Crime and Punishment

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"Who's gonna steal a pair of half-eaten choco-pants?"

Despite its very low population, Free Country, USA has a high rate of petty crime, and few officials to enforce punishment.

Contents

Crime

Strong Bad

While not a proper villain anymore, Strong Bad has committed more crimes than the rest of the characters put together.

See main article: Crimes committed by Strong Bad

Homestar Runner

"Garbage. Garbage. Rubbish. Umm...Murder weapon?"

Whether due to Strong Bad's influence or his own stupidity, Homestar has had a few brushes with the law.

The Cheat

See main article: Cheating

True to his name, The Cheat has helped Strong Bad and several other characters to cheat at various sports and activities. He has also assisted with various, more heinous crimes.

Assisting Strong Bad

  • The Luau — The Cheat helps Strong Bad's theft of wood from Marzipan.
  • Email caper — The Cheat breaks into Homestar's house alongside Strong Bad.
  • Strong Bad is in Jail Cartoon — The Cheat assists Strong Bad in his various crimes througout the toon.
  • Email garage sale — The Cheat robs houses (and inadvertently kidnaps Homestar) so Strong Bad can sell the spoils at his garage sale.
  • Email portrait — The Cheat vandalizes the Deutsch Master painting.
  • Strong Badia the Free — Strong Bad and The Cheat staple a grilled cheese sandwich to Homestar's face.

Other

Strong Sad

"Hey Coach Z! Hey Coach Z! Whaddya got for me?"

Usually very passive and accepting of his life; Strong Sad has lashed out on occasion.

  • Email caffeine — While high on caffeine Strong Sad repeatedly slaps Coach Z and takes his hat.
  • Email rough copy — Strong Sad "sues" Strong Bad and The Cheat with snowballs he saved in the freezer since he was eight.
  • SBCG4AP Tutorial — Strong Sad steals the Lappy 486.
  • Baddest of the Bands — Strong Sad tases Strong Bad when he tries to get backstage or take his billy club.

Strong Mad

"That's not really the conventional way to roll a house."

Marzipan

"I'm pretty sure there's no cake in here. It's been about three weeks now, and you'd think I would have found it."

Despite being, as Strong Bad puts it, "a dirty hippie, without the dirt", Marzipan has resorted to less-than-peaceful ways of making her opinion heard.

  • Quality Time — Marzipan locks Homestar in her closet for 3 weeks after she told him there was a cake in there.
  • Email bike thief — Marzipan steals Homestar's bike from Strong Bad using the same clipboard method he did.
  • Baddest of the Bands — Marzipan hits Strong Bad with her guitar when he says he doesn't think she's hot and Strong Bad later recalls her "protesting [him] into next week" by hiting him into the pond.
  • hremail 3184 — Marzipan steals Gardenboy's garden tools to help Strong Bad assault Homestar.

Bubs

"We're gonna need a new Strong Bad in like two seconds!"
See main article: Bubs's Shady Business Practices

Non-business crimes

  • Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 7.0 — Bubs kicks Coach Z in the crotch for Marzipan.
  • A Folky Tale — Bubs helps Coach Z hide when he thinks he killed Strong Sad. Bubs also tells Homestar to get outta town and lay low for a while.
  • The Baloneyman — Bubs runs over Strong Sad and his Book stand with the Baloney Sammich truck.
  • Email original — Bubs punches Strong Bad for claiming that he wasn't the original Bubs.
  • Strong Badia the Free — When asked if he can do any tricks with bottles by Strong Bad Bubs replies "You mean like break them over the counter and use them to stab anyone who asks me dumb questions?"
  • Most in the Graveyard — Bubs punches Coach Z to the ground after Coach Z implies that he fancies Bubs's sister.

Coach Z

"And now, Thikkaman, at long last..."

On top of his already questionable accent and odors, Coach Z has done quite a few questionable acts.

  • Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 9.2 — Coach Z lets it slip that he has broken into Marzipan's house before.
  • Email cliffhangers — Coach Z traps The Thnikkaman in a locker in an attempt to uncover his secret "sorcret" identity to render him useless as a Thnikkaman.
  • DNA Evidence — Under the guise of Damp Towelman Coach Z steals the DNA evidence soaked towel to help him clean up lasagna stains at work.
  • Baddest of the Bands — Coach Z breaks Marzipan's window and her restraining order on her house.
  • On Break — Coach Z inadvertently kidnaps a child with his Blubbo's costume, and decides to leave the child there for at least a week.

The King of Town

"Stop what? I don't do nothing!"

Being the glutton that he is, The King of Town has been known to eat food (and not food) that doesn't belong to him.

  • Email suntan — The King of Town steals Strong Bad's cocoa butter and animal phat.
  • 3 Times Halloween Funjob — The King of Town eats Marzipan's candy corn lights and then denies having done anything wrong when Marzipan tells him to stop doing it.
  • Email original — The King of Town (somehow) eats all the mayonnaise off Original Bubs's egg salad.
  • Homestar Ruiner — The King of Town continually devours the Choco-Opps Strong Bad tries to leave Marzipan.
  • Strong Badia the Free — The Of Town rises up against King Strong Bad's Creamy-Ding Snack cake tax.
  • Most in the Graveyard — The King of Town is implied to have stolen Strong Bad's pickled monkey fingers.

Pseudocharacters

"Let's not do anything inappropriate with that magnet..."

Teen Girl Squad

Old-Timey

"A Decemberween tradition."

Cheat Commandos

Despite their mission of "probably battling evil", the Cheat Commandos' records are not exactly spotless.

Puppet Stuff

Dangeresque

Punishment

The full extent of the law.
"Hey Rubble D, where my smokes at?"

Due to the lack of authority and law enforcement, most crimes are unprosecuted. There have been a few cases of characters receiving some form of formal punishment.

Occurrences

See Also

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