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Subtitles logo These are the English subtitles for alternate universe. watch this toon
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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
 <transcript language="English" file="sbemail150.swf" width="550" height="400">
  <line start="17" end="80"><sfx>guitar accompaniment</sfx><strongbad>I've been walkin' on clouds and flippin' off rainbows...</strongbad></line>
  <line start="81" end="150"><sfx>guitar accompaniment</sfx><strongbad>...on the wiiiiiiiiiiings of an emaiiiiiiiil!</strongbad></line>
  <line start="172" end="182" speaker="strongbad">Thanks, man.</line>
  <line start="183" end="198" speaker="strongsad">No prob, Bob.</line>
  <line start="212" end="247" speaker="strongbad">"Dear Strong Bad, Got some question marks for you:"</line>
  <line start="248" end="288" speaker="strongbad">"Number one. What would you do with a hundred million dollars?"</line>
  <line start="289" end="355" speaker="strongbad">"Number two. What would you do if you suddenly found yourself in an alternate universe somehow?"</line>
  <line start="356" end="384" speaker="strongbad">"Jody (not a girl), Texas"</line>
  <line start="387" end="419" speaker="strongbad">Ya know, you could probably ditch that "not a girl" thing,</line>
  <line start="420" end="463" speaker="strongbad">if you just replaced it with something tough and cool and kool and tuff.</line>
  <line start="467" end="530" speaker="strongbad">Like "Bulldozer". Jody "Bulldozer". Nobody's gonna think that guy's a girl.</line>
  <line start="534" end="596" speaker="strongbad">Well Ms. Dozer, you pretty much answered question mark number one with question mark number two.</line>
  <line start="597" end="657" speaker="strongbad">Cuz a hundred million dollars is exactly how much The Cheat spent on our alternate universe portal.</line>
  <line start="658" end="671" speaker="strongbad">Isn't that right, The Cheat?</line>
  <line start="672" end="691" speaker="thecheat">The Cheat noises</line>
  <line start="692" end="726" speaker="strongbad">What? This thing only cost us fourteen bucks?</line>
  <line start="727" end="732" speaker="thecheat">The Cheat noise</line>
  <line start="733" end="786" speaker="strongbad">Well, that's like a hundred million dollars in... dog years, right?</line>
  <line start="787" end="794" speaker="thecheat">The Cheat noise</line>
  <line start="795" end="824" speaker="strongbad">All right! Mash go on that blender!</line>
  <line start="861" end="908" speaker="strongbad">Whoa-ho-ho! Swirly Photoshop magic!</line>
  <line start="909" end="956" speaker="strongbad">I bet this thing could release some serious Cacodemons.</line>
  <line start="957" end="986" speaker="strongbad">So... what? I— I just jump in?</line>
  <line start="987" end="998" speaker="thecheat">The Cheat noises</line>
  <line start="999" end="1024" speaker="strongbad">Ohbee Kaybee! Jump!</line>
  <line start="1044" end="1064" speaker="announcer">In a bulding...</line>
  <line start="1078" end="1094" speaker="strongbad">Whoa! Where am I?</line>
  <line start="1100" end="1142" speaker="strongbadman">STINY! We have a visitor from an alternate universe!</line>
  <line start="1144" end="1189" speaker="strongbad">It's Strong Badman! And his well drawn abs!</line>
  <line start="1193" end="1249" speaker="strongbad">But... why are we in a crappy apartment instead of a secret underground lair...</line>
  <line start="1250" end="1275" speaker="strongbad">...filled with secret underground gadgets?</line>
  <line start="1277" end="1316" speaker="strongbadman">Because mere mortal... this apartment... </line>
  <line start="1317" end="1362"><strongbadman> rent controlled!</strongbadman> <sfx>thunderclap</sfx></line>
  <line start="1363" end="1389" speaker="strongbadman">And... water's included.</line>
  <line start="1395" end="1418" speaker="strongbad">Is that why all your faucets are running?</line>
  <line start="1421" end="1483" speaker="strongbadman">Mu-hu-ha-ha-hah! Those dimwits down at the public works won't know what hit them!</line>
