SBCG4AP Playthrough

From Homestar Runner Wiki

(Difference between revisions)
Jump to: navigation, search
(Oopsie. When I make big cut-and-paste-and-paste-and-paste mistakes like this, that means it's time to go to bed. See you later.)
(Transcript: Forty minutes. Strong Bad has ruined Homestar's life, so now it's time to fix it. My hands are getting tired.)
Line 592: Line 592:
''{Homestar removes his clothes. Strong Bad shields his eyes.}''
''{Homestar removes his clothes. Strong Bad shields his eyes.}''
-
'''STRONG BAD:''' Aah! Give me a chance to shield my eyes! Whew. If it weren't for my The Cheat-like refle- ''{Strong Bad rolls a bunch of Rs}'' I would've had Homestar's nethers burned into my nethers! On my eyeballs. A jibblie-jibble. ''{laughing}'' It's hard to keep up, you guys. Losin' it already. I need more tea. ''{Strong Bad runs toward the lockers}'' All right. where these clothes at?
+
'''STRONG BAD:''' Aah! Give me a chance to shield my eyes! Whew. If it weren't for my The Cheat-like refle- ''{Strong Bad rolls a bunch of Rs}'' I would've had Homestar's nethers burned into my nethers! On my eyeballs. A jibblie-jibblie. ''{laughing}'' It's hard to keep up, you guys. Losin' it already. I need more tea. ''{Strong Bad runs toward the lockers}'' All right. where these clothes at?
'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' ''{singing}'' Soapy scrubbin shower fun, tum tummy tum tummy tum tum tum.
'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' ''{singing}'' Soapy scrubbin shower fun, tum tummy tum tummy tum tum tum.
Line 646: Line 646:
'''STRONG BAD:''' So all a guy has to do is win a stupid race to get that really kick awesome trophy?
'''STRONG BAD:''' So all a guy has to do is win a stupid race to get that really kick awesome trophy?
-
'''COACH Z:''' Not even close. In order to prove themselves worthy of the... ecetra, ecetra, you gotta beat... you gotta beat ''{laughing}'' the best of the time of all the previous styles.
+
'''COACH Z:''' Not even close. In order to prove themselves worthy of the... etcetra, etcetra, you gotta beat... you gotta beat ''{laughing}'' the best of the time of all the previous styles.
'''STRONG BAD:''' Well that sucks. What's the best time?
'''STRONG BAD:''' Well that sucks. What's the best time?
Line 706: Line 706:
'''THE CHEAT:''' ''{The Cheat noises}''
'''THE CHEAT:''' ''{The Cheat noises}''
-
'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{not as Homestar}'' Hey The Cheat. This is totally Homestar. Oh wait. ''{as Homestar}'' Can you come to my house and gnaw my face off? And steal my boom box and leave... it at the dwop point? Bye! ''{Ends the call}'' Sometimes I like to get creative with my mission for The Cheat.
+
'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{not as Homestar}'' Hey The Cheat. This is totally Homestar. Oh wait. ''{as Homestar}'' Can you come to my house and gnaw my face off? And steal my boom box and leave... it at the dwop point? Bye! ''{Ends the call}'' Sometimes I like to get creative with my mission assignments for The Cheat.
''{The call options pop up again, minus The Cheat.}''
''{The call options pop up again, minus The Cheat.}''
Line 742: Line 742:
''{He flips back to the map.}''
''{He flips back to the map.}''
-
'''STRONG BAD:''' I dunno. Go to Marzipan's house! I like this, all-capsiness. I can see it from across the table.
+
'''STRONG BAD:''' I dunno. Go to Marzipan's house! I like this, all-capsiness. That's- I can see it from across the table.
-
''{Strong Bad returns to Marzipan's house. The microphone is tapped.}''
+
''{Strong Bad returns to Marzipan's house. The microphone is tapped. Strong Bad moves to examine the balloons.}''
 +
 
 +
'''STRONG BAD:''' Oh, 'cause I got her to leave! Now I'm starting to remember some sense.
 +
 
 +
''{Strong Bad takes Marzipan's balloons.}''
 +
 
 +
'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{singing}'' Takin' Marzipan's balloons, and I don't know why... ''{Strong Bad hovers as he holds the balloons}'' Whoa! These are pretty powerful balloons! ''{He puts the balloons away}'' Feel like I'm walkin' on the moon with these things!
 +
 
 +
''{Back to the front yard.}''
 +
 
 +
'''STRONG BAD:''' We make a joke about not knowing why we do that.
 +
 
 +
''{Strong Bad runs to the backyard}''
 +
 
 +
'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{whispering}'' I don't know that I know why I've done anything in the game so far, Agnes, but I'm really enjoying myself. You guys having a good time? Destroy the statue, can't wait for the next episode. Hey, that Six-Sadded Die's comin' up! I just watched the cut of it, with special guest Lucky Yates, TV's-es Archer's-es Creeger's-es Lucky Yateses.
 +
 
 +
''{Strong Bad opens the inventory.}''
 +
 
 +
'''STRONG BAD:''' Here we go. ''{The shears are taken to the float}'' Here we go. That's right. That's right. ''{mumbling softly}'' I take the hedge shears, and I'll just gently place them on the neck, of the Homestar papier mache statue. That's right, far out.
 +
 
 +
''{Strong Bad is about to cut down the head of the float. It takes him a few seconds to catch up with the subtitle.}''
 +
 
 +
'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{quickly}'' Why hello, Mr. Enormous Noggin Homestar. What can I do for you today? ''{as Homestar}'' Nothing too fancy, Mr. Old Timey Barber Strong Bad! Just a little bit off the top. ''{as himself, readying the hedge shears}'' Anything you say, sir...
 +
 
 +
''{Strong Bad cleanly shears off Homestar's head, which knocks down a tiki torch. The statue goes up in smoke.}''
 +
 
 +
'''STRONG BAD:''' Whoa, that went even better than expected. Uh-oh, here comes trouble.
 +
 
 +
'''MARZIPAN:''' ''{Matt's voice}'' That darn Homestar! As if I didn't have enough to do without pointlessly running back and forth to the... What the?
 +
 
 +
''{Marzipan turns to find Homestar's giant head peeking from behind her bushes.}''
 +
 
 +
'''MARZIPAN:''' ''{Matt's voice}'' Homestar! Did you do this!?
 +
 
 +
''{The head of the Homestar float moves sheepishly.}''
 +
 
 +
'''MARZIPAN:''' ''{Matt's voice}'' Nothing to say? Well fine, you party-wrecking dummy! I hope you lose your precious Race to the End of the Race! ''{Marzipan storms off}'' Humph!
 +
 
 +
'''STRONG BAD:''' Man, I'd hate to be you right now, Homestar. Or would I, questy-hint?
 +
 
 +
''{Strong Bad takes the head. The Rank Up jingle plays.}''
 +
 
 +
'''STRONG BAD:''' Uh... 'kay, so I got Homestar's clothes, I got Homestar's head...
 +
 
 +
''{The map is opened.}''
 +
 
 +
'''STRONG BAD:''' Back to the Track. Back to the Track. Right?
 +
 
 +
''{The Track is clicked. Strong Bad sings along with the fanfare as he enters.}''
 +
 
