Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective Responses (Smoky Office)

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m (Renaldo → Nunchuck Gun)
(Cutesy Buttons → Trinket)
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====Cutesy Buttons → Trinket====
====Cutesy Buttons → Trinket====
:'''STRONG BAD:''' Hey, Cutesy. Ever seen anything like this before? ''{Gets out the trinket}''
:'''STRONG BAD:''' Hey, Cutesy. Ever seen anything like this before? ''{Gets out the trinket}''
:'''MARZIPAN:''' Hmm, my sister and I both have lockets that look kinda like that. They're two halves of→
:'''MARZIPAN:''' Hmm, my sister and I both have lockets that look kinda like that. They're two halves of-
:'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{Interrupting}'' It's not a dumb girls' locket! It's some kind of cool guy thing that my father left for me. I bet if you get it wet, it transforms into a cool sports car. With built-in fishing tackle. And batting cages.
:'''STRONG BAD:''' ''{Interrupting}'' It's not a dumb girls' locket! It's some kind of cool guy thing that my father left for me. I bet if you get it wet, it transforms into a cool sports car. With built-in fishing tackle. And batting cages.

Revision as of 04:28, 17 January 2009

"Did you really believe that I would never discover the true face of my greatest enemy?"

Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People has many responses when you talk to various characters and interact with various objects. These are the responses from the Smoky Office in Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective.

On these pages, A → B (right arrow) means that the response happens when object A is used on thing B, or in the case of talking to other characters, the indicated sequence of chat topic icons are chosen.

A short horizontal line between two or more responses, such as the one above, means only one of the responses is heard at a time, and that the action results in a different response each time it occurs.


Daytime Office

Game Introduction

{The camera slowly fades in on a dark room (resembling the Smoky Office) in an apartment high-rise, with the skyline of a nighttime city outside. Thunder can be heard faintly. Cut to an overhead shot of a nunchuck-gun (a pair of nunchucks taped to a revolver) sitting on a desk, with an overhead lamp shining on it. A boxing glove-clad hand reaches out and takes them. Cut to a shot of the room's front door from the inside, the camera slowly panning in to it. The door slowly creaks open}

STRONG BAD: {offscreen} I always knew it would come to this.

{Cut to an extreme close-up of Strong Bad's mouth}

STRONG BAD: Did you think I wouldn't find out?

{Cut to a further-away shot of Strong Bad holding the nunchuk-gun and wearing shades}

STRONG BAD: Did you really believe that I would never—

{Cut to an even-further-away shot of Strong Bad standing behind the desk}

STRONG BAD: —discover the true face of my greatest enemy?

{A silhouetted Homestar Runner walks in and obscures part of the foreground}

HOMESTAR: That's right. But it doesn't matter now because I have the diamond!
STRONG BAD: You mean...

{Strong Bad holds up a diamond}


{Thunder crashes}


{Cut to black. The title sequence for the game is shown, with the credits being shown amid silhouettes of Strong Bad as Dangeresque, Homestar as Dangeresque Too and Coach Z as Renaldo, and while an instrumental of the music of the "Dangeresque II: This time, it's not Dangeresque 1" theme plays. After the credits, fade in on Strong Bad dozing on his computer room desk in front of the Lappy 486. He suddenly awakens with a start.}

STRONG BAD: Wha-hwoa? Oh, yeah, right. Reply to all...

{Cut to Strong Bad's perspective of the Lappy, as he starts typing on the keyboard with his boxing gloves on}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Dear, {slightly quickly} all the annoying morons that have been bugging me about it for four and a half years... {normal} Yes, I finally finished Dangeresque 3: {sultry voice} The Criminal Projective, {normal voice} so you can all EAT IT! {clears the screen} The critics are stark raving, "A dastardly masterly masterwork of cinemagic wonder."... "More special effects than a Jessica Tandy joint!"... "They may give you the whole tub of popcorn, but you'll only need the edge!" {again clears the screen} Tickets are selling for like $100 a piece! Everybody who's anybody that gives me a hundred bucks is going to be there!

{Cut to a different perspective of the computer desk}

STRONG BAD: Oh, crap! I'm late for the premiere!

