030" speaker="strongbad">Next, as I'm typing, you can usually click on certain words</line>
  <line start="1031" end="1065" speaker="strongbad">and make little pictures of dumb stuff pop up.</line>
  <line start="1092" end="1140" speaker="strongbad">Now we've reached the point where we cut away from the computer to some other scene.</line>
  <line start="1141" end="1202" speaker="strongbad">This is where some other character like Bubs or Coach Z gets a chance to shine.</line>
  <line start="1203" end="1251" speaker="strongbad">And if The Cheat's gonna make an appearance, this is usually where you'll see him.</line>
  <line start="1252" end="1281" speaker="bubs">Hey, Strong Bad! What's going on?</line>
  <line start="1282" end="1329" speaker="strongbad">Oh, I'm just showing the guys here how I go about answering my emails.</line>
  <line start="1330" end="1349" speaker="bubs">Right on, right on.</line>
  <line start="1350" end="1397" speaker="bubs">You gotten to the part where I tear off my shirt and start flexin',</line>
  <line start="1398" end="1428" speaker="bubs">much to the delight of all my ladyfans?</line>
  <line start="1429" end="1450" speaker="strongbad">Uhhh... no.</line>
  <line start="1451" end="1471" speaker="strongbad">That's never happened.</line>
  <line start="1472" end="1528" speaker="bubs">What about the part where I ride out waterskiing on two discount alligators,</line>
  <line start="1529" end="1549" speaker="bubs">much to the delight of all my...</line>
  <line start="1550" end="1583">
  <strongbad>Yeah, that's never happened either.</strongbad></line>
  <line start="1584" end="1624" speaker="bubs">Sounds like a pretty lame email show ya got here, Strong Bad.</line>
  <line start="1625" end="1642">
  <sfx>match striking</sfx>
  <strongbad>Whatever, man.</strongbad></line>
  <line start="1643" end="1652">
  <bubs>Ooh! Hot mama!</bubs></line>
  <line start="1652" end="1672">
  <bubs>Ooh! Hot mama!</bubs></line>
  <line start="1673" end="1700">
  <bubs>YEEOW! Hot bees!</bubs>
  <line start="1710" end="1715" sfx="sfx">geddup noise</line>
  <line start="1715" end="1734" speaker="strongbad">Then we cut back to the computer,</line>
  <line start="1735" end="1771" speaker="strongbad">where I either wrap things up or wind things down,</line>
  <line start="1772" end="1784" speaker="strongbad">depending on how funny the last part was.</line>
  <line start="1805" end="1822" speaker="strongbad">And that's it, Em.</line>
  <line start="1823" end="1850" speaker="strongbad">That's how we do things around here.</line>
  <line start="1851" end="1897" speaker="strongbad">Now you can answer emails like a true Strong Bad.</line>
  <line start="1897" end="1923" speaker="strongbad">Then right before the paper comes down,</line>
  <line start="1924" end="1957" speaker="strongbad">I usually mutter something... </line>
  <line start="1958" end="1989" speaker="strongbad" volume="0.9">under my breath...</line>
  <line start="1990" end="2021" speaker="strongbad" volume="0.9">about some girl named Beth.</line>
  <line start="2022" end="2036" speaker="thepaper">Preeeeow!</line>
  <line start="2188" end="2231" speaker="strongbad">Then sometimes, if you wait around for 10 or 15 seconds,</line>
  <line start="2232" end="2251" speaker="strongbad">something else happens.</line>
  <line start="2252" end="2302" speaker="homestar">You mean like me showing up to deliver a classic line?</line>
  <line start="2303" end="2312" speaker="strongbad">No,</line>
  <line start="2313" end="2352" speaker="strongbad">I mean like me throwing a discount brick at you.</line>
  <line start="2353" end="2362" speaker="sfx">fling</line>
  <line start="2363" end="2404">
  <homestar>Ohhh, discount brick!</homestar></line>
  <line start="2414" end="2426" speaker="sfx">radio tuning noise</line>
  <line start="2427" end="2456" speaker="announcer" voiceover="voiceover">Come on down to Discount Alligator.</line>
  <line start="2457" end="2476" speaker="announcer" voiceover="voiceover">Have we got a deal for you.</line>
  <line start="2477" end="2508" speaker="other" voiceover="voiceover">Open 7 days a week. Take interstate side to Exit Porter-B.</line>
  <line start="2509" end="2523" speaker="other" voiceover="voiceover">One mile south of Grandma Road.</line>
  <line start="2524" end="2544" speaker="other" voiceover="voiceover">Kids get in free. Don't laugh at my bald spot.</line>
  <line start="2545" end="2565" speaker="sfx">radio tuning noise</line>
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