From Homestar Runner Wiki

Revision as of 00:05, 14 May 2022

209 Seconds (Rough Estimate)

(The entirety of 160 Seconds, but with "160" in the intro replaced with "209")

4 branches: HOMESTAR: Chinese b-

the chair: STRONG BAD: Class!

what i want: MARZIPAN: Forgettably precious.

looking old: MARZIPAN: Up to your chin right

strong badathlon: STRONG BAD: To the wrong athletes

unnatural: STRONG BAD: Kill him? STRONG SAD: We do-

the movies: HOMESTAR: -tuce. Throw

your funeral: HOMESTAR: Abraham Lincoln

from work: HOMESTAR: -veges. It helps

rough copy: STRONG SAD: -tellectual property.

underlings: STRONG BAD: Get Mrs. Hard-

more armies: HOMESTAR: Saaay

the paper: STRONG BAD: Doesn't quite

mini-golf: STRONG BAD: In this infernal pl-

concert: STRONG BAD: Nope. They're a

hygiene: STRONG BAD: No matter what he does.

original: BUBS: B'zuh!

bike thief: STRONG BAD: Side of this couch

pizza joint: MAN IN PIZZA COSTUME: It burns!

slumber party: STRONG BAD: Can you guys start

web comics: TAKE DAGGER: Hiya

business trip: THE KING OF TOWN: Units? STRONG BAD: What

yes wrestling: HOMESTAR: The power... of

diorama: STRONG BAD: -lupe Hidalgo

nightlife: HOMESTAR RUNNER: More...more

environment: STRONG BAD: -pliant sticker!

winter pool: HOMESTAR: You're such a good

fan club: STRONG BAD: (screams)

pet show: HOMESTAR: Potion. A taste

licensed: (Strong Bad slides) STRONG BAD: What's

buried: BUBS: Is! STRONG SAD: Uh

shapeshifter: COACH Z: Coming to your concession

rated: BUBS: Bake sale!

specially marked: (The Deleted buzzer, and a message reading "SBEMAIL 194 IS NOT INCLUDED BECAUSE IT DOES NOT HAVE A 194th SECOND")

love poems: HOMESTAR: Apples!

hiding: STRONG BAD: Coma!

your edge: STRONG BAD: Where'd you check?

magic trick: STRONG BAD: But now, not only does

being mean: HUNGRY SHARK: Makes me wanna

email thunder: (Strong Bad runs out of Homestar's computer room)

hremail3184: COACH Z: Bad! I was gonna

imaginary: LIL' STRONG BAD: -ti! I'd like you to meet

independent: STRONG BAD: Solid gold sc-

dictionary: STRONG BAD: To Z

videography: STRONG BAD: (chuckles)

sbemail206: ANNOUNCER: For all your consummate

too cool: STRONG BAD: Mysteriously with no return

The Next April Fools Thing: STRONG BAD: -low lives, and this

parenting: THE KING OF TOWN: I've got this seven-

Alternate HRWiki

Marzipan

A cursory glance at lists of characters from any classic animation series reveals an interesting trend: original cartoon characters are, by and large, a "boys' club", with room for very few female characters. Most female characters either take familiar roles as matrons or siblings, and the most memorable female characters have generally been created to keep the series from excluding females as a whole, with the added bonus of being a love interest. Popular tastes, unfortunately, have changed very little in 80 years, and this trend continues to this day, with the rare exception (most of which, however, go too far in the opposite direction and patronize females in a manner that is even more insulting than ignoring them). It is therefore no surprise to see that among Free Country's citizens, only one of them is female. However, Marzipan is far from a token female in any respect.

Marzipan's anatomy is a curiosity, to say the least. Her general physique resembles a straw broom, bristles downward, or perhaps a bell (a "Southern belle" reference, perhaps?). The structure of the handle is pink, and serves as her head, and possibly her neck (it is hard to tell). Her face is gently rendered with small but lively eyes, and a smile, which was initially insipid but has gradually evolved into a myriad of expressions, which are impressive considering the simple lines of her face. From the top of her head sprouts a ponytail of blonde hair. The broom's bristles, her lower body, is a half-sphere covered with some sort of purple skirt, decorated with a simple frill segmented with baubles. No arms or feet are visible. It is a triumph of the animators that, despite lacking most of the familiar cues of femininity, Marzipan immediately registers in the mind of the audience as very feminine, and nothing less.

