Commandos in the Classroom

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Commandos in the Classroom!

Commandos in the Classroom

The Cheat Commandos teach us about inappropriate peer-2-teen choice behavior.

Cast (in order of appearance): Gunhaver, Fightgar, Silent Rip, Crackotage, Reynold, Blue Laser minion, Firebert, Blue Laser Commander, Reinforcements

Places: Cheat Commandos HQ, Price Style

Date: September 13, 2005

Running Time: 4:15

Page Title: Buy all our Teaching Aids and Filmstrips!

Contents

Transcript

CRACKOTAGE: Movie night is my favorite night. I think it is my favorite night. Hee hee hoo hoo!

SILENT RIP: Are you even trying anymore?

GUNHAVER: All right boys, time for a little R and R. Tonight we've got the old family favorite Pony Fights 2!!!

{the big screen cuts to the green rating screen. It says "THE FOLLOWING FILM HAS BEEN APPROVED FOR CERTIAN AUDIENCES BY SOME PEOPLE WHO KNOW WHAT'S BEST. IT BE RATED PG-13 FOR SEVERE CUSSING AND VERY ILLEGAL PONY FIGHTS.}

EVERYBODY: Yay! Yeah!

SILENT RIP: All Right! PG-13!

GUNHAVER: Uh, sorry Reynold, I'm afraid lights out for you is at oh-now hundred hours!

FIGHTGAR: Yeah, all that cuss-language might give you nightmares. Ah-ha ha ha.

REYNOLD: Oh, I can handle it, why I can even swear a cuss myself! A-hem. Diaper-biscuits.

OTHER COMMANDOS: Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

REYNOLD: Oh, I can't do anything right. I might as well go home and get teen pregnant.

{The other commandos gasp, the Blue Las-Alert siren sounds once.}

GUNHAVER: Easy there, Cheat Cuss-mando, you just made an inappropriate peer-to-teen choice behavior!

REYNOLD: A whaaa?

{cut to the black and white Commandos in the Classroom logo, which looks like Reynold in a mortar cap pointing a pointer at an A+}

ANNOUNCER: {singing} Commandos in the Classroom!

{Cut to another black-and-white slide that reads "LESSON 4: INAPPROPRIATE PEER-2-TEEN CHOICE BEHAVIORS". At the bottom in fine print it reads "*TEACHERS, USE THIS TIME TO CATCH A NAP OR HAVE A SMOKE."}

ANNOUNCER: Lesson four: Inappropriate peer-to-teen choice behaviors!

{Cut back to Gunhaver and Reynold in Cheat Commandos HQ}

GUNHAVER: Here, Reynold, lemme show you.

{Gunhaver points the remote at the screen, which shows two ponies fighting in a field for a moment, then snows out to a diagram of the brain. The other commandos cheer for a second, then boo as the scene changes.}

COMMANDO: Watchin' the ponies...

GUNHAVER: The brain is divided into two halves: {The brain in the diagram gets a jagged line down the middle} the good half {A dotted line points to the left half saying "GOOD HALF"} and the evil half. {A dotted line points to the right half saying "EVIL HALF.} The good half likes positive things, like Self-Esteem, {the word "Self-Esteem" appears in the middle of the screen and moves into the "good" half of the brain.} Oreo Cheesecake, {again, the words appear and move into the brain} Bringing Your Old Man a Cold One, {again, then cut to a closeup of Gunhaver} and all our playsets and toys. {Cut back to the diagram.} But the evil half likes {as each of the next four words is said, is appears from the "evil" half of the brain and moves to the right side of the screen} Littering, Loitering, Latering, Lootering, and all the other stuff that causes inappropriate peer-to-teen choice behaviors! {The other words vanish and are replaced by "Inappropriate peer-2-teen choice behaviors.}

{Cut back to Gunhaver and Reynold.}

REYNOLD: But how do I keep from making peer-to-teen choice awards, Gunhaver?

GUNHAVER: If you find yourself in a sticky {makes "finger quotes"} teenage situation, just remember these three pro-positive life tools:

{Cut to Silent Rip in a classroom, next to a Blue Laser minion. Both appear to be taking tests.}

BLUE LASER MINION: What did you get for number four, sir?

SILENT RIP: Uhhhh...