 +
'''STRONG BAD:''' We now return. ''{Strong Bad puts on the Homestar suit}'' Here we go. ''{as Homestar}'' Oh, hewwo! I'm Homestar Wunner! Toons! Games! Emaaail! ''{as himself}'' Shut up, Homestar! Whoa, I even had myself convinced. This is gonna be hilarious!
 +
 
 +
''{Strong Bad begins to run down the track in the Homestar suit.}''
 +
 
 +
'''STRONG BAD:''' Here we go. To Coach Z I guess? Looks pretty great, wearing that thing around, though. I do like it.  I do like it.
 +
 
 +
''{Strong Bad talks to Coach Z.}''
 +
 
 +
'''STRONG BAD:''' Quiet, you. ''{as Homestar}'' Hewwo, Coach. It is I, Homestar, and I'm weady to wace!
 +
 
 +
'''COACH Z:''' Homestar! Your head is huge! You're not on any of those illegal performance enhancers I hear about on the ter-ter-ber, are you? Rub? Are you on the Rub? Is it the rub?
 +
 
 +
'''STRONG BAD:''' Me, Homestar, cheat? It is to laugh! Ha-ha-ha-ha!
 +
 
 +
'''COACH Z:''' Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Oh, I needed that. Well, now that you're finally ready to go, let's begin the...
 +
 
 +
'''KING OF TOWN:''' Free Country USA Triannual Race to the End of the Race!
 +
 
 +
''{Coach Z is at the starting line with Strong Bad and Pom Pom.}''
 +
 
 +
'''COACH Z:''' Okay, as you're no doubt aware, the, oohwa-etcetra is a race against time! ''{The camera pans down the obstacle course}'' Not only doooo... you have to put up the time against each other, but you also gotta the previous best time, as estairblished by yours truly, ''{return to the starting line}'' in 1999 over there. All righty then, let's get started. Pom Pom, you're up first.
 +
 
 +
''{Pom Pom gets ready.}''
 +
 
 +
'''KING OF TOWN:''' On your mark, get set and-a-GO!
 +
 
 +
''{Pom Pom shoots away.}''
 +
 
 +
'''STRONG BAD:''' Peow!
 +
 
 +
'''COACH Z:''' Whoa, 5.3 seconds. ''{Pom Pom returns to the start.}'' Not only did that beat my time, I'd say that's going to be pert-near impossible to beat. Ready, Homestar?
 +
 
 +
'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{as Homestar}'' Hey wait, don't I get any instwuctions or anything?
 +
 
 +
'''COACH Z:''' Whaddya need instructions for? You've been training weeks.
 +
 
 +
'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{as Homestar}'' Oh yeah, that's right. I've been... twaining.
 +
 
 +
''{Strong Bad begins the race.}''
 +
 
 +
'''KING OF TOWN:''' On your marks, get set, and-a-go!
 +
 
 +
''{Strong Bad starts on the rolling log in the pool.}''
 +
 
 +
'''STRONG BAD:''' Whoa, man. I'm gonna be so bad at this with a mouse! Whaddo I do? Whaddo I do? I don't know what to do!
 +
 
 +
''{The mouse clicks on the space ahead of Strong Bad, allowing him to balance as he walks forward on the log.}''
 +
 
 +
'''STRONG BAD:''' There we go, there we go. Whuuaaah! ''{Strong Bad starts rolling again.}'' Nope, come on, come on. Hard to do. ''{Strong Bad moves a few more steps}'' This is hard to do with a Wiimote, if I remember correctly. Come on. You can do it! I'm going so fast you can ''{laughs}''.
 +
 
 +
''{Strong Bad begins singing along with the game's background music from [[action figure]].}''
 +
 
 +
'''STRONG BAD:''' Switch to the dispensor fist to ooze radioactive goo! I love this action figure music. Some of my best works. Come on, almost there. If... I have no idea what the mechanics are here, you guys.
 +
 
 +
''{Strong Bad leaps off to the pogo stick.}''
 +
 
 +
'''STRONG BAD:''' Many games in adventure games. Boing!
 +
 
 +
''{As Strong Bad grabs the Heavy Lourde, he crashes to the ground.}''
 +
 
 +
'''STRONG BAD:''' Whoa! Oof! Ow!
 +
 
 +
''{Strong Bad gest up, picks up the pogo stick and the Heavy Lourde, and continues.}''
 +
 
 +
'''STRONG BAD:''' Oape! Come on! ''{Strong Bad steadily leaps his way across the track}'' Oh, this is thrilling! Thrilling! Thrilling! Thrilling! Jumping! Action! Heavy! Lourde! Holding! Fun! For the whole! Family! Everybody!
 +
 
 +
''{Strong Bad makes it to the end and begins running.}''
 +
 
 +
'''STRONG BAD:''' Here we go! Last one! ''{Strong Bad leaps the turtle}'' Whoa! Tortoise! ''{Strong Bad leaps the milk}'' And a box of milk! Box! ''{Strong Bad bumps into the hurdle}'' Oof! Oh...
 +
 
 +
''{Strong Bad crosses the finish line. He returns to the start, panting.}''
 +
 
 +
'''COACH Z:''' Wow, Homestar, that was one of the worst performances I've ever seen in the etcetra! You should be... downright ashaaermed!
 +
 
 +
''{Pom Pom's line is not recited.}''
 +
 
 +
'''COACH Z:''' Yeah, and embarassed!
 +
 
 +
'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{as Homestar}'' I guess I was just too clumsy, lame, and not cool to win...
 +
 
 +
'''COACH Z:''' You said a mouthful, youngster! Pom Pom, step into my office. We gots to fill out a buncha paperwork before we can send the tape off to the judges.
 +
 
 +
''{Coach Z and Pom Pom leave. Marzipan arrives.}''
 +
 
 +
'''MARZIPAN:''' ''{Matt's voice}'' There you are, you insensitive party pooping pyromaniac! You and I are T-H-R-U through!
 +
 
 +
''{Marzipan leaves. The King of Town arrives on the other side.}''
 +
 
 +
'''KING OF TOWN:''' And don't think I've forgotten about your little naked escapade, you currently giant-headed hooligan! You'll rue the day you exposed your giblets to a government official!
 +
 
 +
''{The King of Town leaves.}''
 +
 
 +
'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{as Homestar}'' Booo me!
 +
 
 +
''{Clock wipe. The screen turns black for a second, exposing Matt's reflection.}''
 +
 
 +
'''MATT:''' ''{as Strong Bad, waving}'' Ooh! Hi again!
 +
 
 +
''{Strong Bad walks through the front door past his kitchen.}''
 +
 
 +
'''STRONG BAD:''' Well, I didn't get a chance to pummel Homestar with my fists or beat him in a race, but I did succeed in turning him into a—
 +
 
 +
''{Strong Bad walks downstairs into the basement.}''
 +
 
 +
'''STRONG BAD:''' —publicly humiliated criminal fugitive without a girlfriend. And I didn't even have to use my AK...
 +
 
 +
''{Homestar is sitting on the couch.}''
 +
 
 +
'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Oh hey, Strong Bad.
 +
 
 +
'''STRONG BAD:''' Homestar? What the crap are doing here in my hallowed halls?
 +
 
 +
'''HOMESTAR RUNNER:''' Now that I'm a publicly humiliated criminal fugitive without a girlfriend, you're the only friend I've got, so I'm gonna go ahead and crash here for a couple of weeks or years until I put my life back together.
 +
 