{Cut to a shot of a VHS tape on the desk, which Strong Bad picks up as he leaves the computer room. Cut to the basement, where Bubs, Coach Z, Homestar and Marzipan all are waiting impatiently. Strong Bad enters the room}

MARZIPAN: Where have you been?
COACH Z: Hey, we've been waiting here for hours!
BUBS: {overlapping} Finally, let's start the movie!
HOMESTAR: {overlapping} Is that him? I think that's him!
STRONG BAD: {jumping on top of the VCR atop the Telebision} Okay, peoples, here is the moment you have all been waiting for! The long awaited premiere of... DANGERESQUE... THREE! {imitates echoing} Three... three... three...

{Strong Bad gets down from on top of the TV and puts the tape in the VCR. Cut a front shot of the TV, with the camera zooming in on it, until it fills up the screen. The screen fades in on static and The Cheat's flipper-like hand holding up a crude title card reading the movie title, backed by the Smokey Office. The Cheat then removes the card as Strong Bad as Dangeresque says the following line:}

STRONG BAD: {talking on the phone} Yeah, well, I don't care what the FBI, CIA, RGB and XFL say! I already returned the priceless paintings that were evidence!

{Strong Bad hangs up the phone and faces the camera}

STRONG BAD: Dangeresque plays by his own rules!

{Strong Bad turns his head to his right (the viewer's left) as he hears the door knocking.}

On arrival after obtaining the Formula

{Strong Bad and Coach Z arrive through the door.}
STRONG BAD: Well, Dollface, it was a dangerous and difficult mission, but after narrowly dodging herds of bullets, hoards of henchmen, and hards of punches, I was able to recover your formula, and I didn't even break it and was forced to recreate it in a scientific lab even once!
{Camera switches to Coach Z, standing there in silence.}
STRONG BAD: {impatiently} Ahem...
COACH Z: Oh! Oh, sorry... {speaks his line} Oh my gosh! SHE'S GONE!!!
STRONG BAD: Yes, but where did she go?
COACH Z: You don't think-
STRONG BAD: No time for that now! Cutesy Buttons is in trouble! {The camera changes perspective, showing that Strong Bad is standing near a TV and VCR.} There's got to be a clue somewhere in this office!

In extended play

ON-SCREEN CAPTION: Bloopers: Dangeresque's Office
{Fade in on Strong Bad and Marzipan talking to each other. They see the camera. Marizpan smiles and walks away, while Strong Bad turns to face it.}
STRONG BAD: Making a summer action blockbuster like this is serious business, but it's not without a few laughs! Especially when things don't always go exactly as planned. Check out some of these bluppers... uh, bloopers.


STRONG BAD: Whoa, there's an outside of this office? Man, these blinds have been blinding me from seeing the city at large.


STRONG BAD: {Sniffs the cake. Unsteady voice} What is in this cake?
COACH Z: My favorites, baloney and olives! My mother still makes me one every year for my birthday!
STRONG BAD: And yet, you lived long enough to retire.

STRONG BAD: I think I better stay away from that thing. And probably classify it as a biological hazard. {Backs away}


STRONG BAD: In the event of an emergency landing, this chair can also be used as a flotation device.
In extended play
STRONG BAD: Ooh, comfy chair! {Sits in it} I guess I could take a little nap. {Puts his head down and immediately falls snoringly asleep. Scene changes to the nighttime office}

Cutesy Buttons

At intervals while watching Credenza in the shark pond
MARZIPAN: Kick your feet! Swim to the edge!

MARZIPAN: Hang in there, little one!

MARZIPAN: Good thing he's an excellent swimmer!

MARZIPAN: Hang on, Credenza!

MARZIPAN: You're doing great, Credenza, just hang on to the side!
If talked to while Credenza is in the shark pond
STRONG BAD: Hey, Cutesy Buttons...
MARZIPAN: Not now, Strong Bad, I have to keep an eye on poor Credenza!

Cutesy Buttons → Cutesy Buttons → Angel

STRONG BAD: Cutesy Buttons. That's a fitting name for you.
MARZIPAN: Thanks, Dangeresque. You think I'm cute?
STRONG BAD: No, I think you smell like old buttons.
MARZIPAN: Oh. Are those supposed to smell bad, or something?

Cutesy Buttons → Cutesy Buttons → Devil

STRONG BAD: Who cares about your stupid rainforest? The only thing the rainforest ever did for me was give me wet splinters.
MARZIPAN: The rainforest provides us with oxygen so you and I can breathe. It's like our planet's lungs.
STRONG BAD: Well, those lungs had better start smoking if they want to be as cool as Dangeresque.

