Strong Badia the Free Responses (Bleak House)

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Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People has many responses when you talk to various characters and interact with various objects. These are the responses from House of Strong in Strong Badia the Free.

On these pages, A → B (right arrow) means that the response happens when object A is used on thing B, or in the case of talking to other characters, the indicated sequence of chat topic icons are chosen.


A short horizontal line between two or more responses, such as the one above, means only one of the responses is heard at a time, and that the action results in a different response each time it occurs.


Contents

Basement

Couch

STRONG BAD: The couch is in pretty bad shape. I gotta stop sleeping so hard.

Couch Stuffing

STRONG BAD: Aw man, I knocked the stuffing out of the couch again. {takes stuffing} I gotta stop having those dreams where I'm trapped in an elevator with milkmaid Homestar.

Television

DOCUMENTARY NARRATOR: ...part 8 of our 24-part series on the history of salt...
Only while under house arrest
DOCUMENTARY NARRATOR: ...tanks from the 23rd and 48th batallion were flanked by tanks from the enemies' 56th batallion. It was then that General Smedfordshire revealed his secret weapon: a slightly larger tank.
STRONG BAD: And we only get the History Unleashed channel! This is torture!
Only after annexing The Cheat and Tirerea.
TELEVISION ANNOUNCER: Now the long national nightmare is over, thanks to one charismatic leader. Strong Bad, your star is on the rise! {Strong Bad chuckles silently}
Only after annexing Country.
TELEVISION ANNOUNCER: Dateline: Country! Once a proud land filled with proud person, this developing nation now waves a new flag: the Strong Badian empire's.
Only after annexing Bleak House.
TELEVISION ANNOUNCER: Better luck next time, dough boy!
Only after annexing Pompomerania.
TELEVISION ANNOUNCER: Pompomerania, jewel of the east! And now that jewel is in Strong Bad's crown, as he's bounced into their heathen land and showed them how our boys do things back home!
Only after annexing the Homsar Reservation.
TELEVISION ANNOUNCER: Welcome to the 20th century, Homsar! "Raised by a cup of coffee" indeed!

Trogdor Game

STRONG BAD: Trogdor continues to torment me with his brokenness and not-workingosity!

Bathroom

Mirror

STRONG BAD: Hey! who put the Muscleface 2 movie poster up in the bathroom? Uh...oh wait! It's just my reflection!

STRONG BAD: Who's the star of this game? That's right, you are!

Red Towel

STRONG BAD: Strong Sad's old security blanket, Strong Mad's new {retches} "athletic region" towel. {takes towel}

Shower

STRONG BAD: Sparkling clean. Must have been Obsessio Depressio's turn to clean the bathroom this week.
STRONG SAD: {Peeks in} It's my turn EVERY week!

Sink

STRONG BAD: I stopped looking through these cabinets after I found Strong Mad's tube of {disgustedly} below-the-belt paste. {Gets a small case of the jibblies}

Strong Mad's Room

STRONG BAD: Strong Mad's room has been off-limits ever since that crate of bug bombs "mysteriously" went off inside his closet. It should be all cleared out in about a month, though.

Toilet

STRONG BAD: Ah, toilet humor.

STRONG BAD: Oh, potty humor.

STRONG BAD: Uh, commode humor.

Computer Room

Calendar

STRONG BAD: Gotta remember this date: the worst day in the whimsical history of wrongful imprisonment.

STRONG BAD: Today, I take over the world! {pronounced woild}

Drawing

Before escaping house arrest
{cut to close up view of drawing}
STRONG BAD: Stupid King of stupid Town.
After escaping
{cut to close up view of drawing}
STRONG BAD: You, like so many others, will soon learn what it means to cross the Strong Bad.

Floppy Disks

STRONG BAD: The complete suite of Edgarware anti-spam, anti-virus, anti-malware, anti-mail, anti-productivity, and antidisestablishmentarianism software.

Light Switch

STRONG BAD: {Strong Bad turns the lights off, and then back on} Intriguing.

STRONG BAD: {Strong Bad turns the lights off, and then back on} Not so intruguing.

Look at Yard

While under house arrest
{cut to exterior view, Strong Bad looking out the window over The Cheat, Homestar, Marzipan, Strong Mad and Coach Z. An effigy of the King of Town stands in front of them, consisting of a white globe mounted on a short pole in the ground bearing the sign "King of Town". A pile of Creamy Dings lies at the base}
STRONG BAD: What are you guys doing here? Can't you see I've got enough troubles? I'm a political prisoner!
MARZIPAN: {holding her guitar, Carol} That's why we're here, Strong Bad. This is a peaceful protest rally.
STRONG BAD: Peaceful?!
STRONG MAD: FREE STRONG BAD!
COACH Z: {holding a sign which reads "KOT = JRK"} No taxin' without representin'!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Save the bats!
MARZIPAN: I ven wrote you a protest song! {plays the guitar and sings} C'mon everybody now, can't you hear the wind blow? We don't like the King of Town makin' people's heads explode.
STRONG BAD: Ahh! Cruel and unusual!
After escaping from house arrest
STRONG BAD: At least it's finally quiet out there, and relatively stank-free.

