Subtitles:sbemail203/en

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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="sbemail203.swf" width="550" height="400">
  <line start="12" end="33" speaker="sfx">sigh</line>
  <line start="40" end="104" speaker="strongbad"><em>Hey!</em> Who taped a full-color photo to my computer screen? It won't come off!</line>
  <line start="104" end="137" speaker="thecheat">The Cheat noises</line>
  <line start="138" end="174" speaker="strongbad"><em>What?</em> Those are actual graphics?</line>
  <line start="175" end="207" speaker="strongbad"><em>And</em> I can change it to be whatever I want??</line>
  <line start="210" end="259" speaker="strongbad"><em>(singing)</em> Oh, best thing ever, best thing ever, this is the best thing ever...</line>
  <line start="260" end="294" speaker="strongbad">To check my email, all I gotta do is click.</line>
  <line start="294" end="329" speaker="strongbad">All that old typin' made my boxing gloves sick.</line>
  <line start="333" end="349" speaker="strongbad">"Dear Strong Bad,"</line>
  <line start="350" end="393" speaker="strongbad">"Does Strong Badia ever host a hideous growth on my butt festival?"</line>
  <line start="394" end="425" speaker="strongbad">Er...wait. "...independent film festival?"</line>
  <line start="426" end="453" speaker="strongbad">Sorry about that. I get those two mixed up.</line>
  <line start="454" end="480" speaker="strongbad">Evil Moms choose Evil Gif.</line>
  <line start="481" end="498" speaker="strongbad">Phoeniz, Arixona.</line>
  <line start="500" end="533" speaker="strongbad">Well Gif, the short answer is no.</line>
  <line start="534" end="564" speaker="strongbad">The long answer is...<span style="visibility:hidden">NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!</span></line>
  <line start="565" end="623" speaker="strongbad">The long answer is...NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!</line>
  <line start="624" end="657" speaker="strongbad">Independent films are called that for a reason:</line>
  <line start="658" end="700" speaker="strongbad">They are <em>independent</em> of anything good.</line>
  <line start="704" end="784" speaker="strongbad">And these days, they seem to be locked in a civil war that will hopefully end in the extermination of both sides.</line>
  <line start="785" end="824" speaker="strongbad">I am, of course talking about independent films<span style="visibility:hidden"> vs. indie films.</span></line>
  <line start="825" end="836" speaker="strongbad">I am, of course talking about independent films vs.<span style="visibility:hidden"> indie films.</span></line>
  <line start="837" end="854" speaker="strongbad">I am, of course talking about independent films vs. indie films.</line>
  <line start="856" end="879" speaker="strongbad">"What's the diff?" you may ask.</line>
  <line start="880" end="901" speaker="strongbad"><em>(quickly)</em> Because apparently you're in a big hurry.</line>
  <line start="902" end="945" speaker="strongbad">Well, it's as plain as Strong Sad and Pom Pom!</line>
  <line start="945" end="960">
    <strongbad voiceover="voiceover">Strong Sad is on the independent film side.</strongbad>
    <pompom>bubbles</pompom>
  </line>
  <line start="961" end="984" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Strong Sad is on the independent film side.</line>
  <line start="985" end="1024" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">He's the lifer artist-type who went to film school.</line>
  <line start="1025" end="1072" speaker="strongsad">I minored in holding on wide shots for too long!</line>
  <line start="1104" end="1159" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">And he's making some <em>boring</em>, very personal, no budget film.</line>
  <line start="1162" end="1217" speaker="strongsad">Actually, I've succeeded in going <em>lower</em> than no budget!</line>
  <line start="1218" end="1265" speaker="strongsad">I'm making the world's first faux-budget film!</line>
  <line start="1266" end="1311" speaker="strongsad">The entire thing's being financed with Monopoly money!</line>
  <line start="1313" end="1333" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">And, best of luck to you.</line>
  <line start="1336" end="1378" speaker="strongbad">Pom Pom on the other hand, represents <em>indie</em> films.</line>
  <line start="1379" end="1449" speaker="strongbad">The slicker, catchier name they came up with that seems to perform better in the 18 to 24 demo.</line>
  <line start="1451" end="1493">
    <strongbad voiceover="voiceover">He's a tech-savvy hipster whose dad owns his own studio,</strongbad>
    <pompom>bubbles</pompom>
  </line>
  <line start="1494" end="1570">
    <strongbad voiceover="voiceover">and relies on using middle names and/or initials to somehow solidify his indie cred.</strongbad>
    <pompom>bubbles</pompom>
  </line>
  <line start="1571" end="1659" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">He'll spend his 30 million dollar budget trying as hard as he can to make it <em>look</em> like he only spent a few hundred thousand.</line>
  <line start="1660" end="1770" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">The first step is to spend millions on a hand-drawn title sequence that looks like it was made by some Junior High kid during Pre-Algebra.</line>
  <line start="1771" end="1830" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Oh, and don't forget the indie soundtrack by unknown bands,</line>
  <line start="1831" end="1869" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">whose songs are already in every car commercial ever.</line>
  <line start="1870" end="1930" speaker="singer">Gets really great gas mileage!</line>
  <line start="1930" end="2017" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">The title of the movie is either two of the cleverly named main characters, or the city and state in which it takes place.</line>
  <line start="2018" end="2036" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Ooh, in fact, just call it <span style="visibility:hidden">city comma state.</span></line>
  <line start="2037" end="2057" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Ooh, in fact, just call it city comma state.</line>
  <line start="2073" end="2141" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Meanwhile, Strong Sad names his movie by picking a few boring words from the middle of a boring sentence,</line>