Cutesy Buttons → Renaldo

STRONG BAD: Have you met my partner Renaldo? He's my partner. Well, until he retires in two weeks.
COACH Z: Yep! And I'm totally not going to be shot, whacked in the head, shoved off buildings or blown up in any way before then.
MARZIPAN: It's very nice to meet you, Renaldo. {Sniffs} Does something smell like old cold cuts?
COACH Z: Aww, you're too kind.

STRONG BAD: Renaldo's gonna be helping out on your case. Anything he should know?
MARZIPAN: Only that the formula is extremely delicate. You must be very careful not to handle it too rough, or it could be destroyed!
STRONG BAD: Oh, Renaldo won't be touching it. He's all thumbs.
COACH Z: That's me!
STRONG BAD: We'll leave the delicate stuff up to these precision instruments. {Holds up his hands.}

Cutesy Buttons → Formula

Before getting the formula powder from Strong Borneo
STRONG BAD: This... "formula". Tell me more about it.
MARZIPAN: In my research, I accidentally discovered an ancient civilization that had accidentally created a formula that had the power to save the rainforest! At the time, the rainforest had no natural enemies, except for giant robot dinosaurs... Wait, are you serious?
STRONG BAD: Interesting, yes, go on.
MARZIPAN: {Sighs. Speaks off-handedly} So, the formula was hidden away in a safe but dangerous land. And you were the only one brave enough to get it.
STRONG BAD: Yes, that IS true. Good thing I bought some hollow-point anti-robosaur rounds for my nunchuk gun!

STRONG BAD: Where do I find that formula again?
MARZIPAN: Deep in the tropical jungles of... Strong Borneo?
STRONG BAD: Strong Borneo, of course! I'll assemble a landing party, and we'll set out within the hour!
After getting the formula powder from Strong Borneo
STRONG BAD: That special tree-saving formula, there wouldn't happen to be any more somewhere else, would there?
MARZIPAN: This is the very last sample in existence, that's why it's imperative that nothing happens to it.
STRONG BAD: Of course! So I'll just go right out and get it for you, then. Sit tight, babe. Dangeresque is on the job!

STRONG BAD: Just so we're clear, if anything DID happen to that formula... say, Renaldo accidentally dropped it... I mean, he didn't, but if he did, you'd still pay me, right?
MARZIPAN: Of course not! But that's why I trusted it in your hands and not your partner's.
STRONG BAD: Right. Well, I'll see you in a few minutes with that formula!

Cutesy Buttons → Trinket

STRONG BAD: Hey, Cutesy. Ever seen anything like this before? {Gets out the trinket}
MARZIPAN: Hmm, my sister and I both have lockets that look kinda like that. They're two halves of-
STRONG BAD: {Interrupting} It's not a dumb girls' locket! It's some kind of cool guy thing that my father left for me. I bet if you get it wet, it transforms into a cool sports car. With built-in fishing tackle. And batting cages.

Cutesy Buttons → Hair

Only appears after Dangeresque gets the list of ingredients from Experimento and before Dangeresque gets the hair
STRONG BAD: Hey, mind if I grab a chunk of your hair?
MARZIPAN: {Angrily} I most certainly do! It's taken me all summer to grow my hair out, and there's certainly no way I'm cutting it off for you!

STRONG BAD: I think you have some gum in your hair. Let me just cut that out for you.
MARZIPAN: That's impossible. I use a special herbal shampoo that makes my hair naturally resistant to sticky substances.
STRONG BAD: And decent-looking hairstyles, apparently.

STRONG BAD: Come on! Let me have some of your hair!

Diet Cola → Cutesy Buttons

MARZIPAN: DIET Brown? Are you trying to tell me something?
STRONG BAD: Of course not, Dollface. At least, not anything the stitching on that dress hasn't already told you!

Formula Dust → Cutesy Buttons

STRONG BAD: I doubt she would pay me for the formula in THIS condition. I should probably fix it first.

Nunchuck Gun → Cutesy Buttons

STRONG BAD: {Pulls out the gun} FREEZE!
MARZIPAN: Hey! Don't point that thing at me!
STRONG BAD: Lucky think you're my meal ticket, lady. I'll spare you... this time.

