Homestar Runner Goes for the Gold

From Homestar Runner Wiki

This article is about the toon. For the book, see Homestar Runner Goes For The Gold!.

Homestar and Strong Bad find an old discarded script for another children's book.

Cast (In order of appearance): Homestar Runner, Strong Bad, Pom Pom, Mr. Bland, Strong Mad, Strong Sad/Strong Glad, The Cheat, Dijjery-doo, The Announcer, Grape Fairy, The Sneak, Coach Z, Bubs

Places:

Date: Saturday, December 24, 2016 (actual); Friday, December 16, 2016 (main page)

Running Time: 6:24

Page Title: Unearthed and rebirthed!

Contents 1 Transcript 2 Easter Eggs 3 Fun Facts 4 External Links

Transcript

{Over a spooky-sounding chord, some text appears over a blue screen:

"20 years ago, two guys made this book:"

An image of Homestar Runner Enters the Strongest Man in the World Contest appears below it. After a few seconds, the text and book disappear, to be replaced with:

"A month later, they wrote the next Homestar Runner story,"

Which is followed with some pieces of notebook paper with the script on them, followed by

"and then promptly forgot about it."

Followed shortly by:

"Until now..."

Cut to Homestar Runner's house in silhouette, with a shed behind it. Homestar and Strong Bad leave the house and head toward the shed.}

{Zoom in full to the shed with Homestar Runner and Strong Bad}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh man, Strong Bad. You're not gonna believe this thing. {opens front shed door} Wait until you see this thing! {Takes out a large container, drops it in front of Strong Bad, and opens the lid} This thing's gonna take a life! Blow your mind! Break your nose!

STRONG BAD: And shut the dang up and let's see it already!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Okay. Okay. Um. It's um... It's right... um... {starts looking back and forth frantically}

STRONG BAD: Homestar, did you ramble on for some long that you forgot what you were going to show me?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Um, no. And furthermore, no. {looks into the container} And it, um, is... {pulls a rubber burger out of the container} Squeakburger. {squeezes it twice} Burger burger.

STRONG BAD: {looking down into the container} Whoa! Look at this! {grabs an item from the container}

{Cut to view of Strong Bad holding the book}

STRONG BAD: The Homestar Runner and The Brothers Strong? An unfinished second children's book by Mike & Craig?! {Mike's name is covered with a brown marker and Craig's name is blurred out and censor tones play as Strong Bad says their names.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I've never heard of either one of them. I think those are terrible!

STRONG BAD: Come on, let's read it right dang now!

{Cut to a storybook cover of Homestar Runner standing in front of a red and yellow submarine with a white star on it.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: The Homestar Runner and the Bathyscaphe. A book where I take an underwater intrigue, man. Underwater pant.

{The storybook cover bursts as a cloud}

STRONG BAD: Uh, maybe I should read it.

{Cut to storybook cover of Homestar Runner and the Brothers Strong}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} The Homestar Runner and the Brothers Strong, aka Homestar Runner Goes for the Gold aka, old glue turns gross and brown and you let it sit around for 10 years. {the title changes as he says the alternate names}

{transition to the first page of the book}

STRONG BAD: Everyone loves the Homestar Runner. He is a terrific athlete.

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: {moves up} Ding!

{page turn}

STRONG BAD: Tomorrow is the annual triathlon. {Cut to a scene with Pom Pom, Homestar Runner, and Mr. Bland all practising} Homestar Runner's team, the All-Stars {says All-Stars sluggishly and the respective words sink on the page} is practicing as we speak.

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: Whistle loud, Pom Pom! {blows his whistle} Come on guys! Whistle to the max! {blows his whistle multiple times}

{Cut to Strong Mad, Tiny-Handed Strong Bad, and Strong Sad in the Storybook Field with the Jam Box.}

STRONG BAD: The Homestar Runner's rivals, Strong Bad, Strong Mad, and Strong Sad {says Strong Sad sluggishly and the respective words on the page sink} are having a hot team meeting.

TINY-HANDED STRONG BAD: Strong Sad. You are too weak. You must be replaced by ... {The Cheat walks up from the right and makes a The Cheat noise} Dijjery-Doo! {The word "Dijjery-Doo" does not appear in the text box below. Dijjery-Doo walks up from the right side as The Cheat makes a displeased noise and black smoke rises from his head.}

{Cut back to Homestar Runner and Strong Bad reading the storybook in the Storybook Field}

STRONG BAD: The heck is Dijjery-Doo?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I tried to warn ya. I washed my hands before this whole affair.