 +
''{Strong Bad shouts angrily at the ceiling.}''
 +
 
 +
'''STRONG BAD:''' Irony!!
 +
 
 +
''{The game automatically saves.}''
{{sectionstub}}
{{sectionstub}}
 +
==Fun Facts==
==Fun Facts==
===Trivia===
===Trivia===

Revision as of 01:11, 12 March 2020

watch

Matt Chapman plays the Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People episode Homestar Ruiner, performing the voices live.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Matt Chapman, Strong Sad, Homestar Runner, Coach Z, Matt Chapman as Marzipan, Bubs, The King of Town, Matt Chapman as Pom Pom, The Cheat, Marshie, Coach Z as Narrator Strong Bad and Cheerleader, Homestar Runner as So and So, What's Her Face and The Ugly One, Basketballa, Drive-Thru Whale, Strong Mad, Crack Stuntman as Strong Bad, Reynold as Strong Bad, Silent Rip as Strong Bad, Fightgar as Strong Bad, Homsar as Strong Bad, Stinkoman as Strong Bad, Senor Cardgage as Strong Bad, Hot Dip as Strong Bad, Old-Timey Strong Bad as Strong Bad, The Homestar Runner as Homestar Runner, Announcer, Matt Chapman as Harry Caray as Strong Bad, Dooble as Strong Bad, Trauncles Narrator, Crackotage, D n' D Greg, Strong Badman, Marshie as Marzipan, Character 3

Date: Sunday, August 12, 2018

Running time: 1:48:11

Contents

Transcript

{The video opens. The title screen for Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People is displayed. Strong Bad walks into the frame and looks up at the title text.}

STRONG BAD: {mumbling} Oh, I am Strong Bad, looking at the title.

{Strong Bad walks off. Several seconds later, he pops up in the foreground.}

STRONG BAD: I am in the foreground.

{Strong Bad descends. Several seconds later, he walks back in and dances in the center of the screen.}

STRONG BAD: I am in the list!

{Strong Bad walks off. He then drops in from the top of the screen.}

STRONG BAD: Whoa, I fell down from the sky!

{Strong Bad walks off. He then runs past quickly in the far background.}

STRONG BAD: {muttering quickly} I am running across the background really fast!

{Strong Bad walks in front of the foreground. He stops to talk, but doesn't say anything, then turns around to walk away in the background. Strong Bad then pops up upside-down on the top of the screen.}

STRONG BAD: I am upside-down! Do I look upside-down to you?

{Strong Bad leaves the screen. The mouse cursor hovers over the "Click here to Start" button, but doesn't click on it. Strong Bad walks past once again.}

STRONG BAD: This looks like the name of this game. {turns to face the viewer} From what I can tell.

{Strong Bad walks off.}

{The Click Here to Start button is clicked. The main menu page of Homestar Ruiner appears.}

MATT: Oh man, you guys. Hi, my name's Matt. I never done this kind of thing before. Let's all... let the wheels come off together... as this train wreck leaves the station. Uh... I'm gonna play some Homestar Ruiner here 'cause that's probably the one I remember the least, probably be the most entertaining. Uh, Kickstarter Live does not have the ability to screen-share like Twitch or something else similar. So I just pointed a crappy webcam at a crappy old PC, and we're gonna do this thing. Um, I will probably mostly stay in character but occasionally pop out to give my voice a break and if I remember something funny about the game, while we were making it, maybe I'll say that. Um... I will warn you in advance that uh, I'm not gonna be able to do the Teen Girl Squad sections of the game, 'cause that would end our evening real quick. Um, so I apologize uh, in advance for that. Um, what else? Is uh... I'll stop talking soon, stepped in cooper, don't have to listen to my normal voice. That's weird. Okay, cool, people are showing up. This is awesome. Um, I apologize again for the quality of the video, but if the uh... let me know about the audio so I can turn down voices and things. Oh, and I know for a fact that there's no music whatsoever, uh, so here let's change—

{The settings screen is toggled. The option for voices is set at the minimum setting.}

MATT: — I'll just sing along the opening song. I'll just turn it down a little bit. 'Cause I know that if you turn it all the way down, there's no music or sound. And I don't think I'd be able to do it completely a capella. Uh, though it would probably be, uh, lovely to watch me fail. Uh, okay, go back.

{The new game screen is activated.}

MATT: And we'll just do a new game. I'm just gonna do this. We're just gonna get into it. I gotta lotta hot tea over here. And some honey. And some snacks. And just gonna go until my head hits the desk or until you all leave. No, that's probably not true. I'll probably go before you. And if anything bad happens, um, uh...

{The "Technical Difficultes" card from pizzaz is held in front of the screen, showing a confused The Cheat in front of an unplugged outlet.}

MATT: The Cheat will help me out here. {The card is removed} I dunno. Shut up, this is awkward and weird not having anyone to talk to except for chats. Which is great, 'cause there's a lot of them. Hi, and um... here we go. We're gonna start a new game.

{The mouse hovers over the green "Yep!" button.}

MATT: Yep.

{The screen goes dark, showing the reflection of Matt in the monitor.}

MATT: Look, there I am. Don't look! Don't look. Don't look. {Matt leans out of view and points at the webcam} Look, there's the crappy webcam! It's on top of a game.

{The opening scene of Homestar Ruiner fades in. Strong Bad is sleeping on the couch with a bag of Potate chips on his boxing glove. The action is subtitled throughout.}

STRONG BAD: {mumbling} Wha? Oh, Rhino... Rhinofeeder. {wakes up} Whoa, I was just dreaming about... muffins. There it is.

{Strong Bad jumps off the couch and wanders through the House of Strong.}

STRONG BAD: {not singing} I wake up every morning feeling awesome. Even though I slept on the remote again last night. Ow!

{Strong Bad kicks The Cheat into the dryer and climbs the stairs.}

STRONG BAD: Time to tear up another day, the Strong Bad freakin' way! Like an imploding star, like a burning car, my style shines so bright!

{Strong Bad leaps to give Strong Mad a high five.}

STRONG BAD: {singing} Please, stop trying, to handle my style. Because you can't, no you can't, oongh, handle my style.

{Strong Bad climbs upstairs and throws the Potate bag at Strong Sad.}

STRONG BAD: Please, seriously, quit trying to handle my style. {stops singing} Unless you're a lady. Then you're cordially invited to have a giant slice {flourishing at the end} of my styyyyyyle!

{Strong Bad checks his email. No voiceover as Strong Bad brings it up.}

STRONG BAD: Okay, wait. Wait! I gotta skip this. I'm gonna skip it so I can turn off the voice.

{The email is skipped through.}

STRONG BAD: Oop, oop, skip! Skip! Skip! Skip!

{Strong Bad leaves the computer.}

STRONG BAD: Skip! Skip! {The Track pops up on the map button} Here we go. Skip!

{The settings screen is toggled. The voice setting is turned down to nothing.}

STRONG BAD: Voices off!

{Back to the game. Strong Bad examines his stool.}

STRONG BAD: Ah, my trusty steed. Stooly, I'd ride you into email battle any day.

{The mouse hovers over the calendar, but it takes a while before it is clicked.}

STRONG BAD: {mumbling} Uh oh, there we go. Lock up. {talking} Today's the day I finally give Homestar his long overdue pummeling.