Plug

STRONG BAD: I can't unplug the Lappy. It takes five to seven business days to fully charge the battery. Lappy don't charge on weekends.

Random Shouts

Things heard shouted by the protesters outside (also heard when Strong Bad is looking out the window)
HOMESTAR RUNNER: No blood for creamy dings!

COACH Z: No taxin' without representin'!

COACH Z: Free Strong Bad!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {chanting} I want a soda!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Save the bats!

STRONG MAD: FREE STRONG BAD!

STRONG MAD: LET MY PEOPLE GO!

Rave Switch

STRONG BAD: {robotically} Prepare yourself, test commencing.
{Camera zooms in and out, light effects and sound clip from techno play}
STRONG BAD: {robotically} I didn't prepare myself.

Sign

STRONG BAD: I really gotta update that sign with something more forceful... but, eh, that sounds like too much work.

Stooly

STRONG BAD: Ah, my trusty steed. Stooly, I'd ride you into email battle any day.

Kitchen

Dead Plant

STRONG BAD: {zoom in on Charlemagne} Strong Sad's suicidal houseplant. If only we had read his journal, we might have seen the signs...

Lighter → Dead Plant

STRONG BAD: I can't cremate Charlemagne! His license says he's an organ donor.

Fridge

STRONG BAD: {zoom in on Strong Bad opening the fridge} I love how the fridge smells like rotting vegetables, when there's never been a vegetable in it. {closes the fridge}

Cereal

STRONG BAD: {finds the eye patch}

STRONG BAD: {zoom in on the cereal box} Cheat Commandos-Os are a delicious part of this ridiculous breakfast.

Laundry Room

Dryer

First time only
STRONG BAD: {finds camouflage pants} I knew if I ran them in the dryer a few hundred times, they'd shrink down to my size.

STRONG BAD: The emperor's new clothes just need to tumble dry. Then I can put them on.

Pennants

STRONG BAD: Those are pennants from various academic institutions, unaccredited and discredited alike.

Pillow

STRONG BAD: A big fat pillow filled with big fat dust mites. {takes pillow}.

Washer

STRONG BAD: The key to surviving in prison is to not hang out in the laundry room for too long. Or Shiv City, as I like to call it.

Living Room

Carpet

{The first time Strong Bad walks over the carpet only}
STRONG BAD: Few can withstand the otherwordly horror of Ugrug: the world's ugliest rug.

Smoke Detector

Lighter → Smoke Detector

STRONG BAD: {sets fire to the smoke detector}

STRONG BAD: {zoom in on the burning smoke detector} To be fair, that fire's not actually smoking.

Window

STRONG BAD: {zoom in on the window} Aw, man. Of all the weeks I could've picked to install steel bars on all the ground floor windows. At least it stopped Strong Mad's sleepwalking.

Lighter → Window

{First time only}
STRONG BAD: {receives Teen Girl Squad idea}

Plaque (Horse)

STRONG BAD: How come none of the Dutch Masters ever worked in the medium of wood-burny-on-tree-slice?

Plaque (Dog)

STRONG BAD: {Walks back and forth, watching the plaque} I don't like the way that hush puppy's eyes follow me when I walk around.

Looking at Yard

Invisible Fence

STRONG BAD: {cut to view of fence blocking front door} I'm a-gonna have to get rid of that fence before I become a sickly pale shut-in like Strong Sad.
STRONG SAD: {opens the front door} Pallor to the people! {closes door}

King of Town effigy

{close view of the base of the effigy, surrounded by Creamy Dings, slow pan up, revealing a plain pole bearing the sign "King of Town" and a plain white styrofoam sphere on top}
STRONG BAD: {sarcastically} Wow, Marzipan, you've outdone yourself this time. You really nailed the eyes. It's like I'm staring into the King's beer-battered soul.