STRONG BAD: I guess he looks kinda cool. Maybe he'll turn out all right.

{Cut back to the storybook with Tiny-Handed Strong Bad and Dijjery-Doo}

DIJJERY-DOO: Hey Strong Bad. I just want to say how happy I am to be part of the team. And the— ah! {Dijjery-Doo's right tooth falls out as both Dijjery-Doo and Tiny-Handed Strong Bad look at it. The last sentence does not appear in the text box.}

TINY-HANDED STRONG BAD: I'm immediately regretting this decision.

STRONG BAD: Said uncharacteristically candid Strong Bad.

{Cut to the All-Stars training as Strong Sad walks dejectedly in the foreground}

STRONG BAD: Rejected, Strong Sad moped pass the All-Stars.

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: What's {blows his whistle multiple times} wrong? {blows his whistle even more}

STRONG BAD: [asked The Homestar Runner.] said the greatest communicator on the planet.

{Cut to close-up shot with just Strong Sad and The Homestar Runner}

STRONG SAD: My brothers kicked me off the team and replaced me with Dijjery-Doo. {Strong Sad is interrupted at "Dijj—"}

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: {interrupting} Yeah, yeah. We know all that. Chin up and start getting ready for next year.

{Cut to wider shot of Homestar and Pom Pom walking to the right as Mr. Bland does cartwheels.}

STRONG BAD: ...said The Homestar Runner as they left to compete.

{Cut to a silhouetted shot of everybody at the starting line}

STRONG BAD: All the teams lined up for the first event. {cut to shot of the banner above the starting line} Running!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I'm getting chills to see how I dominated this one!

{Pan down to the starting line with just Pom Pom and Strong Mad}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Wait, what? {music stops} Pom Pom?

{Cut back to Homestar Runner and Strong Bad reading the book in The Field}

STRONG BAD: I'm more worried about how this is clearly roller-skating. Is that what they called running in the mid-nineties?

THE ANNOUNCER: Ready! Set! {Strong Mad starts skating} Go! {Pom Pom starts skating}

STRONG BAD: Strong Mad gets an early lead. And wins!

{Cut to a scoreboard}

STRONG BAD: After the first time, the Strong Stars have a lead. {The Grape Fairie appears and changes the Strong Star's score to 1} On to the next event: {Cut to The Homestar Runner and Tiny-Handed Strong Bad at the pool} Swimming! {Cut to The Homestar Runner on his submarine} The Homestar Runner wins! What?!

{Cut back to Homestar Runner and Strong Bad in The Field}

STRONG BAD: You get a friggin' submarine and all's I get is a fish crammed through my head?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, you know. Standard Collegiate Swimming Rules. Please chant them.

{Cut to the Grape Fairie with a giant scroll with the title "Standard Collegiate Swimming Rules". Rules appear on the scroll as the Grape Fairie says them.}

THE GRAPE FAIRIE: Rule 1: The Homestar Runner gets a state-of-the-art bathyscaphe-type situation. Rule 2: Strong Bad... fish crammed through his head.

{Cut back to the scoreboard as The Grape Fairie adds a point to the All-Star's score}

STRONG BAD: Now his team is even with Strong Bad's team. Whoever wins the last event gets the gold!

{Cut to the Storybook Field with a banner above it reading "FLYING!". Mr. Bland and Dijjery-Doo and seen, with Mr. Bland a pair of wings and Dijjery-Doo a small propeller.}

STRONG BAD: Everyone's ready for the flying event! {Cut to a close-up of Mr. Bland as The Cheat walks up to him} Suddenly, Strong Bad's minion {The Cheat makes agreeing noises} the sneak, {The Sneak, with no storybook stylizing, walks up in front of The Cheat in front of Mr. Bland with a wooden baseball bat in his mouth. The Cheat walks away angrily with black smoke over his head.} cripples Mr. Bland. {Mr. Bland and The Sneak devolve into a fighting cloud of dust as The Sneak emerges fine and Mr. Bland badly injured and his wings beaten up} Everyone else takes off. {Dijjery-Doo's propeller begins to turn and he abruptly takes off}

{Cut to Pom Pom and The Homestar Runner looking at the crippled Mr. Bland}

STRONG BAD: What will the All-Stars do?

{Cut to The Homestar Runner in the foreground and Strong Sad in the background}

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: Strong Sad, come take these broken wings {holds up Mr. Bland's broken wings} and learn to fly.

{There is a white flash as it cuts back to before The Homestar Runner says his line to Strong Sad}

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: Strong Sad, you've got to fly. {holds up Mr. Bland's broken wings} Fly to the angels.