{The mouse hovers over the rave switch.}

STRONG BAD: {mumbling} Gonna do a little bit of this.

{The rave switch is clicked.}

STRONG BAD: Check this out!

{The light switch rave proceeds.}

STRONG BAD: The system is down. The system is down. Ah, I sometimes get tired of that. What about this one?

{The normal light switch is clicked. The lights turn off and on.}

STRONG BAD: Boooring! {The subtitles say 'Intriguing'} I said 'boring'. I'm gonna just rewrite some of this on the fly.

{The light switch is clicked again.}

STRONG BAD: Not so intriguing.

{Strong Bad walks across the hallway.}

STRONG BAD: Let's see, what's over here.

{Strong Bad knocks on the door to Strong Sad's room.}

STRONG BAD: Hey Strong Sad! You in there?

STRONG SAD: Yes?

STRONG BAD: C'mon, lemme in! I just want to punch you a few hundred times.

STRONG SAD: Not interested.

{Strong Bad goes downstairs.}

STRONG BAD: Oh, this is that music from my... sultry poems. I'm Dr. Marvin Rubdown. The sage is like a scented candle. From the... section of Pier One. {he walks past the kitchen} I forget how that one goes. Let's check out the SeeDee Spinner.

{Strong Bad examines the SeeDee Spinner.}

STRONG BAD: Let's just see what's in the old SeeDee Spinner. {switches it on} Ugh, it's Strong Sad's copy of "The Best of Brit-Pout, the Nineties Years".

{The mouse hovers over the Cheat Commandos Os cereal box.}

STRONG BAD: I wanna see this Cheat Commandos over here. And Suge Brown.

{Strong Bad examines the microwave.}

STRONG BAD: I can't use the WavyMic, its door's stuck shut with nacho entrails and mangled action figures.

{The Map is clicked.}

STRONG BAD: All right, let's go.

{The map screen is brought up with Strong Bad's house in the center of an empty field.}

STRONG BAD: Let's see now... where should I put the track on my map? Oh yeah, this is a weird thing. Where we didn't want... got to decide in terms of canon where everything is. Free Country, USA. So, I just gotta make it up. Each game.

{A spot in the lower left corner is selected, and Strong Bad scribbles the symbol for the Track in place.}

STRONG BAD: Let's go to The Track! I don't remember what we're supposed to be doing, in this game, because I skipped the intro!

{The Track is clicked. Strong Bad walks in from a path in the Field. Pan over to show Homestar Runner warming up. Homestar is clicked.}

STRONG BAD: All right, Homestar. I'm not sure why this never occurred to me before, but some French guy said that I should beat you up, and I for one tend to think he's right! Put up your dukes!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh hello, Strong Bad. Are you here to watch the race?

{A balloon with a "race" symbol appears above Strong Bad's head.}

STRONG BAD: Checkered flags. Here to watch checkered flags.

{The option is clicked.}

STRONG BAD: A race? You mean like a race-race, race race race?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: You haven't heard about the Free Country USA Triannual Race to the End of the Race? It's only the coolest and most important sporting event in the history of sporting events I'm about to compete in, ever! Whoo!

STRONG BAD: A race, eh? Y'know, beating you in a race would almost be as much fun as beating you senseless!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I'd like to see you try, Strong Bad. I've been training my twees off for weeks now, and besides, Marzipan has promised me a big victory party after I win.

{The checkered flags and a bottle of champagne with a popped cork appear above Strong Bad. The mouse hovers over the "party" option, but is not clicked yet.}

MATT: Yeah, Jackson Schafer, this game, this game was made in, not in the early 2000's but the late 2000's. So we're just- we're just recreating the vibe of the live playthrough of 2008, the year the game came out. Ten years ago, yesterday, I found out.

{The "party" option is clicked.}

STRONG BAD: Did someone say pwaughty?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh hecks yeah. Marzipan's putting together a huge party with floats and cake jugglers and balloonmanimals and...

STRONG BAD: And why was I, Lord High Awesomeparty, occasionally known as Strong Bad, not invited?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Whisperingly, I don't think Marzipan likes you very much.

{The dialogue options return. The "cancel" button is clicked.}

STRONG BAD: All this race talk has intrigued me... I believe I will postpone your pummeling... a-for now.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Pummeling?

{Homestar's cell phone rings.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hang on. Hold on. I gotta take this.

{He answers it.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yes, Marzipan? Yes? Yes. Yes. Yes? Nooo! Yes. Yes! I miss you too, puddin' sack. See you after the race. Buh-eye.

{He hangs up.}

STRONG BAD: Girlfriend troubles?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Not me, bro. Marzipan just wanted my opinion on the decorations... and the cake jugglers... and the plight of the lowland toad weasel... and the... grrr!

{Homestar kicks his phone away.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I'm getting frustrated! I'm kicking my phone! {angrily} Pardon me. I'm off to the locker room to reacquire my game face.

{Homestar walks off.}

{A symbol for Marzipan's house pops up on the map button.}

STRONG BAD: {mumbling} Oh, where we gonna go? {Strong Bad starts running down the track} Go over here, talk to a different character. Let's get some variety in these voices. First I'll get the cell phone.

{Strong Bad picks up Homestar's cell phone.}

STRONG BAD: Homestar's cell phone is finally mine! Now I can... change all his... {uncertainly} speed dials? Mwah-hah-haah?

{Strong Bad proceeds down the track toward Coach Z.}

STRONG BAD: Oh man, the-the music needs to be turned down. Everyone. What's the- how we do it on the voice versus music versus sound effects hearability? Music is fine, good, it's good. All good. Audio hearability is good. Is the video doing a weird jumpy-outy thing for you guys, or is that just my weird computer? {a mic drop is heard} Just me. Sweet! Let's talk to Coach Z.

{Coach Z is clicked.}

STRONG BAD: Coach Z! What the good word?

COACH Z: No time for jibbers or jabbers right now, Strong Bad! I've got to make sure this race goes off without a hitch!

{The checkered flag and the Strong Bad dialogue options appear.}

STRONG BAD: {mumbling} And if I'm wondering...

{The "race" option is clicked.}

STRONG BAD: Tell me more about this "race" of which you speak.

COACH Z: Haven't you heard? It's time for the Free country USA Triannual Race to the End of the Race!

STRONG BAD: Habbalah what now?

COACH Z: You know, the FCUTRER. {pronounced "Fuh-COO-Trer"} Every three years, the greatest airthletes in the world gather to pit their pits against the most grueling obstaircle course devised by man or beast, all in the hopes of winning the coveted Free Country USA Triannual Race to the End of the Race Silver Trophy of Ultimate Destiny!

STRONG BAD: You mean the FCUTRERSTUD? {pronounced "Fuh-COO-Treh-Stud"}

COACH Z: The FCUTRERSTUD! Exactly!

{The two dialogue options pop up again. Matt's hand waves in front of the camera.}

STRONG BAD: Ooh! Let's talk about me, ooh, uh, it's a hand.

{The "Strong Bad" option is clicked.}

STRONG BAD: After talking to my bad buddy Homestar, I, Strong Bad, have decided to compete and dominate in the Free Country USA I'm-not-gonna-say-this-anymore. Where's the starting line?

COACH Z: Well now, that's going to be a bit of a praeblem, Strong Bad. The deadline for entering the race was over a month ago.

