Commandos in the Classroom

From Homestar Runner Wiki

Revision as of 13:42, 14 September 2005 by tomstiff (Talk | contribs)
Jump to: navigation, search
Commandos in the Classroom!

The Cheat Commandos teach us about inappropriate peer-2-teen choice behavior.

Cast (in order of appearance): Gunhaver, Fightgar, Silent Rip, Crackotage, Reynold, Blue Laser minion, Firebert, Blue Laser Commander, Reinforcements

Places: Cheat Commandos HQ, Price Style, Seedy Bar, Blue Laser HQ (Easter Egg)

Date: September 13, 2005

Running Time: 4:15

Page Title: Buy all our Teaching Aids and Filmstrips!

Contents

Transcript

{Open to Cheat Commandos headquarters; a title which reads "'MOVIE NIGHT!' written by A. Chimendez Jr." appears. Cut to some Cheat Commandos at The Screen.}

CRACKOTAGE: Movie night is my favorite night. I think it is my favorite night. Hee hee hoo hoo!

SILENT RIP: Are you even trying anymore?

GUNHAVER: All right boys, time for a little R&R. Tonight we've got the old family favorite Pony Fights 2!!!

{the big screen cuts to the green rating screen. It says "THE FOLLOWING FILM HAS BEEN APPROVED FOR CERTAIN AUDIENCES BY SOME PEOPLE WHO KNOW WHAT'S BEST. IT BE RATED PG-13 FOR SEVERE CUSSING AND VERY ILLEGAL PONY FIGHTS.}

EVERYBODY: Yay! Yeah!

SILENT RIP: All right! PG-13!

GUNHAVER: Uh, sorry Reynold, I'm afraid lights out for you is at oh-now hundred hours!

FIGHTGAR: Yeah, all that cuss-language might give you nightmares. Ah-ha ha ha.

REYNOLD: Oh, I can handle it, why I can even swear a cuss myself! A-hem. Diaper-biscuits.

OTHER COMMANDOS: Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

REYNOLD: Oh, I can't do anything right. I might as well go home and get teen pregnant.

{The other commandos gasp, the Blue Las-Alert siren sounds once.}

GUNHAVER: Easy there, Cheat Cuss-mando, you just made an inappropriate peer-to-teen choice behavior!

REYNOLD: A whaaa?

{cut to the black and white Commandos in the Classroom logo, which looks like Reynold in a mortar cap pointing a pointer at an A+}

ANNOUNCER: {singing} Commandos in the Classroom!

{Cut to another black-and-white slide that reads "LESSON 4: INAPPROPRIATE PEER-2-TEEN CHOICE BEHAVIORS". At the bottom in fine print it reads "*TEACHERS, USE THIS TIME TO CATCH A NAP OR HAVE A SMOKE."}

ANNOUNCER: Lesson four: Inappropriate peer-to-teen choice behaviors!

{Cut back to Gunhaver and Reynold in Cheat Commandos HQ}

GUNHAVER: Here, Reynold, lemme show you.

{Gunhaver points the remote at the screen, which shows two ponies fighting in a field for a moment, then snows out to a diagram of a person's head showing the brain. The other commandos cheer for a second, then boo as the scene changes.}

SILENT RIP: Watchin' the ponies...

GUNHAVER: The brain is divided into two halves: {The brain in the diagram gets a jagged line down the middle} the good half {A dotted line points to the left half saying "GOOD HALF"} and the evil half. {A dotted line points to the right half saying "EVIL HALF.} The good half likes positive things, like Self-Esteem, {the word "Self-Esteem" appears in the middle of the screen and moves through the mouth into the "good" half of the brain.} Oreo Cheesecake, {again, the words appear and move through the mouth and up into the brain} Bringing Your Old Man a Cold One, {again, then cut to a closeup of Gunhaver} and all our playsets and toys. {Cut back to the diagram.} But the evil half likes {as each of the next four words is said, is appears from the "evil" half of the brain and moves to the right side of the screen} Littering, Loitering, Latering, Lootering, and all the other stuff that causes inappropriate peer-to-teen choice behaviors! {The other words vanish and are replaced by "Inappropriate peer-2-teen choice behaviors.}

{Cut back to Gunhaver and Reynold.}

REYNOLD: But how do I keep from making peer-to-teen choice awards, Gunhaver?

GUNHAVER: If you find yourself in a sticky {makes "finger quotes"} teenage situation, just remember these three pro-positive life tools:

{Cut to Silent Rip in a classroom, next to a Blue Laser minion. Both appear to be taking tests.}

BLUE LASER MINION: What did you get for number four, sir?