Plant → Cutesy Buttons

STRONG BAD: I still have your plant.
MARZIPAN: You'd better not do anything to harm Credenza! I'm keeping my eye on him!
STRONG BAD: Yeah. You do that.

Scissors →Cutesy Buttons

While she is facing forward
STRONG BAD: {Stalks forward with scissors in hand} Hold still, you've got a little something right on the side there.
MARZIPAN: {Backs away quickly} Ahh! What are you doing, you animal? Stay away from my hair with those things!
STRONG BAD: {Stage whisper} Marzipan, I'm supposed to get some of your hair in this scene!
MARZIPAN: I told you, I won't let you cut my hair for this movie!
STRONG BAD: {Stage whisper} Come on! You're ruining the shot!
MARZIPAN: I don't care!
STRONG BAD: {To the camera} Actresses! {Puts the scissors away}

STRONG BAD: {Pulls the scissors out} Would you mind turning around for just a sec?
MARZIPAN: Not while you have those scissors in your hand.
STRONG BAD: Ah, forget it, then.
While she is watching Credenza in the shark pond
STRONG BAD: {Pulls out the scissors and snips off some of Marzipan's hair} Got it!
MARZIPAN: {Turning back from the window. Angrily} You go get Credenza right now, or I'll...
STRONG BAD: You'll what?
{Jump cut. Strong Bad, with a yellow pencil embedded in the side of his head, is putting Credenza back by the desk.}
STRONG BAD: I rescued your plant from those bloodthirsty sharks. Er, leafthirsty.
MARZIPAN: Thank you, Dangeresque! Now, I think you should keep looking for that formula!
STRONG BAD: Yeah. It's safer out there with the sharks, anyway. {Pulls the pencil out, with some effort, looks at it, then tosses it away.}

Stickanee Flower → Cutesy Buttons

{Strong Bad pulls out the flower}

MARZIPAN: Is that a Stickanee flower for me? How romantic! I thought they were extinct!
STRONG BAD: Uh, no. This is a... Stink, uh, butt flower. {Puts it away} ... For my mom.

Dangeresque Too

Dangeresque Too → Dangeresque Too → Angel

STRONG BAD: Hey, you've gotta teach me that killer spin kick move you do!
HOMESTAR: What are you talking about?
STRONG BAD: You know, when you kicked Killingyouguy's butt that last time.
HOMESTAR: No, you must have dreamt that. But yeah, I can probably teach ya.

Dangeresque Too → Dangeresque Too → Devil

STRONG BAD: You've been screwing up a lot in the past a lot lately. I don't need a loose cannon on this team!
HOMESTAR: {Angrily} Back off, buddy! I don't wanna be here any more than you do, but I'm the only one you got!
COACH Z: Hey, hey, hey! Save that kind of banter for the racquetball court, you two!

Dangeresque Too → Renaldo

STRONG BAD: I can't believe Renaldo is retiring!
HOMESTAR: I know! He's taken my badge away thirteen times. Good thing I bought a case of 'em.
STRONG BAD: He only took mine once. But then I just stole yours, since it already says "Dangeresque" on it.

STRONG BAD: I guess after Renaldo retires, I'll have to start looking for a new regular partner.
HOMESTAR: What do you think Renaldo's replacement's gonna to be like? Streetwise loose cannon with nothing to lose? Booksmart stuffed shirt with something to prove? Foot-long hot dog in a kaiser roll?
STRONG BAD: Oh, wait, I forgot. After Renaldo retires, I work alone!
HOMESTAR: Maybe it'll be me. I'm a trash-talking rebel with—
STRONG BAD: {Interrupting} It won't be you.

Dangeresque Too → Trinket

STRONG BAD: {Pulls out the trinket} Check this thing out!
HOMESTAR: Wow! What is that thing?
STRONG BAD: Well, what do YOU think it is?
HOMESTAR: Hmmm... is it animal or mineral?
STRONG BAD: Mineral.
HOMESTAR: Heavy or light?
STRONG BAD: Kinda heavy.
HOMESTAR: Sweet or salty?
STRONG BAD: If I were to venture a guess, salty.
HOMESTAR: Then I have solved your riddle! The doctor is his MOTHER!
STRONG BAD: {Pause} Never mind. {Puts the trinket away}

Nunchuck Gun → Dangeresque Too

STRONG BAD: {Pulls out his nunchuck gun} FREEZE!
HOMESTAR: Oh, yeah? You wanna get crazy? Oh, I'll get crazy!
STRONG BAD: {Putting gun away} Nope, that's too crazy for me.

