Hremail 62

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Toon Category: Shorts
watch Coach Z's 110% Hremail 2000
Hremail #62
Hremail 24 Hremail 2000
"Nothing like a little educaysh at the foundaysh!"

Homestar tells Chuck from Rochester all about the Homestar Runner Bechieve to Alieve Foundation in the first ever full-length Hremail.

Cast (in order of appearance): Homestar Runner, Arturo 9000, Strong Sad, Bubs

Places: Hremail Room, Homestar Runner's Bedroom, Bubs' Concession Stand

Date: Monday, January 26, 2009

Running Time: 3:06

Page Title: Arturo 9000!



{Opens to a silhouette of Homestar Runner sitting at a table with a coffee mug, which can be seen labeled "Soup, Not Coffee". The camera is zooming in on him.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Don't look now kids, it's everyone's favorite knock-kneed weightlifter, Homestar Runner!

{Music, to the tune of Homestar's Theme Song, and applause; scene zooms out and is lit. The desk is shown to have the label "This guy!" on the front of it, with an arrow pointing to Homestar. Homestar himself is smiling looking back and forth.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Thanks, silhouette! Today's letter {Pulls out a sheet of paper that is rotated in landscape form.} comes from Chuck from Rochester. {reads}

{The email is read with a view of the sheet scrolling down as Homestar reads it. Homestar begins reading in a deep voice which gradually turns back into his normal voice as he continues. He says "Cultural Advancement" in a faux French accent, and doesn't read the signature.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {Cut to a close shot of Homestar's desk. He does not have the letter anymore.} Oh yes, most definitely, Doctor! {Cut to a monochrome photo of a brick, 1950s-like building. While Homestar talks, the view continues to zoom out, eventually showing in a wooden frame.} Established in 1994, the Homestar Runner "Bechieve to Alieve" Foundition, commonly known as, {Scene zooms out to reveal the scene in a picture on an orange dresser.} this drawer, {fanfare} this drawer, {The camera zooms in on it and angles; fanfare.} this drawer! {It zooms in and angles again with a dutch angle. After that there is a cut to a full view of Homestar, who has been to the left of the dresser the entire time of this scene.} Would make an excellent field, road, or head trip for you and your studentia. {Cut to a close-up of Homestar. He is squinting his eyes.} Is that the plural of student, studentia? {His eyes return to normal} Anyway, {Cut to the view of Homestar and dresser again} let's see what the foundaysh has to offer!

{Homestar bends over to the right and opens drawer and a cut to a top-view reveals a dank inside with a half brown, half yellow crayon smashed together in the bottom-left corner. The labels on the crayons are combined, reading "Brœllow". There are also various items such as a picture of Homestar, various stars, and a paper clip in the back of the drawer.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ooh! Smell all that culture and education! {Cut to Homestar.} First up on our tour, is this {Homestar takes out the brellow crayon.} brellow crown! {Turns to the crayon.} and what a rich history it has! It dates all the way back to this one time. {Turns to the left.} Arturo, if you please!

{Cut to a microfiche reader sitting on the desk.}

ARTURO: {While it talks the screen flashes.} Coming right up, Mr. Runner! {A scene of Homestar holding a brown crayon and walking to Bubs' Concession Stand comes on screen from the bottom-right corner; the camera zooms in to video.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, I sure love my brown crown!

{Cut to Strong Sad walking the other way from the other corner of the stand, holding a yellow crayon.}

STRONG SAD: Oh, yellow crayon, only you know what really happened!

{Cut to Bubs at the concession stand holding a purple wrench}

BUBS: Dangit, purple wrench!

{Concession stand shakes to the sound of a thump.}



BUBS: {Turns to the left, he starts to look angry} All right, young lovers! Knock it off back there!

{Cut back to Homestar at the drawer at a close-up.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: My brellow crown is instrumental in the drawing of buttered toast, {Holds up a picture with a drawing of toast on it to the left of the screen. Throughout this part Homestar points his crayon to the drawings he brings up.}, not quite hornets, {Holds up a picture of a brown and yellow "zornet" on the right side of the screen, overlapping part of the toast drawing.}, and the sun, with a 'fro. {Holds up a picture of the sun with a brown afro and the caption "SOL SOUL" in the center of the screen, overlapping them both. After he finishes, he throws all the papers and the brellow crayon.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Next item up for tour, is my collection of old Homestars! {Cut back to drawer, Homestar is picking up the variations of stars that appeared earlier.} They provide a unique cross section of my many facets!