Marzipan's personality is defined by her various dualities of character. One might write this off as self-deceiving hypocrisy, but in truth it makes Marzipan one of the more deeply layered characters. Such traits are, after all, fairly common in the real world.

One of her main discrepancies is her temperament. There is a genuine tenderness to a lot that Marzipan does; it is no coincidence that she shares her name with an almost unbearably saccharine confection. The easiest way to illustrate this is her affinity for nature. Marzipan is deeply connected to the plant and animal kingdoms, to the point of being oblivious to everything else at times when this connection is the strongest. Only Marzipan would go to the trouble of holding a "concert for birds", or adopt an anthropomorphic sandwich. This facet of her character definitely grates with most of the other characters, who have little patience for her strict dietary habits and constant reprimands when they fail to accommodate nature in some way. To call Marzipan a bohemian would not be inaccurate, or particularly unkind, especially bearing in mind her penchant for performing syrupy, lightweight songs on Carol, her acoustic guitar. Despite this gentility, however, there is a certain steel deep within Marzipan. She is very opinionated and strong-minded, and does not let any of her assertions be shaped by anybody but herself. She also has no qualms whatsoever about pointing out when her companions say or do something idiotic. She is by far the character who has come the closest to diffusing the imbecility of Free Country at large. Strong Sad has some of this ability, but is too gentle to say anything about it, and Strong Bad, like Marzipan, is just a little too self-absorbed to work through the process, preferring to ignore the greater issue in favour of minor annoyances. Marzipan's blunt frankness can sometimes come across as downright mean, but this duplicity of disposition makes her all the more identifiable.

The other main disparity of her character is her intellect. As mentioned before, Marzipan is smart enough to see that every endeavour of her fellows is sheer folly. Her dealings with Homestar accentuate this: emotionally and maturity-wise he is definitely her junior, and her tone when addressing him is patronizing and condescending to such an extent that we wonder why she puts up with him, and vice-versa. Why, then, does she never put an end to the foolishness? The simple answer is that Marzipan is not nearly as intelligent as she thinks she is and appears to be. A main factor of this is her stubborn belief in her own infallibility. Everything Marzipan says and does is executed secure in the knowledge that she is absolutely right. So content is she in her self-inflation that when she is finally put in a position where she can no longer deny that she was at fault, she acts with a revealing lack of maturity and self-control. This aspect is helped immensely by Missy Palmer's marvelous characterization of Marzipan's voice, which is crisp and resolute, even as she makes some laughably ignorant statements.

Serious-minded yet capricious, loving yet candid, highly mentally developed yet childishly arrogant, this seeming dichotomy of character does not diminish Marzipan as a character in our eyes. In fact, it is refreshing to see a cartoon take an honest viewpoint and observe that sometimes females are just as thick and petty as males. That Marzipan is not made faultless solely on the grounds that she is female is an admirable decision. While she is cute in most conventional senses, Marzipan does little to adhere to the stereotypes of other perfunctory female characters. She is nominally Homestar's girlfriend, but we see little in their dealings that indicate any developed form of romance, or even affection. Summarily, they seem to be in a relationship because it is felt that it simply must be that way. This, combined with Marzipan's infinite patience with Homestar's juvenile stupidities and Homestar's bemused reaction to Marzipan's fastidiousness, makes for humour far greater than that of typical sitcom romance shtick.

Marzipan is lovable by design, but a great amount of her appeal derives not in spite of her flaws but because of them. Were she flawless, she would clash horrendously with the down-to-earth vices of her colleagues, and they would likely have as much reason to resent her as the audience would. Instead, she is revealed to be just as addled as they are, and because we realize that, we forgive her the occasional haughtiness and irrationality. Few people count Marzipan as their favourite character, but even fewer find reason enough to hate her. Not bad for the "only girl"!