Strong Bad Classics!

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Toon Category: Shorts
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"The crap's a porridge maiden?"

Strong Bad vandalizes yet another book, but this time, for the Worldbuilders 2014 Fundraiser.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Strong Sad

Places: Smoky Office, Wooden Desktop

Date: Monday, June 1, 2015 (Worldbuilders version)
Wednesday, September 30, 2015 (Official version)

Running Time: 3:00

Page Title: Uppity Welcomes Abound!



{Fade from black into Strong Bad sitting in a chair with a book in his right knee, as music plays in the background. The golden text "Strong Bad Classics" fills the screen.}

NARRATOR: And now, Strong Bad—

STRONG BAD: {interrupting, quickly} —butchers the—

{the words "butchers the" appears between "Strong Bad" and "Classics", displacing the latter two pieces of text slightly.}

NARRATOR: —Classics.

STRONG BAD: {clears his throat} An uppity welcome, and distinguished hello to you all. Today, I will be butchering one of Strong Sad's {Cut to a close shot of the book on the wooden table. On the front cover, is a faint picture of the Ocelot's head} all-time favorites.

{The book opens to a sad Porridge Maiden holding an Ocelot in her hands}

STRONG BAD: The Ocelot and The Porridge Maiden? The crap's a porridge maiden? {The Porridge Maiden is now holding a mirror with question marks next to her head and a speech bubble reading "what am i?!"}

{The page turns to the Porridge Maiden kneeling over her black pot on a fire, stirring it with a wooden stick with her cottage in the background. The original text reads "Once there was a Porridge Maiden who lived in a meadow."}

STRONG BAD: Once, there was a Horrid Maiden {A puddle is added around the Porridge Maiden's legs, an eye and sharp teeth are added to her face, there are two extra arms extruding from her back, and there are horns drawn on top of her head.} who lived in meadowlark Lemon's duffel bag from the 70's. {There is a duffel bag drawn over the cottage in the background, there is a leaking tube of "sportz creamz" in the background in front of the duffel bag, and Meadowlark Lemon's head appears in the bottom right corner, later giving a thumbs up}

{The page turns to a grinning Porridge Maiden with an surprised Ocelot in her hand. The original text reads "One day, she caught an ocelot for to sup."}

STRONG BAD: "i hate mondays', thought an ocelot. {The Ocelot is stylized to appear similar to Garfield} "sup. jim davis' lawyers." {Three men appear behind the Porridge Maiden, bearing a very similar resemblence to Lyman, with the word "LAW" written on their shirts.}

{The page turns to a close up of the Ocelot's face. The original text is ""Good morrow to you," said the ocelot. "You must find a husband by sunrise or doom will come to you."}

STRONG BAD: Rob morrow to you," {A badly drawn Rob Morrow is drawn in the bottom left corner, smiling} said the ocelot. "You must find a husband by sunrise or doom 2 bad guys will come out of my ears! {A Mancubus, a Hell Knight/Baron, and a Lost Soul are drawn coming out of the Ocelot's ears}

{Strong Bad starts mimicking gun and explosion noises}

{The page turns to the Porridge Maiden looking at the Butcher. The original text reads "She went to see the Butcher. "Will you marry me?" she asked; "I am married to the meats," he said."}

STRONG BAD: So, she went to see the Statue of Liberty's deadbeat cousin. {The Butcher is now holding a torch, the Statue of Liberty's crown, and the tabula ansata} "Will you marry me?" she asked. "I am a huddled mass," he said.

{The page turns to the Porridge Maiden looking at the Smithy. The original text reads "Next, she went to see the Smithy. "Will you marry me?" she asked. "I am married to the steel," he said."}

STRONG BAD: Next, she optic-blasted the Smithybot. {The Smithy, his table, and anvil are all stylized to look like robots. Lasers come out of the Porridge Maiden's eyes as it reflects off of the Smithybot's hammer. } "Voip" {VOiP! is drawn next to the Porridge Maiden's lasers} she voiped. "Save yourself little Beep Boop!" he said.

{The page turns to the Porridge Maiden climbing up the top of a cottage to a chimney, where the Lum Swooper is in with a sweeper in his hand. The original text reads "Then she went to see the Lum Swooper. "Will you marry me?" she asked. "I am married to the chimneys," he said."}

STRONG BAD: Then, she tucked in the Lum Swooper. {A bed is drawn around the Lum Swooper} "Will you please stop sleeping with that lamp?" {The sweeper has a lamp shade, lightbulb, and switch drawn onto it} she asked. "it's okay, I am married to it." he said.