Diet Cola

STRONG BAD: Diet brown. All the fizzy with none of the flabby!
COACH Z: Yeah! If I'm gonna hit the nude beaches on my retirement cruise, I'm need to start watching my girlish figure!
STRONG BAD: It'll work even better if I just take it away! I'm confiscating this. Official corrupt police business. {Takes the can}

In extended play
STRONG BAD: Diet brown. All the fizzy with none of the flabby! {takes the can}


{First time only}
STRONG BAD: Yeah, I should probably answer that. It's probably a gorgeous dame in desperate need of my help.
{He opens the door}
STRONG BAD: {his head inside the doorway} Why, hello beautiful.
{Coach Z as Renaldo enters the Smokey Office}
COACH Z: Hello Dangeresque! It's me... Renaldo! Your partner! I'm here with your on-again off-again sometimes other partner with the same name as you, Dangeresque... Too?
{Homestar Runner as Dangeresque Too enters the office carrying a cake.}
COACH Z: Are we late for the... uhh... {stage whisper} What's my line?
STRONG BAD: {stage whisper} ...Retirement party.
COACH Z: Oh yeah... Retirement party? You know, because I retire in two weeks and then I'm off to spend my days in the Sidekick Islands where nothing can possibly kill you off {he pronounces "off" as "orf"}!
HOMESTAR: I brought cake!
{Strong Bad closes the door}

{Second time, if Strong Bad has the nunchuck gun}
{Strong Bad stares at the door}
STRONG BAD: Oh, I'll get—
{As he reaches for the handle, someone stars knocking. He looks down and sighs}
STRONG BAD: {Flatly} Oh, I'll get the door.
{Opens the door, revealing Marzipan as Cutesy Buttons}
MARZIPAN: Dangeresque?
STRONG BAD: Cutesy Buttons! Are you here for Renaldo's retirement-in-two-weeks party too?
MARZIPAN: {Walks in, carrying Credenza} No, I'm here because I need your help to save millions of helpless rainforest trees, like this one! {Holds up Credenza, then puts it down by the desk}
STRONG BAD: {Stage whisper} Marzipan, I told you not to bring your stupid plant!
MARZIPAN: {Stage whisper} Credenza's a natural movie star! He deserves to be in this movie! {Normal voice} Anyway, I'm here because I discovered the location of a secret formula that will save the rainforest! But it's located deep in the jungles of Strong Borneo. For me, that's FAR too dangerous.
STRONG BAD: Not dangerous... Dangeresque! {To Coach Z and Homestar} What do you say, guys? One last case as a team? Just for old this movie's sake?
COACH Z: You bet, Dangeresque! We'll just grab the formula and come back. What could possibly go wrong?
HOMESTAR: Sorry, buddy, I can't. I've got uh... something else... I have to keep my eye on today. You guys go on without me! {Leaves}
STRONG BAD: Hmmm... {Imitating a dramatic riff} Doodily-waw!

{Until Strong Bad gets the nunchuck gun}
STRONG BAD: I'm not going out there without a weapon. This town is dangerous.

{Successive clicks simply open the map}


STRONG BAD: Keep on doin' your swing thing, lamp.

Lappy 486

When sitting down

STRONG BAD: I guess I have a minute to spare and check one of these so-called... e-mails. {Without moving his lips} Chi-ka wha!

STRONG BAD: Lemme just check the Dangeresque Database to see if any new important missions have come in.

STRONG BAD: I know I'm right in the middle of cracking a hard-boiled case, but I think I have time for an e-mail or two.

STRONG BAD: I guess if I'm ever gonna learn to use this thing, I better start checking my e-mail.

STRONG BAD: Even thought I fight the law, but I also fight the crime, I still can't fight the urge to check a few e-mails.

When deleting e-mails

STRONG BAD: Deleted!

STRONG BAD: Dee! Lee! Ted!

STRONG BAD: No one must see this. DELETED!

STRONG BAD: This message will self-delete in... now.

{After each of these, the deleted sound plays, showing a red DELETED! screen which has the Female Lappy with devil horns.}

When undeleting e-mails

STRONG BAD: Undeleted!