  <line start="1486" end="1528" speaker="strongbad">So, that's your evil plan? To waste water?</line>
  <line start="1530" end="1554" speaker="strongbadman">And not pay for it!!</line>
  <line start="1558" end="1607" speaker="strongbad">I gotta tell ya, Strong Badman... this part of your comic is pretty boring.</line>
  <line start="1608" end="1644" speaker="strongbad">I'm gonna see what's going on further down the page. Jump!</line>
  <line start="1660" end="1684" speaker="strongbad">Oh! Now we're talkin'!</line>
  <line start="1686" end="1702" speaker="strongbadman">You're not kidding!</line>
  <line start="1704" end="1713" speaker="strongbad">Wha?</line>
  <line start="1714" end="1768" speaker="strongbadman">Now we have expanded basic cable... stolen from my neighbor!</line>
  <line start="1773" end="1839" speaker="strongbad">Who's writing this issue? The geniuses behind She-Hulk? The Cheat!</line>
  <line start="1841" end="1871" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">A little frappé action, if you please.</line>
  <line start="1872" end="1881" speaker="thecheat">The Cheat noise</line>
  <line start="1902" end="1931" speaker="strongbadman">STINY! Keep flushing those toilets!</line>
  <line start="1935" end="2003" speaker="oldstrongbad">Yes, and for my next parlor trick, I shan't make anything appear!</line>
  <line start="2009" end="2030"><strongbad>Oh. H-hi.</strongbad> <sfx>crowd boos</sfx></line>
  <line start="2031" end="2086"><oldstrongbad>You brightly-colored baboon! You've ruined my vaudeville!</oldstrongbad> <sfx>crowd boos</sfx></line>
  <line start="2090" end="2122" speaker="strongbad">Ah! Shades of gray tomatoes!</line>
  <line start="2146" end="2176" speaker="strongbad">What is up, my enormous vector brother?</line>
  <line start="2177" end="2193" speaker="vectorsb">Hellote.</line>
  <line start="2194" end="2230" speaker="strongbad">So, uh... what do you do for fun around here?</line>
  <line start="2231" end="2251" speaker="vectorsb">I splo stuff up.</line>
  <line start="2252" end="2267" speaker="strongbad">Whoa, that's pretty cool.</line>
  <line start="2268" end="2298" speaker="stinkoman">Hey, guys! How's challenges?</line>
  <line start="2299" end="2318" speaker="vectorsb">What it is, my doge?</line>
  <line start="2319" end="2338" speaker="strongbad">Whoa, you two know each other?</line>
  <line start="2339" end="2385" speaker="stinkoman">Oh, totally sure! He's my training simulator!</line>
  <line start="2388" end="2399" speaker="stinkoman">Check it out!</line>
  <line start="2400" end="2454">
       <strongbad sfx="sfx" volume="0.8">various grunting</strongbad>
       <stinkoman sfx="sfx" volume="0.8">various grunting</stinkoman>
  <line start="2458" end="2479" speaker="stinkoman">Nice work, big nose!</line>
  <line start="2480" end="2491" speaker="strongbad">Big nose?</line>
  <line start="2492" end="2502" speaker="stinkoman">Your nose!</line>
  <line start="2504" end="2519" speaker="vectorsb">Level 2.</line>
  <line start="2522" end="2534"><strongbad>Uh-oh!</strongbad> <stinkoman>Uh-oh!</stinkoman></line>
  <line start="2563" end="2615" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">And so, both Strong Bads entered the 'Dig To China With Your Ears Contest.'</line>
  <line start="2619" end="2686" speaker="strongbad">This is just about... the second or third to worst contest I ever heard of.</line>
  <line start="2693" end="2707" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">The contest began!!</line>
  <line start="2708" end="2740" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">And tiny-handed Strong Bad rubbed his head on the ground...</line>
  <line start="2741" end="2775" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">while our Modern Day Hero maxed and relaxed.</line>
  <line start="2777" end="2813"><bookstrongbad>I struck it rich!</bookstrongbad> <strongbad voiceover="voiceover">said T.H.S.B.</strongbad></line>
  <line start="2814" end="2848" speaker="bookstrongbad">A giant mug of frosty root beer!</line>