SILENT RIP: Uhhhh...

{Gunhaver suddenly enters the screen from the bottom.}

GUNHAVER: Freeze! {The screen cuts to a diagram of a male body with "PRO-POSITIVE LIFE TOOL" written next to it, and a giant "#1" appears next to it.} Pro-positive life tool number one: {Gunhaver appears on the screen} say you have one of any debilitating gold rush era diseases! {He pulls out a book labeled "BIG BOOK OF DEBILITATING GOLD RUSH ERA DISEASES", and "BBODGRED" on the spine.}

{Cut back to the classroom.}

BLUE LASER MINION: Come on, man. I thought we were bros!

SILENT RIP: I can't! I have the typhoid! Or the cholera!

BLUE LASER MINION: Never mind. Your answers are gross, bro.

{Cut back to Gunhaver and Reynold, the latter of whom is now wearing a false beard and a prospector's hat, and is holding a mining pick.}

REYNOLD: Gold rush era diseases, eh?

GUNHAVER: Now you're getting it!

{Cut to the supermarket, where two Blue Laser Minions are holding a lot of bottles labeled "WINE COOLA," some of them in their pants, and Fightgar is standing nearby.}

FIRST BLUE LASER MINION: Hey, man. We need you to put these wine coolers down your pants... er, down your headband.

FIGHTGAR: Oh, um, uh...

{Again, Gunhaver suddenly jumps onto the screen.}

GUNHAVER: STOP! {The diagram of the body returns, but now, it's a woman's body. "#2" appears on the side and "EN SAP" at the bottom.} Pro-positive life tool numero two: {sillhouettes of the two Blue Laser minions and Gunhaver appear with question marks over them. The minions are labeled "INAPPROPRIATORS"} Envision your Inappropriators {Gunhaver is labeled "STILL JUST YOU" and the minions turn into pizza slices.} as giant slices of pizza.

{Cut back to the supermarket.}

FIGHTGAR: Ah-ha ha ha! You're deep-dish! Ah-ha ha! And you've got extra cheese! Ah-ha ha ha ha! Oh, pepperoni!

FIRST BLUE LASER MINION: What's with this guy?

SECOND BLUE LASER MINION: He sounds crazy. Should we shoot him?

FIRST BLUE LASER MINION: Abso-total-lutely!

{The second minion pulls out a large gun and aims it at Fightgar, who looks startled. The scene cuts back to Gunhaver and Reynold, who is now wearing a baseball cap and holding a bat, with a ball sitting next to him, and we can hear shooting over the next exchange.}

REYNOLD: But Gunhaver, I've never had pizza before!

GUNHAVER: But you know what it looks like, don't you?

REYNOLD: {smiling} I think so!

GUNHAVER: Now you're getting it!

{Cut to an alley. Firebert walks by in the background, while the Blue Laser Commander is standing next to a building.}

BLUE LASER COMMANDER: {Jumping out, holding up a candy bar} Hey, kid! Wanna smoke some candy with me?

{The diagram of the body, which now appears to be a bear, appears over the scene this time. "#3" appears on the right. Firebert and Blue Laser Commander lean back to make room for the diagram}

GUNHAVER: {voiceover} Pro-positive life tool number three: {The diagram and "#3" disappear, and Silent Rip appears from the side of the building and throws a smoke bomb.} Have your light infantry create a thick smokescreen. {The commander starts hacking and coughing, while Firebert pulls out a gun and shoots it at the commander.} Then lay down some suppressive fire until the snipers are in position. {He stops firing.} But look out for surface-to-air antioxidant missiles! {Firebert jumps out of the way as three missiles just barely miss the Commander.}

BLUE LASER COMMANDER: Ah!

GUNHAVER: {voiceover} Then by the time Reinforcements shows up...

{Reinforcements shows up.}

REINFORCEMENTS: Hey, guys.

{Cut to a screen with Gunhaver.}

GUNHAVER: ...Your mom {an image of a station wagon appears} should be waiting for you in the bus turnaround! {Cut back to Gunhaver and Reynold.} So, do you think you're ready to make {more finger quotes} appropriate inappropriate whatever thingies now?

REYNOLD: Yes sir! I'm gonna get high on life!

{Silent Rip walks up.}

SILENT RIP: We're about to start the movie! You guys coming?

GUNHAVER: What do you think, Reynold?

REYNOLD: {thinks a moment, then grins} I've got dysentery!

