Strong Badia the Free Cave Girl Squad
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The girls take a trip through pre-history in their eternal quest to attract boys.
Cast: Cheerleader, So and So, What's Her Face, The Ugly One, Ogg Ogg-er-son, Mammoths, Saber tooth Tiger, Thomas, Anubis, Dinosaur, Lizard Cheerleader, Lizard So and So, Lizard What's Her Face, Lizard The Ugly One, Charles Darwin
Note: If the word "Girl" is used, it refers to any girl to whom the item is given. "Girl 1" and "Girl 2" are girls randomly chosen at the start of a scene.
Contents |
Transcript (Scene 1)
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: Cave Girl Squad! Cheerleader! So and So! What's Her Face! The Ugg-ly One!
CHEERLEADER: Challah, cave girls! Today's the big mammoth hunt, and you know what that means!
SO AND SO: An in-depth study of the indigenous mega fauna?
WHAT'S HER FACE: Some kinda weird CG-filled cable special? {"weird" is not written in the speech bubble}
THE UGG-LY ONE: More parasites for my—
CHEERLEADER: IT'S BOYS, ALRIGHT! It's ALWAYS boys!! And I gotta look my best for my date with the captain of the mammoth huntin' team, Ogg... Ogg-er-son!
{At this point, the player is allowed to give two items to any of the girls, each of which has different effects (see below).}
Transcript (Scene 2)
GIRL 1: The Flood Plain Mall is open for business! Let's hang out in the food court for the next epoch!
GIRL 2: Word.
GIRL 1: WRITTEN word.
{At this point, the player is allowed to give another two items to any of the girls.}
Transcript (Scene 3)
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: One hundre... milli... thousa... a long time later!
GIRL 1: I got me a summa job to save up for a cute burial shroud!
EGYPTIAN: Get back to work, or no drop of water for you this week!!! (The Egyptian whips the girl. Narrator Strong Bad says Krr-ACK!)
{At this point, the player is allowed to give three items to any of the girls before the game ends, unless the player activates Scene 4 {see Dinosaur Egg and Charles Darwin below}.}
Transcript (Scene 4)
LIZARD CHEERLEADER: And that's how come all the mammals got all extinct.
LIZARD SO-AND-SO: Weird.
LIZARD WHAT'S-HER-FACE: Weird.
LIZARD THE UGLY ONE: Weird.
{At this point, the player is allowed to give Charles Darwin to any girl. Any other item will be shown on a pedestal that says "Bad Idea". Strong Bad grunts in disapproval if this happens.}
Item Transcript
Minor Death Transcript
Ribbon
GIRL: Ooh! A new ribbon! I want Jamaican braids like I got on Spring Break!
During Scene 3:
(The ribbon warps around the girl and turns her into a mummy)
EGYPTIAN 2: Is that a m-m-m-mummy?
EGYPTIAN 1 (With New York Accent): Marty, We've been embalming pharaohs for thoity years. You gonna freak out every time?
(The Egyptians take the Mummy on their hands over their heads)
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: BRAIN OUT OF NOSE WITH A HOOK!
MUMMY: My sinuses are SO CLEAR!
Mammoth Skin
During Scenes 2 or 3:
GIRL: Check out my retro-chic-vintage mammoth skin coat I found in my step-mom's closet!
CAVE PAINTING HUNTER: I'm only (2000 if scene 2, 80,000 if scene 3) years late for the mammoth hunt! Oooh, a sickly one's been left behind!
(The Hunter throws a spear through the girl.)
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: SPEARROWED!!!
During Scene 1
GIRL: Check out my fresh new fur coat, guys!
(A mammoth rapidly approaches the girl.)
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: Stampede!
(The mammoth impales the girl on its tusk)
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: GORE'D!!!
Machine Gun
- The machine gun is given to a background character, Ogg in scene 1, a shopper in scene 2, and an Egyptian slave worker in scene 3.
During scene 1:
Ogg shoots the mammoths.
OGG OGG-ERSON: Eat hot lead, mammoths!
GIRL: Ogg's a pretty good shot, I thought he'd accidently shoot one of us. Kinda wish he didn't hunt our food into extinction, though.
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: ENVIRONMENTAL MESSAGE!
During scene 2:
The shopper (the one not holding corn) aims the gun at the storekeeper (the other man).
GIRL: Whoa, take it easy there, big fella! We're all in the same tribe, here.
SHOPPER: Where's the rest of the corn, snooky? You holdin' out on me?