{The page turns to the Porridge Maiden looking at the Knave. The original text reads "She even went to see the Knave. "Will you marry me?" she asked. "I am married to the chicanery," he said."}

STRONG BAD: She even went to the Creepo Depot. {A sign is drawn on the right wall with the text "CREEPO DEPOT!" as there are lights around it that flash} "Will you marry me?" {There are lines drawn around the Porridge Maiden's creases on her clothes, making it seem that she is made of flat shapes} asked. low poly-count porridge maiden. {Strings are drawn on the Knave's head, right hand, feet, and left shoulder, all going up} "I am a marionette" he slimed.

{The page turns to the Porridge Maiden sitting on a rock in the meadow, looking at the pink sunrise and two clouds in the distance. The original text reads "When she could not find a husband, the Porridge Maiden sat on a rock to watch the rising sun."}

STRONG BAD: When she could not find a husband, the Porridge Maiden sat by a punk rock giant {The sun is now stylized to look like a spiky-haired giant with a nose on the horizon and hands protruding from the horizon holding the two clouds} to watch {An electric guitar is put in the hands of the punk rock giant, with the words "fendo" written on the top} the wicked solos. {Makes electric guitar sounds as the Porridge Maiden throws a corna gesture}

{The page turns to the Porridge Maiden off-page with only her arm and hand to the left. The Ocelot is standing near. The original text reads "At dawn, the ocelot found her dead and mourned her passing. "Now she is married to death," said the Ocelot"}

STRONG BAD: At dawn, the ocelot found her head {The Porridge Maiden's smiling, decapitated head is placed onto the back of the Ocelot, along with her hood} and poured her a drink. {A glass mug is placed into the hand of the dead Porridge Maiden and an extra arm is behind the Ocelot, holding a tall glass bottle, and pouring the drink into the glass mug. A speech bubble is added for the Ocelot, reading "One for my pah' tnuh!"} One for my pah'tnuh!, said the Ocelot.

{The page turns to The Porridge Maiden holding flowers, upset, while Death puts his hand on her shoulder, holding a scythe and having a red glow around him. They are in the underworld, with stalagmites and stalactites with a red tint. The original text reads "In the underworld, she gave Death a thousand children and cooked his meals".}

STRONG BAD: In the underworld, {Eyes and two nostrils are drawn on the top of the opening, with two hands holding a mouth mirror and dental explorer.} she refused to be defined by her famous husband and started a successful business knitting lifehacks out of recycled blogs.

{The page turns to a baked Ocelot on a plate in the middle of a table with an apple in its mouth and vegetables under it. There is a knife and fork, a pot, and a salt shaker near it. The original text reads "And that is why baked ocelot is always served at weddings. The End."}

STRONG BAD: And that is why baked ocelot is always {Trisha from "Everyone is Different" is placed onto the paper, with a bridal headpiece and squiggly lines and the words "bridal hotness". Strong Bad is to the left, with his left arm around Trisha's left shoulder and a fork in his right hand. He is wearing a black and white top hat.} served at weddings. The End. I don't really have anything I'd change about that one. 'Cept I'd probably make it... broached {The word "baked" on the book is now drawn out with the word "broached" is written above it} ocelot.

"You can't make up no words say broached!"

STRONG SAD: {slurring} Brooooaaached?

{Cut to the Smoky Office with Strong Bad still in his chair with the book open. Strong Sad is standing next to him with bags under his eyes and a bloodied napkin clip around his neck. He is off-balance, swaying forwards and backwards}

STRONG SAD: You cam't make up no words say broached!

STRONG BAD: Uh, Strong Sad, did you have your wisdom teeth out again?

STRONG SAD: You know it! Every summer like clockwoik!

STRONG BAD: Oh-ho-ho-okay, let's get you out of here. {faces the camera} And in front of a camera as soon as possible. {Strong Bad jumps from his chair}

{Strong Bad begins to push Strong Sad off-screen to the right}

STRONG SAD: You can't brother me down, Mrs. Strong Fast! I favorited you on my Facebroach!

STRONG BAD: Of course you did.