  <line start="2849" end="2915" speaker="oldstrongbad">Zounds! A sarsparilla swimming hole! Last one in's a freemason!</line>
  <line start="2919" end="2935" speaker="oldstrongbad">Jump!</line>
  <line start="2950" end="2970" speaker="keyboard">plays demo music</line>
  <line start="3112" end="3130" speaker="teenagestrongbad">Stripèd pants.</line>
  <line start="3145" end="3192" speaker="strongbad"><em>(somewhat distorted)</em> The Cheat! Cool out on the liquefy button, man!</line>
  <line start="3196" end="3242" speaker="homestar">I'm trying to make me a real fruit smoothie here!</line>
  <line start="3244" end="3272" speaker="homestar">Any of you guys got any bee pollen?</line>
  <line start="3285" end="3333" speaker="strongbad">Homestar! Quit messing with my alternate universe portal!</line>
  <line start="3334" end="3397" speaker="homestar">I'm trying to replenish some electrolytes, if you don't mind!</line>
  <line start="3416" end="3487" speaker="strongbad">Wow. Just look at all these Strong Bad-related faces. What an all-star cast!</line>
  <line start="3491" end="3539" speaker="strongbad">What say we all form a supergroup and record a number one jam?</line>
  <line start="3540" end="3571"><all sfx="sfx">groan</all> <stinkoman>I guess...</stinkoman><oldstrongbad>If we must...</oldstrongbad></line>
  <line start="3573" end="3659" speaker="strongbad">There's a crazy world of emails in this crazy world.</line>
  <line start="3662" end="3700" speaker="strongbad">Checkin' 'em down, checkin' 'em down...</line>
  <line start="3701" end="3744" speaker="stinkoman">I hope it's from a girrrrrrrl!</line>
  <line start="3745" end="3825" speaker="all">Save the last email for Strong Bad!</line>
  <line start="3826" end="3868" speaker="cardgage">Let the little children go.</line>
  <line start="3869" end="3905" speaker="vectorsb">I hope they don't a splode.</line>
  <line start="3913" end="3957" speaker="all">Save the last email for Strong Bad...</line>
  <line start="3958" end="4000" speaker="oldstrongbad">Save the last email for Strong Bad!</line>
  <line start="4001" end="4043" speaker="hudge">Save the last email for meeee...</line>
  <line start="4044" end="4083"><hudge>Save the last email for meeee...</hudge><strongbadman>Save the last email!</strongbadman></line>
  <line start="4084" end="4117" speaker="strongbad">All my Strong Bad doppelgängers represent.</line>
  <line start="4128" end="4170" speaker="strongbad">Sesquicentenn-email, two thousand five.</line>
  <line start="4181" end="4195" speaker="strongbad">I-I mean six.</line>
  <line start="4227" end="4240" speaker="thepaper">Preeeeow!</line>
  <line start="4335" end="4354" speaker="homestar"><em>(distorted voice)</em> Coach Z,</line>
  <line start="4360" end="4409" speaker="homestar">if you're not going to eat</line>
  <line start="4409" end="4445" speaker="homestar">that eyeball pear...</line>
  <line start="4445" end="4480"><homestar sfx="sfx">ahem</homestar><homestar><em>(normal voice)</em> I suggest you give it to someone who will.</homestar></line>
  <line start="4485" end="4515" speaker="coachz">I don't know what's going on, Homestar,</line>
  <line start="4515" end="4565" speaker="coachz">but I'm not at liberty to discuss what I just did in my pants!</line>
  <line start="4588" end="4650" speaker="strongbad">Wow, a fishing trip with Senor Cardgage! My life is complete.</line>
  <line start="4652" end="4691" speaker="cardgage">Alonzo Mourning to you, Myrtlebeth.</line>
  <line start="4691" end="4722" speaker="cardgage">Say hello to my tackle box.</line>
  <line start="4725" end="4767" speaker="strongbad">Hello there, tacklebox. I'm such a big fan.</line>
  <line start="4770" end="4816" speaker="cardgage">Well, if you could just sign right here on the dotty line,</line>
  <line start="4816" end="4844" speaker="cardgage">the adaption will be complete.</line>
  <line start="4846" end="4866" speaker="strongbad">You're gonna adopt me?</line>
  <line start="4888" end="4903" speaker="strongbad">Aw, man!</line>
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