STOREKEEPER: C'mon, T-Bone, I'm beggin ya! I got mouths to feed, angry gods to appease!
SHOPPER: Appease this!
The shopper fires the gun. He blows the storekeeper's arm (with the corn) off, and shoots the girl.
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: CROSS-FYAH!
GIRL: AHHH! (she starts speaking fast) Remember when we was kids and we used to play on the playground and it didn't matter what tribe we were in or how much corn we ha- (she speaks normally again) aw, never mind.
During scene 3:
EGYPTION: Work smarter! Not harder!
He fires the machine gun in the air.
GIRL: I gave up my job at Euniehs Fashions Plus for this?
Cat
GIRL: Aw, hi, prit kit! I'll feed you, and take care of you, and call you Miss Jumblepuddins!
A Saber Tooth tiger approaches the girl.
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: Sensing her young is in danger of receiving a lame name, the mother tiger picks up her prey's scent, and closes in...
GIRL: Uh, did I say Jumblepuddins? I meant-
The tiger eats the girl.
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: SABER TOOTH'D! TIGER... in case that wasn't totally obvious...
Thomas
During Scene 1:
THOMAS: Gree-tings, hu-mans. We come from space-space to teach you how to build pyramids.
GIRL: Uhh... What's a pyramid?
THOMAS: 'Captain’s log: Humans still too stupid.'
Thomas leaves.
GIRL: Wonder what HE wanted.
During Scene 2:
THOMAS: Gree-tings, hu-mans. We come from space-space to teach you how to build pyramids.
{Narrator Strong Bad says 'dead' many times to the theme to "2001: A Space Odyssey" and then a monolith falls on the girl.}
During Scene 3:
THOMAS: Gree-tings, hu-mans. We come from space-space to teach you how to build pyramids.
GIRL: Way ahead of you!
THOMAS Whatev's. Guess you don't need this cancer cure, either. Laters!
Tar pit
The girl is up to her waist in the Tar pit, with another lion-like animal beside her.
GIRL: Dang-dang! When's Ogg gonna show up for our date? Feels like I've been waiting for years...
ANIMAL IN PIT: 3,800 years, actually. Dreadfully boring, that.
The girl is sucked down completely.
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: WONDERFULLY PRESERVED FOR FUTURE RESEARCH!!!
ANIMAL IN PIT: Well, bully-bully for you!
Major Death Transcript
Tablet/Chisel
If Tablet is used alone:
GIRL: I wish somebody would invent written language so I could write Ogg a love letter on this blank sheet of clay-per!
If Chisel is used alone:
GIRL: Oh, that's a sharp chisel. Cool. I'm sure nothing bad could happen to me with that.
If both items are used together:
Various symbols appear over the girl's head as she speaks.
GIRL: Dear-Ogg,-want-to-go-on-date? (The girl stops writing) Do you spell "Ogg" with two snakes, or a guy with a bear head?
MAN WITH 2 LINES SYMBOL: ITS TWO SNAKES!!!
The symbol-character throws the two lines at the girl, which then turn into an anaconda, which promptly eats the girl.
GIRL: Ow! My iconic representation!!!
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: (In a southern accent) Well, Di-GESTED WHOLE!!! ("Well," isn't in the speech bubble)
Wheel
If used by any girl other then So-And-So:
GIRL: A perfectly round stone? I can't imagine how that would ever lead to allowing boys to take me to exciting places in romantic fashion. Oh, well.
If used by So-And-So:
SO-AND-SO: Pi r squared... carry the 3... Eureka! I invented the wheel!
If used during scenes 1 or 2:
SO-AND-SO: Now if only Ogg would invent the back seat, we could totally make out!!!
If used during scene 3:
SO-AND-SO: And here comes Ogg!
Ogg Ogg-erson shows up in a Flintstones-like car.
OGG: Check out dope ride!
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: Vrrr... BLAST-OFF!!!
The car blasts into outer space, but is burnt in the atmosphere.
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: THE OPPOSITE OF RE-ENTRY'D!!!
SO-AND-SO: I shoulda made that heat shield outta bamboo and coconut!!!
Dog
If used during scenes 1 or 2:
GIRL: A wolf puppy! Who's a recently domesticated boy? Yes, you are! Yes, you are!
If used during scene 3:
An Egyptian is turned into Anubis.
ANUBIS: I AM ANUBIS!!!