  <line start="2142" end="2162" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">and makes his own soundtrack <span style="visibility:hidden">by weeping softly into the wrong end of a saxophone.</span></line>
  <line start="2163" end="2179" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">and makes his own soundtrack by weeping softly<span style="visibility:hidden"> into the wrong end of a saxophone.</span></line>
  <line start="2180" end="2203" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">and makes his own soundtrack by weeping softly into the wrong end of a saxophone.</line>
  <line start="2203" end="2254">
     <strongsad sfx="sfx">sobbing</strongsad>
     <sfx>light bass noise</sfx>
  </line>
  <line start="2255" end="2338">
     <strongbad voiceover="voiceover">His film will star a washed-up TV actor that hasn't worked in ten years, in a desperate attempt to reinvent himself.</strongbad>
     <strongsad sfx="sfx">sobbing</strongsad>
     <sfx>light bass noise</sfx>
  </line>
  <line start="2339" end="2366">
     <homestar>Hey, whadaya lookin' at me for?</homestar>
     <sfx>record scratch</sfx>
  </line>
  <line start="2367" end="2429" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Pom Pom's movie has A-list movie stars, but they're all working "for scale".</line>
  <line start="2430" end="2506" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Which I can only assume is a solid gold scale, with both sides <em>perfectly</em> balanced with gold bricks.</line>
  <line start="2507" end="2572" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">As for what it's about, an indie film's plot is pretty much the same as any summer blockbuster,</line>
  <line start="2574" end="2616" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">but just switch out any mention of the word "space" with, <span style="visibility:hidden">"small factory town,"</span></line>
  <line start="2617" end="2640" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">but just switch out any mention of the word "space" with, "small factory town,"</line>
  <line start="2641" end="2664" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">replace "aliens" with <span style="visibility:hidden">"quirky, dysfunctional family,"</span></line>
  <line start="2665" end="2692" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">replace "aliens" with "quirky, dysfunctional family,"</line>
  <line start="2693" end="2717" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">And replace "voyage" with<span style="visibility:hidden"> "journey."</span></line>
  <line start="2718" end="2733" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">And replace "voyage" with "journey."</line>
  <line start="2735" end="2836" speaker="announcer" voiceover="voiceover">In the dead of a small factory town, dealing with your quirky, dysfunctional family is the <em>easiest</em> part of the journey.</line>
  <line start="2840" end="2902" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Once finished, Strong Sad's independent film will enjoy a small, art house opening.</line>
  <line start="2903" end="2932" speaker="strongsad">You forgot the apostrophe s!</line>
  <line start="2932" end="2974" speaker="strongsad">This film is opening at this guy called <em>Art's</em> house!</line>
  <line start="2975" end="3007" speaker="strongsad">He's got like <em>three</em> couches!</line>
  <line start="3008" end="3025" speaker="strongsad">Ou-tta-sight!</line>
  <line start="3026" end="3046" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">And, best of luck to you.</line>
  <line start="3046" end="3101" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Pom Pom's little movie that could, opens on 2,000 screens the first weekend,</line>
  <line start="3102" end="3129" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">expanding to 10,000 the next.</line>
  <line start="3130" end="3173" speaker="strongbad">And wouldn'tcha know it? This movie was <em>sooo</em> cheap to make,</line>
  <line start="3174" end="3243" speaker="strongbad">that he still has money left over to take out full page ads in all the trade papers during award season!</line>
  <line start="3244" end="3276" speaker="strongbad">That movie is all heart.</line>
  <line start="3283" end="3335" speaker="strongbad">There you have it, Evil Jeff. The difference between a hideous growth on my butt,</line>
  <line start="3336" end="3368" speaker="strongbad">and a <em>profitable</em> hideous growth on my butt.</line>
  <line start="3373" end="3449" speaker="strongbad">I know you wanted us to have some film festival with all the characters, and you'd get to see little bits of everybody's movies.</line>
  <line start="3450" end="3463" speaker="strongbad">But I didn't do that.</line>
  <line start="3467" end="3486" speaker="strongbad">Because I hate you.</line>
  <line start="3487" end="3522" speaker="strongbad">OOOoooooooo!! Now who's evil?</line>
  <line start="3523" end="3560" speaker="strongbad">Forget GIFs, man. I'm an evil tif!</line>
  <line start="3561" end="3610" speaker="strongbad">Or maybe an evil 24-bit ping with alpha channel.</line>
  <line start="3610" end="3654" speaker="strongbad">Or maybe an evil...targa file?</line>
  <line start="3657" end="3677" speaker="strongbad">Whatever those are.</line>
  <line start="3680" end="3699" speaker="compe-per">Ah-ha!</line>
  <line start="3700" end="3750" speaker="strongbad">Whoa! Looks like I've gone... The Paper-less with this new computer.</line>
  <line start="3751" end="3782" speaker="strongbad">Can I at least customize that sound it makes?</line>
  <line start="3785" end="3799" speaker="compe-per">Preeeow!</line>
  <line start="3800" end="3826" speaker="strongbad"><em>That's</em> what I'm talking about!</line>
  <line start="3834" end="3901" speaker="homestar">I just... don't think I can handle... eating this... asparagus.</line>
  <line start="3901" end="3921" speaker="strongsad">Cut, cut!</line>
  <line start="3922" end="3977" speaker="homestar">What was wrong with that take? I mean, whaddya expect for two pinks and a green?</line>
  <line start="3978" end="4059" speaker="homestar">I'm not... Bernardo Ralph Shawn, you know. Sounds like he'd be some type of famous actor.</line>
  <line start="4068" end="4156" speaker="announcer">In the dead of space... dealing with aliens is the easiest part of the voyage.</line>
</transcript>