STRONG BAD: I better keep this one so it doesn't fall into the wrong hands. Undeleted.

{After each of these, the deleted sound plays backwards, showing a cyan UNDELETED! screen.}

E-mail 1: Bullet Catching

Appears at the start of the game
{Strong Bad reads his name as "Dangeresque" and the sender's name as "Al Gar, worthless agent".}
STRONG BAD: {typing} Of course I can catch bullets with my... ahem teeth! You learn that on, like, the first day of basic training at Crooked Cop Academy. {Clears screen} You also learn how to mess with your superior officers in hillarious fashion, and make cool noises with your mouth! {Proceeds to make a series of cool noises with his mouth, which sound rather like alien languages and droid noises from Star Wars.} Oh, I can also catch bottle rockets, musket shot, heat-seeking missiles, and rusty pennies that have been thrown off skyscrapers! And I'm currently working on my yellow belt in catching throwing stars with my eyelashes! Wink, wink!

E-mail 2: My Hero

{Strong Bad reads his name as "Dangeresque" like in the previous email. He also adds "Yeah, I can see how that would be the case" after the first sentence, reads Homestar's name as "Homeh-star", and reads the sender's name as "Nicolas Beefily, Pathetic Agent".}
STRONG BAD: {typing} First of all, let's get one thing straight, Beefball. Dangeresque is a serious guy, okay? {forgets to type the word "is"} I don't make people laugh. I make them cry, tremble, and occasionally wet themselves in fear! {clears screen} Secondly of all, who is this "Homestar" {pronounced "Homeh-star" as before} person you speak of? Is he some sort of joke telling global terrorist? Or an international spy/comedian? Sounds like someone whose butt I'd kick across the deck of an evil secret underwater aircraft carrier! And definitely not someone who I would occasionally work together and share the same name with.

E-mail 3: Dead Tree

Appears when visiting Brainblow City for the first time after meeting Sultry Buttons at the Secret Lab
{Strong Bad reads his name as "Dangeresque" as before, and emphasises the incorrect words "thers" and "neighbors".}
STRONG BAD: {typing} Hmmm... Cutesy Buttons would probably say to carefully dig it up and replant it somewhere where it can re-grow. But I say, go out and get yourself a chainsaw or a machete or something and go hack that sucker down! No sense in mourning dead wood, move on man!


STRONG BAD: {sarcastically} Oh, how did those get here? I thought sure I returned these priceless paintings that were evidence. Ha! Suckers!

STRONG BAD: These paintings really tie the room together.

STRONG BAD: These belong in a museum! But I'm keeping 'em anyway.

In extended play

STRONG BAD: {sarcastically} Oh, how did those get here? I thought sure I returned these pwiceless... Pwiceless? Geez! {Background voices laugh as Strong Bad walks off}
HOMESTAR: {Appearing from the side, sotto voce} Now I got HIM doing it! {Clapper board passes over the screen, scene returns to normal}

STRONG BAD: {sarcastically} Oh, how did those get here? I thought sure I returned these pwiceless... Argh! I did it again! {Background voices laugh. Clapper board passes over the screen, scene returns to normal}

STRONG BAD: Okay, okay. {sarcastically} Oh, how did those get here? I thought sure I returned these pwiceless- AAARRRGGGHHHH! {Background voices laugh} This is YOUR fault, mushmouth! {Clapper board passes over the screen upside-down, scene returns to normal}

Right-hand painting only, after leaving the phone off the hook in the Nighttime Office in Extended play

STRONG BAD: {Making a sound effect as the painting slides aside} Pshhhh! {Finds the tuxedo} Whoa! I'll be the life of the super spy party in this! {Sultry voice} Oh hello, femme fatale {pronounced "femmy fataly"} won't you accompany me to my car, that turns into a boat, that turns into a rocket, that turns into a... fold-out couch.

Nunchuck Gun

STRONG BAD: Ah, my trusty nunchuck gun. The only gun that's never out of ammo.


STRONG BAD: {Picks up the handset} Hello? Commissioner? Do WHAT to a rabbit? You've got the wrong number, pal. I'm not in that business any more. {Hangs up} Stupid telemarketers.

