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If I Were An Eldritch Man


HOMESTAR RUNNER: {walks up} Oh, hey, Strong Bad. Guess what I've got here.

STRONG BAD: So we're just going right into it? No segues?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Nah, I think they've waited long enough. Not beating around the bush this week.

STRONG BAD: All right, so whatcha got? Aside from my old lines.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I got a new pet! My very own Slenderm'n! {pulls out a strange miniature Homestar in a black suit, without any eyes or a hat. It immediately begins gumming Homestar's leg.} Aw, look at that little guy go.

STRONG BAD: {obvious distress} Wait. Your new pet is some kind of eldritch abomination, that no one really understands the motives or even origin of??


STRONG BAD: {immediately switches to delighted} That's awesome! I still keep Yog-Sothoth under Strong Sad's bed myself.

{as they talk, Strong Sad runs by in the background, deeply agitated. The other three characters watch him run by, backs to the camera}

STRONG SAD: The eyes! The eyes! The dead are watching me! {runs off-screen}

STRONG BAD: {yelling after him} Yeah, and the mothers are watching you!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {begins dancing} Be careful in all that you do~

STRONG BAD: Don't beat the reference into the ground, man.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Sorry, Strong Bad. But you know what eldritch abomination you really have to watch out for around here?

STRONG BAD: There's that lack of segues again.


{the camera whip-pans over to Homsar}

HOMSAR: AaAaAaAaAaA'll open my six mouths, and sing the song that end the world!

{Homsar stands stock still for several moments. Then a black tentacle briefly licks out from under his hat.}

STRONG BAD: Oh, um, I have to go to—

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I forgot to take out the, um—

SLENDERM'N: {in Bubs' voice} I forgot to wash my, the, uh—


STRONG BAD and HOMESTAR RUNNER: ...Preeeow! {all three jump off screen}

{slow intense zoom on Homsar's eyes, as the screen slowly fades to black. After a few moments, there is an abrupt end, and the screen goes dark with a loud screech}

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