{Gunhaver suddenly enters the screen from the bottom.}

GUNHAVER: Freeze! {The screen cuts to a diagram of a male body with "PRO-POSITIVE LIFE TOOL" written next to it, and a giant "#1" appears next to it.} Pro-positive life tool number one: {Gunhaver appears on the screen} say you have one of any debilitating gold rush era diseases! {He pulls out a book labeled "BIG BOOK OF DEBILITATING GOLD RUSH ERA DISEASES", and "BBODGRED" on the spine.}

{Cut back to the classroom.}

BLUE LASER MINION: Come on, man. I thought we were bros!

SILENT RIP: I can't! I have the typhoid! Or the cholera!

BLUE LASER MINION: Never mind. Your answers are gross, bro.

{Cut back to Gunhaver and Reynold, the latter of whom is now wearing a false beard and a prospector's hat, and is holding a mining pick.}

REYNOLD: Gold rush era diseases, eh?

GUNHAVER: Now you're getting it!

{Cut to the supermarket, where two Blue Laser Minions are holding a lot of bottles labeled "WINE COOLA," some of them in their pants, and Fightgar is standing nearby.}

FIRST BLUE LASER MINION: Hey, man. We need you to put these wine coolers down your pants... er, down your headband.

FIGHTGAR: Oh, um, uh...

{Again, Gunhaver suddenly jumps onto the screen.}

GUNHAVER: STOP! {The diagram of the body returns, but now, it's a woman's body. "#2" appears on the side and "EN SAP" at the bottom.} Pro-positive life tool numero two: {sillhouettes of the two Blue Laser minions and Gunhaver appear with question marks over them. The minions are labeled "INAPPROPRIATORS"} Envision your Inappropriators {Gunhaver is labeled "STILL JUST YOU" and the minions turn into pizza slices.} as giant slices of pizza.

{Cut back to the supermarket.}

FIGHTGAR: Ah-ha ha ha! You're deep-dish! Ah-ha ha! And you've got extra cheese! Ah-ha ha ha ha! Oh, pepperoni!

FIRST BLUE LASER MINION: What's with this guy?

SECOND BLUE LASER MINION: He sounds crazy. Should we shoot him?

FIRST BLUE LASER MINION: Abso-total-lutely!

{The second minion pulls out a large gun and aims it at Fightgar. The scene cuts back to Gunhaver and Reynold, who is now wearing a baseball cap and holding a bat, with a ball sitting next to him, and we can hear shooting over the next exchange.}

REYNOLD: But Gunhaver, I've never had pizza before!

GUNHAVER: But you know what it looks like, don't you?

REYNOLD: {smiliing} I think so!

GUNHAVER: Now you're getting it!

{Transcript in progress.}

Easter Eggs

  • Click on "Lesson" to take the "Commandos in the Classroom" Lesson 4 Worksheet.
       Lesson 4 
       Worksheet
1. Draw a picture of your 
favorite inappropriate
peer-2-teen choice behavior


2. Why do you think Reynold
has never tried pizza?
___________________________
___________________________

*(Teachers, this worksheet should
buy you 10-15 more minutes of peace.
Fix yourself a drink, maybe!)
  • Click on "Guys" for Blue Laser to get the wrong end of the stick.
BLUE LASER MINION: {dressed as a pizza} Um, I'm not entirely sure this is what they were talking about sir.
BLUE LASER COMMANDER: {also dressed as a pizza} Shut it! Pizza can't talk!
  • Click on "Seriously" for the following exchange:
SILENT RIP: Ah, you can do it. Try another one.
CRACKOTAGE: I think my rhymes are truly broke! Broke, broke, broke, broke, broke, broke, broke! Hoo-hoo, hweh-hweh!

Fun Facts

Explanations

  • SAP is an auxiliary audio channel for television that can be broadcast or transmitted both over the air and by cable TV. It is often used for an alternate language.
  • PG-13 is one of the film ratings used in the MPAA film rating system.
  • Antioxidants help in the prevention and treatment of acne.
  • Typhoid fever, cholera and dysentery are bacterial diseases generally associated with the ingestion of drinking water contaminated by improper sanitation.

Trivia

  • The blackboard in the classroom sequence reads "ASSIGNMENTS", "TAKE TEST", and "STARE AT CLOCK UNTIL I RETURN".

Goofs

  • "Everyday" is misspelled at the end. In that context, it should be two words.

Inside References

Real-World References

  • The Gold Rush Era refers to the California Gold Rush of 1849.
  • The Teen Choice Awards is an awards ceremony shown annually on Fox since 1999 in which teens get to vote for the winners of various categories such as movies, music, and television.
  • Reynolds "cussing" is very similar to the words used Soap Operas like Eastenders.

External Links

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