GIRL: More like A-N00b-Is you! Wearing animal heads is so third issue.
ANUBIS: I AM THE WOLF-HEADED GOD OF THE DEAD!!!
The girl throws Anubis into a purse-like bag.'
GIRL: Ooh! I can carry you in my purse when I go woven-basket shopping!
ANUBIS: INSOLENCE!!!
Dark clouds surround (and, apparently, kill) the girl.
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: CURSE OF THE GODS! THE NEW ALBUM FROM A-N00B-IS!!!
Dinosaur Egg
GIRL: Oh! A dinosaur egg! I didn't think that dinosaurs were 'sposed to be alive at the same time as Teen Cave Girls.
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: Shut up!
GIRL: Oh, well, I'll just keep it safe like a big bag of flour with a diaper on until it hatches.
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: ONE...TWO...THREE... FORESHADOWING...
The egg shakes after each scene ends. If the girl is alive after three shakes, it hatches.
GIRL: My dinosaur hatched! Me and you are gonna be best BFFs forever!
A Meteor crashes down and crashes on the girl.
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: METEOR'D!!!
GIRL: Ow! My global climate change!
Scene 4 plays upon this death.
Charles Darwin
If used in any scene other than 4
CHARLES DARWIN: Hi, Cave girls, I'm Charles Darwin.
GIRL: Hiya, Chuck D.! Wanna drag me around by my hair?
CHARLES DARWIN: You need to evolve more. You need to natural selection more. You need to E=MC² more.
If used in scene 4
LIZARD CHEERLEADER: Who's that hot olda-olda-OLDA boy?
LIZARD SO-AND-SO: Shawty look like Chuck Darwin.
CHARLES DARWIN: Check out my new 12-inch woofers, y'all!!!
Charles gets out a boom box, apparently which plays horrid enough music to kill off the whole Teen Lizard-Girl Squad.
NARRATOR STRONG BAD: SURVIVAL OF THE PHATTEST!!!
Fun Facts
Explanations
- "Phat" is a rap term for either 'fat' or 'big'.
- Tar pits are large holes filled with tar, which prehistoric animals were killed and preserved when the tar hardened. Archeologists frequently study extracted remains from such pits, as they are some of the best preserved bodies of prehistoric life.
- Saber Tooth Tigers and Woolly Mammoths are extinct, presumably because of an inability to adapt to environmental changes, or because of excessive hunting.
- A meteor crashing into the Earth is one of the best theories as to why the dinosaurs became extinct, as well as humans appearing after the dinosaurs were killed.
Goofs
- Lizard The Ugly One doesn't wear The Ugly One's glasses, but they still fly off in the Charles Darwin scene.
- The Egg can be seen on a girl, however, neither the Tablet nor the Chisel can be seen on the girl.
Glitches
- Wii Version:
- If you pause the game using the home button during a quote, the last word in the sentence is repeated.
Inside References
- Lowercase i's are used frequently throughout the game.
- The Anubis scene mentions "wearing animal heads" in Teen Girl Squad issue 3, and, indeed, Cheerleader wore an elephant head.
Real-World References
- Anubis really was the Egyptian god of the dead, who had the head of a wolf.
- Narrator Strong Bad sings the theme to "2001: A Space Odyssey".
- Ogg's car resembles that of the Flintstones.
| Teen Girl Squad | |
|---|---|
| Characters | Main: Cheerleader, So and So, What's Her Face, The Ugly One Gregs: Sci-Fi Greg, D n' D Greg, Open Source Greg, Japanese Culture Greg Minor: Arrow'd Guy, The Birds, Brainkrieg, Fighting Growlbacks, Manolios, Mr. Pitters, Mrs. Commanderson, Olympic Man and Coach, Peacey P, Quarterman, she likes cloth, Thomas, Tompkins |
| Issues | Main: Issue 1, Issue 2, Issue 3, Issue 4, Issue 5, Issue 6, Issue 7, Issue 8, Issue 8½, Issue 9, Issue 10, Issue 11, Issue 12, Issue 13, Issue 14, Issue 15 SBCG4AP: Homestar Ruiner, Cave Girl Squad, Teen Girl Squad Meets Limozeen Toons: 4 Gregs, Decomposing Pumpkins |
| Miscellaneous | Locations, Costumes, Theme Song, Fangs, -'d, Ow! My X!, Captioned Transitions |
| Other | 404'd, Neon 404'd, Teen Girl Squadcast, Teen Girl Squad Deaths |
