Comic Book Movie

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"Are you crazy?"

strongbad_email.exe Bonus Email #6

Strong Bad explains what a Strong Badman movie might be like.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Strong Badman, Crack Stuntman, The Cheat

Places: Computer Room

Computer: Lappy 486

Running Time: 3:39

DVD Exclusive: strongbad_email.exe Disc Six

Contents

Transcript

STRONG BAD: {typing} We love emails and girls love us! Now let me check my email 'cause it's gatherin' dust! {Pulls up the email}

{Rolls the "R" in "Greetings." Pauses at "Kindred soul" and says: "Kindred soul? You sound like a religious metal band. {A Kindred Soul CD cover appears} You know, the kind that try and offset their religiousness with evil fonts and drippy graphics!" A death metal band sings: 'Alive as ooone!' The CD cover disappears and Strong Bad continues reading the email.}

STRONG BAD: {Typing} No way, Clan. I've seen what they do to comic books in these movies and it is not pretty. {Clears the Screen} What you should be asking is, "In what one or two small ways will it be the same as the comic?" They shouldn't even call them "comic book movies." They should call them 'the name of a comic book movies,' cuz that's usually the only thing they get right. Watch as I throw canon to the wind and butcher our favorite muscled-up Strong Bad in that ol' fashioned Hollywood way!

{Cut to a white screen. Strong Badman slides onto the screen.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} First, let's go straight to the costume.

{The following text appears on the top-left side of the screen:}

STRONG BADMAN
Wrestleman
Boxing gloves
No tan lines (rreow!)

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} A move I'd like to call...

{The following text appears on the screen as Strong Bad says it.}

STRONG BAD {voiceover} LEATHERQUEST 2000!

{The text fades away}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} People may buy that our character has radioactive powers...

{The outline of Strong Badman begins to glow. Cut to a scene that looks like the moon.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} ...or is from another planet, but a colorful spandex costume?!

{Cut back to the white screen with Strong Badman and pans from bottom to top.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Are you crazy?!

{Question marks pop up all over the screen.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} No audience will accept that!

{A red X is painted over the screen.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Nope, it's one color, head-to-toe leather for our hero!

{A gob of blackness flows from Strong Badman's neck down to his shoes.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} It just makes practical sense for someone who's going to be jumping off rooftops...

{Cut to the stiff, black Strong Badman jumping off a rooftop with the frame frozen and a speech bubble saying "Stiff!"}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} ...and doing a bunch of martial arts all the time.

{Cut to the still stiff Strong Badman kicking Deutschman. He has a speech bubble that says "Take this?"}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Oh, and then the mask. {Cut to a close shot of Strong Badman} No actor is gonna let you pull a mask over their beautiful face the entire movie.

{The lower part of the mask is removed.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Nope. Not enough.

{A bit more is removed. The man wearing the mask now only has the eyepiece covering his face.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Little more...

{The eyepiece is removed and the character is wearing a Strong Bad cap.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} There!

{Cut to a blue binder on a table with the following on the cover.}

Strong Badman
The comic book movie!
Production notebook

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Now comes the important part of making a comic book movie called...

{The binder opens. The top of the clipped-in page reads}

Mondo-PrePro.
for today:
Screw up casting!

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Screwing up the casting. Instead of casting someone appropriate for the role, like, {a page turns to show an image of Lan Handermannic} Lan Handermannic...

{Cut to the back view of the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: Uh, that's not a real actor or anything, I just like the sound of... Lan Handermannic is Strong Badman!

{Cut back to Strong Badman, still in black leather and wearing a Strong Bad cap. The camera slowly zooms in.}

{The following text appears on the top-left side of the screen:}

STRONG BADMAN
casting info
male
caucasian
bankable
jazz flautist
(optional)

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} No, instead, they cast someone totally inappropriate like...

{Crack Stuntman's head pops in place of Strong Badman's, and the text on the top left disappears}

CRACK STUNTMAN: BLAAAH I'm Strong Badm'n!

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Shut up, you! Let's hear your best "Stiny, get me a danish."

CRACK STUNTMAN: Shiny, throw me that doughnut!

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Perfect! You're hired!

{Cut to the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Once the main character is totally ruined, it's time to move onto the supporting cast. Pick one character to be entirely CG-rendered when make-up, puppets, or models would be clearly more convincing. In this case, Let's pick The Cheat!

{Cut back to the white screen. A monster-like The Cheat slides onto the screen.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Why make a really good costume that we can shoot and light well when we can spend way more money making a...

{The Cheat monster turns CGI-animated and its limbs are moving back in forth in a disturbing manner.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} ...boneless, constantly wiggling CG monstrosity! That's what's gonna make me believe in your digital pile when it's floppin' around on the silver-screen.

{Cut back to the computer room. Strong Bad has a handful of note cards.}

STRONG BAD: Then you just write down all the best story elements from the comics on some note cards...

{He throws the cards into the air.}

STRONG BAD: ...throw them up in the air...

{Cut to the scattered cards on the floor.}

STRONG BAD: ...and randomly pick, like, ten of them to paste willy-nilly into a paper-thin plot with more holes in it than Halle Berry's Catwoman costume!

{Cut back to the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Now, quick, RUSH IT TO DVD before people realize it totally sucks! And don't forget the HORRIBLE video game version that tries to undo some of the damage you've done to the source material. HURRY! Phew. Dodged a bullet there. We almost made a good comic book movie.

{Cut to a yellow movie poster on the basement's wall. On the poster is a black-suited Crack Stuntman with a word bubble saying "This summer, preeeow!"}

CRACK STUNTMAN: This summer, preeeow!

{The Paper comes down.}

Fun Facts

Trivia

  • The Floppy Disk Container reads "swashbuckler".
  • At least four comic-based movies were released during this year.
  • The note cards Strong Bad drops on the ground read:
    • origin story
    • "golden" origin story
    • "uncanny" origin story
    • a bad guy!!!
    • re-origin story
    • upside down origin story {text appears upside down}
    • sidekick dies!!

Remarks

  • The Paper comes down in this email instead of The New Paper. This implies that this email may have been created before The Paper was replaced.

Inside References

  • Strong Badman is called a wrestleman.
  • Crack Stuntman having to say "Stiny! Get me a danish!" is a reference to superhero name, the email from which Strong Badman originated.
  • Strong Bad rolls the R in "Greetings" similar to how he claimed to have done this in lady...ing.

Real-World References

  • The comment about leather outfits likely refers to the X-Men films.
    • "Uncanny" origin story (written on one of the cards) refers to Stan Lee's rewrite of the series, "Uncanny X-Men".
  • The comment about CGI characters probably refers to the 2003 film adaptation of the Hulk.
  • Strong Bad commenting about actors not letting their faces be hidden probably refers to the film adaptation of Judge Dredd, in which Sylvester Stallone's face is exposed for the majority of the film despite Judge Dredd almost never taking off his helmet (and even then, his face is never shown) in the entire run of the comic book.
  • Towards the end, Strong Bad makes reference to the critically-panned Catwoman movie starring Halle Berry.
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