STRONG BAD: Oh, what?

COACH Z: In fact, there's only two official entrants in this year's race: Homestar, and Paem-Paem.

STRONG BAD: Not exactly a clash of the titans there, Coach.

COACH Z: Yeah, maybe we should have put up some flyers or something.

{The dialogue options pop back up again. The cancel button is clicked.}

STRONG BAD: Oh man, the Heavy Lourde! What killed Homsar once! And then never again.

{The Heavy Lourde is clicked. Strong Bad examines it.}

STRONG BAD: Hey Coach Z! What's this heavy lourde for?

COACH Z: That's the second leg of the Race to the End of the Race! The Pogo-Stick-While-Carrying-A-Heavy-Lourde leg!

STRONG BAD: Ah yes, of course. How silly of me. {mumbling} Hard to keep up, sometimes. {Strong Bad runs toward the Locker Room} Go check out Homestar. What am I supposed to be doing right now?

{Strong Bad stops in front of the locker room door.}

MATT: Look you guys, this is not- this is not Strong Bad live streaming this. It's just some weirdo that you don't care about. So I apologize if there's any magic spoiled by seeing my hand or my reflection.

{Strong Bad enters the locker room. Inside, an icon indicating an email pops up.}

STRONG BAD: Ooh, a new email.

{Strong Bad opens the map.}

STRONG BAD: I got half a mind to go over to Marzipan's and give her a piece of the rest of my mind about not inviting me to her sucko party! {exaggerated} But where should I put her house on my map?

{A space on the bottom of the map is selected, and Strong Bad scribbles Marzipan's house in that spot. The mouse hovers between "close" and Marzipan's house.}

STRONG BAD: And be's going there? {whipsering} You guys. Does anybody have... game facts open? Because I don't remember what I'm supposed to do! And no, stop saying this map is canon! It is not canon! There is no canon! {The microphone is tapped}

{Marzipan's house is clicked. Strong Bad arrives in Marzipan's front yard.}

STRONG BAD: Uh... {mumbling as the mouse hovers over the balloons, singing} Would you like to ride in my beautiful balloons?

{The balloons are clicked. As Strong Bad reaches to get them, Marzipan rushes in to stop him.}

MARZIPAN: {with Matt doing the voice} Don't touch the balloons! Do you know how hard it is to find eco-friendly mylar?

STRONG BAD: There's my best Marzipan. Melissa is busy.

{The loose dirt is clicked. Strong Bad walks over to examine it.}

STRONG BAD: Hey, where'd your stupid ficus go? I was gonna pee on it!

MARZIPAN: {Matt's voice} I've temporarily transplanted Crezenda- Credenza indoors so that he won't get trampled or peed on by clumsy party-goers.

Strong Bad runs to the side of the house. The hedge is hovered over.}

STRONG BAD: Hedge.

{The hedge is clicked.}

STRONG BAD: I don't know much about shrubbery, but I know an unclipped, red-headed step-hedge when I see one.

{Strong Bad proceeds to the backyard.}

STRONG: There she is... oh, man.

MARZIPAN: {Matt's voice} That looks good.

{Marzipan is clicked.}

STRONG BAD: Hey-

{Marzipan gives her attention. Four dialogue options pop up: "party", "Marzipan", "Homestar", and "Hedge".}

STRONG BAD: {as the different options are hovered over} Boingy, boingy, boingy. Boing!

{The "party" option is clicked.}

STRONG BAD: I heard an ugly rumor that there's going to be a party here, and I'm not invited.

MARZIPAN: {Matt's voice} Oh, that's not a rumor.

STRONG BAD: Good.

MARZIPAN: {Matt's voice} It's a cold hard fact.

STRONG BAD: Buh-wha-whyyyy?

MARZIPAN: {Matt's voice} Do you remember what happened the last I invited you a party?

{The flashback plays.}

STRONG BAD: Flash cut to... Behold! I am Lord Barglebroth, come for your souls! All will kneel before my style!

MARZIPAN: {Matt's voice} Look out!

{Strong Bad jumps off the roof in slow motion, which cuts off before he lands face-first in the cake.}

STRONG BAD: No, not really.

MARZIPAN: {Matt's voice} That figures.

{The four dialogue options pop up again. The "hedge" option is clicked.}

STRONG BAD: That shrub out front looks like it's made out of the ugly sticks that someone beat it with.

MARZIPAN: {Matt's voice} Isn't it just the saddest thing you've ever seen? I'd trim it, but my hedge shears are in the shop.

STRONG BAD: The hedge shears-fixing shop?

MARZIPAN: {Matt's voice} Well, Bubs' Concession Stand, but he likes to call it a shop.

{The dialogue options reappear.}

STRONG BAD: Man, we gotta go to Bubs'.

{The "Homestar" option is clicked.}

STRONG BAD: I can't believe you're throwing such a big party for such a small brain.

MARZIPAN: {Matt's voice} Who? Oh yeah, Homestar. Well, I was just planning to throw a big party celebrating my award-winning organic vegetable garden, but no one seemed to want to come to that, so I added Homestar into the mix, and now everyone's coming!

STRONG BAD: Ahem!

MARZIPAN: {Matt's voice} Almost everyone.

STRONG BAD: Thank you.

{The dialogue options reappear.}

STRONG BAD: Remember that song? There was a bird? A really cute bird? A really, really, really, really, really cute bird? Oh man, you guys need to stop saying that all of this stuff is canon. This is like, alternate reality. We're outside the timeline. Look again, here. Guys. Check out... over to... the far left. That is like exactly the graphics of one of the tiki torches from "The Luau" cartoon. And equally as few frames of animation as it had back in 2002. I see I've got a new place to go.

{The "cancel" option is clicked.}

STRONG BAD: Hey, look at the invisible time. Bye now.

MARZIPAN: {Matt's voice} Bye Strong Bad.

{The Bubs' Concession Stand symbol pops up on the map button.}

STRONG BAD: Yes!

{The map is brought up.}

STRONG BAD: Okay, let's see... Oh man... my map is looking a bit undernourished. I need to throw Bubs' Concession Stand up... here somewheres...

{The top left corner is selected, and Strong Bad scribbles it in there.}

STRONG BAD: Probably dispense with this after the first couple... click, added. And I really have to say something every single time? All right, let's go see Bubs, everybody. Oh man, oh, Cannonmouth. That's the only cannon you guys should be worried about. {singing} Here he comes... Cannonmouth...

{The Bubs Concession Stand is clicked. Strong Bad arrives.}

STRONG BAD: {singing} Here he comes... Cannonmouth.

BUBS: Hey hey hey! Step right up and trade your money for some stuff!

{Strong Bad walks over to Bubs.}

STRONG BAD: Bubs!

BUBS: Strong Bad! Shouldn't you be out beating the snot out of Homestar or something?

STRONG BAD: How do you know about that?

BUBS: I'm your Inster- I'm your Internet provider, man. I read all your email!

{Dialogue options for Bubs and the Hedge Shears pop up. It is cancelled.}

STRONG BAD: Wait, wait, gotta run, bye!

BUBS: Come back soon. We're always awesome!

{Bubs is clicked again.}

STRONG BAD: Talk again. Bubs!

BUBS: Strong Bad!

{The dialogue options return. The hedge shears are selected.}

STRONG BAD: Marzipan sent me to pick her up- to pick her up her hedge-er shears-er.

