No Hands On Deck!
From Homestar Runner Wiki
| Toon Category: Shorts |
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Homestar decides to build a deck... with galvanized nails!
Cast (in order of appearance): Homestar Runner, Cardboard Marzipan, The King of Town, The Cheat, Pom Pom, Strong Sad, Bubs, Coach Z.
Places: Marshmallow's Last Stand, The King of Town's Castle, The Stick, Marzipan's House, Strong Sad's Room, The Field, Coach Z's Locker Room, Bubs' Concession Stand
Date: August 14, 2006
Running Time: 3:07
Page title: Homestar Decker-Slaney!
Contents |
Transcript
{The toon opens in Marshmallow's Last Stand with Homestar Runner sitting across from Cardboard Marzipan.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {as Cardboard Marzipan} And they feed the ducks through a tube. Don't you think that's awful?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Look, girl sitting across from me. I gotta level with you. I'm gonna go build a deck!
{Homestar runs away from the table. He pops up from under the table to imitate Cardboard Marzipan}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {as Cardboard Marzipan} I gots to find me a new man.
{Cut to The King of Town eating something white in a bowl. Homestar pops up from under the table.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey King of Town! {King of Town spits out a remote control} I'm gonna build a deck!
{Cut to The Cheat knitting in The Field. Homestar pops out from behind The Stick.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: The Cheat, I'm deckin' it out!
{Cut to Homestar standing on Marzipan's couch. Pom-Pom is holding a camera and a boom mic is overhead.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: I am the Deckman! D-E-C-K-E-M-A-N!
{Cut to Strong Sad lying in bed. Homestar pops out from under the covers.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh! Hi, Strong Sad... Um... Not sure how I got in here... I'll just... go back the way I came.
{Homestar dissapears under the covers.}
STRONG SAD: I have GOT to get my prescription changed!
{"The Local Newspapes" appears with headline "No Hands On Deck}
{Cut to Homestar and Bubs in The Field. Homestar is wearing a tool belt and leaning against a stack of wood.}
BUBS: Now what's all this about, Homestar?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: What, you didn't know? Yeah, I'm building me a deck. Using galvanized nails. That's right, that's right. I said I'm using galvanized nails {mumbles last two words}.
BUBS: Galvanized nails, eh? Sounds legit. We can chill out on it an drink melonade all summer long.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, melonade! We haven't talked about that much lately! Maybe we can eat some {Homestar's head turns into the older animation style} marshmallows {Homestar's head turns back to normal} too!
BUBS: And I like to dance! {beat plays and Bubs does a little dance} Well, I'll let you get back to work. I'll swing by later on with a sixer of Melonade!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Make it a seven-er.
BUBS: Aroo-got it!
{Cut to Coach Z's Locker Room.}
COACH Z: Galvanized, you don't say?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, it's pretty legit. I was thinking about writing a musical about it too. Maybe call it, "My Good Great Deck". I'll probably get Rappaport to star in it.
COACH Z: What about me? I wanna be in your myorsical! I could be the orphan! {Coach Z switches his hat to a flat cap and starts singing} Oh where is my mother, dee doo?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: That's a good one, Coach. A really... really... good {the shot zooms in with each of the last three words} one. Well, I better get back to work if I'm gonna build a deck in this cartoon.
{Homestar leaves}
COACH Z: {holds up four Tony trophies} But what abrat my four Tony Awards?
{Cut to Homestar sitting across from Cardboard Marzipan in Marshmallow's Last Stand}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: 'Kipedia said vulcanized was the way to go. But I dang old knew better. Galvanized, galvanized, galvanized, that's what I always say!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {as Cardboard Marzipan} Homestar, are you using galvanized nails to hide the fact that you don't know how to build a deck?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: I'm gonna... have to get back to you on that one... Peow! {a small cloud of dust appears, but nothing happens} ... ahem... Let's try that again. Peow! {runs off, leaving behind another small cloud of dust}
{Sequence illustrating Homestar building a deck}
{Cut to Bubs and Homestar standing on top of Bubs' Concession Stand}
BUBS: Well, I'm impressed, Homestar. When you said you were building a deck, I figured it would end up being something stupid and terrible. You know, 'cause you were building it.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, me too!
BUBS: But I think I could get used to this!
{Looks out over The Field which is now completely covered in wood}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Here's to galvanized nails, and cardboard females!
BUBS: I'll drink to that!
Fun Facts
Explanations
- Galvanization is the process of coating steel or iron with zinc to reduce corrosion. Thus, galvanized nails are zinc-coated nails.
- Vulcanization is the curing of rubber. This makes the rubber harder and more durable.
- The term "Ham and Egger" refers to a mediocre or bland athlete, a reference to the fact that ham and eggs is a "ordinary" meal. The slang term term was widely used in the world of professional boxing, where it meant either an ordinary grade sparring partner or a palooka, a loser. A "ham and egger" is the opposite of a contender.
- Feeding ducks "through a tube" refers to a technique used to enlarge duck livers for the preparation of foie gras by force-feeding cornmeal down the throat several times a day. The alleged harmful effects of this technique are debated among environmental activists and foie gras producers. At the time of this toon's release, the Associated Press and other major news organizations were running stories on the Chicago ban on foie gras that went into effect on the released date of the toon.
Trivia
- The newspaper reads...
The Local Newspapes
NO HANDS ON DECK!!
Area Man To Build Deck
FCUSA - The world waits with baited breath
as local ham n' egger Homestar Runner
prepares to break ground on a wooden
deck-like Structure of what can only be
described (by him) as 'deckic proportions.'The 'Deckeman?'
Strong Sad Unavailable
For Comment!
Last seen at local apothecary Bubs' Concession
- The last time melonade was mentioned was in Halloween Potion-Ma-Jig, but was actually seen last in anything.
Inside References
- The title of the short refers to Homestar's lack of visible arms.
- The cardboard cutout rendering of Marzipan is from Happy Fireworks.
- The King of Town is eating the remote control of the Telebision.
- While saying "marshmallows", Homestar's head briefly transforms to its Jumping Jack Contest form.
- Bubs' dance moves are the spin and flip from Dancing Bubs.
- The newspaper is called The Local Newspapes, which is also the name of the newspaper in the Dangeresque series.
- Homestar's line "if I'm gonna build a deck in this cartoon" breaks the fourth wall.
Real-World References
- The name "Homestar Decker-Slaney" is a reference to U.S. middle-distance runner Mary Decker-Slaney.
- The name "Rappaport" may be a reference to Herb Gardner's Tony award winning play "I'm Not Rappaport", or to stage and film actor Michael Rapaport.
- 'Kipedia is in reference to the Wikipedia.