{The music replays as the screen fades to black. The Worldbuilders version ends here, but the TBC version continues with a piece of paper with the words "The End" and a picture of the ocelot, and the following dialogue.}

STRONG BAD: {offscreen, the words appearing on the piece of paper as he says them} Then, blender time! {imitates a blender as one appears over the ocelot along with an orange slice, a strawberry and a carrot, which fall into the blender} For smooth! -ies. Smoothies. Sorry, that w- that was kind of a stretch.

Easter Eggs

  • At the end of the Flash version, click on the ocelot to view a scene with Strong Bad recording a drugged Strong Sad in the Smoky Office.
    {cut to a video recording of Strong Sad, showing interlacing and "REC" in the corner.}
    STRONG BAD: {offscreen, as he is holding the camera} Now, what was it you were saying out loud again, Strong Sad?
    STRONG SAD: {slurring} Oh, this is a lucrative arrangement.
    STRONG BAD: You think so?
    STRONG SAD: Iiii'm provost.
    STRONG BAD: Wait, what?
    STRONG SAD: {points to air} Provost!
    STRONG BAD: Oh yeah?
    STRONG SAD: Put more jets in my mouth.
    STRONG BAD: Say again?
    {Strong Sad puts his finger in his mouth.}
    STRONG SAD: See? There's lots of room!
    {Strong Sad stretches his bottom lip down, attempting to reveal his teeth, but only black space can be seen. He begins making a gurgling moaning sound.}
    STRONG BAD: All right, now this is just making me feel weird.

Fun Facts


  • This toon was created in order to serve as the $500,000 stretch goal for the Worldbuilders 2014 Fundraiser.
  • Impacted wisdom teeth is a common dental problem in adults. Typically the wisdom teeth must be removed via dental surgery with copious anesthesia.


  • Originally uploaded to Worldbuilders' YouTube channel on June 1, 2015, an extended Flash version was added to the website and to the official YouTube channel on September 30, 2015.
  • The homestarrunnerdotcom YouTube description for this toon is "Strong Bad reads one of Strong Sad's most favoritest tales. Debut of the famous Lum Swooper!"
  • The background music is a medieval-sounding version of the music from kids' book.


  • Despite being advertised as to be released in summer, it was technically released in late spring, as summer officially starts in North America on or around June 21st.
  • The pages in this toon differ drastically from those shown in the teaser trailer:
    • There is no mention of Leomardbury Chauceinterviews, who was listed as the author in the trailer.
    • The edits made by Strong Bad are already on the pages in the trailer; however, they are added with Strong Bad's narrating in the full cartoon.
    • The illustrations on all pages are of a slightly different style.
    • Strong Bad's "improved drawings" are in different places throughout.
    • The first page has an additional "improvement" of "Horrid Maiden".
    • The "improvements" made to the second page are completely different from those shown in the trailer.


  • On the third page, there is an extra space between "day," and "she".
  • On the eighth page, Strong Bad says "I am a marionette", but writes "I am marrionette", forgetting the "a" and misspelling "marionette".
  • The storybook's text, and most of Strong Bad's "improvements", can be highlighted and copied.

Fixed Goofs

  • In the Worldbuilders version, during the end fade out, Strong Bad's feet can be seen protruding from the right side of the screen in his walking animation.

Inside References

  • Strong Bad turns the Smithy and his tools into robots.
  • The character placed onto the last page of the book is Trisha from kids' book, whom Strong Bad described as a "severe hottie".
  • Strong Sad numbly paraphrases his line "You can't just start making up terrible new words" from fan club.
  • Strong Sad pronounces "clockwork" as "clockwoik".
  • "Broach" is a portmanteau of two actual cooking techniques, Broil and Poach.
    • "Broach" is also an actual word meaning "any of various pointed or tapered tools, implements, or parts" and, more specifically, a spit for roasting meat, making it a malapropism also.
  • This story is a plethora of odd marriages.
  • The Statue holds a tablet inscribed MCMLXXXIV.