{There is a white flash as it cuts back to before The Homestar Runner says his line to Strong Sad}

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: Strong Sad, you're motoring. {holds up Mr. Bland's broken wings} What's your price for flight?

STRONG BAD: said Homestar.

{Cut to a team picture of Pom Pom with skates, Strong Sad with the broken wings, and The Homestar Runner with swimming equipment}

STRONG BAD: Strong Sad was now an All-Star. They were back in business! {cut to a silhouette of the Storybook Field as Strong Sad and Dijjery-Doo are both in the sky flying} Strong Sad was making all kinds of ground. {Cut to a close-up of Strong Sad} He sure has a knack for this flying stuff.

STRONG SAD: I'm glad that I'm flying! {Strong Sad suddenly sports long legs with red heels, akin to Strong Glad's design. He starts flying faster, and he looks behind at his new legs.} Woo-hoo!

{Cut to Tiny-Handed Strong Bad}

TINY-HANDED STRONG BAD: Ewww!

{Cut to The Homestar Runner}

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: Um...no {pause} Just no. {closes his eyes, then opens one}

{Coach Z pops up from the left}

COACH Z: I am into this!

{Cut to Bubs}

BUBS: I don't like it! And I am now in this book.

{Cut back to the cover of Homestar Runner and The Brothers Strong as a sticker reading "now with 100% more Bubs!" is slapped onto it}

{Cut back to Dijjery-Doo in the sky}

STRONG BAD: Dijjery-Doo was being passed by the high-flying Strong Sad.

TINY-HANDED STRONG BAD: Dijjery do something, Dijjery-Doo.

STRONG BAD: said master wordsmith Strong Bad. {cut back to Dijjery-Doo} He made a last-ditch effort to sabotage the All-Stars.

DIJJERY-DOO: {This text does not appear in the text box at the bottom} Okay, Strong Bad. I've got {pulls out a red and yellow missile} this little thing here. Oh! {Dijjery-Doo fumbles with the missile as his right tooth falls out. He falls from the sky with the missile in his hands.}

{Cut to Tiny-Handed Strong Bad looking up as Dijjery-Doo's disembodied right-tooth pierces Strong Bad's head and he falls on his back. Dijjery-Doo lands on top of Tiny-Handed Strong Bad as the missile subsequently explodes. Dijjery-Doo's propellor is destroyed and part of Tiny-Handed Strong Bad's head is blown off.}

STRONG BAD: Dijjery-Doo's plan backfired. {music stops} Uh, yeah, you think? You sure you didn't want to use any more adjectives there? Like, catastrophically head-chunkularly {both words are are added to the book in Strong Bad's handwriting} backfired? Maybe?

{Cut to the scoreboard as The Grape Fairie raises the All-Star's score to 2}

STRONG BAD: The All-Stars win! {cut to the whole storybook crew as Strong Sad stands in the middle with a medallion and glamerous legs} Getting the gold for The Homestar Runner changed Strong Sad. He is now Strong Glad.

{The music in the background raises in volume as Strong Sad begins to dance. The rest of the storybook characters begin to back away.}

{Cut to Homestar Runner and Strong Bad in The Field reading the storybook}

STRONG BAD: Yo, is this gonna leave Strong Sad with those... {his mouth trembles} those...

HOMESTAR RUNNER: HLLs? Hot Lady Legs? Yeah. I told you it was terrible!

STRONG BAD: Yeah, man. That piece of masking tape knows what it's talking about. That was some premium grade-A {cut to masking tape with the words "old H*R crap" written on it} old Homestar Runner crap.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Well, hey, look! {holds up whistle} I found my old whistle! {makes whistle sounds, but not with the whistle}

STRONG BAD: Yeah, uh, I don't think you're using that right.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {continues to make more whistle noises} And so dings a great new era in Homestar Runner talk! {makes more whistle noises}

STRONG BAD: Oh...

{Homestar Runner makes more whistle noises as he walks off-screen to the right}

STRONG BAD: Fantastic.

{Cut to silhouette of the shed and the house as Homestar Runner walks to his house while making whistle noises}

STRONG BAD: I sure hope this continues for the next 20 years. {Homestar peeks out of his house making more whistle noises}

{Cut to the Homestar Runner logo with the star replaced with a whistle and the numbers "1996 - 2016" below it. The whistle moves as Homestar Runner makes more whistle noises}

Easter Eggs

Fun Facts

External Links

• watch "Homestar Runner Goes for the Gold" on the old Flash site
• view the Flash file for "Homestar Runner Goes for the Gold"