STRONG BAD: {Picks up the handset, then goes to dial, but pauses} Hello? Hel— Oh, hey! No, it— No, it didn't even ring! ... Yeah, I know! {Camera starts moving around} That's so weird! So, yeah, hey, can I call you back? No, I just... {Turns away from the camera} Yeah. Yeah, I'll call you back. {Camera gets placed on the floor. Strong Bad walks away} I just gotta... yeah. Yeah. Yeah... okay. Yep, I will. Okay. Bye. {Coach Z walks on-screen, if he's in the scene. Strong Bad moves to hang up, then puts the handset back against his ear} What? Oh, okay. Give your mom a hug. Ok, bye. {Hangs up}

In extended play

STRONG BAD: {Picks up the phone} Hello? You got Dangeresque!
COACH Z: Boop beep boop! The number you have dialed... {Background voices laugh}
STRONG BAD: Where is he? Coach Z! That guy's nuts.


{First time only}
STRONG BAD: The moody lighting and smoky atmosphere are being brightened too much by this plant. Maybe I should take it out for some fresh air and water.
MARZIPAN: Okay, he is looking a little pale in here. Perhaps some sunlight would do him good.
{Strong Bad takes the plant}

{After it has been returned}
STRONG BAD: Lemme just... {Goes to take the plant}
MARZIPAN: {Angrily} I think the plant looks just lovely where it is.
STRONG BAD: {Straightens up} You know, you're right. I'm just gonna leave it there.

STRONG BAD: {In the middle of taking the plant. Straightens up} Oh, right.


Renaldo → Renaldo → Angel

STRONG BAD: Now that you're retiring, Old Man, you won't have to make up excuses for being so grossly out of shape.
COACH Z: Yeah, now I can accentuate this little bundle of blubber on the beach by lathering it up with sun block and cocoa butter.
STRONG BAD: That's an image I didn't need stuck in my brain.

Renaldo → Renaldo → Devil

STRONG BAD: So, Renaldo, you're finally retiring. I guess it's a good thing to get out now before your skills degrade as much as your looks have.
COACH Z: Too late for that, Dangeresque. My skills took a turn for the worse long before my looks faded.
STRONG BAD: Oh, so that's why you don't dance no more.

Renaldo → Party

STRONG BAD: How are you enjoying your retirement party?
COACH Z: I can't believe that in just two weeks I'll be leaving this office for the last time.
STRONG BAD: I can't believe that in just two weeks I'll finally be able to get that baloney smell out here office for good!
COACH Z: What? I thought you LIKED the smell of my deodorant.
STRONG BAD: Tucking lunch meat under your arms does not deodorant make, Renaldo.

Renaldo → Trinket

STRONG BAD: What do you make of this broken half a piece of junk?
{Cut to Strong Bad and Coach Z looking down at the camera}
COACH Z: Boy, it looks real familiar, like something your dad had before he—
STRONG BAD: {interrupting} Kinda looks like a toe. You think it's a toe?
COACH Z: ...Sure.

Renaldo → Dangeresque Too

Only appears after Dangeresque Too leaves
STRONG BAD: Well, Dangeresque Too left the party in quite a hurry. What do you think he's up to?
COACH Z: Ooh, maybe he's planning a surprise party for my retirement!
STRONG BAD: We just HAD your retirement party.
COACH Z: You did? What a surprise!

Nunchuck Gun → Renaldo

STRONG BAD: {leveling his gun at Coach Z} Freeze!
{Coach Z screams}
STRONG BAD: {laughing as he puts the gun away} I never get tired of that.


STRONG BAD: Oh, broken half of a paperweight. You were the last thing my father ever gave me before he left, and the only thing I have to remember him. {Takes the trinket} Of course, I might not remember him as such a cheapskate if he bothered to give me something that was whole!

In extended play

STRONG BAD: Oh, broken half of a paperweight. You were the last thing my father— {Strong Bad picks up the paperweight, but it slips out of his hands and falls on the floor. Background voices laugh.} Aw, crap! All right, who got fried chicken grease all over that thing? {Clapper board passes over the screen, scene returns to normal}