Real-World References

  • Facebroach is a reference to the social media platform Facebook.
  • Strong Sad's performance is considered camera-worthy by Strong Bad, which is likely a reference to the viral video David After Dentist.
  • Meadowlark Lemon was a famous basketball player who played for the Harlem Globetrotters.
  • Rob Morrow is an actor most famous for his work on television, including his Golden Globe-nominated role as an Alaskan doctor on Northern Exposure and his later work on the crime drama Numb3rs.
  • The Mancubus, the Hell Knight/Baron, and the Lost Soul that come out of the Ocelot's ears are enemies from Doom II.
  • The Statue of Liberty is a giant statue that is part of a national park located on Liberty Island in New York Harbor. It is made of iron and copper and was built as a gift to the United States by French sculptor Gustave Eiffel.
    • The Statue's deadbeat cousin declares that he is a "huddled mass", which refers to a line in "The New Colossus", a poem written by Emma Lazarus that was inscribed on a plaque that was later added to the statue.
  • Jim Davis is the creator of the comic strip Garfield.
    • One of Garfield's most identifiable characteristics is his disdain for Mondays, which is also referenced.
    • The lawyers resemble the former Garfield character Lyman, who was Jon Arbuckle's roommate and the original owner of Jon's dog and Garfield's nemesis, Odie. Lyman was written out of the strip in 1983.

YouTube Version

"Sounds unsavory..."

Worldbuilders Version

The Worldbuilders version differs from the Flash version in the following ways:

  • The video opens with a splash screen, with the Worldbuilders logo at the top, and text below reading "Worldbuilders Literary Theatre". It fades to a similar picture with the same background with Strong Bad holding a book with the title "The Ocelot and the Porridge Maiden" badly written on the back cover, and Strong Bad badly drawn on the front cover. To the left of Strong Bad, is text reading "presents...". The scene then cuts to the Smoky Office and continues from Strong Bad clearing his throat.
  • The video fades out as Strong Bad pushes Strong Sad off-screen, and fades in to a message reading "Thanks to the Chapman brothers and all our supporters who helped us reach our stretch goal! Check out our current fundraiser! (Link the the description)". In the corner, the scene with the punk rock giant plays silently.
  • Strong Bad does not do an electric guitar impression. Instead, the Porridge Maiden throws a corna as Strong Bad talks.

homestarrunnerdotcom Version

  • As with previous YouTube videos, a group of nine thumbnails appears at the end of the cartoon, parodying YouTube's related video thumbnails. All of the thumbnails are new, and their contents are as follows:
Shark Tooth Bubs dressed as The Thnikkaman standing in front the old man in Peasant's Quest. A Powered by The Cheat drawing displaying the words "Powdered by The Cheat" and a bottle of "talc". Multiple light brown, red, blue and white diagonal stripes. Text above reads "More Cool Stripes w/ The Poopsmith."
An arrangement of multiple Marzipans, woolen hats from A Death Defying Decemberween and Telebision remotes, reminiscent of Happy Dethemberween. A small Homsar hovering over the Compé's keyboard on Strong Bad's desk. Homsar is leaving a bouncy, dashed white line behind him, à la Where U Goin' 2?. A photograph of a CRT television displaying a single green pixel with the caption "GOOD GRAPHICS". The Videlectrix Guys appear in the lower-left corner, along with the caption "Joystick Wagglin' with Videlectrix."
An extreme close-up of Strong Bad's face with the words "TOO CLOSE" written at the bottom. Puppet Homestar and Mike Chapman sitting in front of a curtain with a cup of coffee. The caption reads "COFFEE TWON WITH HOMESTAR + MIKE, episode 16". The entire picture is color-negative. F-Sack from Flash is Dead! cast against a white background, captioned "6 hours of F-Sack".
  • The title contains the suffix "The Ocelot and the Porridge Maiden."
  • After the thumbnails, the Easter egg with Strong Sad plays automatically. The dialogue, however, is slightly altered.
    {cut to a video recording of Strong Sad, showing interlacing and "REC" in the corner.}
    STRONG BAD: {offscreen, as he is holding the camera} Now, what was it you were saying out loud again, Strong Sad?
    STRONG SAD: {slurring} Oh, this is a lucrative arrangement.
    STRONG BAD: Oh yeah?
    STRONG SAD: Iiii'm provost. {points to air} Provost!
    STRONG BAD: Uh-huh?
    STRONG SAD: Put more jets in my mouth.
    STRONG BAD: Say again?
    {Strong Sad puts his finger in his mouth.}
    STRONG SAD: See? There's lots of room!
    {Strong Sad stretches his bottom lip down, attempting to reveal his teeth, but only black space can be seen. He begins making a gurgling moaning sound.}
    STRONG BAD: All right, now this is just making me feel weird.

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