GUNHAVER: Good job, little buddy! {pushes Reynold offscreen to stage left, then walks with Silent Rip to stage right} Man, I can't wait to see some serious pony carnage!

{Cut to the Commandos in the Classroom logo again.}

ANNOUNCER: {singing} Commandos in the classroom!

{Cut to an image that reads "NEXT WEEK... LESSON 5: LISTEN YOU GUYS, YOU SERIOUSLY NEED TO START SHOWERING EVERYDAY"}

ANNOUNCER: Next week, lesson 5: Listen you guys, you seriously need to start showering every day!

{"THE END" and "BACK" appear at the bottom of the screen.}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on "Lesson" to see the "Commandos in the Classroom" Lesson 4 Worksheet.
LESSON 4
WORKSHEET
1. DRAW A PICTURE OF YOUR
FAVORITE INAPPROPRIATE

PEER-2-TEEN CHOICE BEHAVIOR


2. WHY DO YOU THINK REYNOLD
HAS NEVER TRIED PIZZA?
___________________________
___________________________
*(TEACHERS, THIS WORKSHEET SHOULD
BUY YOU 10-15 MORE MINUTES OF PEACE.
FIX YOURSELF A DRINK, MAYBE!)
  • Click on "Guys" for Blue Laser to get the wrong end of the stick.
{The Blue Laser Commander and a minion are standing in their HQ, dressed as pizza slices. The text "OPERATION DRESS UP AS PIZZA!!" is flashing on a screen in the background.}
BLUE LASER MINION: {dressed as a pizza} Um, I'm not entirely sure this is what they were talking about sir.
BLUE LASER COMMANDER: {also dressed as a pizza} Shut it! Pizza can't talk!
  • Click on "Seriously" for the following exchange:
SILENT RIP: Ah, you can do it. Try another one.
CRACKOTAGE: I think my rhymes are truly broke! Broke, broke, broke, broke, broke, broke, broke! Hoo-hoo, hweh-hweh!

Fun Facts

Explanations

  • SAP is an auxiliary audio channel for television that can be broadcast or transmitted both over the air and by cable TV. It is often used for an alternate language or descriptive video.
  • PG-13 is one of the film ratings used in the MPAA film rating system. It is one rating below R, and requires someone to be thirteen or older to see alone.
  • Deep-dish (AKA "Chicago-style") is a style of pizza in which the pizza is much thicker than usual, sometimes even requiring the use of a fork and knife to eat it.
  • Antioxidants are commonly used in the prevention and treatment of the common teen affliction, acne.
  • Typhoid fever, cholera, and dysentery are bacterial diseases generally associated with the ingestion of drinking water contaminated by improper sanitation.
  • "Wanna smoke some candy with me?" refers to educational films that crudely replace "inappropriate" things with "appropriate" things. For example, The Cat Who Drank Too Much replaced alcoholic beverages with milk and water.

Trivia

Smell that purple ink!!
  • The blackboard in the classroom sequence reads "ASSIGNMENTS", "TAKE TEST", and "STARE AT CLOCK UNTIL I RETURN".
  • In the same scene as above, Silent Rip's test paper reads "Problem 4: Compare and contrast your 2 most favorite 'Ernest' movies. Show your work!"
  • This is the first time Reinforcements is shown in his animated form, and also the first time he talks in his own voice.
  • Currently this is the longest "Short" Cartoon on the website. In fact, it is longer than all but four of the non-short toons.

Remarks

  • The title of the cartoon is "Movie Night," but when we see the headquarters, it's daytime.
  • Lesson 5 is apparently titled "Listen you guys, you seriously need to start showering everyday". This is grammatically incorrect-- everyday should be "every day". "Everyday" is an adjective, as used in the phrase "Everyday silverware".

Inside References

  • This episode of Cheat Commandos is written by A. Chimendez Jr.
  • Gunhaver makes a reference to Cold Ones.
  • The lesson four worksheet seems to be based on the application form in CGNU.

Real-World References

  • The Gold Rush Era refers to the California Gold Rush of 1849.
  • The Teen Choice Awards is an awards ceremony shown annually on Fox since 1999 in which teens get to vote for the winners of various categories such as movies, music, and television.
  • The title is based on Cable in the Classroom, a non-profit organization dedicated to providing educational programming to be aired in schools.
  • Oreos are cookies made by Nabisco.
  • Little Buddy was a nickname the Skipper, played by Alan Hale, would regularly call Gilligan Bob Denver on the show Gilligan's Island. Coincidently, Denver passed away the week before this short was released.

External Links

Personal tools