BUBS: She did? Well that's just awesome! I've got 'em all fixed up and ready to go!

{Bubs gives the hedge shears to Strong Bad.}

STRONG BAD: Whoa, these are pretty sweet!

BUBS: You said it! I've totally rebuilt them with my patented Gyroscopic Ocho-Track Blade Action and passenger side airbag! Guaranteed to shave a shrub smoother than a baby's bwathom!

STRONG BAD: These are way too cool for Marzipan. I think I'll give 'em a test drive or ten before I give 'em back to her.

{Only the Bubs dialogue option pops up. It is clicked.}

STRONG BAD: How's the fast-paced world of concession stand, um, standing?

BUBS: Business is biz-nasty!

{The "angel" and "devil" dialogue options appear. The mouse hovers between them.}

STRONG BAD: Oh man. You guys have to decide! It's Choose Your Own Adventure time! Good or bad? Evil? Evil or nice? {Strong Bad mumbles between the choices rapidly.} Wait, devil one, devil one, evil, evil- I'm seeing overwhelming amount of evil. Be good, be good, nope, evil evil evil.

{The "devil" option is clicked.}

STRONG BAD: Good grief, Bubs. You really let yourself go.

BUBS: Hey, man. I've got a glandular problem!

STRONG BAD: More like a gravy boat problem.

{The "Bubs" dialogue option reappears. It is cancelled. No voiceover on Strong Bad's line.}

BUBS: Stay gold, Strong Bad.

STRONG BAD: Sorry, I was looking at the Chaps.

{The Map is brought up.}

STRONG BAD: All right, now I don't know if I have a reason to go {Marzipan's house is clicked} use these hedge trimmers.

{Strong Bad returns to Marzipan's house.}

STRONG BAD: But I'm gonna do it anyway 'cause I don't know what else to do. Does anyone know what I'm supposed to be doing right now in this game?

{Strong Bad runs toward the hedge.}

MARZIPAN: {Matt's voice} Okay, here we go. {singing, as the hedge shears are taken from the inventory} There was a bird. A really cute bird. A really really really really really cute bird.

{The hedge shears are used on the hedge.}

STRONG BAD: Shears and hedges go together like slo-mo and explosions...

{The hedge is trimmed to resemble a naked running Homestar Runner with a leaf covering the crotch.}

STRONG BAD: Hey, I didn't mean to do that!

MARZIPAN: {Matt's voice} That's a very nice rendering, Strong Bad. Hey, are those my shears?

STRONG BAD: These? Oh no, yours are still in the shop. These are... Strong Sad's. But he's off his meds right now, so I took them from him. {Strong Bad puts the shears away} Just to be safe.

MARZIPAN: {Matt's voice} Well that was very thoughtful of you, Strong Bad.

STRONG BAD: Yeah, well, you know me... Mister Thow-ught-ful... Yeah, that's pretty dark. {The hedge trimmings are clicked. Strong Bad does not recite the line.} I-I-I apologize if there's some jokes in 2018 we wouldn't... make anymore. That we made in 2008. Like I said, I have not played this game. Since 2008.

{Strong Bad runs into the backyard.}

STRONG BAD: I don't even know if I have motivation to do this. {The hedge shears are taken from the inventory and used on the float.} This is like the only thing I remember from this game.

MARZIPAN: {Matt's voice} What do you think you're doing?

STRONG BAD: Um, giving your Homestar float a much-needed shave? And a haircut? Two bits?

MARZIPAN: {Matt's voice} Keep those things away from my art!

STRONG BAD: Oh man! {Strong Bad goes to the onion patch} I get an Onion Bubs over here? Hey chat, can I get an Onion Bubs please?

{Strong Bad does not recite his subtitled line. The microphone drops. He takes an onion.}

STRONG BAD: I missed my dialogue. What did he say again? The rest of these onions need a few more weeks to blossom into their full stinky potential. Is that one go? Did I get what I need?

{The inventory is checked. The onions are in there with everything else.}

STRONG BAD: I did! Now what am I supposed to do with these things? {singing} Doo doo doo doo... doo doo deet toooo...

{Strong Bad examines the Homestar float.}

STRONG BAD: Whoa, that is one seriously ginormous version of Homestar.

MARZIPAN: {Matt's voice} Do you like it? The paper is made from 100% vegetable products from my prize-winning organic garden.

STRONG BAD: I always suspected Homestar was a big vegetable. {The microphone is tapped} Um... {whispering} Still don't know what I'm supposed to do in this game, you guys. At some point I ruin Homestar's life. And then I have to help him. I'm gonna go back to the track. Give it to Homestar. Give him the onion? All right, I'm going. Doing it.

{The map is brought up. Strong Bad goes back to the Track. The Track moves a tile over as it is clicked.}

sTRONG BAD: Doin' it.

{Strong Bad sings along with the opening fanfare as he arrives.}

STRONG BAD: I'm not going to get sick of that or nothing. No way.

{Strong Bad wanders up an down toward the locker room door.}

STRONG BAD: Come on. Where's these doors?

{Strong Bad enters the locker room. Homestar is psyching up.}

STRONG BAD: Yeah, adventure game logic. I'm with you, man. All right, let's see.

{Strong Bad sings along with the background music to himself as he takes the onions out of the inventory and gives them to Homestar.}

STRONG BAD: Hey, Homestar. You wanna know how to really win the race?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: How?

STRONG BAD: Onions!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Onions?

STRONG BAD: No, really. An old, um, gypsy track coach that the secret to running was using all natural oh- onion deodorant! Simply... rub it all over your bad self and feel the fastiness flow through ya!

{Homestar is rubbing the onions all over himself.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ooh, those onions glide on smooth and clear. Wow, thanks Strong Bad! I feel like I could take on the woo-old!

STRONG BAD: Yeah! {clears throat} Especially if the world is {fakes a cough} is downwind! Phew! Okay, I made him stink. Did I- did I know that I needed to do that? I don't know if I knew that I needed to do that. He needs to stink and then- oh wait, now I go tell him to go take a shower. Right?

{The showers are clicked. Strong Bad examines them.}

STRONG BAD: Some point I need to steal his clothes. {quickly trying to catch up} Those are Coach Z's gym showers, a.k.a. Home of a Thousand and One Humiliations.

{Homestar is clicked. Dialogue options for "race", "shower" and "party" appear. "Shower" is clicked.}

STRONG BAD: Man, you stink. And not in the metaphorical "you suck" kinda way, but in the literal "odors that could peel the paint off a... tank" kinda way.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Seriously, Strong Bad. I find that very unlikely... {sniffs himself} Great Grandma's Diapers! Oh wait, great grandma's diapers after assisting probably. I better hit the showers again!

{Homestar removes his clothes. Strong Bad shields his eyes.}

STRONG BAD: Aah! Give me a chance to shield my eyes! Whew. If it weren't for my The Cheat-like refle- {Strong Bad rolls a bunch of Rs} I would've had Homestar's nethers burned into my nethers! On my eyeballs. A jibblie-jibblie. {laughing} It's hard to keep up, you guys. Losin' it already. I need more tea. {Strong Bad runs toward the lockers} All right. where these clothes at?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing} Soapy scrubbin shower fun, tum tummy tum tummy tum tum tum.