Couch Stuffing → Effigy

STRONG BAD: The King's ridiculous-looking beard that's supposed to hide his lack of jawline: Check.
The following dialogue occurs after the first inventory item is used on the effigy, regardless of order
STRONG BAD: Hey, The Cheat, what's red and fat and smells like rancid meatloaf?
THE CHEAT: Mezeh meh?
STRONG BAD: No, the other thing!
THE CHEAT: Meh, meh!
{The Cheat runs towards the effigy (off-screen) and a banging noise is heard. Afterward, cut to the effigy showing the new item added}

Paper Crown → Effigy

STRONG BAD: Stupid crown that gets the King all up in my grill actin' like he owns the place or somethin': Check.
{The Cheat runs towards the effigy (off-screen) and a banging noise is heard. Afterward, cut to the effigy showing the new item added}

Pillow → Effigy

STRONG BAD: The King's morbid obesity: Check.
{The Cheat runs towards the effigy (off-screen) and a banging noise is heard. Afterward, cut to the effigy showing the new item added}

Red Towel → Effigy

STRONG BAD: Royal Robe in size "husky": Check.
{The Cheat runs towards the effigy (off-screen) and a banging noise is heard. Afterward, cut to the effigy showing the new item added}
The following dialogue occurs after the last of the inventory items is used on the effigy, regardless of order.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, hello King of Town!
COACH Z: It's him! That's the guy! Burn 'im up!
STRONG MAD: BURN THE KING!
MARZIPAN: Oh well. Take him out, boys!
{cut to ground up view of The Cheat, Strong Mad, Homestar and Coach Z. The Cheat smiles, pulls out a lighter, lights it, and walks off screen towards the effigy. Cut to a wide shot of the effigy, which bursts into flames and disappears. The two ends of the invisible fence do the same in turn. Cut to a shot of Strong Bad through the window}
STRONG BAD: Sweet recently divorced lady freedom! {he removes the collar and holds it up in the air, it then bursts into flames and disappears} Onward to Strong Badia! Strong Badia, the Free!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey, that's the name of thi—
STRONG BAD: Shut up!
{fade out. fade in on Strong Badia. Strong Bad and The Cheat stand before an audience of Homestar, Marzipan, Pom Pom, Strong Mad, Coach Z and Strong Sad}
STRONG BAD: Friends and losers, my long incarceration has taught me that we can never be truly free until we reject the fat-thority of The King of Town. Hencetoforthwith, I shall only refer to him as, "The of Town". As of today, Strong Badia is it's own independent nation!
{all gasp}
STRONG BAD: The Cheat, if you will...
{The Cheat is shown behind the fence, mashing play on a boom box, organ chords begin to play. Cut to Strong Bad, who stands in front of a Strong Badian flag which fills the whole view}
STRONG BAD: We should all live in a place where we are free! Free to pick our friends! Free to pick our noses! And most importantly, free to pick our friends' noses! {Strong Badian national anthem begins} That's why I, Strong Bad of the Might Tighty Whities, declare war on The of Town! Who's with me?! {blowing wind is heard, cut to a wide shot of Strong Badia, where now only Strong Bad and The Cheat remain} Where'd everybody go?
THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}
STRONG BAD: Seceded!? They can't do that! I'm the only one who gets his own country!

Mailbox

STRONG BAD: Hmm, I guess I could wait for an eviction notice. That would get me out of the house.

Package

STRONG BAD: Man, ain't that always the way. The one day an interesting package comes in the mail, is the day you get put under house arrest for tax evasion.

Protestors

Protestors → Fence

STRONG BAD: Are you losers gonna just stand around losing, or help me get past that fence?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: That would be illegal!
COACH Z: I can't go back to the joint again, man! I ain't goin'!
MARZIPAN: {zoom in on pile of Creamy Dings at the base of the effigy} We started a collection to help pay your back taxes. You're welcome!

STRONG BAD: Any ideas how I can break house arrest and get past that fence?
MARZIPAN: No, but I've got some great ideas for things you can do indoors. Build a birdhouse, make a rabbit lean-to, construct a beetle pagoda—
STRONG BAD: Any ideas don't involve me wanting to blow my brains out?
MARZIPAN: Hmm. Probably not.

STRONG BAD: {whiny} I'm never gonna get out of this house!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Don't worry, we'll be here every day for you unil you're released, singing songs 'bout freedom and compression!
STRONG BAD: {camera slowly zooms out and up into the sky away from Strong Bad} Noooooo!

Protestors → Effigy

STRONG BAD: Why'd you bring that ugly, misshapen stick?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: She organized the protest rally!
STRONG BAD: Not Marzipan! {softly} Though that's a pretty good one, gotta remember that. {speaking normally} I'm talking 'bout that stick dangerously close to the invisible fence.
COACH Z: That's our orfigy of the King of Town! Er, arfigy. RPG. First person shooter!
STRONG BAD: Effigy? That looks nothing like the King of Town.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, Marzipan made us take all that stuff off.
MARZIPAN: Right, Homestar. We're protesting the actions of the King of Town, not the man himself.
STRONG MAD: FIGHT THE POWER!
COACH Z: We was gonna burn it, but after lookin' at that pathetic thing, our hearts just ain't in it. We want to fry up the King of Town, not Stickball Jackson.

STRONG BAD: Shouldn't you all be putting a torch to that quote-unquote effigy?
COACH Z: Eh. It's just a stick. Can't really get into protestin' a simple stick.