{Cut to Homestar Runner where the desk is partly visible; Holds up a star-shaped cloud.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Roundy here, is from back when I was known as the {Homestar puts "Roundy" on the star on his shirt, and he tips his torso back.} Popcorn Lumper! {He drops Roundy and holds up a golden star bedazzled with jewels, with the glittery noises being heard.} This one's from my brief stint as {He puts an angry expression on his face.} supreme emperor! {Squints; puts it up to the star on his chest.} Of... Marzipan's... rhinestone jazzler. {Un-squints} And you won't believe {Drops jeweled star and brings up a crusty paper star. The star is outlined with a calligraphic pen.} why I had to replace this old guy! Talk about cultural! That mess was like, {Puts the crusty star over the star on his shirt.} four score!

{Cut to Homestar from the "colonial days", with a powdered wig and writing on a desk with a quill pen. He's wearing the tattered paper star, which is still just as tattered as in the previous scene, but lacking the stain.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {He mumbles while he finishes writing.} And with that, I am done {Waves quill pen in front of his face.} tickling my face! {Pulls out a sloppy joe} Mhm! Sloppy Joseph! {Takes a bite out of it; some spills on his star. The camera zooms in on the star.} Aw, crap!

{Cut back to Homestar Runner leaning over the drawer.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Last up on the tour is this photo of Marzipan and I, on a honeymoon! {Pulls out a photo of Homestar and Marzipan on a beach, with a coupon for an oil filter taped above Marzipan.} Not ours! {Close up of the photo.} I think it was some couple from Canada's. {Cut back to Homestar and the drawer.} Or, Cancun...nada. {He puts the photo on his chest. The camera begins to zoom-in on him.} Ah, we were young and in every 3,000 miles back then!

{Cut back to Homestar's desk, Homestar walks and sits down.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: So bring the kids on down, Chuck! {Close-up.} Nothing like a little educaysh at the {Pops up at the camera.} foundaysh! {Sits back down.} It's the best I could do on short notice. Unless you want to wait until 2012, {He pops up at the camera again. He talks in a louder tone.} when Homestar Dinoland will finally be complete!

{Cut to close up on Arturo's screen; a postcard from Homestar Dinoland shows up. It consists of its logo at the top-left corner, with a silhouetted parking lot, as well with a silhouetted adult and child below. An angry dinosaur that has Homestar's hat is standing not too far from the parking lot.}

NARRATOR: Homestar Dinoland opening July 2012. Actual attraction may just be a nightstand.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {The dinosaur's mouth moves with his dialog throughout.} A whaaaaaaat?

NARRATOR: {Hastily} I-I mean a drawer.


NARRATOR: I mean, a dwaw.


NARRATOR: {Exasperated sigh}... a dweeoooowwwww.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: That's better!

{"email homestar runner at" appears on the screen.}

Easter Eggs

Not just a stapler!

Fun Facts



  • This toon was only listed on the New Stuff menu at the time of its release, and was removed during the post-Flash site update. On January 20, 2021, it was added to the Shorts category.
  • This toon was released after a 34 day release gap on the website.
  • The oil coupon reads:
$5.00 Off
oil filters

Oil Filters
or Lube
  • The front of the Rhinestone Jazzler box reads:
*Not just a stapler!

While the side of the box reads:

Umm... well, maybe it's sort of a stapler :p


  • Homestar manipulates three separate pieces of paper and the brellow crayon at the same time, which, given the position in which he's holding them, would normally require four arms.
  • Homestar's use of "a photo of Marzipan and I" is grammatically incorrect. The proper grammar would be "a photo of Marzipan and me."


The Red Iculous white wall.
  • An instant before zooming in on the drawer the third time, the red wall disappears.
  • After Homestar picks up his Founding Father star and lowers his Supreme Emperor star, you can still click where the Emperor star was to bring up the Easter egg.
  • When Homestar first holds up the Founding Father star, a small part of the pencil drawing on the front of it leaves where the star folds.
  • In the honeymoon picture, the picture of Homestar blinks.

Inside References

Real-World References

  • The "Jazzler" is based on the Bedazzler, which has a similar function. Like the Jazzler, it also resembles a stapler.
  • The origin of the brellow crayon is a reference to the "You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!" commercials for Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
  • "That mess was like, four score!" refers to the opening of Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address. Lincoln, speaking in 1863, dated the signing of the Declaration of Independence to "four score and seven years ago".

Fast Forward

  • Homestar would once again thank his "shadow self" in the same way in Hremail 2000.

External Links

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