{Strong Bad checks the center locker. Homestar's clothes are inside.}

STRONG BAD: That's creepy. That's like... how Batman always has like, floaty clothes in a glass case... somehow. I want that floaty tech. For all of my outfits.

{Strong Bad takes Homestar's clothes.}

STRONG BAD: Let this be a lesson, kids. Always shower with your clothes on. Or someone, meaning me, will steal them.

{Strong Bad closes the empty locker. He checks Pom Pom's locker.}

STRONG BAD: Let's see: full-length mirror, stunner shades, three-thousand dollar velvet training bag... yup, this must be Pom Pom's locker. All right. All right! All right?

{Strong Bad closes the locker. He leaves.}

STRONG BAD: Uh, let's see here...

{Homestar sings in the background.}

STRONG BAD: I have no idea if that's the tune.

{Strong Bad leaves out the track door.}

STRONG BAD: Ugh. Have to turn the music off, guys. Come on. {Strong Bad runs down the track} Find me some Coach Z. Let's go. What?

{Cut to the locker room door, opening slowly. Homestar Runner peeks out from behind it.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hearing? Strong Bad? Buddy? Oh boy...

{Homestar walks out naked. Coach Z cringes.}

COACH Z: Whoa, mama!

{The King of Town hides.}

KING OF TOWN: EEEE!

{Pom Pom peeks from behind a bush.}

POM POM: {in Matt's voice} Bubble.

{Homestar flees.}

{Strong Bad meets up with Coach Z.}

STRONG BAD: Yeah, yeah, whatever.

{Dialogue options for the race and Strong Bad pop up. The race option is clicked.}

STRONG BAD: So all a guy has to do is win a stupid race to get that really kick awesome trophy?

COACH Z: Not even close. In order to prove themselves worthy of the... etcetra, etcetra, you gotta beat... you gotta beat {laughing} the best of the time of all the previous styles.

STRONG BAD: Well that sucks. What's the best time?

COACH Z: As it just so happens, yours truly got the best time wayyy back in 19-ninedy nern. Check it out.

{The billboard shows the times.}

STRONG BAD: Whoa. Uh... {The dialogue options are cancelled.} Okay, what am I doing next? Got Homestar... I need to do this...

{Strong Bad examines the camera.}

STRONG BAD: {reciting Coach Z's line} Hey, wait, no wrong voice.

COACH Z: Hey, don't mess with that camera! It's something else! That I didn't have time to read!

{Strong Bad runs past the pool.}

STRONG BAD: Running by that pool... and now on the track... that pool sounds like shows up in cartoons... conveniently located wherever we need it...

{Strong Bad enters the locker room. He examines the showers.}

STRONG BAD: Personally, I'm more of a bubble bath kinda guy. A few scented candles, a glass of Chateau Boulanche, a luffa glove... sorry, kinda lost myself for a second there. All right, I'm looking back into chat. Call Marzipan on the phone. All right, here we go! Thank you.

{Strong Bad takes the cell phone out from the inventory. Options for Marzipan, Pom Pom, Strong Bad, The Cheat and Bubs appear. Marzipan is chosen.}

STRONG BAD: Let's see... speed dial number one!

{The phone dials.}

MARZIPAN: {Matt's voice} Homestar?

STRONG BAD: {as Homestar} Hewwo, Marzipan.

MARZIPAN: {Matt's voice} Are you all right? You sound funny.

STRONG BAD: {as Homestar} I wook funny! I'm just, um, out of bweaf from all the twaining. For the wace. That I've been doing.

MARZIPAN: {Matt's voice} Okay. So, when are you gonna- when are you going to run the... I've got to take the curd wrinkles out of the oven!

STRONG BAD: More like crud wrinkles. Aw, I blew that one. I blew the timing. {as Homestar} Nothing, Lambface. I was just saying that the wace is about to start wight now!

MARZIPAN: {Matt's voice} Oh dear! I better hurry on over!

STRONG BAD: {as Homestar} Hooway!

MARZIPAN: {Matt's voice} I'll see you soon! Don't start without me!

STRONG BAD: {as Homestar} Buh-bye! I'm Homestar!

{Strong Bad hangs up. The call options all pop up again.}

STRONG BAD: Sweet! Let's call The Cheat.

{The Cheat is selected.}

STRONG BAD: The Cheat has a phone... who knew?

THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}

STRONG BAD: {not as Homestar} Hey The Cheat. This is totally Homestar. Oh wait. {as Homestar} Can you come to my house and gnaw my face off? And steal my boom box and leave... it at the dwop point? Bye! {Ends the call} Sometimes I like to get creative with my mission assignments for The Cheat.

{The call options pop up again, minus The Cheat.}

STRONG BAD: Uh, what about Pom Pom? I don't have... I need to get a straw to blow bubbles. Milk.

{Pom Pom is clicked.}

STRONG BAD: Pom-pa-pa-Pom pa-pa-Pom-Pom!

POM POM: {Matt's voice} Bubble-de-bubble!

STRONG BAD: {as Homestar} Hewwo there, bawoon man. This is Homestar Wunner! Pwease don't beat me too badwy in the Wace to the End of the Wace... today, okay?

{The call options reappear, minus Pom Pom. The dialogue is cancelled. Strong Bad puts away the phone.}

STRONG BAD: Movin' on. Movin' on.

{A check mark pops up on the map icon.}

STRONG BAD: Where we going next? Uh, I did it! I got, I got check!

{The map is brought up.}

STRONG BAD: What did I get a check for? Check?

{Strong Bad flips to the Collectibles list.}

STRONG BAD: Something.

{He then flips to the Awesomeness scorecard.}

STRONG BAD: Something.

{He flips back to the map.}

STRONG BAD: I dunno. Go to Marzipan's house! I like this, all-capsiness. That's- I can see it from across the table.

{Strong Bad returns to Marzipan's house. The microphone is tapped. Strong Bad moves to examine the balloons.}

STRONG BAD: Oh, 'cause I got her to leave! Now I'm starting to remember some sense.

{Strong Bad takes Marzipan's balloons.}

STRONG BAD: {singing} Takin' Marzipan's balloons, and I don't know why... {Strong Bad hovers as he holds the balloons} Whoa! These are pretty powerful balloons! {He puts the balloons away} Feel like I'm walkin' on the moon with these things!

{Back to the front yard.}

STRONG BAD: We make a joke about not knowing why we do that.

{Strong Bad runs to the backyard}

STRONG BAD: {whispering} I don't know that I know why I've done anything in the game so far, Agnes, but I'm really enjoying myself. You guys having a good time? Destroy the statue, can't wait for the next episode. Hey, that Six-Sadded Die's comin' up! I just watched the cut of it, with special guest Lucky Yates, TV's-es Archer's-es Creeger's-es Lucky Yateses.

{Strong Bad opens the inventory.}

STRONG BAD: Here we go. {The shears are taken to the float} Here we go. That's right. That's right. {mumbling softly} I take the hedge shears, and I'll just gently place them on the neck, of the Homestar papier mache statue. That's right, far out.

{Strong Bad is about to cut down the head of the float. It takes him a few seconds to catch up with the subtitle.}

STRONG BAD: {quickly} Why hello, Mr. Enormous Noggin Homestar. What can I do for you today? {as Homestar} Nothing too fancy, Mr. Old Timey Barber Strong Bad! Just a little bit off the top. {as himself, readying the hedge shears} Anything you say, sir...