Protestors → No King of Town

STRONG BAD: Man, this is so unfair. I gotta write an angry letter to my doughy congressman.
MARZIPAN: Didn't you see the warning message about the new e-mail tax?
STRONG BAD: {imitating Marzipan} No, I didn't see the warning message about the new e-mail tax. {speaking normally} All messages from the King of Town get intercepted with extreme prejudice by my idiot filter.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: But I sent you all kinds of reminder e-mails!
STRONG BAD: Idiot filter.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: But I sent you all kinds of reminder e-mails!
STRONG BAD: Idiot— nevermind.

STRONG BAD: My people, we can no longer suffer under the invisible boot of this power-mad tyrant. A call to arms! Who's with me?
STRONG MAD: {shakes his fist in the air} STRONG MAD!
COACH Z: {raises his hand} Me!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {looks at his sides} I suppose you think you're really funny!

Outside

Strong Bad Emails

STRONG BAD: {singing} I don't know but I've been told, E-mail's best when it don't scroll!
{Strong Bad pronounces "dont" as dahnt and "youd" as ya-ood}
STRONG BAD: Well, Roytee, it goes without saying that I'd be a better ruler than the King of Town. {clears screen} But seriously, who wants that job? Stuck in a castle all day, stuck making dumb laws, probably stuck in the bathtub... no thanks, man. {cut to over the shoulder shot of Strong Bad} And the King of Town's mostly harmless. Sure he's stupid looking, {cut to drawing of the King of Town on a sheet of notebook paper, his Dumb Crown, Cheesy Beard, Stupid Red Robe and Fatness are labelled} as this scientific diagram illustrates, but he stays out of my business, and that lazy faire approach to government is a welcome alternative. {Strong Bad looks at the camera} Ooh, I think I'd like to the lazy fair.
THE KING OF TOWN: {standing in the doorway, theme music begins to play} Aha! Caught you red gloved-ed.
STRONG BAD: The King of Town?! How'd you get in here?
THE KING OF TOWN: In flagrant disregard of my new e-mail tax, eh? One Creamy Ding snack cake for every e-mail sent or received!
STRONG BAD: {cut to Strong Bad} E-mail tax?! {zoom in} Flagrant?! {zoom in} Creamy ... {zoom in} Ding?!
THE KING OF TOWN: Oh, so you refuse to pay? Poopsmith, administer the collar of obedience!
{The Poopsmith climbs in through the window, wearing the municipality armor and clubs Strong Bad off of Stooly to the floor}
STRONG BAD: What are you doing?! Hey, cut that out! {overlapping} Ow! My freedom!
THE KING OF TOWN: You are under house arrest. You have the right to bribe me. {cut to Strong Bad, who is now wearing a metal collar with a flashing red light} Anything you offer will be eaten by me whether cooked or raw. {cut to exterior shot of front door, showing a pulsating electronic security gate, bearing matching lights to Strong Bad's collar} Try walking past that fence downstairs, and blammo! Hope you weren't attached to that head. And one more thing, {The King of Town takes and eats Strong Bad's map from the previous game}
STRONG BAD: My map! I need that!
THE KING OF TOWN: This'll make sure you stay put until you can pay up! Now let's ride, Poopsmith! Gotta go collect on my new Pour-a-Bag-of-Jellybeans-Down-My-Gullet tax! {The King of Town exits. The Poopsmith follows, crouching behind his shield and walking backwards out of the room}
STRONG BAD: House arrest? Aw man, this is the worse thing to happen to my style in a long line of bad things happening to my style. I gotta find a way outta here, and give that uncharacteristically oppresive King of Town a serious mustache pounding.

Strong Bad's Room

Trophy Case

First time only
STRONG BAD: My crown from Blubb-O's. {takes crown} Why did they ever stop making the Jalapeno 'n' King Snake Meat Double Deluxe? Why?!

STRONG BAD: This is where I usually keep all my trophies and awards, but, uh... they're all out a ceremony right now, getting trophies for being such good awards.

Videlectrix Poster

STRONG BAD: Ahh! My wall is exploding with video games! Nyaow! Nyaow! Nyaow!

Dangeresque 3 Poster

STRONG BAD: I probably could have finished Dangeresque 3 by now if I hadn't spent so much time working on that teaser poster. Pretty good likeness of the leading man, though. Well hello, Mister Hot-... I'm gonna stop hitting on myself.

Drawing Table

STRONG BAD: Aww, man. I wish I hadn't used up all of my paper drawing that scientifically accurate picture of the King of Town. I guess the next issue of Teen Girl Squad will have to wait.

Strong Sad's Room

Strong Sad

When Strong Bad walks near, first time only
STRONG SAD: If you're going to beat me up, make it quick. I've got a full agenda today.
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