First time only
{Strong Bad presses play on the VCR. An image shows up on screen, showing Homestar and The Cheat. Homestar is sitting in a chair while obscured from the neck up, and The Cheat is sitting in his lap.}
HOMESTAR: Ok, now? Evil, right? Ok. {swings his chair around and starts grooming The Cheat while speaking his lines} Hello Dangeresque. If you are watching this then you have no doubt discovered that I have kidnapped Cutesy Buttons! I also know that you have the formula for the rainforest. Well I can't let that happen! So, here is a list of my demands. First, you bring me the formula so I can destroy it! I also want access to the world's weapons stockpile. And I want a million dollars... in quesos! {speaks cheerfully} ...Ooh, and a pony! {The Cheat looks annoyed.} Like, the kind with wings and rainbows... {swings his chair around} ...and, uh, can I get a large melonade? No ice. Thanks The Cheat.
{The video stops playing.}
COACH Z: {half-heartedly} Who was that guy?
STRONG BAD: I don't know, Renaldo. He seemed awfully familiar...
COACH Z: Oh well, I'll start gathering up his demands. {starts walking off} I think I know where I can get a used pony cheap.
STRONG BAD: No way, Renaldo! Dangeresque doesn't give in to the demands of terrorists! We're going to get Cutesy Buttons back my way... by finding his hideout and breaking into his hideout! Who do you know that can help us?
COACH Z: Well, there is one person, but you're not gonna like it. It's your former enemy, Baron Darin Diamonicle!
STRONG BAD: {unsettled} Aww man, I hate that guy! Once he made me eat a whole bag of stale, three month old, moldy, ranch flavored potato chips. RANCH FLAVORED! So I framed him for endangered puppy trafficking and the murder of several presidents. He's serving hard time in Brainblow State Prison now. I wonder if he remembers me?

STRONG BAD: I've seen enough!


When Marzipan is absent
STRONG BAD: Man, that city is SO at large. {Cut to Strong Bad's viewpoint of the "city" with a view of a kiddie pool labeled "SHARK POND!" on it} And I have a great view of Brainblow City's majestic public shark pond!
When Marzipan is present, but Credenza is not in the shark pond
STRONG BAD: Take a look at that city, Cutesy Buttons. So full of... stuff that is interesting to turn around and look at. {Marzipan briefly looks out the window}
MARZIPAN: Yeah, I don't much like Brainblow City. I can't believe they tore down that mighty oak tree to put in that stupid shark pond!

STRONG BAD: Whoa, check this out! That shark out there is totally making fun of you!
MARZIPAN: I don't care. As long as it isn't destroying our precious natural vegetation, it can do whatever it wants.

STRONG BAD: You ever feel like just staring out the window for hours, and not turning around no matter what people are doing to you?
MARZIPAN: Not really. I'd rather spend my time tending to the needs of plants whose lives are threatened!
When Marzipan is present, and Credenza is in the shark pond
STRONG BAD: Hey, Cutesy Buttons, why don't you take a look out the window?
MARZIPAN: Shouldn't you be out getting my formula instead of hanging around the office?
STRONG BAD: No, seriously, Marzipan, I think you should look out the window.
MARZIPAN: {Looks out and sees Credenza in the shark pond} Aiiieeee! Credenza, what have they done to you? Hang in there, little one!
COACH Z: Aww, that's just mean.
In extended play
STRONG BAD: Ah, Brainblow City's majestic shark pond.
{Shot of Coach Z sitting in the shark pond}
COACH Z: Come on in, the water's great!
STRONG BAD: {Background voices laugh} What the—? Coach Z, get outta there, man! You get out of there! Coach Z...

Nighttime Office

This scene appears in the game introduction, but is only playable during extended play. It features a more realistic CG version of Strong Bad throughout. Smoke hangs in the air.

On entry

{Strong Bad's POV as he pushes open the door and walks in}
STRONG BAD: Whoa! I must be dreaming again...


STRONG BAD: Check out the detail of this chair! You can even see my butt-print worn into the seat if you get close enough! ... But I wouldn't reccommend actually getting your face that close.


STRONG BAD: Ah, crack in the wall. I never knew you had so much character! So much texture! So much... cockroach excrement.


STRONG BAD: Hmm, I wonder where this goes? {Strong Bad goes through the door, then the scene shifts to Strong Bad coming in through the door of the daytime office.}


STRONG BAD: This is my Dangerdesk! Perfect for kicking over and ducking behind for cover.


STRONG BAD: The lighting in this room has never been so realistic! It really makes my well-oiled abs stand out!


{Strong Bad takes the phone off the hook, and leaves it on the desk.}

{Close-up of Strong Bad's face as he hangs up the phone again.}


STRONG BAD: Brainblow City has never looked so.... gloomy and dire. It's perfect!
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