{Strong Bad cleanly shears off Homestar's head, which knocks down a tiki torch. The statue goes up in smoke.}

STRONG BAD: Whoa, that went even better than expected. Uh-oh, here comes trouble.

MARZIPAN: {Matt's voice} That darn Homestar! As if I didn't have enough to do without pointlessly running back and forth to the... What the?

{Marzipan turns to find Homestar's giant head peeking from behind her bushes.}

MARZIPAN: {Matt's voice} Homestar! Did you do this!?

{The head of the Homestar float moves sheepishly.}

MARZIPAN: {Matt's voice} Nothing to say? Well fine, you party-wrecking dummy! I hope you lose your precious Race to the End of the Race! {Marzipan storms off} Humph!

STRONG BAD: Man, I'd hate to be you right now, Homestar. Or would I, questy-hint?

{Strong Bad takes the head. The Rank Up jingle plays.}

STRONG BAD: Uh... 'kay, so I got Homestar's clothes, I got Homestar's head...

{The map is opened.}

STRONG BAD: Back to the Track. Back to the Track. Right?

{The Track is clicked. Strong Bad sings along with the fanfare as he enters.}

STRONG BAD: We now return. {Strong Bad puts on the Homestar suit} Here we go. {as Homestar} Oh, hewwo! I'm Homestar Wunner! Toons! Games! Emaaail! {as himself} Shut up, Homestar! Whoa, I even had myself convinced. This is gonna be hilarious!

{Strong Bad begins to run down the track in the Homestar suit.}

STRONG BAD: Here we go. To Coach Z I guess? Looks pretty great, wearing that thing around, though. I do like it. I do like it.

{Strong Bad talks to Coach Z.}

STRONG BAD: Quiet, you. {as Homestar} Hewwo, Coach. It is I, Homestar, and I'm weady to wace!

COACH Z: Homestar! Your head is huge! You're not on any of those illegal performance enhancers I hear about on the ter-ter-ber, are you? Rub? Are you on the Rub? Is it the rub?

STRONG BAD: Me, Homestar, cheat? It is to laugh! Ha-ha-ha-ha!

COACH Z: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Oh, I needed that. Well, now that you're finally ready to go, let's begin the...

KING OF TOWN: Free Country USA Triannual Race to the End of the Race!

{Coach Z is at the starting line with Strong Bad and Pom Pom.}

COACH Z: Okay, as you're no doubt aware, the, oohwa-etcetra is a race against time! {The camera pans down the obstacle course} Not only doooo... you have to put up the time against each other, but you also gotta the previous best time, as estairblished by yours truly, {return to the starting line} in 1999 over there. All righty then, let's get started. Pom Pom, you're up first.

{Pom Pom gets ready.}

KING OF TOWN: On your mark, get set and-a-GO!

{Pom Pom shoots away.}

STRONG BAD: Peow!

COACH Z: Whoa, 5.3 seconds. {Pom Pom returns to the start.} Not only did that beat my time, I'd say that's going to be pert-near impossible to beat. Ready, Homestar?

STRONG BAD: {as Homestar} Hey wait, don't I get any instwuctions or anything?

COACH Z: Whaddya need instructions for? You've been training weeks.

STRONG BAD: {as Homestar} Oh yeah, that's right. I've been... twaining.

{Strong Bad begins the race.}

KING OF TOWN: On your marks, get set, and-a-go!

{Strong Bad starts on the rolling log in the pool.}

STRONG BAD: Whoa, man. I'm gonna be so bad at this with a mouse! Whaddo I do? Whaddo I do? I don't know what to do!

{The mouse clicks on the space ahead of Strong Bad, allowing him to balance as he walks forward on the log.}

STRONG BAD: There we go, there we go. Whuuaaah! {Strong Bad starts rolling again.} Nope, come on, come on. Hard to do. {Strong Bad moves a few more steps} This is hard to do with a Wiimote, if I remember correctly. Come on. You can do it! I'm going so fast you can {laughs}.

{Strong Bad begins singing along with the game's background music from action figure.}

STRONG BAD: Switch to the dispensor fist to ooze radioactive goo! I love this action figure music. Some of my best works. Come on, almost there. If... I have no idea what the mechanics are here, you guys.

{Strong Bad leaps off to the pogo stick.}

STRONG BAD: Many games in adventure games. Boing!

{As Strong Bad grabs the Heavy Lourde, he crashes to the ground.}

STRONG BAD: Whoa! Oof! Ow!

{Strong Bad gest up, picks up the pogo stick and the Heavy Lourde, and continues.}

STRONG BAD: Oape! Come on! {Strong Bad steadily leaps his way across the track} Oh, this is thrilling! Thrilling! Thrilling! Thrilling! Jumping! Action! Heavy! Lourde! Holding! Fun! For the whole! Family! Everybody!

{Strong Bad makes it to the end and begins running.}

STRONG BAD: Here we go! Last one! {Strong Bad leaps the turtle} Whoa! Tortoise! {Strong Bad leaps the milk} And a box of milk! Box! {Strong Bad bumps into the hurdle} Oof! Oh...

{Strong Bad crosses the finish line. He returns to the start, panting.}

COACH Z: Wow, Homestar, that was one of the worst performances I've ever seen in the etcetra! You should be... downright ashaaermed!

{Pom Pom's line is not recited.}

COACH Z: Yeah, and embarassed!

STRONG BAD: {as Homestar} I guess I was just too clumsy, lame, and not cool to win...

COACH Z: You said a mouthful, youngster! Pom Pom, step into my office. We gots to fill out a buncha paperwork before we can send the tape off to the judges.

{Coach Z and Pom Pom leave. Marzipan arrives.}

MARZIPAN: {Matt's voice} There you are, you insensitive party pooping pyromaniac! You and I are T-H-R-U through!

{Marzipan leaves. The King of Town arrives on the other side.}

KING OF TOWN: And don't think I've forgotten about your little naked escapade, you currently giant-headed hooligan! You'll rue the day you exposed your giblets to a government official!

{The King of Town leaves.}

STRONG BAD: {as Homestar} Booo me!

{Clock wipe. The screen turns black for a second, exposing Matt's reflection.}

MATT: {as Strong Bad, waving} Ooh! Hi again!

{Strong Bad walks through the front door past his kitchen.}

STRONG BAD: Well, I didn't get a chance to pummel Homestar with my fists or beat him in a race, but I did succeed in turning him into a—

{Strong Bad walks downstairs into the basement.}

STRONG BAD: —publicly humiliated criminal fugitive without a girlfriend. And I didn't even have to use my AK...

{Homestar is sitting on the couch.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh hey, Strong Bad.

STRONG BAD: Homestar? What the crap are doing here in my hallowed halls?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Now that I'm a publicly humiliated criminal fugitive without a girlfriend, you're the only friend I've got, so I'm gonna go ahead and crash here for a couple of weeks or years until I put my life back together.

{Strong Bad shouts angrily at the ceiling.}

STRONG BAD: Irony!!

{The game automatically saves.}

STUB'D! This section of the page is incomplete. You can help the Homestar Runner Wiki by expanding it.


Fun Facts

Trivia

Inside References

  • The Technical Difficulties sign from pizzaz is used.

Fast Forward

External Links

Personal tools